Looking at the people around you, you probably think that you're the only one who gets timid and unsure of yourself. But any time you feel your confidence shrivelling, you're not alone. Everyone feels fear and self-doubt, probably more often than you know but because you're not them, you don't feel or see it. You only feel your own fear so keenly because you're the one experiencing it.
In a world where so little is certain, one of the few things you can have an unshakeable faith in is yourself. It's the one thing you can count on in unfamiliar social situations, when going for an interview, meeting a date, asserting your rights, recovering after a setback, or simply for peace of mind. That's why a healthy sense of self-esteem is so important.
Now the first step to reducing our self-doubt and increasing our self-confidence is to realise that most of our fears are irrational. Many of us still go around behaving as though we were frightened little kids on the first day of school, having to dodge the bully and comform to strict rules or risk being punished.
Perhaps it's remnants of an oppressed childhood still haunting you, but understand that those days are gone. You're your own person now, capable of deciding what you want to do and how you want to feel. You don't have to try to "fit in" anymore, and you don't need anyone's approval. You are you, and no one should be able to tell you that that's wrong or abnormal or not up to the standard.
In order to overcome your fears, identify just what they are, how logical they are, and how you can get rid of them. For example, before an intimidating event or situation, write down exactly what you're uncomfortable about. Is it a reasonable fear? What consequences are likely to result from it? What's the worst that can happen? How can you conquer this fear?
You'll find that as you go along, most of these fears are inconsequential, or at least will not have any devastating, long-term effects. Even something like flunking a job interview doesn't mean you won't succeed at others. Most of the time, just being yourself is the way to go. Not having to pretend takes a lot of the pressure off and makes you more relaxed and natural. Just remember, you may think that being yourself is not good enough, but the truth is, people value honesty and sincerity above most other things. Very simply, people will appreciate you just for being you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Go With the Flow
Life is like a raging river. There is constant flow. In fact, agitation and movement are essential for life to endure. Stagnant waters breed disease and decay.
So when life decides to throw a rock at us, like when we lose a job or partner, don't lose heart. Don't negatively judge events or circumstances that initially seem "bad" or "unfortunate". Things don't happen by accident, and mistakes or misfortunes are simply precursors for positive change.
We can't control things like losing a job or losing a partner. Loss is essential for growth and survival. When we experience loss or some other stressful change in our lives, we can give in to negative feelings like anger, disappointment, self-pity, self-loathing, trepidation and fear. We can allow these emotions to strain our mind, effectively crippling its ability to discover viable solutions. We can imagine the worst, and let something that may not come to pass affect our present state of mind.
Or we can go with the flow of change. Some things in our lives have to go in order to make way for better things. The Universe has a way of nudging us along when we get too lazy, complacent or comfortable. Occasionally, it gives us a big shove. The Universe knows when stagnation is making us fat and feeble. It knows when something in our lives has to shift in order for us to continue growing. It then arranges for people and events to push us towards what we were meant to be.
Most people however, choose to resist or ignore the signs. They are so firmly embedded in the riverbed that they refuse to let the currents lift them away. The years go by, and along with them, a flood of lost opportunities? and the stubborn rocks are finally left buried under algae and dirt.
If you've recently lost your job, lost a partner or something you felt was valuable to you, think? Were you really happy with your job?
Did you put your dreams on hold because you were trapped in a wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed routine? Had you stopped growing in that job? Did nothing excite you anymore about your work? What about your ex-partner? Were you really good for each other? Or were you hanging on because you were afraid of being alone?
You didn't have the time nor the nerve to go out and do what you really wanted to do. Well, now you do!
Go with the flow of change!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Triple Filter Test
In ancient Greece, scholar and philosopher Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about one of your friends?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?" asked the man.
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and wanted to tell it to you." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary, it is bad."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really," replied the man, now more than a little embarrassed.
"Well," concluded Socrates, if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, and nor even useful to me, why tell it to me at all?"
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Add Value in the Workplace
We all want to be promoted, get higher salaries, and become more valued at the workplace. But what steps are you taking towards attracting a promotion? Do you have a plan? What are you currently doing that makes you believe that you are deserving of one?
The most miserable people in the world today are those who know what they need to do to create the life they desire, but they refuse to take the actions to do so. So what can you do?
In today's business culture, productivity is the key to promotion. Every employer by reason of economics is forced to look at the bottom line. So here are three steps to increase your productivity, and thus add value in the workplace.
First, assess the desired result.
The clearer the desired outcome, the quicker you can take action. Always be certain you are on the same page as your employer regarding the desired outcome of a task. Don't assume the outcome you desire is the outcome your boss does.
Next, assess what actions must be taken immediately.
You may have ten, fifteen, or even fifty things to do on your plate right now, but do you know what to do next? Identifying the next action takes a matter of minutes, but is often a highly neglected practice. Look over your list of projects and ask yourself, what must I do next? Write it down. After you go through your projects and write out each action step, then determine the highest priority and get to work. You cannot do everything right now. All that matters is what you do right now and what you do next. A great question to ask is, "what action if done will be of the most benefit to you and the company?" or, "what action if not done will be most detrimental to your career success? "
And third, concentrate entirely on the most important task until it is complete.
Quickly solve every problem that comes your way and soon your stock will rise in the eyes of those who are looking for someone to promote. Allow time and your track record to speak on your behalf. Don't force the issue. Your ability to act quickly and get more done than anyone else will cause you to stand out. If you can create a memory in your supervisor's mind that you are person who can get the job done quickly and in excellence, more responsibility and opportunity will be given to you. Getting the job done quickly may mean the difference between you or someone else getting a promotion.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Journaling
The fountain of personal wisdom may be closer than you think. As close as your nearest pen actually. That's because the single most essential instrument for nurturing your spirit is a personal journal.
Journaling is a remarkable tool to help you discover the wisdom you already possess. Sometimes, this wisdom will surprise you. Other times, it will challenge you. Always, it will come directly from you, empowering you to trust yourself and to take action by giving you the deep-seated knowledge that you know more than you think you do.
This feeling of power and self-trust will translate into a more confident you. You will already know where to turn when faced with difficult decisions. You will have found the answers within yourself, and you will return there for further instruction.
Now, there a few rules to the game of journaling. You should write quickly, allowing the words to freefall form your subconcious. Keep writing, no matter wat. Don't edit, erase or cross-out any words. If you're heading in a direction you would rather avoid, start a new paragraph. Date each entry in your journal. Note that time, place, and any details regarding your mood and emotions that will be necessary for context when you read back on your work.
After you have finished a journal entry, take a walk or get up for a glass of water before you reread your entry, and remember to reread this entry with compassion. Then, write an insight Line - a sentence or two about what you think the piece is trying to tell you.
Get creative with the techniques you use. We all have a subconscious mind that communicates to us in a different way. If you are stuck and have nothing to write, try recoding snippets of conversations, facts, feelings, fantasies, descriptions, impressions, quotes, images, and ideas. Draw pictures. Make a collage from a magazine. Use the technique that best suits the way in which you express yourself.
One method that works well is called clustering. Put the central idea in the centre of the page and circle it. Then, without any pause, make associations, placing them in new bubbles and tying them to the main idea. The result is a complex matrix of ideas, many of which you didn't even know you had.
Whether you set a time for writing each day or you do it on the fly, make sure the time you spent writing in your journal is time solely devoted to you and your task. Your journal is designed to nurture you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Journaling is a remarkable tool to help you discover the wisdom you already possess. Sometimes, this wisdom will surprise you. Other times, it will challenge you. Always, it will come directly from you, empowering you to trust yourself and to take action by giving you the deep-seated knowledge that you know more than you think you do.
This feeling of power and self-trust will translate into a more confident you. You will already know where to turn when faced with difficult decisions. You will have found the answers within yourself, and you will return there for further instruction.
Now, there a few rules to the game of journaling. You should write quickly, allowing the words to freefall form your subconcious. Keep writing, no matter wat. Don't edit, erase or cross-out any words. If you're heading in a direction you would rather avoid, start a new paragraph. Date each entry in your journal. Note that time, place, and any details regarding your mood and emotions that will be necessary for context when you read back on your work.
After you have finished a journal entry, take a walk or get up for a glass of water before you reread your entry, and remember to reread this entry with compassion. Then, write an insight Line - a sentence or two about what you think the piece is trying to tell you.
Get creative with the techniques you use. We all have a subconscious mind that communicates to us in a different way. If you are stuck and have nothing to write, try recoding snippets of conversations, facts, feelings, fantasies, descriptions, impressions, quotes, images, and ideas. Draw pictures. Make a collage from a magazine. Use the technique that best suits the way in which you express yourself.
One method that works well is called clustering. Put the central idea in the centre of the page and circle it. Then, without any pause, make associations, placing them in new bubbles and tying them to the main idea. The result is a complex matrix of ideas, many of which you didn't even know you had.
Whether you set a time for writing each day or you do it on the fly, make sure the time you spent writing in your journal is time solely devoted to you and your task. Your journal is designed to nurture you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Creating a Life of Abundance
The Chinese New Year is near, and many of the traditional greetings that will be uttered and sent via email and SMS will have something to do with abundance. Prosperity, for example, is an abundance of monetary wealth. And when it comes to money, most people believe that you must work longer, harder, or be luckier than the next person if you are to ever achieve any type of financial security. It is a common belief that "money is hard to come by," or money doesn't grow on trees."
Well, although I have never seen a money tree, the concept of wealth creation can be much easier than most realize, or can imagine. Obviously though, money isn't the only aspect of living an abundant life. Abundance also includes good health, joy, love, satisfaction, and continuously working towards being all you can be.
To make matters simpler, there are actually 3 areas that determine a true sense of fulfillment, which must be balanced if you are to truly experience and enjoy life to the fullest.
These 3 key areas are Money, Health and Relationships.
If you had $30 million but your health was such that you couldn't get out of the house to enjoy it, it would have little value. If you had the same amount of money and great health but no one to share it with, life would be quickly become empty and meaningless.
By the same token, if you were absolutely broke, but enjoyed health relationships and outstanding health, it would be impossible to experience and fully enjoy those things that money can buy, which would allow you to do for yourself and those you love, whatever you would like.
With respect to money, it has been estimated that if the worlds wealth were divided amount the people of the world equally, there would be enough for every single person alive, children included, to live in a 3000 square foot home and have $7 million in cash! So why is it that some seem to have it all, while others scrape by from day to day just to pay the bills and keep food on the table?
Well, negative geopolitical factors aside, the answer is thoughts and emotions. These two incredibly powerful aspects of your life are what determine what you have or don't have. These two seemingly simple aspects of mind are the difference between living a life of overflowing abundance or barely getting by. This is because our thoughts and emotions form our beliefs. These beliefs are established, for the most part, when we are just young children and are based on the experiences of our parents, and what they were taught and came to believe as truth in their life.
Before we can create a life of abundance, we have to understand that three key areas contribute to its development - money, health and relationships. And when it comes to money, it's our thoughts and emotions that determine if we are financially secure or not. Our thoughts and emotions feed our beliefs and our beliefs are what drive our lives.
Many people believe that the occurrences that happen in their day to day lives happen because that is "Just the way life is". what many fail to realize is that the reason these things happen as they do is because that is what they are attracting themselves through their belief system.
Take for instance Roger Bannister, the man who broke the all time record of running a 4 minute mile, on May 6th 1954. Until the time he accomplished that incredible feat, it was believed to be impossible, and beyond human ability to do so. That is until Roger Bannister came along, who broke the previous world record, and finished in an amazing 3 minutes 59.4 seconds! Once it was found that such a thing actually could be accomplished, that record has since been broken many times! Once people actually believed that it was possible, it became much more so!
Look at your own life. What self limiting beliefs have you allowed to hold you back from accomplishing your most sought after dreams and deepest desires? What unfulfilled dreams are you hesitating to act on because the world says that it's impossible?
You don't have to be a track start to create whatever it is that you desire in your life. You don't have to be someone else to achieve whatever you desire and enjoy more abundance in your life than you previously imagined. You don't have to be anything other than yourself.
So what is the secret of abundance?
There isn't one.
All that is necessary to attract all the abundance you could ever hope for, is for you to shed the self limiting beliefs that you have allowed to stored as your truth. All that is required is that you develope an awareness of the overflowing abundance and unlimited potential given to you.
You have the power to choose.
Change your beliefs and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, although I have never seen a money tree, the concept of wealth creation can be much easier than most realize, or can imagine. Obviously though, money isn't the only aspect of living an abundant life. Abundance also includes good health, joy, love, satisfaction, and continuously working towards being all you can be.
To make matters simpler, there are actually 3 areas that determine a true sense of fulfillment, which must be balanced if you are to truly experience and enjoy life to the fullest.
These 3 key areas are Money, Health and Relationships.
If you had $30 million but your health was such that you couldn't get out of the house to enjoy it, it would have little value. If you had the same amount of money and great health but no one to share it with, life would be quickly become empty and meaningless.
By the same token, if you were absolutely broke, but enjoyed health relationships and outstanding health, it would be impossible to experience and fully enjoy those things that money can buy, which would allow you to do for yourself and those you love, whatever you would like.
With respect to money, it has been estimated that if the worlds wealth were divided amount the people of the world equally, there would be enough for every single person alive, children included, to live in a 3000 square foot home and have $7 million in cash! So why is it that some seem to have it all, while others scrape by from day to day just to pay the bills and keep food on the table?
Well, negative geopolitical factors aside, the answer is thoughts and emotions. These two incredibly powerful aspects of your life are what determine what you have or don't have. These two seemingly simple aspects of mind are the difference between living a life of overflowing abundance or barely getting by. This is because our thoughts and emotions form our beliefs. These beliefs are established, for the most part, when we are just young children and are based on the experiences of our parents, and what they were taught and came to believe as truth in their life.
Before we can create a life of abundance, we have to understand that three key areas contribute to its development - money, health and relationships. And when it comes to money, it's our thoughts and emotions that determine if we are financially secure or not. Our thoughts and emotions feed our beliefs and our beliefs are what drive our lives.
Many people believe that the occurrences that happen in their day to day lives happen because that is "Just the way life is". what many fail to realize is that the reason these things happen as they do is because that is what they are attracting themselves through their belief system.
Take for instance Roger Bannister, the man who broke the all time record of running a 4 minute mile, on May 6th 1954. Until the time he accomplished that incredible feat, it was believed to be impossible, and beyond human ability to do so. That is until Roger Bannister came along, who broke the previous world record, and finished in an amazing 3 minutes 59.4 seconds! Once it was found that such a thing actually could be accomplished, that record has since been broken many times! Once people actually believed that it was possible, it became much more so!
Look at your own life. What self limiting beliefs have you allowed to hold you back from accomplishing your most sought after dreams and deepest desires? What unfulfilled dreams are you hesitating to act on because the world says that it's impossible?
You don't have to be a track start to create whatever it is that you desire in your life. You don't have to be someone else to achieve whatever you desire and enjoy more abundance in your life than you previously imagined. You don't have to be anything other than yourself.
So what is the secret of abundance?
There isn't one.
All that is necessary to attract all the abundance you could ever hope for, is for you to shed the self limiting beliefs that you have allowed to stored as your truth. All that is required is that you develope an awareness of the overflowing abundance and unlimited potential given to you.
You have the power to choose.
Change your beliefs and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Happiness From Within
Many people believe that happiness is something that comes from external sources, like their profession, wealth, having the perfect mate or creating the ideal family. Holding on to such a belief hands control of our lives over to uncertain and unconcerned forces.
Truly happy people though, understand that they have the power to cultivate authentic happiness and become more optimistic about the future. These people recognize that life will endlessly throw challenges in their path. But they can decide how these challenges affect them. Such people view the future with optimistic hope and excitement as they create the life they want to live, creating joy from within.
So, what does it take to be happy from within?
Here are some simple suggestions to get you on track:
First and paramount, make happiness a habit, a way of life. Happiness is a choice that needs to be made every day, every hour, and even every minute. Genuinely happy people are so because they choose to be.
Cultivate mindfulness, In striving to be fully present in each moment, you can live a life of greater depth and meaning
Direct your daily thoughts. Thoughts can easily stray or be moulded by other people and factors. Be aware of the thoughts that you believe in as truths. In order to become aware of your thoughts, begin by writing down your thoughts. Then read what you have written and question whether or not these thoughts are helpful to you or realistic. Are they truths based on facts or just your own beliefs?
Live in a state of flow. Author Mihaly csikszentmihalyi suggested that flow is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. To achieve flow an activity must have the following components: the activity must be challenging, it must be clear in how it will progress meaning that the rules are simple, it must requre all of our concentration, and we must feel we are making progress and are in control. The more flow activities you incorporate into your life, the happier you will feel.
Now this is a really crucial tip - practice forgiveness. It is the path of inner happiness and peace. In genuinely forgiving another person, and don't forget forgiving yourself, you will feel a profound sense of healing. Not to mention more time and energy you can devote to other more rewarding things.
Genuinely happy people know that joy comes from within, not from outside sources. And here are some more ways you can cultivate happiness from within, and choose happiness as a habit, a way of life.
Develop discipline. By overindulging in food, alcohol, sex or other temporary gratifications, a weakening of our mind, body and soul can result. By practicing self discipline in our daily lives, we strengthen our mind and self-image because we promote a feeling that we are in control of our body. By using restraint, we achieve stability which leads to contentment.
Be an optimist. This includes, but is not limited to, perceiving problems as temporary, and not taking things personally. Such optimistic thinkers view the events that happen in their lives as always having a positive side. They choose to believe that ones ability to conquer hardship is determined by how one recovers from a setback. They hold on to the belief that nothing can hold them down permanently.
Simplify your life. Whenever I travel, I end up realising that I've over-packed. Essentially, I'm carting along baggage that I never use and don't really have to use. And look around you - your office, your bedroom. Going through your wardrobe alone should send you into spasms of regret over wasterd money. Life is needlessly bloated and complex these days. To restore a sense of balance to our lives, we must try to do less, own less, worry less and push ourselves and others less. I'm not saying that you should stop reaching for the stars or expecting the best, but if you look critically, there are meny things you can really afford to let go.
Exercise reguarly. Ah... I'm guilty of not doing enough myself. But daily exercise has a huge impact on how positive we feel about ourselves. Giving our body a regular workout helps reduce tension and stress. Regular exercie also helps to reduce fat, improves muscle tone, clears the skin, and promotes a general sense of energy and mobility.
And lastly, give love freely. Everyone loves being loved, and just as crucial, being told they're loved. But expressing love makes us feel good too. There is powerful magic in the sharing of giving and taking that creates great joy. And konwing that the person you love knows that you love him or her is an indescribable feeling that stays with you like a constant umbrella, shielding you from the rain.
These are but a few first steps to incorporating happiness-producing habits in our lives. I know you'll come up with countless more.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Truly happy people though, understand that they have the power to cultivate authentic happiness and become more optimistic about the future. These people recognize that life will endlessly throw challenges in their path. But they can decide how these challenges affect them. Such people view the future with optimistic hope and excitement as they create the life they want to live, creating joy from within.
So, what does it take to be happy from within?
Here are some simple suggestions to get you on track:
First and paramount, make happiness a habit, a way of life. Happiness is a choice that needs to be made every day, every hour, and even every minute. Genuinely happy people are so because they choose to be.
Cultivate mindfulness, In striving to be fully present in each moment, you can live a life of greater depth and meaning
Direct your daily thoughts. Thoughts can easily stray or be moulded by other people and factors. Be aware of the thoughts that you believe in as truths. In order to become aware of your thoughts, begin by writing down your thoughts. Then read what you have written and question whether or not these thoughts are helpful to you or realistic. Are they truths based on facts or just your own beliefs?
Live in a state of flow. Author Mihaly csikszentmihalyi suggested that flow is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. To achieve flow an activity must have the following components: the activity must be challenging, it must be clear in how it will progress meaning that the rules are simple, it must requre all of our concentration, and we must feel we are making progress and are in control. The more flow activities you incorporate into your life, the happier you will feel.
Now this is a really crucial tip - practice forgiveness. It is the path of inner happiness and peace. In genuinely forgiving another person, and don't forget forgiving yourself, you will feel a profound sense of healing. Not to mention more time and energy you can devote to other more rewarding things.
Genuinely happy people know that joy comes from within, not from outside sources. And here are some more ways you can cultivate happiness from within, and choose happiness as a habit, a way of life.
Develop discipline. By overindulging in food, alcohol, sex or other temporary gratifications, a weakening of our mind, body and soul can result. By practicing self discipline in our daily lives, we strengthen our mind and self-image because we promote a feeling that we are in control of our body. By using restraint, we achieve stability which leads to contentment.
Be an optimist. This includes, but is not limited to, perceiving problems as temporary, and not taking things personally. Such optimistic thinkers view the events that happen in their lives as always having a positive side. They choose to believe that ones ability to conquer hardship is determined by how one recovers from a setback. They hold on to the belief that nothing can hold them down permanently.
Simplify your life. Whenever I travel, I end up realising that I've over-packed. Essentially, I'm carting along baggage that I never use and don't really have to use. And look around you - your office, your bedroom. Going through your wardrobe alone should send you into spasms of regret over wasterd money. Life is needlessly bloated and complex these days. To restore a sense of balance to our lives, we must try to do less, own less, worry less and push ourselves and others less. I'm not saying that you should stop reaching for the stars or expecting the best, but if you look critically, there are meny things you can really afford to let go.
Exercise reguarly. Ah... I'm guilty of not doing enough myself. But daily exercise has a huge impact on how positive we feel about ourselves. Giving our body a regular workout helps reduce tension and stress. Regular exercie also helps to reduce fat, improves muscle tone, clears the skin, and promotes a general sense of energy and mobility.
And lastly, give love freely. Everyone loves being loved, and just as crucial, being told they're loved. But expressing love makes us feel good too. There is powerful magic in the sharing of giving and taking that creates great joy. And konwing that the person you love knows that you love him or her is an indescribable feeling that stays with you like a constant umbrella, shielding you from the rain.
These are but a few first steps to incorporating happiness-producing habits in our lives. I know you'll come up with countless more.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stress Relief at Work
Everyone acknowledges the existence and inevitablity of stress at the workplace, but how many of us really understand the extent of damage it's wreaking?
Even as we speak, millions around the world are on the verge of a breakdown due to work-related stress. And it's not just the workers themselves who take a beating. Some estimates put the loss of GDP due to stress in some developed nations at about 10%! Employees falling sick, employees fearful of going to work, employees not putting in their best effort, all these cripple productivity.
Managers have the duty to monitor stress levels in the workforce, identify the factors that cause stress, and take firm measures to reduce it. The top factors that increase stress at work include: poor working conditions (e.g. long hours, travel, noises, smells, work overload and work underload), a lack of clear role in the company (e.g. ill-defined expectations, conflicting priorities and responsibility for others), and poor relationships at work (e.g. low levels of trust and lack of support).
In order to reduce and prevent stress at work:
1. Employees should have genuine control over their work and be allowed an appropriate degree of self-management of workload.
2. Roles, responsibilities and expectations should be fully defined.
3. Employees should have a role in planning and decision making.
4. The physical workplace environment should be of a high standard, including natural light where possible, good ventilation, and good health and safety practices.
5. Employees should be actively discouraged from working excessively long hours.
Although there are many ways of relieving stress outside the office, only a few techniques are suitable for use in the workplace. One method that can be used in a work environment is aromatherapy. Many essential oils are recognised for their stress-relieving effects, and can help aid concentration and focus, and improve productivity and mood. Candles will most certainly be frowned upon by your Fire Safety Officer, but there are plenty of electric oil diffusers available that don't require burning.
Try oils like lavender, rosemary and orange, all of them known to reduce anxiety, depression and fatigue, and aid clarity, balance, relaxation and rejuvenation.
How else can you enhance your workplace to increase worker well-being and productivity?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Even as we speak, millions around the world are on the verge of a breakdown due to work-related stress. And it's not just the workers themselves who take a beating. Some estimates put the loss of GDP due to stress in some developed nations at about 10%! Employees falling sick, employees fearful of going to work, employees not putting in their best effort, all these cripple productivity.
Managers have the duty to monitor stress levels in the workforce, identify the factors that cause stress, and take firm measures to reduce it. The top factors that increase stress at work include: poor working conditions (e.g. long hours, travel, noises, smells, work overload and work underload), a lack of clear role in the company (e.g. ill-defined expectations, conflicting priorities and responsibility for others), and poor relationships at work (e.g. low levels of trust and lack of support).
In order to reduce and prevent stress at work:
1. Employees should have genuine control over their work and be allowed an appropriate degree of self-management of workload.
2. Roles, responsibilities and expectations should be fully defined.
3. Employees should have a role in planning and decision making.
4. The physical workplace environment should be of a high standard, including natural light where possible, good ventilation, and good health and safety practices.
5. Employees should be actively discouraged from working excessively long hours.
Although there are many ways of relieving stress outside the office, only a few techniques are suitable for use in the workplace. One method that can be used in a work environment is aromatherapy. Many essential oils are recognised for their stress-relieving effects, and can help aid concentration and focus, and improve productivity and mood. Candles will most certainly be frowned upon by your Fire Safety Officer, but there are plenty of electric oil diffusers available that don't require burning.
Try oils like lavender, rosemary and orange, all of them known to reduce anxiety, depression and fatigue, and aid clarity, balance, relaxation and rejuvenation.
How else can you enhance your workplace to increase worker well-being and productivity?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Recovering from a Disastrous First Date
First dates. Most of us have experienced our fair share of less than favourable ones. In fact, some of them might even be described as "disastrous". Meeting a romantic prospect for the first time is a tricky endeavour, and if it doesn't go well, the effects could stay with you a long, long time. For some, the memory of disastrous first dates is enough to make them a nervous wreck on subsequent dates.
so what can you do to receover from a disastrous first date?
First and most crucial, forgive yourself. Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn't normally do. If you thought you talked too much, or not enough, if you laughed too much, overreacted to some statement, or done some incredibly unattractive thing, don't be too hard on yourself. We're often harder on ourselves than we would be on another person.
So show some compassion toward yourself. It's natural to feel nervous on a first date. And nobody gets everything right, not even people who are attractive, intelligent and confident. The only reason why these people seem to fare better than others is that they forgive themselves more readily, and get over awkward situations more easily.
Once you've learnt to forgive yourself for not performing as well as you would've liked on a first date, you can go on to forgive the other person. Yes, we may like to believe that we don't pre-judge or judge people superficially, but on some subconscious level, we all do. And that can very often spoil an otherwise great date. So do not expect the other person to live up to all your expectations. By taking for granted that first dates usually don't go well, you take a big step forward in emotional maturity. Unless the other person was abusive or rude, they deserve a second chance.
Now, if you did something awkward or that warrants an apology, follow up with a gift or flowers and a simple note of apology or explanation. Don't wirte off your chances simply because you think you did something out of line. Most people are more forgiving than you think, and besides, your willingness to try again might impress the other party.
And don't let experience affect your self-confidence. You have many good qualities, and just because this person didn't recognize them, that doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there who can. The most important thing is to be honest, be your authentic self. You deserve someone who will appreciate for who you really are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
so what can you do to receover from a disastrous first date?
First and most crucial, forgive yourself. Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn't normally do. If you thought you talked too much, or not enough, if you laughed too much, overreacted to some statement, or done some incredibly unattractive thing, don't be too hard on yourself. We're often harder on ourselves than we would be on another person.
So show some compassion toward yourself. It's natural to feel nervous on a first date. And nobody gets everything right, not even people who are attractive, intelligent and confident. The only reason why these people seem to fare better than others is that they forgive themselves more readily, and get over awkward situations more easily.
Once you've learnt to forgive yourself for not performing as well as you would've liked on a first date, you can go on to forgive the other person. Yes, we may like to believe that we don't pre-judge or judge people superficially, but on some subconscious level, we all do. And that can very often spoil an otherwise great date. So do not expect the other person to live up to all your expectations. By taking for granted that first dates usually don't go well, you take a big step forward in emotional maturity. Unless the other person was abusive or rude, they deserve a second chance.
Now, if you did something awkward or that warrants an apology, follow up with a gift or flowers and a simple note of apology or explanation. Don't wirte off your chances simply because you think you did something out of line. Most people are more forgiving than you think, and besides, your willingness to try again might impress the other party.
And don't let experience affect your self-confidence. You have many good qualities, and just because this person didn't recognize them, that doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there who can. The most important thing is to be honest, be your authentic self. You deserve someone who will appreciate for who you really are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Helping A Stressed Loved One
Stress and depression can afflict anyone, and it can be especially tough to handle when it's our loved one who's suffering. When it seems all our words and deeds do nothing to assuage their misert, we ourselves can feel helpless and desperate.
If you're living with a loved one who's under severe stress of suffering from depression, remember that recovery is a journey, it's a work in progress, so if improvement does not seem apparent, don't be disappointed. No matter how useless you may be feeling, your loved one appreciates your support and listening ear.
Every comforting or encouraging word is helpful, but however frustrated you feel, never say to a depressed or stressed person: "Come on, snap out of it! What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway? People have it much worse than you!"
Understand that these words are easy enough for you to say, but for a stressed or depressed person, they can seem as though you're trivializing their condition, making them seem weak for not being able to "snap out" of such a petty state. Severe stress and chronic depression are illnesses. You wouldn't tell someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia to "snap out" of their condition, would you?
Also, try as much as possible not to impose advice or your own analysis or knowledge of the problem onto your loved one. Your suggestions may be in the best interest, but to the sufferer, it can sound confrontational. This may put him or her under pressure. all they'll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you're around as they'll feel they're being scrutinized.
A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, when you hear your loved one say: "I'm useless, I never get anything right.", you can say "Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you did this...?"
Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, or supplement that you think will help someone to beat their illness. But you must resist the urge to directly give them these resources. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved on will find it. Such an indirect approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation, It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
If you're living with a loved one who's under severe stress of suffering from depression, remember that recovery is a journey, it's a work in progress, so if improvement does not seem apparent, don't be disappointed. No matter how useless you may be feeling, your loved one appreciates your support and listening ear.
Every comforting or encouraging word is helpful, but however frustrated you feel, never say to a depressed or stressed person: "Come on, snap out of it! What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway? People have it much worse than you!"
Understand that these words are easy enough for you to say, but for a stressed or depressed person, they can seem as though you're trivializing their condition, making them seem weak for not being able to "snap out" of such a petty state. Severe stress and chronic depression are illnesses. You wouldn't tell someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia to "snap out" of their condition, would you?
Also, try as much as possible not to impose advice or your own analysis or knowledge of the problem onto your loved one. Your suggestions may be in the best interest, but to the sufferer, it can sound confrontational. This may put him or her under pressure. all they'll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you're around as they'll feel they're being scrutinized.
A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, when you hear your loved one say: "I'm useless, I never get anything right.", you can say "Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you did this...?"
Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, or supplement that you think will help someone to beat their illness. But you must resist the urge to directly give them these resources. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved on will find it. Such an indirect approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation, It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Accepting Compliments
How do you respond when someone says to you - "That's a nice shirt!", "I really liked that presentation you did!", "Your website is so well done!", or "Nice haircut!"?
Do you usually view the compliment with suspicion or disbelief? Are you usually dismissive - "No, this old thing? I only wear it because it's comfy" or "No, I thought I was really nervous!"
Many people are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don't quite know what to do with positive feedback. We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it" being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.
What we should be doing though is learning to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously. By doing this, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to believe them.
Here are some steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing"? Do you challenge it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response until saying it feels natural and sincere. A warm and heartfelt, "thank you" coupled with a smile is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
3. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere. Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
4. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to give more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughs more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Do you usually view the compliment with suspicion or disbelief? Are you usually dismissive - "No, this old thing? I only wear it because it's comfy" or "No, I thought I was really nervous!"
Many people are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don't quite know what to do with positive feedback. We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it" being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.
What we should be doing though is learning to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously. By doing this, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to believe them.
Here are some steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing"? Do you challenge it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response until saying it feels natural and sincere. A warm and heartfelt, "thank you" coupled with a smile is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
3. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere. Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
4. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to give more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughs more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Secret to Working and Living Well With People
Entrepreneur Mary Kay Ash once said "Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.'"
Mary certainly knew what she was talking about. That little secret to working well with people helped her grow Mary Kay Cosmetics into the largest direct seller of skin care and color cosmetics in the United States. Mary understood that in any relationship, whether it's a spouse, child, client, colleague or casual acquaintance, the best way to make a lasting impression is to take the time to make others feel genuinely valued.
Here are some ways you can make others feel more important.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone on the telephone - or met them somewhere -- and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill (the hardest part is remembering to do it) but if you CAN remember, it will enliven all of your relationships. This skill can be particularly life-changing when practiced with your children. A simple show of enthusiasm and appreciation when a child walks in the room can have a miraculous effect on the relationship.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on talking in what he or she saying in words, tone and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding. As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Mary certainly knew what she was talking about. That little secret to working well with people helped her grow Mary Kay Cosmetics into the largest direct seller of skin care and color cosmetics in the United States. Mary understood that in any relationship, whether it's a spouse, child, client, colleague or casual acquaintance, the best way to make a lasting impression is to take the time to make others feel genuinely valued.
Here are some ways you can make others feel more important.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone on the telephone - or met them somewhere -- and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill (the hardest part is remembering to do it) but if you CAN remember, it will enliven all of your relationships. This skill can be particularly life-changing when practiced with your children. A simple show of enthusiasm and appreciation when a child walks in the room can have a miraculous effect on the relationship.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on talking in what he or she saying in words, tone and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding. As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Vibrating With the Right Frequency
A man is known by the company he keeps. We have heard that phrase so many times. Our folks have cautioned us often with that in our childhood. Do we need to heed that advice in our business? Where do you hang out? Who do you hang out with? What is your business surrounded by?
Christian Huygens ("hye gurns") was a scientific genius of the early 17th century. He discovered a law of resonance, which was well accepted in physics later and is now being applied to brain science.
The story goes that Huygens kept a few pendulum clocks on the wall of his room. Each clock swung independently. He discovered that after a few cycles of independent swinging, all the clocks started swinging precisely in a synchronized rhythm.
He deduced that waves from clocks produced vibrations in the wall which in response produced waves that synchronized the rhythm of all the clocks.
Scientists are now studying if this same phenomenon occurs in human brain waves.
Have you ever noticed that successful people are surrounded by similarly successful ones? Is it mere coincidence that when like-minded people are at work, success is more likely?
In applying this theory to your life, you can attract success by surrounding yourself with tpoeple who are successful or have faith that great things are possible. Similarly, avoid the naysayers and complainers. They give out negative vibrations that could impact your own thoughts and behaviour.
Your mind reacts to them like walls did to the clocks and produces similar waves. Before you realize it, you would already have lost faith in your dream.
Your mind is the powerhouse of ideas which will make your business a success. Your mind is the source of your strenth that enables you to carry the burden in difficult times. Feed your mind the good food. Avoid stuffing it with junk food.
So reset your clocks. It's time to vibrate with the right frequency.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Christian Huygens ("hye gurns") was a scientific genius of the early 17th century. He discovered a law of resonance, which was well accepted in physics later and is now being applied to brain science.
The story goes that Huygens kept a few pendulum clocks on the wall of his room. Each clock swung independently. He discovered that after a few cycles of independent swinging, all the clocks started swinging precisely in a synchronized rhythm.
He deduced that waves from clocks produced vibrations in the wall which in response produced waves that synchronized the rhythm of all the clocks.
Scientists are now studying if this same phenomenon occurs in human brain waves.
Have you ever noticed that successful people are surrounded by similarly successful ones? Is it mere coincidence that when like-minded people are at work, success is more likely?
In applying this theory to your life, you can attract success by surrounding yourself with tpoeple who are successful or have faith that great things are possible. Similarly, avoid the naysayers and complainers. They give out negative vibrations that could impact your own thoughts and behaviour.
Your mind reacts to them like walls did to the clocks and produces similar waves. Before you realize it, you would already have lost faith in your dream.
Your mind is the powerhouse of ideas which will make your business a success. Your mind is the source of your strenth that enables you to carry the burden in difficult times. Feed your mind the good food. Avoid stuffing it with junk food.
So reset your clocks. It's time to vibrate with the right frequency.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Elephant and the Fly
A disciple and his teacher were walking through the forest. The disciple was disturbed by the fact that his mind was in constant unrest.
He asked his teacher: "Why most people's mind are restless, and only a few possess a calm world? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said: "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more".
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly: "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said: "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said: "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm".
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind".
Written by Remez Sasson
He asked his teacher: "Why most people's mind are restless, and only a few possess a calm world? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said: "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more".
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly: "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said: "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said: "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm".
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind".
Written by Remez Sasson
End Procrastination
Don't under-estimate the power of putting things off.
Procrastination is a timebomb. It's a snowball that will eventually turn into an avalanche.
It all seems fairly harmless - "I'll start my exercise routine tomorrow", "I'll work on that project next week", "I'll get my health insurance next month", "I'll back-up my data later". But it soon becomes a habit, a lazy attitude towards improving your life.
Before you know it, you've become unfit and unhealthy, with several big deadlines looming, you're saddled with an illness which requires expensive treatment, and your computer with all your important work has crashed.
Make no mistake, procrastination is disease that will eat into your life, dampening your ambition and desire for success.
End procrastination today with these simple steps...
First of all, the all-too-obvious but most crucial tip - do it now! In order to break the habit of procrastination, replace it with an attitude of urgency. Practising working on whatever comes your way; prioritise your tasks of course, but keep ticking off your To-Do checklist one by one. Make steady progress. I promise you the sense of achievement and freedom that comes from completing your tasks will be so addictive, you won't be able to stop.
Try it today - whatever comes your way, a project, an email, an errand, a customer request, consider whether it's important or not, then work on them, one by one. You'll become more efficient in no time, not to mention you'll be relieved at the amount of work you got done. All this efficiency I'm sure will not go unnoticed by your supervisors and colleagues!
When attempting to end procrastination, it also helps to break down the bigger tasks into smaller, more manageable jobs. Don't let big projects overwhelm you; take it one step at a time. As long as you're making steady progress, you shouldn't be worried.
And ask for help! You know sometimes we make the mistake of assuming we have to do everything ourselves. Your reasons may be to save money, to be self-reliant, to make sure everything goes your way and so on, but contracting some work out could actually make more sense in the long term. Or get friends or family members to help out!
End procrastination today!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Procrastination is a timebomb. It's a snowball that will eventually turn into an avalanche.
It all seems fairly harmless - "I'll start my exercise routine tomorrow", "I'll work on that project next week", "I'll get my health insurance next month", "I'll back-up my data later". But it soon becomes a habit, a lazy attitude towards improving your life.
Before you know it, you've become unfit and unhealthy, with several big deadlines looming, you're saddled with an illness which requires expensive treatment, and your computer with all your important work has crashed.
Make no mistake, procrastination is disease that will eat into your life, dampening your ambition and desire for success.
End procrastination today with these simple steps...
First of all, the all-too-obvious but most crucial tip - do it now! In order to break the habit of procrastination, replace it with an attitude of urgency. Practising working on whatever comes your way; prioritise your tasks of course, but keep ticking off your To-Do checklist one by one. Make steady progress. I promise you the sense of achievement and freedom that comes from completing your tasks will be so addictive, you won't be able to stop.
Try it today - whatever comes your way, a project, an email, an errand, a customer request, consider whether it's important or not, then work on them, one by one. You'll become more efficient in no time, not to mention you'll be relieved at the amount of work you got done. All this efficiency I'm sure will not go unnoticed by your supervisors and colleagues!
When attempting to end procrastination, it also helps to break down the bigger tasks into smaller, more manageable jobs. Don't let big projects overwhelm you; take it one step at a time. As long as you're making steady progress, you shouldn't be worried.
And ask for help! You know sometimes we make the mistake of assuming we have to do everything ourselves. Your reasons may be to save money, to be self-reliant, to make sure everything goes your way and so on, but contracting some work out could actually make more sense in the long term. Or get friends or family members to help out!
End procrastination today!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Your Recovery Rate
What is your recovery rate? How long does it take you to recover from actions and behaviours that upsets you? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Even years? The longer it takes you to recover, the more influence that incident has on your actions, and the less able you are to perform to your personal best.
Just ask yourself.
"How many times have I become upset with my spouse for something the children did hours ago?"
"How many times have I missed an opportunity because I was still focused on an upset and all I could say was 'no' to everything?"
"How many times have I driven my car erratically because I was still thinking of an incident that made me angry?"
The faster you let go of an issue that upsets you, the faster you return to an equilibrium, and the healthier you will be. the best example of this behaviour is found with professional sportspeople. They know that the faster they can forget an incident or missed opportunity and get on with the game, the better their performance.
Here's a method you can try to reduce your recovery time.
Imagine yourself to be an actor in a play on the stage. You aim is to play your part to the best of your ability. You have been given a script and at the end of each sentence is a full stop. Each time you get to the end of the sentence you start a new on and although the next sentence is related to the last, it is not affected by it. Your job is to deliver each sentence to the best of your ability.
Now think about your life. Imagine that life is no more than a play, and we each have a role. Your job is to play your part to the best of your ability. Each incident you face is a new sentence. Just put a full stop behind it and start again. Accept that every time you meet someone or have a conversation with a a person on telephone or even send an email it is a new incident.
You have both moved on since you last met, so remembering the last occasion only keep you in the past and stops you moving forward. Stops you seeing new opportunities. The next time you see the person that upset you is a new occasion. There is nothing to be gained by continuing from where you left off. The incident has finished. You are both in a different place now. It is a new sentence, so start again.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Just ask yourself.
"How many times have I become upset with my spouse for something the children did hours ago?"
"How many times have I missed an opportunity because I was still focused on an upset and all I could say was 'no' to everything?"
"How many times have I driven my car erratically because I was still thinking of an incident that made me angry?"
The faster you let go of an issue that upsets you, the faster you return to an equilibrium, and the healthier you will be. the best example of this behaviour is found with professional sportspeople. They know that the faster they can forget an incident or missed opportunity and get on with the game, the better their performance.
Here's a method you can try to reduce your recovery time.
Imagine yourself to be an actor in a play on the stage. You aim is to play your part to the best of your ability. You have been given a script and at the end of each sentence is a full stop. Each time you get to the end of the sentence you start a new on and although the next sentence is related to the last, it is not affected by it. Your job is to deliver each sentence to the best of your ability.
Now think about your life. Imagine that life is no more than a play, and we each have a role. Your job is to play your part to the best of your ability. Each incident you face is a new sentence. Just put a full stop behind it and start again. Accept that every time you meet someone or have a conversation with a a person on telephone or even send an email it is a new incident.
You have both moved on since you last met, so remembering the last occasion only keep you in the past and stops you moving forward. Stops you seeing new opportunities. The next time you see the person that upset you is a new occasion. There is nothing to be gained by continuing from where you left off. The incident has finished. You are both in a different place now. It is a new sentence, so start again.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Forgiving Therapy
When someone hurts you, there is nothing you can do to undo or reverse the hurt. You might feel that retaliation can assuage your pain, that your suffering can be made worthwhile by causing injury to your attacker, but it only keeps you stuck in a place of hatred. The grudges you harbour are like an anchor that keeps you weighted down. If you continue to hold an intense grievance, you are giving what happened in the past the power to determine your present emotional well being. Until you forgive, you will be victimized over and over again, trapped in an emotional prison, unable to move on with the rest of your life.
But do you really believe in forgiveness? Are some injuries so grievous that they should not be forgiven? Murder, for example? Or an extra marital affair? Or can everything, ultimately, be soothed by the balm of amnesty? Each one of us will have a different view of the extent and scope of forgiveness. But in order to get on with our lives, we all have to try. Even the parents of Protestant and Catholic families in Northern Ireland whose children had been killed by each other, had to find some way to reject the cycle of violence and embrace peace.
Studies have shown that there are measurable benefits to forgiveness:
For instance, forgiving is good for your health. Studies show that people who forgive more readily report fewer health problems while people who blame others for their troubles have a higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.
Forgiving is good for your peace of mind. Studies of divorced people show that those who forgave their former spouse were healthier emotionally than those who chose not to forgive. The forgivers had a higher sense of well being and lower anxiety and depression.
If you're trying to forgive, but find it extremely difficult, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, forgiveness is a process - it takes time and patience. You must be ready. Realize that forgiveness is for you - not for anyone else.
You also have to understand that forgiving does not mean you are condoning the actions of the offender or what they did to you. It does mean that you will blame less and find a way to think differently about what happened to you.
Forgiveness gives you the chance to leave the bad things in the past, and refocus on the positives in your life. To invest more time, energy and love on the people and things you still have.
Remember, a life well lived is the best revenge.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But do you really believe in forgiveness? Are some injuries so grievous that they should not be forgiven? Murder, for example? Or an extra marital affair? Or can everything, ultimately, be soothed by the balm of amnesty? Each one of us will have a different view of the extent and scope of forgiveness. But in order to get on with our lives, we all have to try. Even the parents of Protestant and Catholic families in Northern Ireland whose children had been killed by each other, had to find some way to reject the cycle of violence and embrace peace.
Studies have shown that there are measurable benefits to forgiveness:
For instance, forgiving is good for your health. Studies show that people who forgive more readily report fewer health problems while people who blame others for their troubles have a higher incidence of illness such as cardiovascular disease and cancers.
Forgiving is good for your peace of mind. Studies of divorced people show that those who forgave their former spouse were healthier emotionally than those who chose not to forgive. The forgivers had a higher sense of well being and lower anxiety and depression.
If you're trying to forgive, but find it extremely difficult, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, forgiveness is a process - it takes time and patience. You must be ready. Realize that forgiveness is for you - not for anyone else.
You also have to understand that forgiving does not mean you are condoning the actions of the offender or what they did to you. It does mean that you will blame less and find a way to think differently about what happened to you.
Forgiveness gives you the chance to leave the bad things in the past, and refocus on the positives in your life. To invest more time, energy and love on the people and things you still have.
Remember, a life well lived is the best revenge.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Motivating Your Team
We're all aware of how important teamwork is. An inspired team, working together towards a clearly defined goal, can accomplish tremendous result. But how do you get all co-workers to pull together and realize they are a vital link in a much bigger picture?
Remember that individuals make a team. Individual contributions add up to the greater whole. Ask for the team's ideas and suggestions and base specific goals on these. Be sure each team member understands his/her role in the overall plan.
Communicate clearly. Present information in an organized, easy-to-follow way. Make it clear, communication within the group is a two-way process. Acknowledge everyone's thoughts, ideas and fears equally. And above all, be honest.
Be a good example. Maintain firm, fair and clearly understood standards. Tackle unpleasant tasks as soon as possible. If criticism is necessary, make it constructive. Keep emotions in check.
Delegate. No one can do everything. Understand which jobs don't need your personal touch and trust them to someone else. Match jobs to skills and abilities, providing necessary training and encouragement. Provide goals and guidelines.
Accept change. Discuss changes - also suggested changes - with your team thoroughly. Reassure team players that changes are positive, clearly pointing out the benefits. Encourage all members to express their feelings about what's happening and tend to wounded egos appropriately.
Praise with specifics. Focus on performance and behaviour and not on the person. Do it regularly and in a timely fashion.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Remember that individuals make a team. Individual contributions add up to the greater whole. Ask for the team's ideas and suggestions and base specific goals on these. Be sure each team member understands his/her role in the overall plan.
Communicate clearly. Present information in an organized, easy-to-follow way. Make it clear, communication within the group is a two-way process. Acknowledge everyone's thoughts, ideas and fears equally. And above all, be honest.
Be a good example. Maintain firm, fair and clearly understood standards. Tackle unpleasant tasks as soon as possible. If criticism is necessary, make it constructive. Keep emotions in check.
Delegate. No one can do everything. Understand which jobs don't need your personal touch and trust them to someone else. Match jobs to skills and abilities, providing necessary training and encouragement. Provide goals and guidelines.
Accept change. Discuss changes - also suggested changes - with your team thoroughly. Reassure team players that changes are positive, clearly pointing out the benefits. Encourage all members to express their feelings about what's happening and tend to wounded egos appropriately.
Praise with specifics. Focus on performance and behaviour and not on the person. Do it regularly and in a timely fashion.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Empowering Others
Delegating is a commonly misunderstood concept. Delegating is not about dumping problems or chores you dislike doing onto the shoulders of others; it's an invaluable tool for motivating and training your team to realize their full potential.
We have the ability to assist another person in capitalizing on their full potential. This person could be your spouse, your child or co-worker.
How many thousands of dollars do people spend on motivational tapes, programs, workshops, coaches and training seminars on learning how to make best use of our abilities? Most people want true fulfillment, in all areas of life.
Therefore, it benefits you and your loved ones to learn how to delegate.
Make sure this person knows that you want done, that they can actually complete the task, and they know how to do it.
Many people worry that if they let others do a job for them, they will lose control or the job will not be completed as well as you would have done it.
When you think about tasks you can delegate, decide what is "good enough". Don't judge others based on your own benchmarks. You'll soon see how happy people are to help you and how good they feel doing a job that requires them to make their own decisions. They feel empowered and your confidence in them only helps.
Give your children a chance at loading or unloading the laundry. Allow your spouse to guide you to your destination using the street directory. Assign a special project to your subordinates at work. Even a toddler can help set the table. The cutlery may not be in the right places, but one day they will get there! You're laying an important foundation.
So empower your loved ones today. Delegate some jobs that they can feel proud completing.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We have the ability to assist another person in capitalizing on their full potential. This person could be your spouse, your child or co-worker.
How many thousands of dollars do people spend on motivational tapes, programs, workshops, coaches and training seminars on learning how to make best use of our abilities? Most people want true fulfillment, in all areas of life.
Therefore, it benefits you and your loved ones to learn how to delegate.
Make sure this person knows that you want done, that they can actually complete the task, and they know how to do it.
Many people worry that if they let others do a job for them, they will lose control or the job will not be completed as well as you would have done it.
When you think about tasks you can delegate, decide what is "good enough". Don't judge others based on your own benchmarks. You'll soon see how happy people are to help you and how good they feel doing a job that requires them to make their own decisions. They feel empowered and your confidence in them only helps.
Give your children a chance at loading or unloading the laundry. Allow your spouse to guide you to your destination using the street directory. Assign a special project to your subordinates at work. Even a toddler can help set the table. The cutlery may not be in the right places, but one day they will get there! You're laying an important foundation.
So empower your loved ones today. Delegate some jobs that they can feel proud completing.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Why Are You Not Thriving?
When entrepreneurs start a business, they do so with the aim of building a vast and thriving empire. Why not, right? Yet, when we think about building lives, how many of us do so with the same goal in mind?
Are you thriving? Are you channeling your resources into building a rich, joyful and vibrant life? Why?
Well, here are the top reasons why many of us are not thriving.
First of all, you're holding on to old emotional baggage. Most of the emotion you feel in a day is not even about the day itself. You are just recycling old emotional baggage that has never been cleared. It's so familiar, it's become a part of you, yet it causes you discomfort because it's not meant to be part of your true identity.
It could be an especially hard break-up, and you've never really gotten over that person. It could be the feeling that you let a loved one down. Or guilt over something you feel was the result of you mistake. There's nothing you can do about the past; what counts is what you do from now on. So search your soul, find whatever it is that's bugging you, and release it. This is the most important first step to building a thriving life.
Another reason why you're not living a full life is because you keep focusing on what you don't want. Your mind is in the habit of "figuring out" what you need to change to make your life better. Your thinking mind is convinced that that's how the problem will be solved; yet, that is what keeps the problem constant and present in your life.
But whatever you focus on, you create more of. So stop thinking about what you don't want, what you don't have, what you fear, what you loathe. Welcome new vibrant energy to attract to you insights, answers, and resources to your problem.
Another reason why you're not thriving is because you've bought into the collective belief that you can barely survive and are just getting by.
The world offers us one reality to believe in. That's the one most people believe in because it's what they see and hear, it's easy, that's the way the world is, "C'est la vie" and so on. Everyday, we're told and shown how "times are heard", "Nowhere is safe anymore", "the economy is bad", "love hurts", "old age is scary", "there's nothing after death" and so on.
But even though the world is choosing this reality, you don't have to. We are only bound by belief. Choose beliefs that help you create a thriving reality. Such as "times are good for you and your family", "you are happy, healthy and loving". You can choose to live in the moment and focus on how wonderful life is. Change your beliefs and change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Are you thriving? Are you channeling your resources into building a rich, joyful and vibrant life? Why?
Well, here are the top reasons why many of us are not thriving.
First of all, you're holding on to old emotional baggage. Most of the emotion you feel in a day is not even about the day itself. You are just recycling old emotional baggage that has never been cleared. It's so familiar, it's become a part of you, yet it causes you discomfort because it's not meant to be part of your true identity.
It could be an especially hard break-up, and you've never really gotten over that person. It could be the feeling that you let a loved one down. Or guilt over something you feel was the result of you mistake. There's nothing you can do about the past; what counts is what you do from now on. So search your soul, find whatever it is that's bugging you, and release it. This is the most important first step to building a thriving life.
Another reason why you're not living a full life is because you keep focusing on what you don't want. Your mind is in the habit of "figuring out" what you need to change to make your life better. Your thinking mind is convinced that that's how the problem will be solved; yet, that is what keeps the problem constant and present in your life.
But whatever you focus on, you create more of. So stop thinking about what you don't want, what you don't have, what you fear, what you loathe. Welcome new vibrant energy to attract to you insights, answers, and resources to your problem.
Another reason why you're not thriving is because you've bought into the collective belief that you can barely survive and are just getting by.
The world offers us one reality to believe in. That's the one most people believe in because it's what they see and hear, it's easy, that's the way the world is, "C'est la vie" and so on. Everyday, we're told and shown how "times are heard", "Nowhere is safe anymore", "the economy is bad", "love hurts", "old age is scary", "there's nothing after death" and so on.
But even though the world is choosing this reality, you don't have to. We are only bound by belief. Choose beliefs that help you create a thriving reality. Such as "times are good for you and your family", "you are happy, healthy and loving". You can choose to live in the moment and focus on how wonderful life is. Change your beliefs and change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Towards a Wonderful Attitude!
Everyday we have unexpected events happen to us. We can plan down to the slightest detail and something can still come along and throw a major wrench into the machine. In the face of such uncertainty, how does one stay positive and focused?
Well, here are some steps that will help you keep your attitude at it's very best under all those circumstances that will be thrust upon your repeatedly.
First, learn to concentrate on the good. If there was a store that sold beliefs, what would you buy? How about getting the belief that everything that happens to you brings you closer to your desired success or goal? This belief would enable you to look for and find the good in every situation. Whether it's a lesson learned, experience gained or new contact made, if you can identify the good, your attitude will take a positive direction.
What is life if not learning? Life is made up of lessons, like it or not, and the sooner we understand this, the better. Whatever comes our way, if we miss the lesson, then it is truly a tragedy. But much like concentrating on the good, if you seek out the valuable lesson, then the upset or pitfall takes a completely new meaning. You will begin to realize that whatever the situation you are facing right now needed to be faced in order to learn the lesson. Now take that lesson and integrate it into your goals and plans for future success.
Next, we have to learn to concentrate on the solution. Wherever a difficulty presents itself, quickly concentrate on the solution rather than the focus on the problem. Rehashing, reliving and reflecting on the problem does nothing but eat away your positive attitude. Break the solution down into manageable steps, then take action. The moment you begin thinking and planning in terms of solutions, you become more positive and more constructive.
And focus on the future. You cannot change the past, so instead of worrying about whom did what whom and why so and so is to blame, focus on where you desire to be and how you can get there from here. Visualise your future - how you want it to be, how you want it to look. What are you feeling? What you seeing? What are you tasting? The more vibrant and authentic you imagine your future to be, the more likely you're able to manifest it.
Successful people know that a positive mental attitude is an indispensable tool. You too can be as positive and successful as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about the future.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, here are some steps that will help you keep your attitude at it's very best under all those circumstances that will be thrust upon your repeatedly.
First, learn to concentrate on the good. If there was a store that sold beliefs, what would you buy? How about getting the belief that everything that happens to you brings you closer to your desired success or goal? This belief would enable you to look for and find the good in every situation. Whether it's a lesson learned, experience gained or new contact made, if you can identify the good, your attitude will take a positive direction.
What is life if not learning? Life is made up of lessons, like it or not, and the sooner we understand this, the better. Whatever comes our way, if we miss the lesson, then it is truly a tragedy. But much like concentrating on the good, if you seek out the valuable lesson, then the upset or pitfall takes a completely new meaning. You will begin to realize that whatever the situation you are facing right now needed to be faced in order to learn the lesson. Now take that lesson and integrate it into your goals and plans for future success.
Next, we have to learn to concentrate on the solution. Wherever a difficulty presents itself, quickly concentrate on the solution rather than the focus on the problem. Rehashing, reliving and reflecting on the problem does nothing but eat away your positive attitude. Break the solution down into manageable steps, then take action. The moment you begin thinking and planning in terms of solutions, you become more positive and more constructive.
And focus on the future. You cannot change the past, so instead of worrying about whom did what whom and why so and so is to blame, focus on where you desire to be and how you can get there from here. Visualise your future - how you want it to be, how you want it to look. What are you feeling? What you seeing? What are you tasting? The more vibrant and authentic you imagine your future to be, the more likely you're able to manifest it.
Successful people know that a positive mental attitude is an indispensable tool. You too can be as positive and successful as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about the future.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Making Changes Happen
Everywhere you go, you hear people talk about the changes they want to make in their lives.
"I want to lose weight."
"I want a better job."
"I want to make more money."
"I want to make a film."
"I want to write a book."
Maybe for you, it's to travel around the world, to get higher education, or improving a current relationship. We all have goals and changes we want to make and we talk a lot about wanting them, but how many of us really do something?
Sometimes, the talking turns into complaining. Because we accumulate so many wants, but never go about resolving them, we begin to feel dissatisfied. We start to make up excuses why success is not possible. Is it time? Is it money? It's family then, isn't it? We begin to blame other people, we blame events, we blame bad luck, and sometimes we blame ourselves. At the end of the day, this builds up into a massive store of regret.
Besides, these reasons are mostly inventions of fear and laziness. If you look at your excuses critically, how many of them are genuine? People who feel stuck are always saying "I can't afford an hour's workout a day!", or "I'm too forgetful!", or "I'm not a business person!". Basically, this is an admission of one's lack of control over one's life.
If someone gave you a million dollars to run on a the treadmill for 20 minutes a day, could you do it? How great is your desire to have a better physique? How much is that worth? Very often, it's not because we can't, it's because we haven't found the motivation.
With the right motivation (and it doesn't have to be money), you can change and create winning actions in your life. You are not locked into any behaviour. Stop placing limits on yourself and talking about the reasons why you can't make changes happen. Nothing defines you except you yourself. Do you really need the extra cup of coffee? Or that extra mug of beer? What about your quota of three cigarettes a day? Or that new mobile phone? What's really stopping you from being more loving to your partner? Is the romance really fading? Or are you giving more priority to other areas?
Take back your own power and decide to get into action to achieve the results you want.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
"I want to lose weight."
"I want a better job."
"I want to make more money."
"I want to make a film."
"I want to write a book."
Maybe for you, it's to travel around the world, to get higher education, or improving a current relationship. We all have goals and changes we want to make and we talk a lot about wanting them, but how many of us really do something?
Sometimes, the talking turns into complaining. Because we accumulate so many wants, but never go about resolving them, we begin to feel dissatisfied. We start to make up excuses why success is not possible. Is it time? Is it money? It's family then, isn't it? We begin to blame other people, we blame events, we blame bad luck, and sometimes we blame ourselves. At the end of the day, this builds up into a massive store of regret.
Besides, these reasons are mostly inventions of fear and laziness. If you look at your excuses critically, how many of them are genuine? People who feel stuck are always saying "I can't afford an hour's workout a day!", or "I'm too forgetful!", or "I'm not a business person!". Basically, this is an admission of one's lack of control over one's life.
If someone gave you a million dollars to run on a the treadmill for 20 minutes a day, could you do it? How great is your desire to have a better physique? How much is that worth? Very often, it's not because we can't, it's because we haven't found the motivation.
With the right motivation (and it doesn't have to be money), you can change and create winning actions in your life. You are not locked into any behaviour. Stop placing limits on yourself and talking about the reasons why you can't make changes happen. Nothing defines you except you yourself. Do you really need the extra cup of coffee? Or that extra mug of beer? What about your quota of three cigarettes a day? Or that new mobile phone? What's really stopping you from being more loving to your partner? Is the romance really fading? Or are you giving more priority to other areas?
Take back your own power and decide to get into action to achieve the results you want.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Forgive Yourself
Very often, when we talk about forgiveness, we mean forgiving other people. But many of us are not maximizing our lives because we've forgotten to forgive the most important person of all - ourselves.
There will be many times when we hurt or disappoint ourselves. When we make an error in judgement or when we fail to reach a certain benchmark. when we don't deal with that hurt and allow it to accumulate, it can lead to low self-esteem and self-disparagement. When you do make a mistake it's perfectly fine to acknowledge it. But don't hold it against yourself for the rest of your life.
Perhaps you feel you've let someone down, someone you care about. Punishing yourself isn't going to help things. Instead, deal with the hurt and let it go. Apologize to the other person or attempt to compensate in some way. Acknowledge the other person's feelings, says you're sorry, ask for their forgiveness. Then forgive yourself.
Or maybe you begrudge yourself for something you feel is a flaw or impediment. Perhaps you hate your body, or don't think you're capable enough to succeed. Hey, no one has everything. But you don't have to simply accept your inadequacies. Have the courage to accept the things you cannot change, but the courage to change the things you can. These immortal words from a saint have perennial relevance. So don't feel sorry for yourself, do something about it. It's alright to be not good enough yet. But get on that path towards self-improvement.
Ask yourself these questions:
"Do I use my inner dialogue to beat myself up mentally and spiritually?"
"Do I not allow myself happiness because I believe, deep down inside, I don't deserve to be happy?"
"Am I holding myself back from relationships because I believe I'll just mess them up, repeating patterns in the past?"
"Am I setting for a career or relationship because I believe I'm not worthy of anything better?"
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it's time to make a change.
You are the only "you" you're ever going to have. Treat yourself well, with all the love, dignity and respect you can gather.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
There will be many times when we hurt or disappoint ourselves. When we make an error in judgement or when we fail to reach a certain benchmark. when we don't deal with that hurt and allow it to accumulate, it can lead to low self-esteem and self-disparagement. When you do make a mistake it's perfectly fine to acknowledge it. But don't hold it against yourself for the rest of your life.
Perhaps you feel you've let someone down, someone you care about. Punishing yourself isn't going to help things. Instead, deal with the hurt and let it go. Apologize to the other person or attempt to compensate in some way. Acknowledge the other person's feelings, says you're sorry, ask for their forgiveness. Then forgive yourself.
Or maybe you begrudge yourself for something you feel is a flaw or impediment. Perhaps you hate your body, or don't think you're capable enough to succeed. Hey, no one has everything. But you don't have to simply accept your inadequacies. Have the courage to accept the things you cannot change, but the courage to change the things you can. These immortal words from a saint have perennial relevance. So don't feel sorry for yourself, do something about it. It's alright to be not good enough yet. But get on that path towards self-improvement.
Ask yourself these questions:
"Do I use my inner dialogue to beat myself up mentally and spiritually?"
"Do I not allow myself happiness because I believe, deep down inside, I don't deserve to be happy?"
"Am I holding myself back from relationships because I believe I'll just mess them up, repeating patterns in the past?"
"Am I setting for a career or relationship because I believe I'm not worthy of anything better?"
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it's time to make a change.
You are the only "you" you're ever going to have. Treat yourself well, with all the love, dignity and respect you can gather.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Respect
At the heart of every successful relationship, whether it's business or personal, lies respect. If you're in a relationship in which you either don't respect the other person or aren't respected by the other person, you'll want to seriously consider leaving it. Because the more you think about it, the more you'll realize that without respect, all those other important ingredients of a good relationship such as love and trust can't flourish at all.
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Voluntary Simplicity
In such a hectic world, the virtues of simplicity and contentment have been displaced by greed and excess. Our lives are filled with "stuff" - things to do, things to buy, shows to watch, emails to read. But if you take a moment to examine your possessions and activities, how many of them really improve the quality of your life?
The term 'voluntary simplicity' is used to describe a process whereby people opt out of the harried life of modern day living, and choose to live a life of frugality. Frugality in the sense of enjoying the virtue of getting good value for every minute of your life energy and from everything you have. Because when you think about it, how much do you really need? How much of your "stuff" do you actually use?
As we search for meaning in our lives, we start to become aware of the emptiness and shallowness of a life based on materialism and consumerism. We become aware of the tremendous amount of life force that we expend just to keep up with the 'rat race'. We start the search of a life of deeper meaning and ask ourselves 'what gives us joy?'
What we don't realise is that we are spiritual beings, in a physical body, and when we don't connect the internal (spiritual) and the external (physical), our lives increasingly lose a sense of balance or harmony. What are the expectation and assumptions that drive us to live our lives like zombies? How much 'life force' energy are we prepared to exchange for the material goods we consume?
If you've bought into the prevailing system, stop and think about why your life seems increasingly futile no matter how much you do and how much you buy. Here are some ways you can simplify your life for more inner peace and clarity.
Have a Buy Nothing Day.
Look at the foods you consume. Do you really need so much? Choose more simply prepared and natural foods. Replacing meat, fats, and grease with veggies and fruits may seem unappetizing at first, but believe me, after a while, you will feel and look better.
Use non-toxic products such as vinegar, baking soda, lemon, and salt in your home and garden (if you have one).
Before you buy something, write the item down on a note and if you still want it after a month, purchase it then.
Decide what is really working in your life and let go of what which no longer serves you.
Surround yourself with what you really need and love.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The term 'voluntary simplicity' is used to describe a process whereby people opt out of the harried life of modern day living, and choose to live a life of frugality. Frugality in the sense of enjoying the virtue of getting good value for every minute of your life energy and from everything you have. Because when you think about it, how much do you really need? How much of your "stuff" do you actually use?
As we search for meaning in our lives, we start to become aware of the emptiness and shallowness of a life based on materialism and consumerism. We become aware of the tremendous amount of life force that we expend just to keep up with the 'rat race'. We start the search of a life of deeper meaning and ask ourselves 'what gives us joy?'
What we don't realise is that we are spiritual beings, in a physical body, and when we don't connect the internal (spiritual) and the external (physical), our lives increasingly lose a sense of balance or harmony. What are the expectation and assumptions that drive us to live our lives like zombies? How much 'life force' energy are we prepared to exchange for the material goods we consume?
If you've bought into the prevailing system, stop and think about why your life seems increasingly futile no matter how much you do and how much you buy. Here are some ways you can simplify your life for more inner peace and clarity.
Have a Buy Nothing Day.
Look at the foods you consume. Do you really need so much? Choose more simply prepared and natural foods. Replacing meat, fats, and grease with veggies and fruits may seem unappetizing at first, but believe me, after a while, you will feel and look better.
Use non-toxic products such as vinegar, baking soda, lemon, and salt in your home and garden (if you have one).
Before you buy something, write the item down on a note and if you still want it after a month, purchase it then.
Decide what is really working in your life and let go of what which no longer serves you.
Surround yourself with what you really need and love.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Taking Personal Responsibility
When things go awry, some of us are inclined to blame other people. When we can't find a job, it's because employers are too choosy or biased. When our child's misdemeanour becomes uncontrollable, it's because our spouse refuses to discipline thim.
Undeniably, there are times when the result is directly caused by someone else but blaming others is very disempowering. When we attribute cause to someone else, we give up our control over situation. Because we take no responsibility, we don't try to make things better, or to learn from the event. And because our role in the matter is conveniently swept under the carpet, we continue to enter into situations that bring us frustration and a sense of helplessness.
However, when you decide to take personal responsibility of your whole life, a remarkable series of reactions takes place.
Acceptance is the first, crucial reason. You accept that where you are right now is all your doing. No longer will you blame anyone else for your current situation or list excuses such as bad luck or lack of opportunity. Blame and excuses are heavy baggage and they do not bring success.
In accepting full responsibility for your current situation, you also accept that where you'll be in a year of five years is also down to you. You chose the paths that led you to where you are right now. Therefore, you can choose better paths to lead you to a greater destination.
Acceptance leads to the realization that you have the power to change your life for the better. You can be in total control of what you allow you mind to be exposed to. If you listen to people who live life craving for security, you will take on their fears. So be responsible for your own education. I once read that if you don't take responsibility for what happens in your life, you're allowing others to decide your life for you. And they may not always have your best interests at hear.
Taking personal responsibility means you give yourself the power to command. Why should anyone else have that authority? It's your life. Resolve everyday that no matter what happens, you will handle it and overcome it. And you will learn from experience and use it all as stepping stones towards your destiny.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Undeniably, there are times when the result is directly caused by someone else but blaming others is very disempowering. When we attribute cause to someone else, we give up our control over situation. Because we take no responsibility, we don't try to make things better, or to learn from the event. And because our role in the matter is conveniently swept under the carpet, we continue to enter into situations that bring us frustration and a sense of helplessness.
However, when you decide to take personal responsibility of your whole life, a remarkable series of reactions takes place.
Acceptance is the first, crucial reason. You accept that where you are right now is all your doing. No longer will you blame anyone else for your current situation or list excuses such as bad luck or lack of opportunity. Blame and excuses are heavy baggage and they do not bring success.
In accepting full responsibility for your current situation, you also accept that where you'll be in a year of five years is also down to you. You chose the paths that led you to where you are right now. Therefore, you can choose better paths to lead you to a greater destination.
Acceptance leads to the realization that you have the power to change your life for the better. You can be in total control of what you allow you mind to be exposed to. If you listen to people who live life craving for security, you will take on their fears. So be responsible for your own education. I once read that if you don't take responsibility for what happens in your life, you're allowing others to decide your life for you. And they may not always have your best interests at hear.
Taking personal responsibility means you give yourself the power to command. Why should anyone else have that authority? It's your life. Resolve everyday that no matter what happens, you will handle it and overcome it. And you will learn from experience and use it all as stepping stones towards your destiny.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Staying Focused On Your Path
So you've decided, it's time to do something about your life - you need to be more disciplined, you need to take care of your health, you want to adopt a more positive attitude, you need to save enough money for retirement, you want to be a better partner, a better son, a better mother. You've had enough of being directionless in life and are looking forward to achieving the goals you've set for yourself.
But wait, what's lurking on the sidelines that can derail you from your path? Those well-meaning friends and relatives who, with all good intention, pass along clutter from their house to yours? - "this would look great on you", or "I can't use this but maybe you can".
What about the people around you who seem to dwell on the negative or tell stories about how unfair life is? Friends who invite you to have "just a bite", "just one more cigarette can't hurt!" or encourage you to stay out "just a little longer"?
What about relatives and friends who shy away from your newfound honesty and assertiveness?
They probably don't mean any harm but they may DO you harm if they steer you away from the goals you've set for yourself. So how do you put yourself first and get selfish, so to speak, when others are tempting you to stray?
First of all, be very clear yourself about the goals you're eyeing. If you're unsteady in your commitment, that will show, and make it all the easier for them to lead you astray.
Demonstrate your dedication by living by example. Don't preach. Just like you weren't ready to take on healthy goals at other times in your life, those you love or care about may not be ready now.
Also, plan ahead. Think of how you will say no, prepare alternatives or plan an "escape route". Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
Be honest. Talk about your goals and what they mean to you. And choose who to spend time with. You may choose to spend less time with someone who has unhealthy habits. And more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, support your efforts, or are themselves models of positivity and self-care. As time goes by and your daily practices become more of a habit, you'll be able to focus on your path towards your goals without even thinking about it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But wait, what's lurking on the sidelines that can derail you from your path? Those well-meaning friends and relatives who, with all good intention, pass along clutter from their house to yours? - "this would look great on you", or "I can't use this but maybe you can".
What about the people around you who seem to dwell on the negative or tell stories about how unfair life is? Friends who invite you to have "just a bite", "just one more cigarette can't hurt!" or encourage you to stay out "just a little longer"?
What about relatives and friends who shy away from your newfound honesty and assertiveness?
They probably don't mean any harm but they may DO you harm if they steer you away from the goals you've set for yourself. So how do you put yourself first and get selfish, so to speak, when others are tempting you to stray?
First of all, be very clear yourself about the goals you're eyeing. If you're unsteady in your commitment, that will show, and make it all the easier for them to lead you astray.
Demonstrate your dedication by living by example. Don't preach. Just like you weren't ready to take on healthy goals at other times in your life, those you love or care about may not be ready now.
Also, plan ahead. Think of how you will say no, prepare alternatives or plan an "escape route". Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
Be honest. Talk about your goals and what they mean to you. And choose who to spend time with. You may choose to spend less time with someone who has unhealthy habits. And more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, support your efforts, or are themselves models of positivity and self-care. As time goes by and your daily practices become more of a habit, you'll be able to focus on your path towards your goals without even thinking about it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Anticipating Success
Are you affected by what happens to you? Or do you affect what happens to you? Which would you prefer?
In The Art of Possibility, authors Rosamund and Benjamin Zander remind us of our tremendous ability to attract what we want in our lives by being purposeful.
After 25 years of teaching, Ben Zander observed that students would be in such a chronic state of anxiety over the measurement of their performance that they would be reluctant to take risks with their playing. announced at the beginning of the semester that each student in the class would be getting an A for the course. However, they were asked to fulfill one requirement to earn this grade. Sometime during the next two weeks, each student was to write him a letter post-dated by a year, which began with the words, "Dear Mr. Zander, I got my A because...". In the letter they were to tell a detailed story of what would have happened to them within a year that was in line with them receiving an A in his class.
In other words, Zander asked the students to place themselves in the future, looking back, and to report on all the insights they acquired and milestones they attained during the school year, as if those accomplishments were already in the past.
Zander tells us that “the A is an invention that creates possibility for both mentor and student, manager and employee, or for any human interaction. The practice of giving an A allows the teacher to line up with her students in their efforts to produce the outcome, rather than lining up with the standards against these students. In this way, the instructor and the student, or the manager and the employee, become a team for accomplishing the extraordinary.
Zander reminds us that “It is dangerous to have our musicians so obsessed with competition because they will find it difficult to take the necessary risks with themselves to be great performers. The art of music, since it can only be conveyed through its interpreters, depends on expressive performance for its lifeblood. Yet it is only when we make mistakes in performance that we can really begin to notice what needs attention.” You don’t have to be a musician to appreciate the value of his wisdom.
So write yourself a letter, dating it a year from now. Project yourself into the future as you write a letter about all the insights you will have acquired and the milestones you will have attained during the year, as if your accomplishments for the next twelve months were already in the past. Chances are you’ll be able to reach your goals more effectively.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Quit Complaining
Life won't go your way all the time. In fact, we're in a constant state of flux between good and, for lack of a better word, "bad" times.
This state of flux is designed to help us grow into the kind of human beings we can be, to help us understand how we fit into the larger scheme of things, and to prevent our minds and bodies from declining in a state of inertia.
Economic cycles for example, with their booms and downturns, are remarkably consistent, even with our ostensible understanding of the financial markets. Recessionary times, like other "bad" times are a fact of life. They can be unpleasant and disappointing, and for many of us these days, utterly crushing, but they are an essential part of life.
Without them, we would become complacent and slothful, success and love wouldn't fill our hearts with as much joy, and there would be no push towards improving ourselves.
However, when circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. And we feel an urge to complain. Some people feel it's a right. The so-called logic is 'If the world is treating me unkindly, why shouldn't I make some noise about it?"
Well, the "noise" may release some tension initially, but complaining doesn't solve anything. besides, it produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right. When complaining becomes a part of you, you're inviting a lot of negative energy into your life.
When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result.
But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion. Quit complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You bring others down by your complaining. And you bring yourself down.
So after venting, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.
So if life is dealing you all the wrong cards at the moment, go ahead and vent, but quite complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things the next time they don't go your way. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This state of flux is designed to help us grow into the kind of human beings we can be, to help us understand how we fit into the larger scheme of things, and to prevent our minds and bodies from declining in a state of inertia.
Economic cycles for example, with their booms and downturns, are remarkably consistent, even with our ostensible understanding of the financial markets. Recessionary times, like other "bad" times are a fact of life. They can be unpleasant and disappointing, and for many of us these days, utterly crushing, but they are an essential part of life.
Without them, we would become complacent and slothful, success and love wouldn't fill our hearts with as much joy, and there would be no push towards improving ourselves.
However, when circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. And we feel an urge to complain. Some people feel it's a right. The so-called logic is 'If the world is treating me unkindly, why shouldn't I make some noise about it?"
Well, the "noise" may release some tension initially, but complaining doesn't solve anything. besides, it produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right. When complaining becomes a part of you, you're inviting a lot of negative energy into your life.
When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result.
But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion. Quit complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You bring others down by your complaining. And you bring yourself down.
So after venting, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.
So if life is dealing you all the wrong cards at the moment, go ahead and vent, but quite complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things the next time they don't go your way. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Believe in Yourself
To achieve any goal in life, you must first believe that you are going to be successful. This conviction gives you the strength and resilience needed to achieve your objective. It also helps you to actively seek and recognise opportunities and stepping stones.
So how can you develop a powerful sense of self-belief?
Before you begin any endeavour, you should be confident that the end result is possible. Don't focus on whether it's been done before or not. Don't listen to others who might be feeding you with negative thoughts. Be clear in your own mind that the goal can be achieved.
More crucially, believe that the end result is possible by you. We often hold limiting beliefs about our own ability to achieve goals. We may believe the goal is possible, but often don't think it's possible for us to achieve it. So identify those beliefs that are holding you back and take time to address them.
Now that you know you can achieve your objective, how much do you want it? The more we want to achieve a goal, the bigger the hurdles we'll jump over to get there. So choose a goal you really want; take the time to ask yourself why you want it and how badly you want it. What are the values underlying that goal? Is it desire to help people? A yearning to be your own boss? Or is it to do something that allows you to spend more time with your children?
Next you have to believe that you deserve the end result. Hidden under the surface in many people is a belief that they do not deserve to succeed. Because of some deep-rooted experience that caused their self-esteem to decline, these people often choose to remain where they are, or even slide, because they feel that they are not worthy of success and happiness. When they try to take action, this belief restricts them, they lose motivation, and fall. But always emember that if you work consistently toward your goal, you deserve all the success you get.
Also, achieveing your goal should not contradict any other beliefs or values you have. For example, if you believe strongly that rich people are greedy, you'll probably not be motivated enough to build a successful business. Try aligning your goals with your values. An entrepreneur perhaps could work towards making a lot of money so that he can use part of that money to help the needy.
Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is the first step towards building a better future for yourself.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So how can you develop a powerful sense of self-belief?
Before you begin any endeavour, you should be confident that the end result is possible. Don't focus on whether it's been done before or not. Don't listen to others who might be feeding you with negative thoughts. Be clear in your own mind that the goal can be achieved.
More crucially, believe that the end result is possible by you. We often hold limiting beliefs about our own ability to achieve goals. We may believe the goal is possible, but often don't think it's possible for us to achieve it. So identify those beliefs that are holding you back and take time to address them.
Now that you know you can achieve your objective, how much do you want it? The more we want to achieve a goal, the bigger the hurdles we'll jump over to get there. So choose a goal you really want; take the time to ask yourself why you want it and how badly you want it. What are the values underlying that goal? Is it desire to help people? A yearning to be your own boss? Or is it to do something that allows you to spend more time with your children?
Next you have to believe that you deserve the end result. Hidden under the surface in many people is a belief that they do not deserve to succeed. Because of some deep-rooted experience that caused their self-esteem to decline, these people often choose to remain where they are, or even slide, because they feel that they are not worthy of success and happiness. When they try to take action, this belief restricts them, they lose motivation, and fall. But always emember that if you work consistently toward your goal, you deserve all the success you get.
Also, achieveing your goal should not contradict any other beliefs or values you have. For example, if you believe strongly that rich people are greedy, you'll probably not be motivated enough to build a successful business. Try aligning your goals with your values. An entrepreneur perhaps could work towards making a lot of money so that he can use part of that money to help the needy.
Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is the first step towards building a better future for yourself.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Be A Great Oak Tree
We live in an age of great haste and agitation. People today feel compelled to achieve as many goals as possible in the shortest possible time. Gradual cultivation has given way to rapid absorption; we cram our minds and bodies with things to do, things to learn, things to buy, things to help us reach our full potential.
Children today are made to attain often ludicrous standards. Understandably, parents want their kids to achieve the very best in life, but are they meant to develop with such speed? Might not something crucial be lost in the hurry? Are we erecting a lofty tower on shaky foundations?
J. R. R. Tolkien's epic work "The Lord of the Rings" literally took a lifetime to bring to fruition, but it probably stands as the greatest fantasy work of all time. Its accomplishment is not in its length or plot, but in its ability to make a make-believe world feel authentic because of its elaborate history and meticulously wrought web of intricate themes.
Clearly, an entity of enduring power and quality requires time to fashion. Human beings are the same. A colleague recently shared the following with me.
Be a great oak tree. Dig your roots deep into the ground, instead of sending your trunk and branches ever towards the clouds. Then, nothing can topple you.
Know who you are, what you want. And not what others want or want to see. These words echo in me. Words from a friend I sought refuge in when my soul was battered from the storm. Those were the days when I worked to own - yearning for recognition.
But despite having been successful in all I have aimed to attain, a void still remained. One day, my little cousin came up to me and asked, "Who are you?"
I mentioned my name.
"No," he said. "Who are you?"
I repeated myself. But again I got a dissatisfied look.
"I am happy," he said. "Who are you?"
It then dawned upon me that he wanted an adjective. I paused and pondered. I have. But I am? What I own can be lost.
WRITTEN BY MELISSA TAN
Coming to Terms With Life's Terms
Joy is one of the ultimate aims of life. Most of the things we do, including the unpleasant ones, we do in order to achieve happiness in some form or measure in some point in time.
But some of us misunderstand the pursuit of happiness. We think it can be found in objects. We think it can be found in the favour, envy or respect of others. We think it can be found in stability and predictability.
When these things eventually disappoint us, we become lost. We get the chilling sense that everything we worked for, everything we believed in, was flawed. True joy cannot be found in the external realm. Possessions, fame, money, success, chemicals - these things satisfy our lust for happiness for a while - but once they are removed, we become unhappy and empty again. We become puppets that dance to their wily rhythms.
We also cannot achieve lasting happiness by attempting to remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. The truth is, we cannot remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. Even if we could, if we cannot find happiness within us, we would still feel hollow. Happiness doesn't come about as a result of the absence of unhappiness.
To achieve any measure of lasting happiness, we must first come to terms with Life's terms. Against Life, we cannot win. There are certain fundamentals that we will just have to learn to accept.
First, you can't make everyone like you. Not everyone will see your point of view. Some people may dislike you, or even despise you. There are many motivations for this, and a countless number of influencing factors like history, moral and cultural filters, conditioning, personal experience, values and so on. Various people will not accept you for what you are due to various reasons and there is usually nothing you can do about it. In some circumstances where positive change can occur, take the opportunity. What I'm talking about are the petty trespasses. Don't take them personally. Just be true to yourself and listen to your heart.
One of these is the fact that you cannot make everyone like or accept you. You can only accept and love yourself for what you are, and follow your heart.
Another of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with is how the world is a reflection of you. To actuate any positive change in the world, you must first change yourself. If you consistently bemoan the state of your life and complain about every little thing, your world is likely to seem miserable and pointless. But if you adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher of Life, your world is likely to be wondrous, rich, and colourful.
Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility. We only have to look at history and indeed many of the ongoing conflicts today to know that reacting with harshness solves nothing.
Another of Life's terms is the fact that there will always be suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness you manage to achieve in your life, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods, or dying of famine or disease. To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair. People we love will pass away, and misfortune may strike us even if we are most loving and kind. We can only do what we can, and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.
Change is also inevitable in life. Trying to stop change is like sailing against a tidal wave. If you typically spend your life resisting change, you're likely to be fairly miserable most of the time. Change need not be bad. It can be disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change almost always leads to unforeseen benefits. The universe knows when you're stagnating and it's time for things to shift in your life. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.
And those are some of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with if we want to achieve peace of mind and happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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