We all feel angry sometimes. For many of us, anger is something we latch on to, simply because it's an instinctive and natural response to threat or danger. It can be constructive if we can control it and harness its energy for something positive. For example, if a tactless criticism makes us angry, that anger can be channeled to fuel our determination to improve ourselves.
Unchecked anger, on the other hand, can harm relationships, block careers and disrupt lives. It can cause others to avoid you, frame you, or even seek revenge.
Here are some ways we can learn to control our anger. We won't be able to eliminate it altogether, but with practice, we can avoid letting it hurt us.
Firstly, find out what triggers anger in you. Obnoxious people? When you don't get the result you want? Losing? Running late for a concert because your partner gave you the wrong directions? Learn to view these situations and occurrences from a detached, third-party position. Understand that you become a slave to these triggers the moment you react negatively to them. What's the worst that can happen if you choose to ignore them? Probably not much, or nothing at all. Think about it - would you rather be a little late for a concert that has no bearing on the quality of your life, or unleash your fury on a loved one over an unintentional oversight?
Create a buffer between your triggers and your response to them. Pause and think about the gravity of the situation. Does it warrant frustration and anger? Will any of it matter in a minute, a day, or a week? Anger is an instantly reactive emotion. It prevents you from thinking rationally and in the long term. So either take a deep breath, count to ten, or excuse yourself politely and just leave. Most of the time, you will find that the person or thing that almost made you lost your cool won't bother you at all after a while.
And realise that a lot of the time, obnoxious people want to make you angry. they just want to provoke an outburst or negative reaction. It makes them feel big and powerful. So what's the best way to get even? Forget! Let them know that they have no power over your mood.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Love
We all want greater happiness. And most of us seek it in things like money, fast love, power, respect, adoration and career success. But we ultimately realise that the joy we get from these things does not last.
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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