Dealing With Criticism

It seems the young people of today hate being criticized. This according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. Apparently, this is due to "an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from being constantly told from birth they are special and as a result now believe it - and will ignore anybody who says other wise."

Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".

It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.

The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!

Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.

It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.

If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.

So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Best Thing To do On A Date

There is a wealth of resources these days for the swinging single who perhaps does not wish to, well, "swing" anymore, and settle down instead.

From dating agencies and gender-specific magazines to websites with special programs that help you narrow down your prospects, there is a glut of information on how to find that perfect mate.

It can all be rather overwhelming... the do's, the don'ts, the proper grooming, what to wear, what wine to order with your main, how to act when this happens, what to say when your date asks you that.

The irony is that all these considerations often end up making you nervous and jittery on the date. And because you are so caught up with delivering a perfect performance, you stop being authentic and natural. And at the end of the day, what we are all looking for is someone who is sincere and real.

So the best thing to do on a date is to be yourself. Keep it simple and real. If it's something that's really not "you", something that you cannot sustain or are really not keen on, don't do it. Keeping up appearances may work initially, but in the long run, you really want someone who appreciates the real you.

Many of us worry about running out of things to say, awkward silences or appearing dumb and so on. Well, stop focusing on what to say and simply keep your mind on your date. Show interest in her. Ask questions to find out more about her. We all like talking about ourselves, so let her talk. She'll love it that you're focusing on her and not yourself.

And keep it light. Imagine it as meal with a friend. There is no need to go into heavy topics... talk about movies, music, hobbies, jobs. Remember, it's just a meal... you're not walking down the aisle with this person. Over-thinking often gets in the way of a good time.

So keep it simple, keep it real, and keep it light.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Importance of Self-Worth

One of the best things you can do for yourself is love yourself.

A worn-out platitude that can sound tacky, I know, but make no mistake, a healthy sense of self-worth is the most important thing you can possess.

If your self-esteem is low, you are likely to be unhappy with your looks, your physique, your talents and so on. Because of this discontentment with yourself, it's easy to be jealous of others, and in a vicious cycle, this jealousy leads to even more unhappiness.

If you are unsure of yourself, you are also more likely to keep to yourself, avoid people, and be fearful of social interaction. You have very little confidence in your talents and skills. You are unlikely to promote yourself, believing that your present lot is the best that you can do. This impedes growth and success, and the failure to fulfill your dreams and goals leads to regret and more dissatisfaction.

In relationship, a weak sense of self-esteem can make you feel insecure. You are probably constantly worrying about your partner's feelings and motivations. Needless to say, that puts a huge wedge between you and your partner.

So if you are sick of feeling bad about yourself, how can you boost your self-esteem?

One of the easiest and quickest ways is to be extra good to your body. Get into a regular healthy sleep schedule, commit to a fitness routine, and tone up your body. Choose healthy, nourishing foods, find more ways to relax and spend more time with the people you love. You will feel and look better and have more energy to pursue your goals.

Also, stop blaming and judging yourself. Everybody makes mistakes... the difference is that other people learn to pick themselves up quickly and move on, while others stay haunted by them. So forgive yourself for mistakes. Find the lessons and learn from them.

Many of us are held back by our fears. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of unwanted results if we took a risk. But most of these fears are not real. so identify your fears.... what's really behind them? Many of them are likely to be groundless or have no wider impact. Recognise that your fears are due to your lack of belief in yourself than any other real circumstances.

So give yourself the greatest gift of all - a firm and health sense of self-esteem.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Relationship Conflict Management

There will be no doubt be times when you don't see eye to eye with your partner. Disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship, so the key to maintaining a healthy relationship is not simply avoiding conflict but how to resolve them effectively.

Our partner is often the closest person to us both emotionally and physically. Because of this intimacy and proximity, we can sometimes get on each other's nerves. Argument is not the problem - it is crucial that we are able to air grievances with our partner - it is reacting in anger or allowing negative emotions to overwhelm the issue that's dangerous.

So don't attack each other personally. Remind yourself that it's the issue that's the problem, not the person. Don't resort to name-calling and don't bring up the past. If you don't feel you cannot control your anger, then let your partner know that you will talk about it at a later time. Don't allow the anger to strike out on your behalf.

When you have the time to quietly explore your feelings, ask yourself why you were so upset. And be honest... Were you over-reacting to something that was really quite inconsequential? Were you lashing out because you were unhappy with yourself, or jealous of others?

We have to be careful that we are not straining the relationship because of something within us that we have yet to resolve. This would be a shame because we will simply carry this internal baggage with us on to the next relationship and will probably be poisoning that one as well.

If you have ever been told a riddle and then denied the answer, you will know how frustrating it is to play a guessing game. And we can sometimes do this to our partner when we don't clearly communicate our needs to them. So have a proper think about it - what do you really want? Are you perhaps confused yourself about what it is you are actually after?

And work towards mutual action and mutual satisfaction. A relationship is a joint effort. If one party ends up being mainly responsible for making the union work, resentment will build up. So work out fair resolutions.

Effective conflict management is often overlooked but it can make or break a relationship. So handle your disagreements with these points in mind and enjoy a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Moving On From a Painful Past

Pain, like death and taxes (as they say), is one of those things we cannot avoid in life. Some of us had a tough time growing up, were abused perhaps, or did not fully receive parental love. Others had their feelings taken advantage of, or had their mental tranquility of self-esteem damaged in some way. And there are those among us who have been consistently bullied or repressed.

It is not so easy to just "let go of the past and move on", is it?

Well, the past happened for a reason. Moving forward does not mean simply forgetting about or ignoring the past. Everything that happens to us, especially the harder times, can make us stronger and better. Or make us doubtful and afraid. We all have that choice. The person you are today is the result of your past experiences, and in those experiences, no matter how horrible, lies the key to you becoming a better person.

Probably the difficult thing to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. I have known people who had abusive parents, been sexually molested as teenagers, been seduced into crime and prison, or have had their hearts broken several times. And these are all relatively mild compared to people whose loved ones were murdered, or who were physically disabled because of a drink driver.

How do they forgive? Truthfully, most of them don't. Most of them carry the hurt with them throughout their lives. And it eats into their peace of mind, poisons them against other people, and ultimately clouds their future with doubt and fear, dark feelings and thoughts.

If you cannot forgive your aggressor, you are always going to feel as if your life has been irreparably damaged because of him. Forgiving someone is as much about accepting their human frailty as it is stating your freedom from their tyranny. You are saying that you will not let what they have done dictate how you're going to live your life.

So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with your painful past. Seek out the gifts in your pain. That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have to be angry with anyone, not even yourself. Whatever you did, whatever they did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.

Remember, the past does not define us. Each new day, each new moment even, you have the power to re-invent yourself.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd