Be A Great Oak Tree

We live in an age of great haste and agitation. People today feel compelled to achieve as many goals as possible in the shortest possible time. Gradual cultivation has given way to rapid absorption; we cram our minds and bodies with things to do, things to learn, things to buy, things to help us reach our full potential.

Children today are made to attain often ludicrous standards. Understandably, parents want their kids to achieve the very best in life, but are they meant to develop with such speed? Might not something crucial be lost in the hurry? Are we erecting a lofty tower on shaky foundations?

J. R. R. Tolkien's epic work "The Lord of the Rings" literally took a lifetime to bring to fruition, but it probably stands as the greatest fantasy work of all time. Its accomplishment is not in its length or plot, but in its ability to make a make-believe world feel authentic because of its elaborate history and meticulously wrought web of intricate themes.

Clearly, an entity of enduring power and quality requires time to fashion. Human beings are the same. A colleague recently shared the following with me.

Be a great oak tree. Dig your roots deep into the ground, instead of sending your trunk and branches ever towards the clouds. Then, nothing can topple you.

Know who you are, what you want. And not what others want or want to see. These words echo in me. Words from a friend I sought refuge in when my soul was battered from the storm. Those were the days when I worked to own - yearning for recognition.

But despite having been successful in all I have aimed to attain, a void still remained. One day, my little cousin came up to me and asked, "Who are you?"

I mentioned my name.

"No," he said. "Who are you?"

I repeated myself. But again I got a dissatisfied look.

"I am happy," he said. "Who are you?"

It then dawned upon me that he wanted an adjective. I paused and pondered. I have. But I am? What I own can be lost.

WRITTEN BY MELISSA TAN

Coming to Terms With Life's Terms

Joy is one of the ultimate aims of life. Most of the things we do, including the unpleasant ones, we do in order to achieve happiness in some form or measure in some point in time.

But some of us misunderstand the pursuit of happiness. We think it can be found in objects. We think it can be found in the favour, envy or respect of others. We think it can be found in stability and predictability.

When these things eventually disappoint us, we become lost. We get the chilling sense that everything we worked for, everything we believed in, was flawed. True joy cannot be found in the external realm. Possessions, fame, money, success, chemicals - these things satisfy our lust for happiness for a while - but once they are removed, we become unhappy and empty again. We become puppets that dance to their wily rhythms.

We also cannot achieve lasting happiness by attempting to remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. The truth is, we cannot remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. Even if we could, if we cannot find happiness within us, we would still feel hollow. Happiness doesn't come about as a result of the absence of unhappiness.

To achieve any measure of lasting happiness, we must first come to terms with Life's terms. Against Life, we cannot win. There are certain fundamentals that we will just have to learn to accept.

First, you can't make everyone like you. Not everyone will see your point of view. Some people may dislike you, or even despise you. There are many motivations for this, and a countless number of influencing factors like history, moral and cultural filters, conditioning, personal experience, values and so on. Various people will not accept you for what you are due to various reasons and there is usually nothing you can do about it. In some circumstances where positive change can occur, take the opportunity. What I'm talking about are the petty trespasses. Don't take them personally. Just be true to yourself and listen to your heart.

One of these is the fact that you cannot make everyone like or accept you. You can only accept and love yourself for what you are, and follow your heart.

Another of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with is how the world is a reflection of you. To actuate any positive change in the world, you must first change yourself. If you consistently bemoan the state of your life and complain about every little thing, your world is likely to seem miserable and pointless. But if you adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher of Life, your world is likely to be wondrous, rich, and colourful.

Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility. We only have to look at history and indeed many of the ongoing conflicts today to know that reacting with harshness solves nothing.

Another of Life's terms is the fact that there will always be suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness you manage to achieve in your life, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods, or dying of famine or disease. To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair. People we love will pass away, and misfortune may strike us even if we are most loving and kind. We can only do what we can, and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.

Change is also inevitable in life. Trying to stop change is like sailing against a tidal wave. If you typically spend your life resisting change, you're likely to be fairly miserable most of the time. Change need not be bad. It can be disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change almost always leads to unforeseen benefits. The universe knows when you're stagnating and it's time for things to shift in your life. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.

And those are some of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with if we want to achieve peace of mind and happiness.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

You Deserve to Be Loved

Sometimes we develop feelings for someone, but compelling reasons forbid the _expression of love. Or maybe the object of our affections cannot reciprocate our sentiments.

When this happens, it's common to fall into hopeless misery. We might give in to bitterness and wish we had never met the person. Or we might waste the rest of our lives on fruitless yearning. Worse still, we might be driven to accept someone we don't genuinely love in order to fill that void in our hearts.

But love is an emotion. A potent one, yes, but nonetheless an entity which can be dimmed, transformed or transferred if necessary. It certainly serves nothing to grieve over someone you know can never be yours. So sometimes when we know it's impossible, we have no choice but to dull our feelings, lest they plunge us into perilous depths.

Remove yourself from your situation and examine your internal and external circumstances carefully. Do you really love the person, or is your passion fueled by a selfish need? Does the person truly love you and is he or she worth fighting for? Are your tears worth shedding for someone who will cry for someone else?

Very often, we desperately seek one particular person's affections because we feel we don't deserve to be loved. We are held hostage by our perceived deficiencies and past misfortunes and so constantly search for acceptance and love. When we don't find them, we despair. We languish in a palace of ice we build for ourselves, and then demand that someone else come live within its frozen walls with us.

But the world is hardly that miniscule. And the inner world, the realm of our spirit is boundless. When you believe that there is only that one person for you, and seek an impossible reciprocation with all the ruthless will of that conviction, there can only be suffering for you.

You deserve to be with someone who truly loves you. That person exists. But you won't find him or her in your palace of ice.

Step outside. Remember the warm sun and fresh air? Remember how you used to be your own person until you surrendered your happiness to a vain pursuit? Remember all the wonderful things you savoured before you locked yourself up in that dreadful place? Embrace them again.

Do not seek love. For it will come to you if you truly know it.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zone

Think about something you're capable of doing, something you'll be happy doing, yet are not doing.

Why? What's stopping you?

Very often, we choose not to follow our hearts because we are afraid. Afraid of feeling pain, afraid of getting rejected, afraid of being alone, afraid of failing, afraid of growing old, afraid of dying.

The power of Fear stems from the premise that past hurts will return if we are not wary of our present and future manoeuvres.

But this is an illusion.

The past - by its very nature - cannot come back. And attempting to live your life by avoiding all the things you're afraid of is like never leaving your home because you think it's unsafe outside.

Here's a poem about breaking out of one's comfort zone and embracing life without fear.

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn't fail.
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.
I said it didn't matter that I wasn't doing much.
I said I didn't care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with things inside my zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.
I couldn't let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.
If you're in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile;
Success is there for you!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Reducing Disappointment

Many of us are not living with as much joy as we should because of disappointment. And there is no end to the number of things which can cause us disappointment. So how can we reduce disappointment and increase the happiness in our lives?

When reality falls short of our expectations, we experience disappointment. The two crucial factors in the equation here are "reality" and "expectations". Reality cannot be manipulated. One can try his darndest, but no one can predict the outcomes.

However, one can always adjust his expectations. I'm not saying that you should feebly accept your fortunes in life instead of striving for the best, but we must understand that our expectations may not be met. We must accept this fact in order to achieve the mental tranquility needed to transcend our failures.

We can also reduce disappointment by not having unrealistic expectations - like expecting appreciation, expecting others to make us happy, or expecting not to be let down.

No matter how capable, thoughtful, loving, considerate, and generous you are, there will be people who will not appreciate you or respond in the same manner. Appreciation from others is a gift! So be grateful when it does occur, even if it's a simple "thank you".

No one owes you your happiness. Don't assume that just because you've found a friend or a partner, he or she is always going to be around to fulfill your needs. A relationship works when two parties want it to, not when one party needs it to.

Similarly, you're not obliged to make others happy. When you do, be sure it's because you want to, with no thought of reward or reciprocation.

Don't expect others to always be there for you. Not even your partners. No matter how much he or she may love you, there will be times when your demands cannot be met. Besides, feelings are alive. They change for any number of reasons. It is not your right to disregard them all. Banking your happiness on eternal love is frivolous and dangerous.

When someone lets you down, don't assume that it's a calculated move to hurt you. Forgive them and move on. There is an energy in forgiveness which reinvigorates you, whereas resentment and hatred only wear you down.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Our Destiny of Loss

Loss is Man's destiny, since anything we endeavour to love in this world can be taken from us at any moment. And nothing is more painful or crippling than the loss of a loved one.

Whether it's mortal death or the death of passion that severs a human union, the loss of a loved one cannot be prevented by any worldly craft or art.

But although we cannot prolong the time given to us to share with our loved ones, we can choose how we use it. If we can love selflessly and abundantly, the sheer immensity of love shared will far outweigh the tragedy of a shortened bond.

For very often, the greatest tragedy of a loved one's passing is not the loss itself, but the regret of not having shown and given our love more freely before it was too late.

When our partner decides to leave the relationship, or when someone we love does not reciprocate our feelings, the initial agony may seem insufferable. But we need not let the pain engulf us.

The ability to love someone is the greatest gift we possess. It is a store that will never run out, no matter how much of the inventory we choose to give away. This desire to love is a self-rejuvenating mechanism because when love is given away, more love rushes in to fill its place.

On the other hand, the desire for love gorges a heart with delicious lies that say it has the power and the right to make others love it. Over time, the glutted heart eventually collapses under its own weight, a fat and rotten thing.

It is not in our power, nor is it our right to make others love us. No one truly belongs to you. Not your family members, not your partners, and certainly not someone you just started to develop feelings for. A relationship founded on a selfish longing to possess is almost certain to fail.

Love fearlessly and unselfishly, and you need never feel the anguish and regret of loss.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Your Unique Factor

"Each of us is special and unique"

How many times have you heard that phrase bandied about? Most people take it as a worn-out cliché; some even think it's a cruel joke, since as they claim "if everyone is special, aren't you just like everyone else?"

Well, like all quotations and sayings, it has to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of your own evalutation and relevance in your life. But I do believe that if we care to look closely and critically enough, we can each identify a unique factor in ourselves that can lead to success. The only problem is, most people don't even begin looking.

If you examine your passions, your values, your instincts, you'll find that you can put them together to form a coherent picture of the kind of person you are. And it's true that we each have a unique set of these. If you can align some of these key aspects of yourself, you're pretty close to identifying the unique factor that can help you achieve great success in life.

In the words of Sidney Madwed, "If you want to be truly successful, invest in yourself to get the knowledge you need to find your unique factor. when you find it and focus on it and persevere, your success will blossom."

When you find your unique qualities, you'll realise that they are always available. They are an endless resource of joy that you can give to yourself and to others. With their support, you become more resilient. And you begin to take responsibility for the happiness you want in your life.

We all need to find our own paths towards identifying what makes us unique, but here are some fundamental questions you might begin with:

1. What do you feel is your primary purpose in this life, and why is that important?
2. What are your greatest natural talents; things you've been told you have a knack for doing?
3. What are you doing when you feel completely alive, deeply involved, and the hours seem like minutes?
4. If you just found out that you had six months to live, what would you spend them doing?
5. How are your deepest passions connected to what you are doing now?

Focus today on those things that make you unique, and feel the joy unfold around you. No doubt others will find value in your gifts as well.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Goat and the Sheep

The two children gazed down from the grassy hill upon a huge flock of millions of white sheap. as they watched in silent fascination, a very large goat with shiftly yellow eyes, twisty, pointy horns and flendish look of malice on its ugly face, emerged from the sea of bleating, woolly forms and stamped the ground with its shaggy hooves.

Suddenly the goat reared up on its hindlegs and stretching out a forefoot, let out a commanding nicker which made the children clutch their mother's hand in fright.

"Baah," replied the sheep.

Again the goat nickered.

"Baaaaah," replied the sheep.

The two bewildered children looked up at their mother in surprise.

"What is that goat telling the sheep?" asked the boy.

"He isn't really telling them anything at all," replied his mother, "He is using a clever method of dealing with huge crowds, which is to shout a simple phrase they can all understand over and over again, very loudly."

"Are all sheep as stupid as this flock?" asked the girl.

"They certainly are, Kelly," replied her mother. "And if any of them should give any signs of being less stupid, the Great Goat's bodyguard would soon use their sharp horns and heavy hooves to bring them back into line, or else destroy him as an enemy of the flock."

"But what use is the Great Goat to all these silly sheep?" asked the boy.

"No use at all, Michael," replied his mother, "except that, being a more aggressive beast, the sheep will obey his commands, as sheep always like to do. They get a big thrill from having such a fierce commander who promises them many fine things such as sheep like to dream of. This gives them the pleasure of anticipation and makes the leader feel proud and generous."

"And does he ever keep his promises?" asked Kelly.

"Why should he?" chuckled her mother. "The sheep have very short memories and don't really expect him to keep them, nor do they wish it, for every day he promises something better and the flock are very happy to have such a 'promising' leader."

"I think the sheep are very silly," muttered Kelly.

"Perhaps they will wake up one day," said her mother, "and then the goats had better watch out!"

WRITTEN BY MERCEDES DANNENBERG

Prison Break

Most of us, thankfully, will never have to see the inside of a prison cell, with its overbearing bleakness and limited hope. Many of us though, are not unlike prisoners, idly biding our time in a prison of our own making.

This is a prison of the mind - our thoughts, regrets, fears and restrictive beliefs the steel and concrete of our cage.

Think about it - if I asked you what you had to look forward to, what would your response be?

When we lack goals, we lack expectation, we lack inspiration and hope. And this keeps us trapped, pretty much like the prisoners in real jails. We begin to feel helpless when some misstep or misfortune comes our way, believing that there is nothing we can do to make things better.

In our hands lies so much freedom, but how many of us are truly using that freedom to charge ahead towards our aspirations? For those of us incarcerated in prisons of our minds, how can we break out of them?

The first and most important barrier to overcome is our complacence. Most of us have been lulled into a open-eyed sleep by our relatively stable lives, patterns and routines. We've taken our lives, health, gifts and loved ones so much for granted that we're not even aware anymore of how amazing it is just to be alive.

That we're walking, we're talking, we're tasting and feeling, and dancing and loving and that so many people in the world don't even get to enjoy a fraction of what we have.

So be thankful for what you have today and blast away those first few bars of your prison.

Next, revisit your past successes. Yes the past might be done and dusted, but recalling your past achievements can help in convincing you that you are capable of repeating them and even bettering them! Those accolades are a testament to your ability, and no matter what's transpired since then, you will always have it in you to prove yourself once again. There goes another couple of bars...

And finally, blast a hole in that wall by setting goals. We all need something substantial to look forward to and to work towards. Make a list of objectives from the simplest to the most grandiose and start planning to reach them. Do your research! Talk to people! There's nothing standing in your way now really, except yourself!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

An Attitude of Gratitude

Author Melody Beattle once said "Gratitude turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

An attitude of gratitude is one of the most useful things one can possess. It's an unending resource from which one can draw inspiration and comfort. It's also one of the most precious gifts a parent can give a child.

Have you ever wondered why it is that some children who seem to have it all are pleasant and friendly while others become spoiled? The difference is in the attitude. Some children expect to have certain things, and they soon become spoiled and easily discontented. Other children remain thankful and appreciative.

Think of adults you know that fit these descriptions. Whom do you know has a clip on their shoulder or feels the world owes them something? Whom do you know greets each discovery with appreciation? It is easy to guess who is happier and more fulfilled.

Developing a thankful attitude goes a long way toward developing a more resilient and appreciative self. Here a few ideas for spreading the attitude of gratitude.

Think about the whole process. When you receive anything, be it a child's drawing or an expensive gift, focus on how much time, effort and thought went into the gift. Taking the time to realize how much work, caring and thought a person has given you is a wonderful way to deepen your appreciation of both the giver and the gift.

Realize that each day is a gift. There are so many things that we take for granted. Many times we don't realize how much we actually take for granted until tragedy strikes. Take your loved one, for example. Do you regular take time to appreciate them? To show them how much you love them? Remember, they won't be around forever.

And lower your expectations. If you keep expecting things to be in your favour, you'll be thwarted by the many things that will be unfavourable. You'll focus on the negative until you become an irritable, unpleasant grouch. But when we quit expecting the world of people to give us things, we can become more focused on enjoying the gifts that do come our way.

A good way to cultivate gratitude is to keep a Gratitude Journal. In it, record five at least five things you can be thankful for each day. Even on seemingly lously days, you should be able to list at least five. Look beyond the obvious. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation of life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Starting a New Journey

Do you remember your first day in Primary school? The anxiety you felt? The reluctance to let go of your father or mother? The start of a new journey can be an intimidating experience. And there are many instances in life when we may feel like the little child on the first day of school again.

You may be starting on your university education, going for your first job interview, facing a new independent life after a divorce, or beginning work on that new million-dollar account. Whatever it is, emotions run high during these times and if you find yourself overwhelmed, good. You're normal!

It must feel lonely to think that you're embarking on a brand new chapter of your life all by yourself. The truth is, you're not, and that's exactly why you're normal. It's okay to be flustered or nervous about starting something new. Change is one of the hardest things for people to accept it. It sure would be convenient to stay within your comfort zone.

But if you were to completely avoid change, you would also miss the triumphs and joys of daily life. Great people you would not have met, enriching experiences you would not have had. And while we may think we can do without any challenges, it's those very lessons that we learn from the most. While we strive to be perfect and give others a great first impression of our abilities and ourselves, we lose sight of the fact that it's okay to make mistakes. That's how we learn!

Questions of whether you will fit in or like the new environment will always be on your mind. These questions can make you nervous because your natural reaction is to spot the uncertain then dwell on it. But by accepting the fact that you cannot predict the future, you will empower yourself to make the best of today.

We've all heard many times before to "be yourself" when meeting others for the first time. But it's more than simply being yourself; it's about being your positive self. Make it easy for others to enjoy your company. Take the time out to brighten the day of others by smiling as you wish them good morning. Focus on the positive and try your best to avoid complaining. Remember that others enjoy spending time with those who raise them up, not bring them down.

Also, people will enjoy your company if you enjoy theirs. Take an interest in them, their families, passions and work. Then listen to the answers! When you listen, listen actively and attentively.

Open your eyes, heart and mind to the new environment. You may not instantly love the new experience, but at least you will learn a few lessons along the way.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd