Deep down, you know your relationship is not working. When you're along, you harbour desires of calling it off. Yet, when you're with your partner, you can't seem to say what you want. you know that your partner's behaviour is causing you consistent disappointment and grief but you can't seem to let go and move on.
If this sounds familiar, you could be trapped in a bad relationship.
Some people are just naturally attracted to bad relationship. Others are clinging to false hope. Some are simply in denial; they just cannot believe how "heaven" so to speak has degenerated into such a "hell".
One common fear compelling a person to stay in a bad relationship is the belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could be interested in you or love you. You have grown so attached to your partner that you've forgotten your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and having to take care of yourself.
Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying.
Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behaviour since he or she is supporting you. Having a child together can also cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child's mother or father.
On a deeper level, you could be stuck in a disappointing relationship due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be denied love, concern and understanding.
So how can you get out of this destructive relationship?
First of all, you have to acknowledge that your relationship is a distorted one, one that you would do better to be rid of. Stop holding yourself hostage because you don't have to.
Stop making excuses for your partner's behaviour. simply hoping for him or her to change is pointless. what you can do is confront him or her about the problem and see if the relationship can be save.
If not, then you must muster the courage to end the relationship. The initial stage will be difficult and you can expect to feel some mental and physical discomfort. But that feeling will pass. the new freedom and empowerment you will gain will erase any bad feelings of the past.
Remember, you deserve better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity
When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world today stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustices, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Don't Let Stress Destroy Your Health
The stress of modern life is something all of us are familiar with.
And we also know very well that stress can adversely affect our health.
High blood pressure, migraines, heart problems, all these and more commonly stem from frustration and anxiety.
Many of us though, still can't seem to relax. It could be upbringing, character, mindset, obligations or simply the routines and habits we've locked ourselves in, these people feel they always have to be in control or they have to be productive all the time or there's always some issue they can't seem to let go of.
These people are at high risk of developing serious health problems.
Are you perhaps also potentially stressing yourself ill?
Well, do you usually feel an urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time? Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency or to your standards?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time?
Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Many people who are in danger of developing stress-related health problems don't even know that they're doing real harm to their health.
There's nothing wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but it's also important to know how to relax. You can achieve so much in your life but if you eventually lose the good health needed to enjoy the fruits of your labour, then it has come to naught.
So stop, take a breath and critically examine the areas of your life you can back on.
Include some relaxation time in your daily schedule.
If you think your loved one is at risk, arrange more opportunities for you and him or her to spend some relaxing times together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
And we also know very well that stress can adversely affect our health.
High blood pressure, migraines, heart problems, all these and more commonly stem from frustration and anxiety.
Many of us though, still can't seem to relax. It could be upbringing, character, mindset, obligations or simply the routines and habits we've locked ourselves in, these people feel they always have to be in control or they have to be productive all the time or there's always some issue they can't seem to let go of.
These people are at high risk of developing serious health problems.
Are you perhaps also potentially stressing yourself ill?
Well, do you usually feel an urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time? Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency or to your standards?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time?
Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Many people who are in danger of developing stress-related health problems don't even know that they're doing real harm to their health.
There's nothing wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but it's also important to know how to relax. You can achieve so much in your life but if you eventually lose the good health needed to enjoy the fruits of your labour, then it has come to naught.
So stop, take a breath and critically examine the areas of your life you can back on.
Include some relaxation time in your daily schedule.
If you think your loved one is at risk, arrange more opportunities for you and him or her to spend some relaxing times together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Restoring the Wonder in Your Life
If life has stopped being wonderful for you, it's because the wonder has gone.
The things that you once considered wonderful, you now take for granted.
In fact, the process of growing from an infant to an old person is the gradual but certain loss of wonder.
Being able to see the wonder in things around us is one of the ways we make our lives more meaningful and enjoyable. Just look at children for a quick lesson on how to be happy. Almost everything fascinates them, triggers ideas, generates excitement.
How can you get that vibrancy back?
While we can all certainly experience wonder in new things - new locations, new experiences, new books, new ideas, you can also re-capture past wonder and find new wonder in the things you do each day.
Think about things that have become habit for you. The next time you do them, do them as if you were a beginner again. Start with your drive or commute to work. Make it an exercise in finding wonder. Look at things with fresh eyes. Be curious. For example, you can breathe in the aroma and savour the taste of your coffee, really get lost in it.
The heat, the bittersweet taste, how it makes you feel. How does it work?
Make a list of things you found wonderful at different stages in your life.
How can you re-experience those things? And make a list of wonders you find each day or week. Start a "wonder" journal!
Plan a mini-vacation or a day trip to someplace wonderful for you.
Or go to an old event, focused on different things.
The next time you go to a movie or a game, focus less on the action and more on the audience, the way the whole thing is setup, the dynamics of the event.
Go shopping for something entirely different than you usually would. You get the idea.
Make life "wonder-full" again!
The things that you once considered wonderful, you now take for granted.
In fact, the process of growing from an infant to an old person is the gradual but certain loss of wonder.
Being able to see the wonder in things around us is one of the ways we make our lives more meaningful and enjoyable. Just look at children for a quick lesson on how to be happy. Almost everything fascinates them, triggers ideas, generates excitement.
How can you get that vibrancy back?
While we can all certainly experience wonder in new things - new locations, new experiences, new books, new ideas, you can also re-capture past wonder and find new wonder in the things you do each day.
Think about things that have become habit for you. The next time you do them, do them as if you were a beginner again. Start with your drive or commute to work. Make it an exercise in finding wonder. Look at things with fresh eyes. Be curious. For example, you can breathe in the aroma and savour the taste of your coffee, really get lost in it.
The heat, the bittersweet taste, how it makes you feel. How does it work?
Make a list of things you found wonderful at different stages in your life.
How can you re-experience those things? And make a list of wonders you find each day or week. Start a "wonder" journal!
Plan a mini-vacation or a day trip to someplace wonderful for you.
Or go to an old event, focused on different things.
The next time you go to a movie or a game, focus less on the action and more on the audience, the way the whole thing is setup, the dynamics of the event.
Go shopping for something entirely different than you usually would. You get the idea.
Make life "wonder-full" again!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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