When we're new to the game, conventional wisdom may instruct us to start small and act modest, charge less and compromise ourselves to meet the client's demands.
And many continue like this for years. We think that we will get more gigs because we're "nice", we're "flexible" or we're "inexpensive". But are these simply euphemisms for being "timid", "easily bullied" and "cheap"?
Many of us are not making the leap from novice to professional or from mediocre to iconic simply because we keep selling ourselves short. all indicators may suggest a high level of competence, knowledge and experience on your part, but because you don't take yourself seriously, you think that others don't take you seriously either.
As a result, you take on any client you can get, agree to work when you'd really rather not, reduce your fees and your terms just to please your client, and offer freebies and so on when the client doesn't seem immediately interested.
You may think that this will make you the "easier", "less expensive" and therefore more popular option, but the message that you're really sending out is that you're desperate. By continually offering discounts, you're also suggesting to people that your quality is not good enough.
If your client is not paying you your full fee today, it's unlikely that he'll pay you your full fee in future. Nor is he likely to recommend you to others. The message of mediocrity that you send out via your attitude and rates will doom you to a lifetime of insignificant returns.
So chuck out the "mediocre" mentality today and start behaving successful. Whether you're really "successful" or not, start behaving that way! It's the attitude, the way you carry yourself, and how much you yourself value yourself that will catch on with you clients and others.
Just think about it, if you really were successful and in high demand, then you would be charging more for your precious time, wouldn't you? Your clients would gladly fit themselves around your schedule because they want the best. The best is in high demand and is therefore not easily available.
All the big brands have always known this philosophy of "behaving successful". They are able to charge a premium simply because they walk and talk like they're worth it. Of course, real substance counts too, but in this world where competition is fiercer every passing day and the field is being increasingly levelled, how you sell yourself is what sets you apart from the rest.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Expect the Best !
There is a universal law that whatever you expect, you tend to attract. That's why many of us don't get the result we want. We may desire the best, but how many of us really think it's possible? How many of us consistently expect the best?
Throughout the early years of your life you may have learnt to expect the worst. It may have been because your parents were like that and you've adopted the same manner of thinking. Or, it could simply be a negative attitude. But, that too, could have been picked up by associating with someone else.
Or maybe you've developed negative expectations because of past bad experience. Because things have turned out unfavourably before, you believe that they'll continue to be bad. Because you failed before, you find it that much harder to believe that you can succeed the next time round.
But to desire prosperity and success in life, but yet, always expecting misfortune, or to be continually doubting our ability to get what we truly want, is like trying to reach east by traveling west.
A person cannot consistently doubt his or her ability to succeed, and then succeed. These thoughts of doubts will always attract failure.
When you are faced with a difficult circumstance do you expect the worst or the best? Whatever we expect we attract. If it's your habit to always expect the worst you're simply adding fuel to the fire, creating more negative circumstances that will create more negative expectations on your part.
Your beliefs and expectations are the driving force behind your behaviors and your results. If your expectations are fear driven, they will impair your normal functioning and keep you from making positive and long lasting changes in your life.
The good news is, your beliefs and expectations are just habits. Whatever reasons you have developed these habits, if you want to truly change your results, you must, absolutely change your habits of expectation and learn to expect the best.
Like I said before, the reason we possess positive, or negative expectations, is simply due to habits.
A large part of our current circumstances, whether they be positive or negative, are a result of our faith, belief and expectations. If we want to change our circumstances, then obviously, we need to change our faith, belief and expectations.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Throughout the early years of your life you may have learnt to expect the worst. It may have been because your parents were like that and you've adopted the same manner of thinking. Or, it could simply be a negative attitude. But, that too, could have been picked up by associating with someone else.
Or maybe you've developed negative expectations because of past bad experience. Because things have turned out unfavourably before, you believe that they'll continue to be bad. Because you failed before, you find it that much harder to believe that you can succeed the next time round.
But to desire prosperity and success in life, but yet, always expecting misfortune, or to be continually doubting our ability to get what we truly want, is like trying to reach east by traveling west.
A person cannot consistently doubt his or her ability to succeed, and then succeed. These thoughts of doubts will always attract failure.
When you are faced with a difficult circumstance do you expect the worst or the best? Whatever we expect we attract. If it's your habit to always expect the worst you're simply adding fuel to the fire, creating more negative circumstances that will create more negative expectations on your part.
Your beliefs and expectations are the driving force behind your behaviors and your results. If your expectations are fear driven, they will impair your normal functioning and keep you from making positive and long lasting changes in your life.
The good news is, your beliefs and expectations are just habits. Whatever reasons you have developed these habits, if you want to truly change your results, you must, absolutely change your habits of expectation and learn to expect the best.
Like I said before, the reason we possess positive, or negative expectations, is simply due to habits.
A large part of our current circumstances, whether they be positive or negative, are a result of our faith, belief and expectations. If we want to change our circumstances, then obviously, we need to change our faith, belief and expectations.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
What is Your Life Purpose?
We're going to take it on faith that the deepest part of you DOES know exactly what you are meant to be and do, and has been trying to tell you all along. Today, we're going to see if we can sidestep whatever is blocking that deep sense of knowing and coax a little of it into the light.
Now you can try this now, or at a more convenient time; the questions are important but the phrasing is not crucial, just remember the essence.
After taking a few deep breaths, and quieting your spirit, write whatever comes to you in response to these questions... Remember, it should be spontaneous... no room for wavering or self-judgement. Just let it flow.
First question: if you DID know your life purpose, what would it be?
Second: If you were assured of having all the money you would ever need, but in order to have it, you would be required to volunteer in some capacity, what would you do? What causes matter to you? Who would you want to help? What would be the most fun way to help them?
Third: What do people count on you for? What are your talents? What comes easily to you? Effortlessly? We all have been taught to focus on our weaknesses, in order to improve them, but the real treasure is built by developing what is already a strength!
Next, if you could make three permanent changes in the world, what would they be?
Now take a few minutes to let the dust settle, and see if anything else comes to you. After a few moments of quiet, look back over what you have written. If any ideas jump out at you, write them down without judging.
Look through your writings. Are there any elements that could be connected? Strengthened through collaboration? You know, very often, we think that nothing will come of these pursuits. Not true. We're not thinking of material pursuits here. We're talking self-actualisation. YOU making MEANING and the world being MEANINGFUL to YOU.
Writing down your thoughts and examining them can do much for the road you pave for yourself in this life. You can uncover your life purpose. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Now you can try this now, or at a more convenient time; the questions are important but the phrasing is not crucial, just remember the essence.
After taking a few deep breaths, and quieting your spirit, write whatever comes to you in response to these questions... Remember, it should be spontaneous... no room for wavering or self-judgement. Just let it flow.
First question: if you DID know your life purpose, what would it be?
Second: If you were assured of having all the money you would ever need, but in order to have it, you would be required to volunteer in some capacity, what would you do? What causes matter to you? Who would you want to help? What would be the most fun way to help them?
Third: What do people count on you for? What are your talents? What comes easily to you? Effortlessly? We all have been taught to focus on our weaknesses, in order to improve them, but the real treasure is built by developing what is already a strength!
Next, if you could make three permanent changes in the world, what would they be?
Now take a few minutes to let the dust settle, and see if anything else comes to you. After a few moments of quiet, look back over what you have written. If any ideas jump out at you, write them down without judging.
Look through your writings. Are there any elements that could be connected? Strengthened through collaboration? You know, very often, we think that nothing will come of these pursuits. Not true. We're not thinking of material pursuits here. We're talking self-actualisation. YOU making MEANING and the world being MEANINGFUL to YOU.
Writing down your thoughts and examining them can do much for the road you pave for yourself in this life. You can uncover your life purpose. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Act On Your Intentions
Do you often find yourself procrastinating when it comes to acting on your intentions?
You may have great ideas but you find it difficult to take concrete steps towards making them reality. The days go by and you don't seem any closer to your goals.
Well, having the right intentions is just not good enough. You'll never be able to achieve deep satisfaction or fulfillment if you don't align your motivations with concrete action.
Before you can back up your intentions with action, the first thing to do is to examine the intention. Do you absolutely want to carry it out and are you excited about doing so?
The first step towards turning your plans into reality is to be very clear about your intention and the results you want. One way to do this is to get into the details. Say you feel you need more money top improve your lifestyle. Think about why you need the money. How will it make your life better? Will it give you the power to help your loved ones? Give your parents an expensive holiday every year perhaps? Or will the extra money help you invest in your own home? Hwy is that important?
Make a binding promise to yourself to get things moving the soonest possible. Even if the first few steps seem insignificant, do them anyway! You'll immediately start feeling more empowered and focused on your ideals. If you wait until everything is fully planned out, you'll never start!
Break down your action plan into easy to manage steps, in order to keep your spirits up and the momentum going. And don't make the mistake of thinking that you have to do this alone. Your family, friends, or partner are more than willing to help you. Ask them to keep you focused and disciplined.
Remember this - the strength of your intention is only as good as the action you're prepared to take on a regular basis. Every intention is preceded by a thought. Your thoughts create your emotions and your emotions can prompt you to take the appropriate action. Provided you use them right.
Attain excellence by using your spontaneity, intuition and your natural drive to move forward. Keep your life in flow by having a sense of clear purpose and aliveness.
Invest the time in YOU. Get to know what excites you, what ignites your soul and makes you come alive. When you are in alignment with your true self, your intentions will naturally begin to align themselves with life of pulsation and dynamic action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
You may have great ideas but you find it difficult to take concrete steps towards making them reality. The days go by and you don't seem any closer to your goals.
Well, having the right intentions is just not good enough. You'll never be able to achieve deep satisfaction or fulfillment if you don't align your motivations with concrete action.
Before you can back up your intentions with action, the first thing to do is to examine the intention. Do you absolutely want to carry it out and are you excited about doing so?
The first step towards turning your plans into reality is to be very clear about your intention and the results you want. One way to do this is to get into the details. Say you feel you need more money top improve your lifestyle. Think about why you need the money. How will it make your life better? Will it give you the power to help your loved ones? Give your parents an expensive holiday every year perhaps? Or will the extra money help you invest in your own home? Hwy is that important?
Make a binding promise to yourself to get things moving the soonest possible. Even if the first few steps seem insignificant, do them anyway! You'll immediately start feeling more empowered and focused on your ideals. If you wait until everything is fully planned out, you'll never start!
Break down your action plan into easy to manage steps, in order to keep your spirits up and the momentum going. And don't make the mistake of thinking that you have to do this alone. Your family, friends, or partner are more than willing to help you. Ask them to keep you focused and disciplined.
Remember this - the strength of your intention is only as good as the action you're prepared to take on a regular basis. Every intention is preceded by a thought. Your thoughts create your emotions and your emotions can prompt you to take the appropriate action. Provided you use them right.
Attain excellence by using your spontaneity, intuition and your natural drive to move forward. Keep your life in flow by having a sense of clear purpose and aliveness.
Invest the time in YOU. Get to know what excites you, what ignites your soul and makes you come alive. When you are in alignment with your true self, your intentions will naturally begin to align themselves with life of pulsation and dynamic action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Making a Relationship Work
Philosopher William James once said; "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Enjoy the Coffee
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Crystal, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite.
He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said.
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So folks, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Crystal, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite.
He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said.
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So folks, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Golden Years
Old age is something none of us can avoid. Worrying about it simply make us age quicker!
So you may lose your hair. So your skin may become dry and wrinkled. You may gain weight. Your movements might become laboured or clumsy. So what? It's natural process of Life. But there a few things you can do to make aging more graceful and softer on your ego.
Healthly foods and exercise are essential at any point in our lives, and particularly crucial when we're entering our twilight years. Exercise at least moderately. If nothing else, you could always walk around the neighbourhood. The body breaks down even faster due to lack of use.
And opt for more richly-coloured foods that are high in fibre and low in fat - salmon, broccoli, nuts, capsicum, fruits. Make your meals visually pleasing as well as tasty!
As you grow older, friendships become more important than ever. Family members are great, but you cannot become dependent on them socially. They can't always be there for you. So for those times when they can't, enjoy the company of close friends who can.
If you've retired, or are going to reture soon, learn new things that you didn't have the time to take up when you were working. Again, what the thing is is not important, as long as you have an interest in it. Especially beneficial are things that require a fair amount of mind work, or ae manually complex to do. This keeps your mind and body working.
No matter how many times you go to the gym a week, you'll never have the same body you did when you were 25. That does not mean you should stop caring about your appearance. Wear clothes that you're comfortable in but which still give you a little style and flair. Dressing to feel good about yourself is not a bad thing. Don't confuse it with narcissism and vanity.
And set goals for yourself. This gives you a sense of purpose and something that you can look forward to. Keep them simple and reasonable though, like finishing one book a week. Planting your own aloe vera or curry leavees. Or making gifts for upcoming family gatherings.
There is still much to achieve in the Golden Years.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So you may lose your hair. So your skin may become dry and wrinkled. You may gain weight. Your movements might become laboured or clumsy. So what? It's natural process of Life. But there a few things you can do to make aging more graceful and softer on your ego.
Healthly foods and exercise are essential at any point in our lives, and particularly crucial when we're entering our twilight years. Exercise at least moderately. If nothing else, you could always walk around the neighbourhood. The body breaks down even faster due to lack of use.
And opt for more richly-coloured foods that are high in fibre and low in fat - salmon, broccoli, nuts, capsicum, fruits. Make your meals visually pleasing as well as tasty!
As you grow older, friendships become more important than ever. Family members are great, but you cannot become dependent on them socially. They can't always be there for you. So for those times when they can't, enjoy the company of close friends who can.
If you've retired, or are going to reture soon, learn new things that you didn't have the time to take up when you were working. Again, what the thing is is not important, as long as you have an interest in it. Especially beneficial are things that require a fair amount of mind work, or ae manually complex to do. This keeps your mind and body working.
No matter how many times you go to the gym a week, you'll never have the same body you did when you were 25. That does not mean you should stop caring about your appearance. Wear clothes that you're comfortable in but which still give you a little style and flair. Dressing to feel good about yourself is not a bad thing. Don't confuse it with narcissism and vanity.
And set goals for yourself. This gives you a sense of purpose and something that you can look forward to. Keep them simple and reasonable though, like finishing one book a week. Planting your own aloe vera or curry leavees. Or making gifts for upcoming family gatherings.
There is still much to achieve in the Golden Years.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Frog and the Mouse
A mouse and a frog were friends.
Every morning the frog would hop out of his pond and go visit his friend who lived in a hole in the side of a tree. He would return home at noon.
The mouse delighted in his friend's company, unaware that the friend was slowly turning into an enemy.
The reason?
The frog felt slighted because though he visited the mouse everyday, the mouse on his part, had never made an attempt to visit him.
One day he felt he had been humiliated enough.
When it was time for him to take leave of the mouse, he tied one end of a string around his own leg, tied the other end to the mouse's tail, and hopped away, dragging the hapless mouse behind him.
The frog dived deep into the pond. The mouse tried to free himself but couldn't, and soon drowned. His bloated body floated to the top.
A hawk saw the mouse floating on the pond's surface. He swooped down, and grabbing the mouse in his talons, flew to the branch of a nearby tree.
The frog, of course, was hauled out of the water too. He desperately tried to free himself, but couldn't and the hawk soon put an end to his struggles.
In Africa the have a saying: "Don't dig too deep a pit for your enemy, you may fall into it yourself".
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Every morning the frog would hop out of his pond and go visit his friend who lived in a hole in the side of a tree. He would return home at noon.
The mouse delighted in his friend's company, unaware that the friend was slowly turning into an enemy.
The reason?
The frog felt slighted because though he visited the mouse everyday, the mouse on his part, had never made an attempt to visit him.
One day he felt he had been humiliated enough.
When it was time for him to take leave of the mouse, he tied one end of a string around his own leg, tied the other end to the mouse's tail, and hopped away, dragging the hapless mouse behind him.
The frog dived deep into the pond. The mouse tried to free himself but couldn't, and soon drowned. His bloated body floated to the top.
A hawk saw the mouse floating on the pond's surface. He swooped down, and grabbing the mouse in his talons, flew to the branch of a nearby tree.
The frog, of course, was hauled out of the water too. He desperately tried to free himself, but couldn't and the hawk soon put an end to his struggles.
In Africa the have a saying: "Don't dig too deep a pit for your enemy, you may fall into it yourself".
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Negativity.
Our lives can be filled with negativity - everyday, we discover news of food scandals, financial upheavals, political instability, terrorism, and natural disasters. The messages we receive on a regular basis mostly aim (whether intentionally or not) to induce a feeling of dissatisfaction, envy or fear.
How we deal with this information is up to us. We can either passively absorb it all and allow it to negatively dominate our thoughts and emotions, or we can view these events as an unfortunate but unavoidable part of our existence and concentrate on those things we can do something about - such as our own personal lives and how we can positively influence ourselves and those around us.
The more we focus on the "bad" or negative things around us, the more our thoughts and behaviour work towards an undesirable outcome. But if we change our focus to the good things of life - the positives - these is an above average chance that things will get much better. Negatives fill our emotional bucket quickly and before we know it, they are spilling all over ourselves and those around us. Isn't it far more logical to fill our bucket with positives? The people around us are sure to be much more receptive to any spillage the might occur.
Be selective about what you read, watch on TV, hear on the radio and music you listen to. Think about the information your mind is absorbing and determine whether it's really good for you. Be selective with your friends and pay attention to the conversations you are having. Is the relationship - or the conversation - based on negative words and feelings? Would you be better off changing the subject - or finding someone different to spend your time with?
And watch your "self talk". This is the imaginary conversations we have with ourselves and others, especially when there are potential conflicts on the horizon. Stop "badmouthing" the people in your life and stop "badmouthing" yourself! every time we do that, we are reinforcing to ourselves just how miserable the world is and how unfortunate we are.
If your optimism is taking a beating, try saving some time for yourself and writing down the good things in your life - the things you enjoy and appreciate. Start with the fact that you even woke up this morning, then go from there. No matter how bad your situation is, if you try just a little you'll have plenty of items on our list. Keep the list handy and also add to it as you think of other things. There will always be days when your list will come in handy to give oyu a pick-me-up.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
How we deal with this information is up to us. We can either passively absorb it all and allow it to negatively dominate our thoughts and emotions, or we can view these events as an unfortunate but unavoidable part of our existence and concentrate on those things we can do something about - such as our own personal lives and how we can positively influence ourselves and those around us.
The more we focus on the "bad" or negative things around us, the more our thoughts and behaviour work towards an undesirable outcome. But if we change our focus to the good things of life - the positives - these is an above average chance that things will get much better. Negatives fill our emotional bucket quickly and before we know it, they are spilling all over ourselves and those around us. Isn't it far more logical to fill our bucket with positives? The people around us are sure to be much more receptive to any spillage the might occur.
Be selective about what you read, watch on TV, hear on the radio and music you listen to. Think about the information your mind is absorbing and determine whether it's really good for you. Be selective with your friends and pay attention to the conversations you are having. Is the relationship - or the conversation - based on negative words and feelings? Would you be better off changing the subject - or finding someone different to spend your time with?
And watch your "self talk". This is the imaginary conversations we have with ourselves and others, especially when there are potential conflicts on the horizon. Stop "badmouthing" the people in your life and stop "badmouthing" yourself! every time we do that, we are reinforcing to ourselves just how miserable the world is and how unfortunate we are.
If your optimism is taking a beating, try saving some time for yourself and writing down the good things in your life - the things you enjoy and appreciate. Start with the fact that you even woke up this morning, then go from there. No matter how bad your situation is, if you try just a little you'll have plenty of items on our list. Keep the list handy and also add to it as you think of other things. There will always be days when your list will come in handy to give oyu a pick-me-up.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Managing Your Expectation
If disappointment and failure are reducing you to a pulp, try lowering expectations. Yup, you heard me right - you have to lower your expectations. Now this idea runs counter to the conventional wisdom of "reaching for the starts", and "being the best in the field".
In theory, these are excellent objectives to work towards, and it's been said that "if you aim for the moon, even if you fail, you'll land among the stars". That's a beautiful idea, and I'm not disputing it, but without some control, such ideals can burn you out, create frustration, and literally destroy your drive to attain any goals. Very often, it's a case of wanting everything yesterday - you simply cannot wait for success to happen to you now, and when it does not, you lose hope.
The key is managing your expectations. This does not necessarily mean changing your goals or lowering your targets. You can keep your goals high, just don't expect to make huge leaps every time you try. Every successful businessman knows that in order to win big in the end, you may have to lose big in the beginning too. By all means, set a quota for yourself, but when you don't hit it, there's no need for your self-esteem to take a hit.
So if you feel like you've run into a wall, or bumped your head on the ceiling, your expectations of what should be are probably forcing you to take too big a bite. How can you still work towards your objectives at a more reasonable pace?
Before you go ahead and jump across that canyon, make sure that you know exactly where you want to land. It is imperative that you define exactly what it is that you ultimately want in your life. Once you know what you want, break the process to reach this "vision" down into reasonable steps.
As the crow flies may appear the fastest and easiest way to your reams, but very often, it isn't. Achieving great success in life is hardly ever as simple as making a beeline for the goal. It's like soccer or basketball, where you often have to dribble past and around defenders, sometimes even turn back, in order to score. So if you're being pummeled by consistent letdowns, try changing direction. Sometimes walking around the mountain is better than climbing beyond it.
High expectations set on a vision that is "unknown" or vaguely-defined can easily get you lost. We see where we want to go, want so badly to get there, but have no idea what it takes or what it is that we're really pursuing. Even though the vision might be reasonable, it is the perception that we have of the vision that adds unnecessary stress to our daily lives in our pursuit of that vision. So take small steps to reach your vision, and adjust your path along the way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
In theory, these are excellent objectives to work towards, and it's been said that "if you aim for the moon, even if you fail, you'll land among the stars". That's a beautiful idea, and I'm not disputing it, but without some control, such ideals can burn you out, create frustration, and literally destroy your drive to attain any goals. Very often, it's a case of wanting everything yesterday - you simply cannot wait for success to happen to you now, and when it does not, you lose hope.
The key is managing your expectations. This does not necessarily mean changing your goals or lowering your targets. You can keep your goals high, just don't expect to make huge leaps every time you try. Every successful businessman knows that in order to win big in the end, you may have to lose big in the beginning too. By all means, set a quota for yourself, but when you don't hit it, there's no need for your self-esteem to take a hit.
So if you feel like you've run into a wall, or bumped your head on the ceiling, your expectations of what should be are probably forcing you to take too big a bite. How can you still work towards your objectives at a more reasonable pace?
Before you go ahead and jump across that canyon, make sure that you know exactly where you want to land. It is imperative that you define exactly what it is that you ultimately want in your life. Once you know what you want, break the process to reach this "vision" down into reasonable steps.
As the crow flies may appear the fastest and easiest way to your reams, but very often, it isn't. Achieving great success in life is hardly ever as simple as making a beeline for the goal. It's like soccer or basketball, where you often have to dribble past and around defenders, sometimes even turn back, in order to score. So if you're being pummeled by consistent letdowns, try changing direction. Sometimes walking around the mountain is better than climbing beyond it.
High expectations set on a vision that is "unknown" or vaguely-defined can easily get you lost. We see where we want to go, want so badly to get there, but have no idea what it takes or what it is that we're really pursuing. Even though the vision might be reasonable, it is the perception that we have of the vision that adds unnecessary stress to our daily lives in our pursuit of that vision. So take small steps to reach your vision, and adjust your path along the way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Who's To Blame for Our Unhappiness?
Most people look outside of themselves for the source of their unhappiness. When something goes wrong, they always look for someone or something to blame - "it's my hectic work schedule, it's my boss, it's the government, it's my parents, it's the kids, it's my spouse. If only she'd do things my way! I know this is best for her? why won't she just change?
We'd be so much happier if she'd just change!" It's precisely this kind of thinking that is making us unhappy. We are, in effect, the cause of own misery!
Now it's very easy to trace our unhappiness to important people in our lives not cooperating with us. I mean, if your son insists on doing something you feel is foolhardy or dangerous, it certainly seems that he's to blame for your sleepless nights. Or if your husband never seems to want to spend romantic times with you anymore. Can he really blame you then for being cold and surly? What if your co-worker is fond of disparaging your work? Surely he's the one to blame for your frustration at the office! Or that Pyongyang refuses to dismantle its nuclear arms programme. Oh, the woe of America and indeed the world!
Yes it seems perfectly logical that we're unhappy because of all these wilful people. But we have a much bigger part to play in our frustrations than we'd care to believe. Nobody likes to be told what to do. When you're trying to get others to do or see things your way, the behaviours you display are probably not very good-natured. You could be using any of these methods - punishing, guilting, nagging, threatening, bribing, criticizing, "the silent treatment" or "cold war", etc. You probably come off as a bigot, always thinking that your way is the right way or best way. Your intentions may be perfectly good of course (don't we all think that?), but your methods may be turning people off. This in turn could be encouraging them to be even more obstinate. That's also how, ironically, you may be causing your own unhappiness.
Too many political stalemates are the result of refusal to understand and accept the other party's situation or differences. What about threats, sabre-rattling or reprisal attacks? Don't they always make matters worse?
Realistically, the only person you can change is yourself. Look within yourself for your shortcomings and work to fix them. If you're hoping that others might also change for the better, you can only lead by example or open the channels of communication and genuinely seek to understand. reasons.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Staying True to Yourself
For some of us, being true and staying true to oneself can be a struggle. Maybe we were brought up to deny our authentic selves in favour of some popular ideal. Perhaps we were taught to respect other people's wishes more than our own. Maybe we're surrounded by friends and family who seem to have an opinion on everything we do, and it's driving us crazy.
Growing into our true selves can take a lot of time and practice, especially if we've been suppressing it for most of our youth. Not to mention courage, since for some of us, our authentic selves may not be the accepted norm in our society. So how can you honour your own voice amidst the din of bigots and naysayers?
Well, first and most critically, value your self and your choices. This mind and body is yours and yours only. People may say or do things "for your own good", but ultimately, you're the one who's going to suffer the consequences or enjoy the happiness. Not them. So respect your own wishes. Don't waste time pondering right or wrong. There's only what feels right to you "at the time". When you honour your own choices, others will too.
Next, understand that opinions are more about the person giving them than they are about you. The remarks are being filtered through that particular individual's history, experience, conditioning, childhood, education, whatever. It's definitely biased, no matter how they try to appear impartial. Also, when people discourage or disapprove, they're probably coming from a place of insecurity, fear, doubt or envy. Something about you scares them, so they feel a need to strike it down. So remember, when someone gives you destructive criticism, ignore them. It's about them, not you.
People can also go too far sometimes, so remember to set boundaries for the particularly obnoxious ones. Decide which aspects of your life are off-limits and get them to respect those boundaries.
Remember, no one can stand up for yourself except yourself. Loved ones can defend you occasionally but they can't be around all the time. Be sure that when you need help the most, you are there for yourself. Trust yourself and stand up for what you believe in.
Other people can teach you many life lessons, and certainly you should listen if they have something valuable to say, but learn to tune out the naysayers who themselves are fearful for their own selfish reasons.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Honouring Each Day
Just how precious are your days?
Well, to answer that question, just look at how you're spending them.
Going by the way some of us live our lives, we don't really think our days are all that important. We rush blindly through them, not truly savouring the experience, fall into bed exhausted, then wake up the following morning only to do it all over again. We make mechanical and dutiful contact with our loved ones, saturate our bodies with caffeine, junk food and alcohol, and generally make chains of meaningless moments.
Meaningful moments, when we do try, are few and far between. We blame it on our hectic work schedules of course, or tenaciously hold on to the notion that there will always be time for our loved ones. Too many people are caught in the trap of "busyness" - that never-ending need to work, to play, to do everything else except the things that truly make life wonderful and meaningful.
When was the last time you truly honoured the day? I mean really accorded it the respect and significance it deserves? Because the future is an illusion - we all think we have more time, but that simply isn't true at all. Our lives could end at any time. The only time we really have is the present - it's where we are now. If we can't be happy with who we are, what we have and where we are now, then we're just wasting our time. We might as well be sleepwalking through our days.
Too many of us are waking up in cold sweat thinking "Where has all the time gone? What have I been doing with my life? Why am I not spending more time showing my wife how much I care about her? Why am I not showing my loved ones more love? How much time do I really have left?"
We're not waking up thinking about our jobs, our bosses, getting a fancy haircut, buying a new car, a new bag, a new anything; these things just don't fulfill us, really!
What we really need is connection. We need to connect more with other human beings. We need to connect more with nature. We need to connect more with who we are inside and make that who we are outside as well. We need to honour all that the day gives us - the sun, the wind, the hot breakfast, the taxi ride, the smiles, the friendly invitations, our partner's touch, a joke, a laugh, a kiss.
Honouring the day means choosing to make each moment count.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focus On Creation, Not Competition
As you probably know by now, Singapore was ranked poorly in the recent Happiness Index. One often-mentioned reason was our highly-competitive society. Here, we're taught (sometimes implicitly) to be the best, to make our parents proud, to get the best grades, to make more money, to be among the first in the queue, to jostle for seats on the MRT, to get maximum value at the buffet table. It's no coincidence that the Hokkien term for the fear of losing has become a love-hate expression to describe Singaporeans.
Competition is so pervasive here that it's become as natural as the air we breathe. We don't even think about why we do it, we just do. Certainly it has its roots in the early survival of the human species - this "need to win" ensured we got the food, secured the best territory, produced offspring with the most able-bodied mates, and so on, but in the modern context, could excessive competition be snuffing out our joy?
I'm not saying that competition is bad - it certainly spurs us on to do better for ourselves - but this "need to win" to feel better about ourselves can backfire for some of us. I mean, it's all rosy when we do win, but what happens when we don't? Being transfixed on victory can turn us into very sore losers.
Many of us have allowed this "need to win" to be the determinant of our happiness. So it's not surprising why so many of us are unhappy; we can't win all the time, and when we don't get the best or the most, we become discontented.
The key to regaining control of your happiness is to change your focus - from competition to creation. Competition is centred on other people - other people's possessions, other people's achievements, other people's happiness or good fortune. This causes envy and the desire to obtain the same or better, if only for the reason that "they have it".
This kind of thinking ignores what we truly want for ourselves, for our lives, for our loved ones. We're buying into the collective belief that just because it's desired by most people that it must be good for us.
Creation, on the other hand, is about using your talents to produce things of value to society. Creation does not look at other members of society as benchmarks; it focuses on what we personally can achieve with what we have. Creation is about reaching inside to create abundance. This kind of spiritual abundance, not material abundance, is what brings about lasting joy.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Window
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Cheering Yourself Up (Part 2)
We continue to explore how can you cheer yourself up when you're feeling down.
Force yourself to smile and laugh. Smiling tricks your mind into thinking you're happy. Probable result? A more light-hearted you. And laughing instantly makes you feel a whole lot better because you take in lots of oxygen and that revitalises your blood cells. so share a funny anecdote with a family member, friend or colleague. Laugh heartily!
Make something. The process of creation takes your mind off your worries, and you get a sense of satisfaction when the product finally emerges. Write a poem, paint a picture, make a mural in your bedroom, or plant a garden.
Keep a list of things you can appreciate; things that you normally take for granted. A loving family, good health, the sight of verdant trees in the park, friendly colleagues, peace, or a satisfying meal. If you try to identify the blessings in your life, you'll find the list endless.
Start a project. Redecorate your room, learn a language, polish your car, take music lessons, go for a film appreciation course, anything! But it's crucial that you stick with your project till the end. People don't fail. They give up. So follow it through and your self-esteem will receive a much-needed boost.
Go through your address book and meet up with your old friends. It's so easy to get caught up with work and family and neglect the people with whom you have an intellectual or emotional connection. Connect with them again. Go for a movie together and analyse its many layers. Invite your friend over, ask him to bring his favorite CDs for the moment, listen to music and talk. share a pizza and catch up.
And, finally, perhaps the most scientifically-proven method for lifting your spirits... physical exercise! Go for a run! Sweat out all your worries! Forget about your problems for a while, and you'll be amazed at how much clearer things will be when you finish your run.
At the end of it all... choose to be happy. There are plenty of things to be sad or sorry about in life, but you know, there are many things to rejoice about as well. Perhaps a shift in focus is all you need.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Force yourself to smile and laugh. Smiling tricks your mind into thinking you're happy. Probable result? A more light-hearted you. And laughing instantly makes you feel a whole lot better because you take in lots of oxygen and that revitalises your blood cells. so share a funny anecdote with a family member, friend or colleague. Laugh heartily!
Make something. The process of creation takes your mind off your worries, and you get a sense of satisfaction when the product finally emerges. Write a poem, paint a picture, make a mural in your bedroom, or plant a garden.
Keep a list of things you can appreciate; things that you normally take for granted. A loving family, good health, the sight of verdant trees in the park, friendly colleagues, peace, or a satisfying meal. If you try to identify the blessings in your life, you'll find the list endless.
Start a project. Redecorate your room, learn a language, polish your car, take music lessons, go for a film appreciation course, anything! But it's crucial that you stick with your project till the end. People don't fail. They give up. So follow it through and your self-esteem will receive a much-needed boost.
Go through your address book and meet up with your old friends. It's so easy to get caught up with work and family and neglect the people with whom you have an intellectual or emotional connection. Connect with them again. Go for a movie together and analyse its many layers. Invite your friend over, ask him to bring his favorite CDs for the moment, listen to music and talk. share a pizza and catch up.
And, finally, perhaps the most scientifically-proven method for lifting your spirits... physical exercise! Go for a run! Sweat out all your worries! Forget about your problems for a while, and you'll be amazed at how much clearer things will be when you finish your run.
At the end of it all... choose to be happy. There are plenty of things to be sad or sorry about in life, but you know, there are many things to rejoice about as well. Perhaps a shift in focus is all you need.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Expressing Your Expectation
Let's be honest - we all have our own expectations of our relationships, of our partners. Some of us demand less, but we all require certain events to happen and conditions to be met before we consider the relationship viable or worth maintaining.
Now this is not an unreasonable thing. We all have needs and it's our relationships that fulfill some of these needs - like the need for a supportive voice in tough times, the need for a hand to hold on a drafty early morning walk, the need for someone to kiss us even when we look like the back of a truck at the end of a grueling day.
The problem is some of us often don't make these needs known to our partner, and when he or she fails to meet these expectations, we begin to doubt the value of the relationship. It sounds silly but some of us expect our partners to already know. Now that's an unreasonable demand - to expect our partners to know our expectations. No matter how close two people get, no two human beings behave or think in the same way. Very often, your perceptions of what is good or bad in a relationship will differ radically from your partner's views.
So how are you managing your expectations in your relationship? Do you find that your partner's intentions often elude you? Do you question if he or she truly cares for you? Do you find yourself getting into regular arguments because your partner didn't do something you expected a partner would do? Like calling you at least once a day to ask how you are? Like remembering your birthday? Or like giving you a massage after you hinted that your shoulders are aching?
These expectations are reasonable and simple enough to you. But how would your partner know if you don't say anything? Expecting our partner to guess the response we're after is unfair. Loving you doesn't make someone magically psychic.
So express your expectations. Discuss them with your partner. But your expectations should not be unrealistic that nobody can consistently achieve them. Expectations that are too low can also invite a below-average result. And expectations should be positive. They should nurture the relationship. They should encourage the cultivation of joy, loving and success-achieving qualities in both parties.
So the next time your partner seems to be reacting in a detached or unfeeling way, don't presume, don't jump to conclusions. Talk about your needs and ask him or her to let you know their desires as well.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The problem is some of us often don't make these needs known to our partner, and when he or she fails to meet these expectations, we begin to doubt the value of the relationship. It sounds silly but some of us expect our partners to already know. Now that's an unreasonable demand - to expect our partners to know our expectations. No matter how close two people get, no two human beings behave or think in the same way. Very often, your perceptions of what is good or bad in a relationship will differ radically from your partner's views.
So how are you managing your expectations in your relationship? Do you find that your partner's intentions often elude you? Do you question if he or she truly cares for you? Do you find yourself getting into regular arguments because your partner didn't do something you expected a partner would do? Like calling you at least once a day to ask how you are? Like remembering your birthday? Or like giving you a massage after you hinted that your shoulders are aching?
These expectations are reasonable and simple enough to you. But how would your partner know if you don't say anything? Expecting our partner to guess the response we're after is unfair. Loving you doesn't make someone magically psychic.
So express your expectations. Discuss them with your partner. But your expectations should not be unrealistic that nobody can consistently achieve them. Expectations that are too low can also invite a below-average result. And expectations should be positive. They should nurture the relationship. They should encourage the cultivation of joy, loving and success-achieving qualities in both parties.
So the next time your partner seems to be reacting in a detached or unfeeling way, don't presume, don't jump to conclusions. Talk about your needs and ask him or her to let you know their desires as well.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Cheering Yourself Up
When you're feeling down, it's great to have a partner or a friend who will try almost anything to make you smile. But most of the time, the only person we can count on is ourselves. So here are some ways you can cheer yourself up!One of the simplest ways to pick yourself up when you're down is to dance! Make a compilation of mood-elevating songs that you can put on whenever you feel blue. Gives the term "elevator music" a whole new meaning, don't you think?
Or, spend time with children. When the world becomes too complicated to handle, kids so effortlessly help us to make things seem so much simpler. I remember visiting a friend recently. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and was actually quite grouchy when I arrived. But after a few minutes of trying to converse with my friend's two-year-old son. I was right as rain. Words didn't matter. He giggled, I babbled like a complete idiot, he jumped up and down, and I made silly faces. It was a blast.
Another great way to take your mind off your troubles is to indulge yourself. Forget about cost or responsibility for a while, and just do what you love. Buy the special edition DVD of one of your favourite films and watch it plus all the bonus features at one sitting. Go for a massage. Have a dark and rich chocolate cake. Buy your own cue and go shoot some pool.
I don't know about you, but clearing clutter alleviates stress for me. I know some people actually find comfort in disorder but if you're not like that, take a day off to go through your stuff and get rid of what you don't need. Emphasise space and delete waste. Physical baggage can be just as frustrating as emotional baggage.
Identify the things you've been procrastinating about and take action. Few things are more liberating than checking off your "To Do" list. Just ask the Bride in the movie "Kill Bill". Just kidding.
And speaking about kidding, have more fun! At work, at home, anywhere! Lighten up! Don't care what others think of you. Be corny, flippant, and outrageous. Get out of your shell and have a party!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Reflection
In a world teeming with external stimuli, it's very easy to get swept up in a tidal wave of media messages, corporate targets, financial goals, or popular notions of how we should be living our lives.We're always pursuing someone else's idea of success and happiness - often regarded as good for us as well as simply because it's so widely-accepted.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to simply be yourself, to shut out the noise of the world, and just listen to inner voice?
Too many of us have lost the ability to reflect - to search inwards for answers. We look to other people and outside influences as if this imperfect world had the ability to miraculously improve our lives.
But after a time of chasing these ideals, we realise that we're not fulfilled after all. Sure, that image makeover may have earned you more friends and lovers, but a genuine relationship is still lacking. You're finally top dog in your company but your only real friend is the fawning Jack Russell at home. You've broken your bank account for that shiny new car, but your sales record remains lacklustre. And you keep getting your loved ones the best things money can buy, yet have hardly anything to say to each other.
One of the biggest traps in life is to work for money. Many people falsely assume that once they've amasses their wealth, once they've accumulated a certain amount of assets, then they will be happy. The truth is, if you can't be happy now, you won't be happy even when you have more money. In fact, money can even be a source of stress - fear of losing the wealth, and the constant desire of even more riches.
And instead of looking outward for revelations, try searching within yourself. The society you live in may expect you to be a certain way and do certain things, but is that what you really want? If you lived in a world where money, reputation, and other people didn't matter, how differently would you be living your life?
Make no mistake, you time is a perishable commodity, and the more you waste it on things that don't fulfill you, the more empty and regretful you'll feel.
So learn to respect your own opinions and feelings more. Meditate deeply about who you are and what you truly want out of life. By bringing more self-reflection into your life, you learn to rely less on external influences and make the choices that will being you true joy.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
A New and Different Day
Many people today lead very hectic, but amazingly routine lives. We may think that each day is different; after all, we wear different clothes to the office, we work on different assignments, we have something different for lunch, we listen to a different number one song on the Top 40 countdown radio show.
But these are all cosmetic differences. The truth is, many of us are enslaved by the rhythm of a certain lifestyle we constructed for ourselves. There is comfort in knowing that there is a pattern we can follow with hardly any thoughts or effort. We become so addicted to this predictability that every little deviation from the path causes us much distress. We become too weak to pursue our dreams, and too fearful to believe that change can be positive. Each day feels like a carbon copy of the previous day.
But how can life be lived fully if every day feels the same? How can we be said to be alive when we lead such a torpid and mundane existence?
Have you ever woken up and truly marvelled at just how much opportunity the ne day brings? That each new day allows us to do something different, create something good and beautiful, help someone in need, cherish a loved one, or work towards fulfilling a dream?
Many of us hold back from leading more eclectic and colourful lives because we feel defined by our past, are feaful of failure, are crippled by guilt, or place too much importance on how others evalutate us.
Do you act, dress and respond in a certain way because that's what others expect you to do based on past experience? Do you blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong? Do you restrain yourself from doing something differently because you are afraid of ridicule or disapproval? Did you avoid taking up a new hobby because you felt you were too old or that people would laugh at you?
I'm not saying that we should all quit our jobs and travel the world. We all have unique personalities and responsibilities. And I'm not proposing that we should go skydiving without parachutes. There is a difference between courage and insanity.
Each new day can and should be different and exciting. Dare to have some fun. Try something new. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Show your love more freely and creatively.
The days can slip away without notice or consequence. Do you want to live yours half-asleep, hesitant and full of worry? Or do you want to live a life that's fully aware, and brimming with intention and expectation?
But these are all cosmetic differences. The truth is, many of us are enslaved by the rhythm of a certain lifestyle we constructed for ourselves. There is comfort in knowing that there is a pattern we can follow with hardly any thoughts or effort. We become so addicted to this predictability that every little deviation from the path causes us much distress. We become too weak to pursue our dreams, and too fearful to believe that change can be positive. Each day feels like a carbon copy of the previous day.
But how can life be lived fully if every day feels the same? How can we be said to be alive when we lead such a torpid and mundane existence?
Have you ever woken up and truly marvelled at just how much opportunity the ne day brings? That each new day allows us to do something different, create something good and beautiful, help someone in need, cherish a loved one, or work towards fulfilling a dream?
Many of us hold back from leading more eclectic and colourful lives because we feel defined by our past, are feaful of failure, are crippled by guilt, or place too much importance on how others evalutate us.
Do you act, dress and respond in a certain way because that's what others expect you to do based on past experience? Do you blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong? Do you restrain yourself from doing something differently because you are afraid of ridicule or disapproval? Did you avoid taking up a new hobby because you felt you were too old or that people would laugh at you?
I'm not saying that we should all quit our jobs and travel the world. We all have unique personalities and responsibilities. And I'm not proposing that we should go skydiving without parachutes. There is a difference between courage and insanity.
Each new day can and should be different and exciting. Dare to have some fun. Try something new. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Show your love more freely and creatively.
The days can slip away without notice or consequence. Do you want to live yours half-asleep, hesitant and full of worry? Or do you want to live a life that's fully aware, and brimming with intention and expectation?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Art of Love
Some people believe that love is a spontaneous emotion that springs forth from each of us to unfaillingly soothe and heal. While love does have that potential, it is a delicate art that requires constant nurturing, understanding and dedication to truly blossom. As jazz singer Michael Franks wrote, "homework never ends (when) learning the art of love".
Many of us think we are in love, when we are really in love with the idea of being in love. We are besotted with the image of ourselves being with someone. As a result, our so-called love is actually self-centered, possessive, fettered and false. This can lead to relationships that satisfy us only superficially, or to a vain search for that "perfect" partner while oblivious to the love that's all around us.
For love is not limited to its romantic sense. Romantic love, especially in the early stages, energises us, makes us generous and forgiving, fills us with hope and makes every moment seem wonderful. But how long does it last? Why aren't we in love all the time?
The art of love, if perfected, enables us to love all of life. Romantic love can only thrive if it's supported by this kind of all-embracing, all-encompassing love. Let me clarify myself here and say that we should not, needless to say, love things like power, adulation, money or violence. What I'm referring to is love and respect for oneself, for example, love for preservation rather destruction and waste, love for nature and creation, love for fellow human beings, and a deeper appreciation of the people who love us.
The art of love is a lifelong endeavour. It's seldom perfected, if at all, but the greater the semblance we achieve, the fuller and richer our lives will be. For it was once said, that "we never ask the meaning of life when we are in love".
Indeed, love, if practised in the way it was meant to be practised, has the power to engender a constant sense of well-being, peace and happiness. It has the ability to create, perserve and heal.
Let's look as some reasons why we sometimes fail to find love, why the euphoria of love is often shortlived, and how we can open up our hearts to find and give love wherever we may be.
Have you heard people saying how they've tried searching for the right person for such a long time when he or she was right there under their noses? Sounds like a cliche? Or a cheap movie script? Well, yes and yes. but it is true that we are often so engrossed in our search for the "perfect" partner that we are oblivious to the people around us who do love us for who we are. Everyone has the potential to love. Most of the time though, we are simply too blinded by our own expectations and ideals that we fail to see the potential for love in them.
I'm not saying you should jump into a relationship with anyone who might express a liking for you. I'm saying do not simply dismiss someone whom you feel is not right for you. Allow time to reveal if love can indeed flourish. Do not make commitments you cannot fulfill. Do not make empty promises. But don't always push people away either. The move we can open up to people, the more we can appreciate what is being offered now.
Most of us feel compelled to play roles - both in relationships and in society. We think that these interpretations of us a re desirable and acceptable, and that the real "us" will not able to attract love.
The opposite is true. Most of the time, we are unable to find love because we're so busy playing oles and games that our partners never get to know who we really are. Notice how you are when you are with someone you have feelings for. Are you comfortable? Are you the real you? Or are you trying to present a version of you that you think is more impressive? People like people who are comfortable with themselves. you are most loveable and beautiful just the way you are. It's the roles that get in the way.
We human beings have the tendency to hold on. We want to hold on to our youth, we want to hold on to our possessions, and we want to hold on to the people we love. But love between two people has a life of its own, a freedom that no one can chain down. We must allow this love to arise and descend freely.
When people come into our lives, we should accept and cherish them while they're with us. When it's time for them to go, let them go. Do not turn the departure into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. The person's leaving has got nothing to do with you. Practise doing this with yourself as well. Do not let your love be unnecessarily shackled. when we allow love to ebb and flow naturally, we love more freely and truly.
Many of us bring a lot of emotional baggage into a relationship. Our own expectations and demands, the fear from past failed relationships, the criteria that we feel a relationship should hae. These are all obstacles to creating a free, fulfilling and loving partnership.
Take a look at what you feel is crucial for a relationship. The expectation of marriage, perhaps. maybe the person has to be intellectually-stimulating, emotionally-sensitive, humourous, caring and charming. The need to have the person available anytime you need support. The approval of your friends. The need for the person to find no one else attractive besides you. The need for the other person to appreciate and share your interests. Are these things keeping people and possiblities away? Are they wearing down your relationship?
Try putting some of this baggage down. You don't have to become selfless, generous, forgiving, emotionally-independent, confident, and understanding in one day. Practise it little by little. You will find that not only did you not need the baggage, it was preventing you from finding real happiness and love. Over time, you will feel lighter, happier, less resentful and more accepting and loving of yourself. What's more, you'll discover new people and opportunities you never noticesd before.
As someone once said, "When there are no unnecessary thoughts in your mind, everyday is a good day."
Many of us think we are in love, when we are really in love with the idea of being in love. We are besotted with the image of ourselves being with someone. As a result, our so-called love is actually self-centered, possessive, fettered and false. This can lead to relationships that satisfy us only superficially, or to a vain search for that "perfect" partner while oblivious to the love that's all around us.
For love is not limited to its romantic sense. Romantic love, especially in the early stages, energises us, makes us generous and forgiving, fills us with hope and makes every moment seem wonderful. But how long does it last? Why aren't we in love all the time?
The art of love, if perfected, enables us to love all of life. Romantic love can only thrive if it's supported by this kind of all-embracing, all-encompassing love. Let me clarify myself here and say that we should not, needless to say, love things like power, adulation, money or violence. What I'm referring to is love and respect for oneself, for example, love for preservation rather destruction and waste, love for nature and creation, love for fellow human beings, and a deeper appreciation of the people who love us.
The art of love is a lifelong endeavour. It's seldom perfected, if at all, but the greater the semblance we achieve, the fuller and richer our lives will be. For it was once said, that "we never ask the meaning of life when we are in love".
Indeed, love, if practised in the way it was meant to be practised, has the power to engender a constant sense of well-being, peace and happiness. It has the ability to create, perserve and heal.
Let's look as some reasons why we sometimes fail to find love, why the euphoria of love is often shortlived, and how we can open up our hearts to find and give love wherever we may be.
Have you heard people saying how they've tried searching for the right person for such a long time when he or she was right there under their noses? Sounds like a cliche? Or a cheap movie script? Well, yes and yes. but it is true that we are often so engrossed in our search for the "perfect" partner that we are oblivious to the people around us who do love us for who we are. Everyone has the potential to love. Most of the time though, we are simply too blinded by our own expectations and ideals that we fail to see the potential for love in them.
I'm not saying you should jump into a relationship with anyone who might express a liking for you. I'm saying do not simply dismiss someone whom you feel is not right for you. Allow time to reveal if love can indeed flourish. Do not make commitments you cannot fulfill. Do not make empty promises. But don't always push people away either. The move we can open up to people, the more we can appreciate what is being offered now.Most of us feel compelled to play roles - both in relationships and in society. We think that these interpretations of us a re desirable and acceptable, and that the real "us" will not able to attract love.
The opposite is true. Most of the time, we are unable to find love because we're so busy playing oles and games that our partners never get to know who we really are. Notice how you are when you are with someone you have feelings for. Are you comfortable? Are you the real you? Or are you trying to present a version of you that you think is more impressive? People like people who are comfortable with themselves. you are most loveable and beautiful just the way you are. It's the roles that get in the way.
We human beings have the tendency to hold on. We want to hold on to our youth, we want to hold on to our possessions, and we want to hold on to the people we love. But love between two people has a life of its own, a freedom that no one can chain down. We must allow this love to arise and descend freely.
When people come into our lives, we should accept and cherish them while they're with us. When it's time for them to go, let them go. Do not turn the departure into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. The person's leaving has got nothing to do with you. Practise doing this with yourself as well. Do not let your love be unnecessarily shackled. when we allow love to ebb and flow naturally, we love more freely and truly.
Many of us bring a lot of emotional baggage into a relationship. Our own expectations and demands, the fear from past failed relationships, the criteria that we feel a relationship should hae. These are all obstacles to creating a free, fulfilling and loving partnership.
Take a look at what you feel is crucial for a relationship. The expectation of marriage, perhaps. maybe the person has to be intellectually-stimulating, emotionally-sensitive, humourous, caring and charming. The need to have the person available anytime you need support. The approval of your friends. The need for the person to find no one else attractive besides you. The need for the other person to appreciate and share your interests. Are these things keeping people and possiblities away? Are they wearing down your relationship?
Try putting some of this baggage down. You don't have to become selfless, generous, forgiving, emotionally-independent, confident, and understanding in one day. Practise it little by little. You will find that not only did you not need the baggage, it was preventing you from finding real happiness and love. Over time, you will feel lighter, happier, less resentful and more accepting and loving of yourself. What's more, you'll discover new people and opportunities you never noticesd before.
As someone once said, "When there are no unnecessary thoughts in your mind, everyday is a good day."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - Hearing Test
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Peter, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us..!
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Peter, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"
Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other person as we always think, could be very much within us..!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Promoting Yourself
Many of us are uncomfortable with the idea of promoting ourselves. Ask anyone about doing more to get themselves out there and more often than not, you'll get a shrug, a groan and something like "Oh I don't know?", "I just don't have the time", or "I don't have anything valuable to sell".
This could be because society is abound with connotations of arrogance or vanity associated with promoting oneself; things like "tooting your own horn", "blowing your own trumpet", or "you're so full of yourself".
But if you're not going to promote yourself, who will? We can say all we like about contestants in Singapore Idol, Miss Universe, etc. but the truth is, they had the guts to put themselves out there. They weren't waiting for some head-hunter to knock on their doors (which rarely happens); they ran towards their dreams with everything they had. In the process, they were judged, sometimes ridiculed, but at least they were doing it for themselves. And you know what? Many of them got the notice or attention that they needed to further their careers or bring them closer to their goals.
The truth is, getting known by the public scares a lot of people; I myself used to vehemently shun any publicity outside of my role as a radio presenter. Many of us have the fear of being judged negatively, so we fight to remain as "low-profile" as we can. Yet, as we progress in our work, we realize that in order to become better at what we do, we have to meet more people, talk to more people, get more people to know us and work with us. This is the conundrum.
In my experience, you don't lose anything by promoting yourself. Each of us has value, a skill that is useful to others. No one's going to benefit from you keeping that all to yourself. You might be great at hosting events, maybe you have a flair for writing, maybe you whip up a killer curry pasta; let people know!
I can understand why you might be holding back - when you put yourself out there, people may love you, but they may also hate you. Well, you know, whether you promote yourself or not, there are always going to be people, who for some reason, will not like you or the things you do. But if even you yourself do not like yourself enough to promote yourself, then you're wasting opportunities on a daily basis. Wherever you are right now, you have all you need to find more fulfillment, make more friends, make more money, help more people.
Only you can give yourself the permission to get your name out there; be as big a person as you think you can be.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self-Confidence
You probably wouldn't be counting, but it's been estimated that on average we make between 300 and 400 self-evaluations per day. Now if that's a surprising statistic to you, what do you think of this one? Out of those 300 to 400 self-assessments, about 80% are negative.
The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in. A good mistake can often send us into prolonged and repeated sessions of self-flagellation.
"That was stupid. I can't believe you said that! Remember the last time you messed things up? Why do you always do that?"
Now, you wouldn't say that to a friend or co-worker, would you? So why would you say such things to yourself?
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse. Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often, we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had lots of help!". It may be a cultural thing, but most of us tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you're always selling yourself short, you're also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It's almost like you're setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
Scott Adams, the Dilbert Cartoonist, once put into practice the power of moving on from mistakes and not dwelling on them. He says: "Once at a tennis tournament, I was paired with a woman who had just learned how to play. Every time she missed a shot, she immediately turned to me, expecting that I would be disappointed or frustrated. Instead, I talked to her about our strategy for the next point. By doing so, I sent a very important message: The past doesn't matter. I didn't encourage her with empty praise-that rarely works. But I know that if she dwelled on a mistake, she was more likely to repeat it, and that if she focused on how we were going to win the next point, she was more likely to help us do just that. Over several days, her abilities improved dramatically and we ended up winning the tournament."
Treat yourself the same way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Intelligent Optimism
In today's context, optimism can seem like an impossible goal or a cliche? Or for some, even a joke. Every day we are bombarded by news of yet another major accident or natural disaster or virus or bomb attack, years of campaigning and research have not eliminated starvation, and even in developed countries, the rising cost of living is causing many to feel like they're living in a pressure cooker.
Life certainly isn't easy for most of us, and because of this, maintaining an optimistic outlook can be tough as well. You may well look at an optimistic person and think "well, he must be living in a bubble!"
But optimism doesn't have to be a lofty ideal with its head lost in the clouds. It can acknowledge the harshness of the real world while helping you to be joyful in spite of this reality. This is what some people call "intelligent optimism". This is positivity that doesn't simply say "Today will be a perfect day!" but rather "Today will not be perfect but that's ok, I can still make it the best I can!"
Here are the fundamentals when it comes to developing an attitude of intelligent optimism:
First, focus on what you can control. Don't get caught up with things you can't do anything about. For example, you can often change yourself or your habits but you can't force your spouse to fit into your ideal. You can only lead by example.
Next, stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Life may be a play, but it's still too early to proclaim it a tragedy. In fact, changing your perspective will make you realize that life, as with people, cannot be pigeon-holed at all. It's how you look at it and what you do about it. No one's out to "get you". Most people are too busy dealing with their own problems. Your key task is to do what is best for yourself with the resources you have.
Then, focus on and appreciate more deeply what you already have. Think "I have more than enough" instead of "I need more!". Most of us have vast untapped resources within us that we haven't even begun to make use of. You're listening to this now because you do have the time, you do understand what I'm trying to say, and you know you can do better.
And practise a simple habit of giving positive responses. When people ask you how you are, just saying "Good!" will immediately get your spirits up and gear your brain for upcoming achievements and successes.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Cracked Pot
A water bearer had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot always arrived only half full. The other pot however, was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
For two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection; it was miserable that it was unable to do what it had been made to do.
After two years of enduring this bitter shame, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself and I apologize to you."
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
The cracked pot was puzzled by this response but heeded the instructions. As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, and not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we've walked back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Getting Rid of False Ideas
Is low self-esteem ruining your life?
How we regard ourselves is crucial to our happiness and success. If you have a poor self-image, and regularly say negative things to yourself, your sub-conscious mind will start to believe in them. This can lead to a distorted view of reality, and very often, you can invite problems simply by believing in them.
Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? When we form negative perceptions of ourselves (or others, for that matter), we communicate these perceptions to ourselves through various cues or signals. These can be words, or actions, like sighing, walking with a hunch, or a weak handshake. You will sub-consciously respond to these cues by adjusting your behaviour to match them and the result is that the original perception translates into reality. Other people will also adjust their behaviour or attitude towards you according to the cues you send them. For example, if you're always sighing, you may convey the impression that you're pessimistic, passive, and that you have many problems. Consequently, people may avoid you or you may be passed over for a promotion because you appear incompetent.
Check your talk! Do you often say things like "I can't", "I'm not that good", "I'm scared", and so on? Do you frequently put yourself down in front of others? If you have a low opinion of yourself, you'll attract friends and lovers who echo your ideas, take advantage of you, belittle you and hurt you.
Remember, the subconscious mind will act on an inaccurate concept as if it were true. If you've accepted an idea that you can't lose weight, stop smoking, make money, succeed, can't paint or anything else, then your subconscious will make sure that the belief gets justified. It'll attract situations that will verify your beliefs.
The good news is that these false concepts can be changed. It takes persistence and consistency, but by using affirmations, you can change the incorrect facts. The first step is to recognize what erroneous ideas you're acting on in the present. Where are they holding you back? Without identifying the problem, you can't move to the solution.
Examine the thoughts that come into your mind when you're about to succeed at whatever goal you have. If they're negative thoughts about you or your goal, those are the incorrect assumptions you've been acting on. Then create a positive statement that counters the negative one. This is your affirmation that you use whenever you think of your goal.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stress Relief at Work
Everyone acknowledges the existence and inevitability of stress at the workplace, but how many of us really understand the extent of damage it's wreaking?
Even as we speak, millions around the world are on the verge of a breakdown due to work-related stress. And it's not just the workers themselves who take a beating. Some estimates put the loss of GDP due to stress in some developed nations at about 10%! Employees falling sick, employees fearful of going to work, employees not putting in their best effort, all these cripple productivity.
Managers have the duty to monitor stress levels in the workforce, identify the factors that cause stress, and take firm measures to reduce it. The top factors that increase stress at work include: poor working conditions (e.g. long hours, travel, noises, smells, work overload and work underload), a lack of a clear role in the company (e.g. ill-defined expectations, conflicting priorities and responsibility for others), and poor relationships at work (e.g. low levels of trust and lack of support).
In order to reduce and prevent stress at work:
1. Employees should have genuine control over their work and be allowed an appropriate degree of self-management of workload.
2. Roles, responsibilities and expectations should be fully defined.
3. Employees should have a role in planning and decision making.
4. The physical workplace environment should be of a high standard, including natural light where possible, good ventilation, and good health and safety practices.
5. Employees should be actively discouraged from working excessively long hours.
Although there are many ways of relieving stress outside the office, only a few techniques are suitable for use in the workplace. One method that can be used in a work environment is aromatherapy. Many essential oils are recognised for their stress-relieving effects, and can help aid concentration and focus, and improve productivity and mood. Candles will most certainly be frowned upon by your Fire Safety Officer, but there are plenty of electric oil diffusers available that don't require any burning.
Try oils like lavender, rosemary and orange, all of them known to reduce anxiety, depression and fatigue, and aid clarity, balance, relaxation and rejuvenation.
How else can you enhance your workplace to increase worker well-being and productivity?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Confronting a Major Illness
We cannot avoid illness. Even the healthiest and strongest among us cannot keep themselves from catching a cold once in a while. And while many illnesses can be easily cured, there are some major ones which may be much more of a struggle.
If you have recently been diagnosed with a major illness, the first thing to remember is that this is not the end of the road - many people with major illnesses live productive lives. Some live even more meaningful and enriching lives than healthy people because they realize the value of their time left. They make every minute count, because the next one could be their last.
But this is not just true of the very ill - I mean, if you think about it, we're all dying. Every breath we take, we have less and less time to make our lives count. All of us really should be giving more thought to our numbered days and what we can do to make them the best we can.
Most healthy people though do not understand just how precious their remaining time is. Some even fritter their days away on idle pursuits or hollow goals, thinking that they have all the time to question the "meaning of life" or the "futility of life" instead of simply living it. In many instances, it is indeed true that the dying are the most truly alive.
Also, shift your emphasis onto people - your loved ones, your doctors, your care-givers. You do not have to go through this alone. Communicate with them and let them help you achieve your goals. Make developing relationships your number one priority. Through you, your friends and loved ones will also come to realize how valuable time is.
Remember not to rush. Many people with major illnesses make the mistake of thinking that their time is so limited that they have to take on everything at once. This not only dilutes any potential rewarding experience, it increases anxiety and can lead to further stress on your health. Haste is the plague of the modern world. Go at your own pace and try to fully savour every experience.
The future is unknowable; the only certainty is that we all die. It may be a virus, it may be a natural disaster, it may be a bomb, it may be a car. That is not for us to say. All we can do is make the most of what we have now. And that's the best thing anyone can do, regardless of illness or good health.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Chasing Your Blues Away
We all get the blues from time to time. But for some people, a prolonged and acute case of the blues can harden into depression. And depression can sometimes rob you of your desire for life. But you're not going to wait around for that to happen, are you?
If you've been feeling low lately, here are some simple ways you can chase the blues away before they take a hold on you.
The simplest way to get that sunshine back into your overcast world is, literally, to get some sun! Go outside! If you're feeling miserable, it's very likely that you've been keeping yourself cooped up in your house. You're under the illusion that something is sapping your energy and that resting at home is probably the best thing. Well, most of the time, it isn't!
So get out there! Spend some time in the sun out in the open. Lack of sunshine triggers the release of melatonin, a hormone that produces a feeling of lethargy and tiredness. This is what helps you sleep, but when you're feeling sad, it can make you even more miserable. And while you're out there soaking in the warmth, get some adrenalin going - brisk walking, jogging or hiking can help clear your mind and get your situation into perspective.
Next, get involved. We're often miserable because we're only thinking about ourselves, dwelling on our own problems, refusing to make things better, like a petulant child who has broken something. But if you look past your problems, and get involved in something else, you'll be able to see your solutions more clearly. Break out of your depression cycle, and try something new, make new friends, adopt new goals. Shift yourself to something altogether more pleasant and soothing.
And watch what you eat! The things you consume have a direct impact on your mood. Alcohol and caffeine for example can give you that initial high or burst of energy, but the comedown often takes you to lower and more despondent places. Find out more about healthy feelgood foods and take them more often!
And improve your appearance!This may sound superficial, but I'm not talking about aspiring to be someone else; your body can become the best body it can be. You can become a better version of yourself. It simply takes exercise and more care when it comes to your grooming and attire. And when you look great, you're ready to go out and make new friends, talk to more people, joke more, laugh more, and gain new insights.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Woodcutter
Once upon a time, there was a very strong woodcutter. He asked for a job from a timber merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were the work conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best. His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought down 18 trees. The Boss was very much impressed and said, "Congratulations, go on that way!"
Very motivated by the words of the boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring down 15 trees.
The third day he tried even harder, but he only could bring down 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing down less and less trees. "I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought to himself. He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.
"When was the last time you sharpened your! axe?" the boss asked. "Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees.
The moral of the story:
Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time to sharpen the axe. In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less happy than ever. Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp? There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work. But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly important things in life, like our personal life, taking time to care for others, taking time to read etc.
We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow. If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose our effectiveness. So start from today, think about the ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add more value to it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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