How easily is your ego bruised? How often do you shy away from social situations? How doubtful are you when it comes to your own opinions and actions? How satisfied are you with who you are and what you have? How harshly do you judge yourself? How often do you look to others for approval! How much love is in your life? How often do you worry?
Sorry if I overwhelmed you with the barrage of questions, but if your lingering sense is that you are generally unsure of yourself and that daily life, social interaction and relationships feel shallow and stressful for you, then perhaps you should try doing something about your self-worthiness.
If you think your self-worthiness is bed-ridden, then stop focusing on anything else. Almost nothing will work out for you if you don't get your self-worthiness up and running again.
You can never be happy by looking to others to validate your existence or value. The essence of self-worthiness is being true to yourself, no matter what you think others might think. No one else on earth is like you and therefore no one else on earth can know or understand you as well as you can. and regardless of what others may tell you about what's behind the door, only you can walk through it and find out for yourself. No one else can be responsible for you. Therefore, the first step to higher self-worthiness is to get to know yourself as well as you can, and to stop depending on the approval of others to fulfill you.
Some people have the misconception that they must suffer in life. They may not put it quite as simply as I have, but the core of the concept is similar. Somehow, they feel that life is suffering, that they must suffer for someone else's happiness, that misery is an essential part of life that must somehow be endured. Again, Again they feel this way because they do not think very highly of themselves; they feel they do not deserve to happy, that self-punishment is the only right thing to do, the only way they feel alive. That's why many people continue to allow themselves to suffer oppression, mistreatment, disdain and abuse.
Even though many people might say they want love and happiness; they might even pray for these things, but they do not take any real towards improving their situation. They continue to lament and wallow in self-doubt and misery, claiming helplessness when in reality, they're fully equipped to make things better anytime.
Let's go through the main clues that hint at a person's high level of self-worthiness. These are characteristics that we would all do well to master.
First, a habit of thinking and acting spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience. This means that you begin every task with a clean slate. Like an actor on stage, your previous scene has already transpired. Whether or not you stumbled on some words or gave it a lack-lustre rendition, it's over. Period. You cannot go back and do the scene again. All you can do is give your next scene your best shot. Thinking about your performance in the last scene only preoccupies your mind with something you can't do a thing about and will likely adversely impact your next scene.
Another characteristic of self-worthiness is the freedom to enjoy each moment, unencumbered by regret or resentment from what's past or fear of what's to come. The past and future are an illusion, as they say. The only "real" moment is Now. If you can't savour the most of it, whatever it is, then you're wasting the moment. And it won't come back. So forget about how you quarrelled with your partner last night, how obnoxious you thought he or she was... today, remember that ultimately, you're in love with each other, you have this beautiful new day to enjoy together, so do it.
A self-worthy person also doesn't judge himself negatively. By "negatively", I mean in a way that is unconstructive and mosochistic - that is, consistently saying to yourself "That was a dumb thing to say!" or "That was a stupid thing to do!", "You're so unattractive!" or "You never do anything right!" - you know, making shallow, sweeping statements about yourself without assessing the situation or making a commitment to do better next time. A self-worthy person knows that frequent self-beration gradually breaks down a healthy ego until the brain starts to believe these crippling remarks. The body soon begins to obey what the brain believes in and subconsciously instructs the body to do.
Some say you can't escape worry; it's a undeniable fact of life. If you think something bad is going to happen, why should you be having a great time?
And to a certain extent I agree... I mean, if you feel the tremors of an earthquake coming on, you really wouldn't want to sit on the porcelain throne with a good look, if you know what I mean. You'd be worried sick, probably even panicking. And this kind of worry might even save your life, because you'd be driven to seek some safety or rescue.
But though worry can be useful in certain contexts, in most day-to-day situations, it's more of a bane than a boon. Just think of the things you usually worry about and you'll realise that for many of them, there's simply nothing you can do. And those things you can realistically do something about, you're so petrified with worry that you can't think of any solution or even have the motivation to do anything about them.
Worry can be a driving force, but for most of us, most of the time, it's simply a handicap. Unless you feel you can realistically do something about something you're worrying about, and will do i, there is simply no sense in worrying. Most of our worries relate to trivial problems anyway, like "will people like me at the party?" or things we can do nothing about, like aging. That's why one of the main habits of self-worthy people is the lack of worrying. "Care-free", not "care-less" is the watch word.
A self-worthy person is also able to appreciate most things around him. He is constantly mindful of the fact of life itself is a wonder; that it's wondrous and worth being thankful for that he can move, can touch, can taste, can laugh, can see clearly with spectacles, lenses or laser treatment, can read a book, kick a ball, dig his toes into the sand, stroke a cat and transport himself around swiftly in metal boxes that create cool, comfortable atmospheres and emit pleasant sounds from their speakers.
And finally, the hallmark of a self-worthy person is his ability to love people and other living things. He is constantly giving and receiving love. Whether it's planning a good time for someone, sharing his favourite food, or daily picking up someone from work, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to make others happy. And he is able to receive the rewards of this with equal enthusiasm; we all know the joy of giving... sometimes, we should also allow others to experience this joy.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Power to Walk Away
How do you deal with potentially explosive situations? Where tempers are beginning to flare, tensions are steadily escalating, and sufficient buttons have been pushed?
What happens with many people is that they remain in the situation, either hoping to talk things over calmly or to make their point emphatically clear. But this can only work if the other party is willing to collaborate. But sometimes, the other party can be willfully difficult. They can be persons who get off on pushing your hot buttons.
What happens then? A likely scenario is that like a fish to the bait, you continue to engage in the conversation, the other party continues to gall you, and *snap!*, the last straw breaks your back. At this point, when self-control is lost, you may utter threats, make scathing remarks, or throw potshots that you immediately regret.
In social setting, you may end up looking rash and petty. In a business or corporate setting, you may appear to be antagonistic and hot-tempered. In a personal context, you may end up really hurting a loved one. In the long term, angry outbursts will sour any relationship.
If you find yourself quite unintentionally getting yourself into potentially-explosive situations, how can you avoid actually exploding?
Well, you can walk away.
A seemingly simple thing to do, but something that can be extremely difficult to do in practice, especially when you feel you've been grossly misunderstood. You'd want to stake it out and explain yourself until the other person gets it, right?
That's what keeps you there. That's makes you reiterate your arguments again and again until they begin to sound meaningless. In these instances, you're at the losing end; it's simply more sensible to walk away.
Do you have the power to walk away from potentially-explosive situations? Are you able to postpone defending yourself to another more appropriate time? Can you conserve your cool and avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later?
Because when you care too much about winning in such situations, you lose. You're the one who feels the pressure, you're the one who seems antagonistic and defensive. It will be hard initially, but practice walking away and you'll understand just how powerful it can be in defusing explosive situations and even persuade others to see things your way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
What happens with many people is that they remain in the situation, either hoping to talk things over calmly or to make their point emphatically clear. But this can only work if the other party is willing to collaborate. But sometimes, the other party can be willfully difficult. They can be persons who get off on pushing your hot buttons.
What happens then? A likely scenario is that like a fish to the bait, you continue to engage in the conversation, the other party continues to gall you, and *snap!*, the last straw breaks your back. At this point, when self-control is lost, you may utter threats, make scathing remarks, or throw potshots that you immediately regret.
In social setting, you may end up looking rash and petty. In a business or corporate setting, you may appear to be antagonistic and hot-tempered. In a personal context, you may end up really hurting a loved one. In the long term, angry outbursts will sour any relationship.
If you find yourself quite unintentionally getting yourself into potentially-explosive situations, how can you avoid actually exploding?
Well, you can walk away.
A seemingly simple thing to do, but something that can be extremely difficult to do in practice, especially when you feel you've been grossly misunderstood. You'd want to stake it out and explain yourself until the other person gets it, right?
That's what keeps you there. That's makes you reiterate your arguments again and again until they begin to sound meaningless. In these instances, you're at the losing end; it's simply more sensible to walk away.
Do you have the power to walk away from potentially-explosive situations? Are you able to postpone defending yourself to another more appropriate time? Can you conserve your cool and avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later?
Because when you care too much about winning in such situations, you lose. You're the one who feels the pressure, you're the one who seems antagonistic and defensive. It will be hard initially, but practice walking away and you'll understand just how powerful it can be in defusing explosive situations and even persuade others to see things your way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Changing Your Perception
Albert Einstein famously remarked "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Responding Actively
Each day, we are presented with a myriad of choices as to how we interact with the people and events around us. Some of us choose to actively control our lives. Others simply allow life to happen to them.
When we react passively to external forces, we are surrendering the one thing that truly belongs to all of us - the power to control our own lives. These 'reactors", if you will, are often at the mercy of any given person or situation. Because they only react to what life throws at them, they are often dodging bullets, fire-fighting and treading water desperately just to stay afloat. They do not live their lives with passionate intent. They are merely getting by each day. They do not anticipate outcomes, fail to plan, don't learn from their mistakes, and are so condemned to lead mediocre, often unhappy lives.
A reactionary person typically lives his life with a listless attitude - he has a habit of procrastinating and then scrambling to meet the deadline at the eleventh hour. He puts in minimum effort at work, seeing it as "just a job", doesn't like learning new things, and doesn't care what's happening around the world. He doesn't plan his schedule, forgets important tasks, and is usually sick at the thought of helping others at his own inconvenience. He is haunted by worry, because he feels he has no control over what happens to him. He often finds himself in uncomfortable or compromising situations because he never learns from his mistakes, choosing instead of blame other people or events. His favourite motto is "That's life... these things happen... I can't help it...", and so conveniently absolves himself of any responsibility of improving his life.
However, when we choose to response actively to life, we accept responsibility for what happens to us. We are intensely keen on learning whatever we can, in whatever situation. We analyse circumstances, learn from our mistakes and plan how we can do better next time. We anticipate outcomes and make necessary preparations. We're always on the lookout for ways to improve our lives or lives of our loved ones.
This shift in attitude towards active response empowers us with choice and purpose. Because we take charge of our lives, we know how we can make things better. No time is spent brooding, lamenting and regretting. We can always see a better future on the horizon.
Everyday we are presented with choices - whether we react passively or respond actively determines whether we live lives of great fear and mediocrity or lives of great job and success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When we react passively to external forces, we are surrendering the one thing that truly belongs to all of us - the power to control our own lives. These 'reactors", if you will, are often at the mercy of any given person or situation. Because they only react to what life throws at them, they are often dodging bullets, fire-fighting and treading water desperately just to stay afloat. They do not live their lives with passionate intent. They are merely getting by each day. They do not anticipate outcomes, fail to plan, don't learn from their mistakes, and are so condemned to lead mediocre, often unhappy lives.
A reactionary person typically lives his life with a listless attitude - he has a habit of procrastinating and then scrambling to meet the deadline at the eleventh hour. He puts in minimum effort at work, seeing it as "just a job", doesn't like learning new things, and doesn't care what's happening around the world. He doesn't plan his schedule, forgets important tasks, and is usually sick at the thought of helping others at his own inconvenience. He is haunted by worry, because he feels he has no control over what happens to him. He often finds himself in uncomfortable or compromising situations because he never learns from his mistakes, choosing instead of blame other people or events. His favourite motto is "That's life... these things happen... I can't help it...", and so conveniently absolves himself of any responsibility of improving his life.
However, when we choose to response actively to life, we accept responsibility for what happens to us. We are intensely keen on learning whatever we can, in whatever situation. We analyse circumstances, learn from our mistakes and plan how we can do better next time. We anticipate outcomes and make necessary preparations. We're always on the lookout for ways to improve our lives or lives of our loved ones.
This shift in attitude towards active response empowers us with choice and purpose. Because we take charge of our lives, we know how we can make things better. No time is spent brooding, lamenting and regretting. We can always see a better future on the horizon.
Everyday we are presented with choices - whether we react passively or respond actively determines whether we live lives of great fear and mediocrity or lives of great job and success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Believe in Yourself
Self-help, self-improvement, motivation, life-coaching...
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Managing Life Changes
It's funny that in such a constantly-changing world that not more of us have naturally developed the aptitude to deal with it more effectively. Or has our love for consistency evolved as a defense against the reality of an ever-shifting world? Has our hear of change compelled us to construct schedules, routines, limits and borders? Is this an attempt to delay change?
Whatever the reason, it certainly seems odd that human beings are not more biologically-wired to deal with change. Sure, some of us seem to thrive on constant change, but most of us are undoubtedly more comfortable with consistency. For some of us, the fear of change can be downright crippling, so how can we learn to manage change more effectively?
Well, first it's important to understand what our stress over change comes from. This stress essentially is our body telling our mind that there's something we need to deal with that we have not experienced before, that we may need to adapt to, and that we may not be adequately prepared for. So what does this tell us?
Firstly, that we need to keep ourselves prepared for change. This means keeping our mind and body in optimum condition to deal with any adjustments. Which means eating right, keeping fit, and getting enough sleep. That takes care of our body; as for our mind, we need to maintain its resource level at a healthy high. This entails maintaining a store of knowledge, and regularly challenging our mind to think quickly and creatively. We can do this by reading widely, and by interacting with people whom we find intellectually-challenging.
We also need to develop some relaxation techniques that we can regularly balance our spirit with, and even use when confronting the change itself. You'll have to find that works for you, but for most people, this simple trick seems to work - most of the time, when we're stressed, our breathing inadvertently becomes faster and that actually stresses us even more.
So when in a stressful situation, try focusing on and slowing down your breathing. Imagine the progress of each breath as drawing one side of a square and make each line last four seconds. Inhale, 2, 3, 4 and exhale, 2, 3, 4... and repeat. You'll find yourself becoming calmer. Other people swear by meditation, yoga, journaling, walking or listening to soothing music.
And when potentially faced with a stressful change, try to get a clearer picture of it. The more you understand something, the less frightening it usually becomes. This is how, over time, we become familiar with initially-strange surroundings as well.
And finally, ask yourself "What's the worst that can happen, really?" You'll find that most of the time, the consequences aren't that bad. They're not something you can't live down. Besides, with change comes other possibilities that will actually be pleasant or beneficial for you. Try focusing on those.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Whatever the reason, it certainly seems odd that human beings are not more biologically-wired to deal with change. Sure, some of us seem to thrive on constant change, but most of us are undoubtedly more comfortable with consistency. For some of us, the fear of change can be downright crippling, so how can we learn to manage change more effectively?
Well, first it's important to understand what our stress over change comes from. This stress essentially is our body telling our mind that there's something we need to deal with that we have not experienced before, that we may need to adapt to, and that we may not be adequately prepared for. So what does this tell us?
Firstly, that we need to keep ourselves prepared for change. This means keeping our mind and body in optimum condition to deal with any adjustments. Which means eating right, keeping fit, and getting enough sleep. That takes care of our body; as for our mind, we need to maintain its resource level at a healthy high. This entails maintaining a store of knowledge, and regularly challenging our mind to think quickly and creatively. We can do this by reading widely, and by interacting with people whom we find intellectually-challenging.
We also need to develop some relaxation techniques that we can regularly balance our spirit with, and even use when confronting the change itself. You'll have to find that works for you, but for most people, this simple trick seems to work - most of the time, when we're stressed, our breathing inadvertently becomes faster and that actually stresses us even more.
So when in a stressful situation, try focusing on and slowing down your breathing. Imagine the progress of each breath as drawing one side of a square and make each line last four seconds. Inhale, 2, 3, 4 and exhale, 2, 3, 4... and repeat. You'll find yourself becoming calmer. Other people swear by meditation, yoga, journaling, walking or listening to soothing music.
And when potentially faced with a stressful change, try to get a clearer picture of it. The more you understand something, the less frightening it usually becomes. This is how, over time, we become familiar with initially-strange surroundings as well.
And finally, ask yourself "What's the worst that can happen, really?" You'll find that most of the time, the consequences aren't that bad. They're not something you can't live down. Besides, with change comes other possibilities that will actually be pleasant or beneficial for you. Try focusing on those.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Choosing to Be Positive
How has your day been? How is it going to be? If we had the choice, we'd no doubt want each day to be phenomenal - exciting, enriching, meaningful, joyful and pleasurable. But are you exercising that choice? Do you intentionally and consciously choose your attitude each day?
Most of us tend to allow external circumstances or other people to choose your attitude for us. As in, whether our day is a good one or not is dictated by whether we get up on time, whether the kids give us any trouble, whether the traffic is agreeable, whether the boss is in a good mood, whether another big, thankless task is dumped on us, whether our spouse or partner greets us with a smile.
When you choose to live this way, you are allowing external circumstances to control your mood and disposition. This is fine as long as everything runs smoothly in your lfe. But that doesn't happen often, does it? Life is hardly predictable - accidents happen, machines break down, kids have their tantrums, workloads become seemingly unmanageable. And when you finally get home in anticipation of a tender hug and a sympathetic ear, you find instead another frustrated and angry person who can't wait to dump all the day's tribulations onto your already tired soul.
What happens then? What happens when you have a lousy day?
You see, the problem with not choosing a positive attitude everyday is that we run the risk of getting a negative one imposed on us at the whim of other people and situation. Our mood is then at the mercy of the volatile. But although we can't dictate the weather, we certainly can choose how we react to it.
So what if we claim our right to consciously choose our attitude?
Well, we'd invite more joy into our lives. We often overestimate the influence the outside world has on our mood - like if we encounter a surly cashier at the cafe, we feel offended and ourselves become sullen and rude, as if to pay forward this unbearable debt of bad manners. When really the moment's tention can be neutralised instantly if we choose not to be affected by someone else's thoughtlessness.
By choosing a positive attitude each day, we attract more positive experiences into our lives. The quality of each experience often determines the quality of the next experience - I'm sure you've been in situations where your plans get thrown off completely because something went wrong. But when things go awry, you can also choose to move on without a scratch, thus effecting a better outcome or future experience.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Most of us tend to allow external circumstances or other people to choose your attitude for us. As in, whether our day is a good one or not is dictated by whether we get up on time, whether the kids give us any trouble, whether the traffic is agreeable, whether the boss is in a good mood, whether another big, thankless task is dumped on us, whether our spouse or partner greets us with a smile.
When you choose to live this way, you are allowing external circumstances to control your mood and disposition. This is fine as long as everything runs smoothly in your lfe. But that doesn't happen often, does it? Life is hardly predictable - accidents happen, machines break down, kids have their tantrums, workloads become seemingly unmanageable. And when you finally get home in anticipation of a tender hug and a sympathetic ear, you find instead another frustrated and angry person who can't wait to dump all the day's tribulations onto your already tired soul.
What happens then? What happens when you have a lousy day?
You see, the problem with not choosing a positive attitude everyday is that we run the risk of getting a negative one imposed on us at the whim of other people and situation. Our mood is then at the mercy of the volatile. But although we can't dictate the weather, we certainly can choose how we react to it.
So what if we claim our right to consciously choose our attitude?
Well, we'd invite more joy into our lives. We often overestimate the influence the outside world has on our mood - like if we encounter a surly cashier at the cafe, we feel offended and ourselves become sullen and rude, as if to pay forward this unbearable debt of bad manners. When really the moment's tention can be neutralised instantly if we choose not to be affected by someone else's thoughtlessness.
By choosing a positive attitude each day, we attract more positive experiences into our lives. The quality of each experience often determines the quality of the next experience - I'm sure you've been in situations where your plans get thrown off completely because something went wrong. But when things go awry, you can also choose to move on without a scratch, thus effecting a better outcome or future experience.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Negative People
You may not conscious of it, but many of the people you interact with every day have a less than rosy outlook on life and can often behave negatively as a result. All their negative small talk, sighs, and groans may not seem like much, but over time, they can have an impact on your own disposition. So if you've decided resolutely to be positive in your attitude from now on, how do you keep these naysayers from getting you down?
Now it's not unlikely that some of the negative people I mentioned earlier are your close friends and even family. When it comes to these people, it can be quite impossible for you to simply avoid them. Besides, they're probably genuinely concerned about you, but don't mistake concern for knowing. Just because they care about you doesn't mean that whatever they say has value. In fact, some of the things they say may even be quite detrimental to your well-being.
So don't believe everything you hear, even if it's from close friends and family. Their lack of understanding about your position maybe what causing them to be negative about your plans and opinions. It may also simply be their fear for your safety and welfare. But you should be clearest about where you're headed. Be firm and make up your own mind.
You may also be making yourself vulnerable to the negative sways of others because you feel you need their approval. You may be feeling insufficient in some way and have come to rely on the acceptance of others to feel validated. But if you depend on the approval of others to feel good or right about yourself and what you're doing, you're at the mercy of their restricting and probably questionable beliefs.
If you are to ever be at peace with who you are, you have to let go of the need for approval.
And finally, guess who's the most dangerous negative person you could ever have the misfortune of meeting?
It's You.
Your own negative and limiting thoughts and self talk have the most devastating effect on you simply because you're constantly in communication with yourself. You can shape your mind by shaping your thoughts. What's more, most people around you are simply reflecting back the negative view you have of yourself. So make sure that you maintain a positive frame of mind by adopting the right attitude and exposing yourself to the appropriate kinds of literature and media.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Now it's not unlikely that some of the negative people I mentioned earlier are your close friends and even family. When it comes to these people, it can be quite impossible for you to simply avoid them. Besides, they're probably genuinely concerned about you, but don't mistake concern for knowing. Just because they care about you doesn't mean that whatever they say has value. In fact, some of the things they say may even be quite detrimental to your well-being.
So don't believe everything you hear, even if it's from close friends and family. Their lack of understanding about your position maybe what causing them to be negative about your plans and opinions. It may also simply be their fear for your safety and welfare. But you should be clearest about where you're headed. Be firm and make up your own mind.
You may also be making yourself vulnerable to the negative sways of others because you feel you need their approval. You may be feeling insufficient in some way and have come to rely on the acceptance of others to feel validated. But if you depend on the approval of others to feel good or right about yourself and what you're doing, you're at the mercy of their restricting and probably questionable beliefs.
If you are to ever be at peace with who you are, you have to let go of the need for approval.
And finally, guess who's the most dangerous negative person you could ever have the misfortune of meeting?
It's You.
Your own negative and limiting thoughts and self talk have the most devastating effect on you simply because you're constantly in communication with yourself. You can shape your mind by shaping your thoughts. What's more, most people around you are simply reflecting back the negative view you have of yourself. So make sure that you maintain a positive frame of mind by adopting the right attitude and exposing yourself to the appropriate kinds of literature and media.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Business Attitude
When it comes to doing business, we often hear the word "aptitude", which refers to the talent and propensity for achieving business success. Well, certainly it helps a great deal when you have a natural flair for managing people, predicting market trends, or are skilled in import and export matters. Some people just seem to have a better "head for business, as they say.
But what's equally crucial, if not more important than "business aptitude" is "business attitude" - the manner and approach you carry towards a life in business. Many business people, despite their natural gifts for what they do, simply do not have the stamina for business. They drop out prematurely, after a few failures, or simply use up so much energy that they quite literally become too exhausted to continue.
Having the right business attitude, on the other hand, goes way beyond expertise, technique or "know-how". It's the ability to stay on course when scary winds are buffeting your ship from all directions. It's the ability to know when to row harder, when to let the sails take over, when to allow the currents to carry you.
In the business world, traps and potholes are aplenty. Failing several times is no uncommon, in fact, many business people will tell you it's the norm. Having the right business attitude means being able to handle these "downs" on your way to the "ups".
Think about the most successful person you know! How did that person become successful? Was he or she daunted by failure? Or were they always analyzing their mistakes, discovering what went wrong, and deciding not to repeat that mistake? It's the only route to success! It's so deceptively simple on paper, yet how many can truly do it in reality?
Think about your own thoughts about your success in business. Do you believe the only way to make more money is to work harder? Do you believe that you cannot be your own boss? Do you believe that the reasons for your failures are external? Other people, other events?
To achieve success in business (as with anything else), you have to believe that you can. Trying and failing is still better than doing nothing. At least you've learnt something. And take responsibility for your own actions. Do not blame people; learn from them. There are valuable lessons to be gleaned, even from your enemies.
Be constantly aware of what you're thinking. Re-program your mind to believe that you can, and you will!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But what's equally crucial, if not more important than "business aptitude" is "business attitude" - the manner and approach you carry towards a life in business. Many business people, despite their natural gifts for what they do, simply do not have the stamina for business. They drop out prematurely, after a few failures, or simply use up so much energy that they quite literally become too exhausted to continue.
Having the right business attitude, on the other hand, goes way beyond expertise, technique or "know-how". It's the ability to stay on course when scary winds are buffeting your ship from all directions. It's the ability to know when to row harder, when to let the sails take over, when to allow the currents to carry you.
In the business world, traps and potholes are aplenty. Failing several times is no uncommon, in fact, many business people will tell you it's the norm. Having the right business attitude means being able to handle these "downs" on your way to the "ups".
Think about the most successful person you know! How did that person become successful? Was he or she daunted by failure? Or were they always analyzing their mistakes, discovering what went wrong, and deciding not to repeat that mistake? It's the only route to success! It's so deceptively simple on paper, yet how many can truly do it in reality?
Think about your own thoughts about your success in business. Do you believe the only way to make more money is to work harder? Do you believe that you cannot be your own boss? Do you believe that the reasons for your failures are external? Other people, other events?
To achieve success in business (as with anything else), you have to believe that you can. Trying and failing is still better than doing nothing. At least you've learnt something. And take responsibility for your own actions. Do not blame people; learn from them. There are valuable lessons to be gleaned, even from your enemies.
Be constantly aware of what you're thinking. Re-program your mind to believe that you can, and you will!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Adjusting Your Attitude
It's all about attitude, isn't it? Change your attitude and you can change your life. Change your attitude and you can change the world. Change your attitude and you can be successful and happy....
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Think and Take Action
Many people think they are in control of their own lives and minds when they are in fact simply reacting to what's happening around them. For example, waking up at the same time every day and driving the same route to work knowing full well that there will usually be an excruciatingly slow jam. Or not knowing all the relevant information at a meeting but not asking for fear of appearing ognorant. What about allowing certain outcomes to determine our mood? Like if a friend turns up late, or whether or not we get that promotion.
Many of us do not think critically enough about how to improve our lives. Sure, we may think about getting a better haircut or how to get a good deal on our flat, but what about the deeper issues? For instance, what makes us upset and how we can deal with that? Our long-term goals, perhaps? What we truly want out of life? How we can get the knowledge that will help us achieve greater happiness and success?
We may think we think, but too often we're simply reacting to how we feel. And occasionally when we do think, weak follow-up is done or no action taken at all. Thoughts are useless until they are put into action.
Happy and successful people know how to think and take action to improve their lives. They spend a lot of time seeking understanding of their own minds. They're keenly aware of their needs, their desires, their strengths, their weaknesses, their emotions. They are comfortable with their authentic selves and do not need to present a different version to the world. They're honest to themselves and to others and are well-known of their integrity. They seek to make the world better but are able to distinguish between issues they should care about and what they should let go.
Ultimately, you have to decide who controls your mind and your life. Do you want to simply allow life to happen to you? To let the words and actions of others influence your mood and behaviours? Or do you want to be responsible for your own happiness?
Happy people accept and respect themselves fully. They know what they're good at and what they're not good at. So they don't react angrily when someone points out their weaknesses. They also don't collapse under self-castigation when they make mistakes.
What about consistently letting other people's advice overrule your own? And allowing them to make you feel bad about a certain decision you made? Remember, no decision is a bad one. It merely puts in motion a chain reaction that leads to different things. So think for yourself, respect your own thoughts, contemplate how you can improve your life and take action!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Many of us do not think critically enough about how to improve our lives. Sure, we may think about getting a better haircut or how to get a good deal on our flat, but what about the deeper issues? For instance, what makes us upset and how we can deal with that? Our long-term goals, perhaps? What we truly want out of life? How we can get the knowledge that will help us achieve greater happiness and success?
We may think we think, but too often we're simply reacting to how we feel. And occasionally when we do think, weak follow-up is done or no action taken at all. Thoughts are useless until they are put into action.
Happy and successful people know how to think and take action to improve their lives. They spend a lot of time seeking understanding of their own minds. They're keenly aware of their needs, their desires, their strengths, their weaknesses, their emotions. They are comfortable with their authentic selves and do not need to present a different version to the world. They're honest to themselves and to others and are well-known of their integrity. They seek to make the world better but are able to distinguish between issues they should care about and what they should let go.
Ultimately, you have to decide who controls your mind and your life. Do you want to simply allow life to happen to you? To let the words and actions of others influence your mood and behaviours? Or do you want to be responsible for your own happiness?
Happy people accept and respect themselves fully. They know what they're good at and what they're not good at. So they don't react angrily when someone points out their weaknesses. They also don't collapse under self-castigation when they make mistakes.
What about consistently letting other people's advice overrule your own? And allowing them to make you feel bad about a certain decision you made? Remember, no decision is a bad one. It merely puts in motion a chain reaction that leads to different things. So think for yourself, respect your own thoughts, contemplate how you can improve your life and take action!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Resolving Relationship Conflicts
What blocks you from resolving conflicts with your partner?
A lasting and rewarding relationship has to be open and honest. And to keep it that way, you have to be able to air grievances with your partner. Burying issues, and avoiding conflict and disagreements, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. You might as well accept the fact that you WILL get on each other's nerves. You will disagree from time to time. Learn how to argue in a constructive manner to resolve the issue at hand and not tear each other apart personally.
Here are some recommended steps for resolving conflict.
First of all, agree to reach a solution. Many of us either choose to attack our partner or run away from the argument, neither of which helps. Always remember that you and your partner are in the same team - both of you want what's best for the relationship. Sometimes, in the heat of argument, we forget that.
Also, explore your feelings. Why are you so upset? Examine your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event. See if this issue is really about you and your partner or you and someone from your past.
Next, identify what you want. Speak up. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Your partner cannot give what you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. Remember, you are in love with each other. You want to feel good, your partner wants to feel good, and you both have the same wish for each other. Keep that in mind as you express your desires.
And choose mutual action. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort. If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up. Work out fair resolutions.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
A lasting and rewarding relationship has to be open and honest. And to keep it that way, you have to be able to air grievances with your partner. Burying issues, and avoiding conflict and disagreements, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. You might as well accept the fact that you WILL get on each other's nerves. You will disagree from time to time. Learn how to argue in a constructive manner to resolve the issue at hand and not tear each other apart personally.
Here are some recommended steps for resolving conflict.
First of all, agree to reach a solution. Many of us either choose to attack our partner or run away from the argument, neither of which helps. Always remember that you and your partner are in the same team - both of you want what's best for the relationship. Sometimes, in the heat of argument, we forget that.
Also, explore your feelings. Why are you so upset? Examine your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event. See if this issue is really about you and your partner or you and someone from your past.
Next, identify what you want. Speak up. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Your partner cannot give what you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. Remember, you are in love with each other. You want to feel good, your partner wants to feel good, and you both have the same wish for each other. Keep that in mind as you express your desires.
And choose mutual action. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort. If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up. Work out fair resolutions.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Article from Lee Kuan Yew's Daughter
Lets read from Mr. Lee Kuan Yew's daughter, director of the National Neuroscience Institute.......
*My house is shabby, but it is comfortable*
There is no end to wanting - after the Ferrari and the Birkin bag, what next?
By Lee Wei Ling
In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: 'Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always
less painful compared to the private sector.'
Slump time has arrived with a bang.
While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.
Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore , have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.
A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.
A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.
The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.
The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn't that the root cause of the current cri sis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?
I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don't believe in the supernatural and I don't think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: 'Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.'
My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today's standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.
Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.
Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn.
We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.
But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.
No matter how poor you are in Singapore , the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore. Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.
Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one's own labour is one's prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously. But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering.
After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to? Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.
When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our
fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?
We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.
In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.
To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.
*The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute. *
Secrets of Sound Sleep
A single good night's sleep can rejuventate your mind, body and soul. Here's how you can get one tonight.
A regular exercise routine will help you fall asleep faster and wake up feeling more refreshed, but experts don't recommend vigorous exercise fewer than three hours before bedtime. Instead, schedule your workout five or six hours before lights out. Exercise causes your core body temperature to rise, and natural sleepiness will set in when your body temperature drops again.
Find another place for stressful activities. Pay your bills in your study or dining table, not in your bedroom, and definitely not in your bed. Your bed should be your sanctuary.
Now you probably know this one - avoid nicotine and alcohol before bed. Nicotine is a potent stimulant, and the metabolism of alcohol has an alerting effect. Skip the afternoon latte, too. The stimulating effect of caffeine can remain for as long as 12 hours. Keep in mind that many teas and carbonated drinks contain high levels of caffeine as well.
Restrict your water intake just before bed and during the night. Midnight trips to the bathroom can cut into your sleep, particularly if you have a hard time dozing off again. Six hours of continuous sleep can often result a more rested feeling than eight hours of on-again, off-again snoozing.
Check to see if any of your prescription or over-the-counter medications may be interfering with your sleep. Some diet pills, birth control pills, anti-depressants, and blood pressure medications can have a rousing effect. Sleeping pills, while tempting, are not the answer. They quickly lose their effectiveness and can be addictive.
At night, create a nest for yourself. Eliminate clutter, maintain a comfortable sleeping temperature, and keep the room dark. Nightlights and bright moonlight can interfere with quality sleep.
Practice aromatherapy. Lavender oil or a lavender sachet on your bedside table may help you feel sleepy and more relaxed.
Stock your bedside table with easy reads that are both empowering and relaxing.
Keep a notebook and a pen near your bed, as well, to jot down any late night worries. The act of recording your anxieties will help clear them from your head so you can relax into slumber. Sweet dreams!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
A regular exercise routine will help you fall asleep faster and wake up feeling more refreshed, but experts don't recommend vigorous exercise fewer than three hours before bedtime. Instead, schedule your workout five or six hours before lights out. Exercise causes your core body temperature to rise, and natural sleepiness will set in when your body temperature drops again.
Find another place for stressful activities. Pay your bills in your study or dining table, not in your bedroom, and definitely not in your bed. Your bed should be your sanctuary.
Now you probably know this one - avoid nicotine and alcohol before bed. Nicotine is a potent stimulant, and the metabolism of alcohol has an alerting effect. Skip the afternoon latte, too. The stimulating effect of caffeine can remain for as long as 12 hours. Keep in mind that many teas and carbonated drinks contain high levels of caffeine as well.
Restrict your water intake just before bed and during the night. Midnight trips to the bathroom can cut into your sleep, particularly if you have a hard time dozing off again. Six hours of continuous sleep can often result a more rested feeling than eight hours of on-again, off-again snoozing.
Check to see if any of your prescription or over-the-counter medications may be interfering with your sleep. Some diet pills, birth control pills, anti-depressants, and blood pressure medications can have a rousing effect. Sleeping pills, while tempting, are not the answer. They quickly lose their effectiveness and can be addictive.
At night, create a nest for yourself. Eliminate clutter, maintain a comfortable sleeping temperature, and keep the room dark. Nightlights and bright moonlight can interfere with quality sleep.
Practice aromatherapy. Lavender oil or a lavender sachet on your bedside table may help you feel sleepy and more relaxed.
Stock your bedside table with easy reads that are both empowering and relaxing.
Keep a notebook and a pen near your bed, as well, to jot down any late night worries. The act of recording your anxieties will help clear them from your head so you can relax into slumber. Sweet dreams!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Coping With Post-Dismissal Blues
Ok, so you've been laid off. It happens. Perhaps more so in this tough economic climate, but certainly it happens all the time.
People get fired every day for every reason imaginable. Companies downsize, streamline, synergise and your company's chief priority is to keep itself commercially viable; keeping you viable is not its responsibility at all despite what some managers may tell you. That is the harsh reality. Whatever the case, remember that you are not alone.
Besides, it may not be about you nor even your competence. Just like a relationship break-up, your dismissal does not mean that you're worthless or that you were deemed not good enough to retain. Often, the real reason could be personal or even arbitrary - if your boss wants you gone, he will make sure it happens. It may have very little to do with your values as an employee. Your boss could have been intimidated by your talent and was concerned that he could lose his job and you could be promoted. It could be a personality conflict. Or maybe company objectives or development paths have changed and your job doesn't match those changes. So stop speculating; that's sure to drive you nuts. And don't be ashamed; your value as a worker hasn't changed.
The important thing here is not to waste time or burden your peace of mind by dwelling on the dismissal, on the why's or how's. You will need a positive frame of mind in order to do your best at job interviews, and preparing yourself for those is probably the most crucial thing now.
But though you should not over-analyse the reasons for your dismissal, you should think about the lessons learnt from your stint at your former company. What mistakes should not be repeated at your next workplace? Could you maybe build more business contacts? Network more with your colleagues? Gossip less and learnt more? Acquire new skills while on the job? Go for part-time classes? Be more open to new responsibilities or courses because you can learn something from every experience?
In order to perform your best at job interviews, you need to feel your best. So instead of clogging up your mind with worry and pessimism, take the timeout as a break for you to spend more quality time with your loved ones, catch up with old friends, take up a new hobby, and so on. Don't be too quick to judge these as frivolous time-wasters; remember that opportunity can knock anywhere and in any form - just keep your eyes and ears open fro them. Be curious, ask, enquire!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
People get fired every day for every reason imaginable. Companies downsize, streamline, synergise and your company's chief priority is to keep itself commercially viable; keeping you viable is not its responsibility at all despite what some managers may tell you. That is the harsh reality. Whatever the case, remember that you are not alone.
Besides, it may not be about you nor even your competence. Just like a relationship break-up, your dismissal does not mean that you're worthless or that you were deemed not good enough to retain. Often, the real reason could be personal or even arbitrary - if your boss wants you gone, he will make sure it happens. It may have very little to do with your values as an employee. Your boss could have been intimidated by your talent and was concerned that he could lose his job and you could be promoted. It could be a personality conflict. Or maybe company objectives or development paths have changed and your job doesn't match those changes. So stop speculating; that's sure to drive you nuts. And don't be ashamed; your value as a worker hasn't changed.
The important thing here is not to waste time or burden your peace of mind by dwelling on the dismissal, on the why's or how's. You will need a positive frame of mind in order to do your best at job interviews, and preparing yourself for those is probably the most crucial thing now.
But though you should not over-analyse the reasons for your dismissal, you should think about the lessons learnt from your stint at your former company. What mistakes should not be repeated at your next workplace? Could you maybe build more business contacts? Network more with your colleagues? Gossip less and learnt more? Acquire new skills while on the job? Go for part-time classes? Be more open to new responsibilities or courses because you can learn something from every experience?
In order to perform your best at job interviews, you need to feel your best. So instead of clogging up your mind with worry and pessimism, take the timeout as a break for you to spend more quality time with your loved ones, catch up with old friends, take up a new hobby, and so on. Don't be too quick to judge these as frivolous time-wasters; remember that opportunity can knock anywhere and in any form - just keep your eyes and ears open fro them. Be curious, ask, enquire!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Deception
Most of us lie to some degree, and even the most truthful among us have occasionally misstated fact as long as they felt they weren't jeopardizing anyone. But none of us are as skillful as lying to others as we are at lying to ourselves.
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Keeping Pessimism At Bay
For many of us, an attitude of pessimism is a form of self-defense. If we expect the worst, and it doesn't happen, we're spared the worst grief. And if we expect the worst, and it does happen, well at least we were right. The idea is that if we don't get our hopes too high, we won't have a hard fall.
But there is a more sinister, perhaps truer explanation for pessimism. Pessimists are in fact cowards who refuse to accept responsibility for their happiness and instead go through life behaving like victims of external circumstances. Pessimists routinely expect bad things to happen and thus make no effort to make things better. They behave as though the world exerts such a daunting force upon them that resistance is pointless. This kind of belief conveniently absolves them of any duty or responsibility to improve their own lives.
But pessimist is condemned to failure, or at least, mediocrity. Because self-enhancement is neither expected nor believed to be possible by their own means, pessimists are content to accept whatever is given to them.
Human beings are by nature weak and therefore most of us have a propensity towards pessimism - this is a kind of spiritual laziness that believes that since nothing better is possible, no work needs to be done. But if you are determined to keep pessimism at bay, here are few habits you can cultivate.
Firstly, adopt and attitude of gratitude. Pessimists are so blinded by the pains and injustices in life that they cannot see the good. If you are to transcend the pessimistic mindset, you have to first learn to be thankful for everything that comes your way. An absolute attitude of gratitude, that is, seeing the good in everything even when it appears bad, is not easy to develop, but it is by no means impossible. But start with finding at least one thing to be grateful for in every situation.
Next, surround yourself only with optimistic, forward-looking people. You will feed off one another's positive energies.
Next, watch your language. There is no doubt that words influence our consciousness, so consistently strive to use upbeat language, even if it feels strange initially. You'll come to realize that you can very often make yourself feel better just by saying the right words.
And foster a habit of creativity. Make repetition a sin. Try to do things differently. Over-deliver - when asked for one, come up with three. this renews and energises your mind and trains it to be resilient and resourceful.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But there is a more sinister, perhaps truer explanation for pessimism. Pessimists are in fact cowards who refuse to accept responsibility for their happiness and instead go through life behaving like victims of external circumstances. Pessimists routinely expect bad things to happen and thus make no effort to make things better. They behave as though the world exerts such a daunting force upon them that resistance is pointless. This kind of belief conveniently absolves them of any duty or responsibility to improve their own lives.
But pessimist is condemned to failure, or at least, mediocrity. Because self-enhancement is neither expected nor believed to be possible by their own means, pessimists are content to accept whatever is given to them.
Human beings are by nature weak and therefore most of us have a propensity towards pessimism - this is a kind of spiritual laziness that believes that since nothing better is possible, no work needs to be done. But if you are determined to keep pessimism at bay, here are few habits you can cultivate.
Firstly, adopt and attitude of gratitude. Pessimists are so blinded by the pains and injustices in life that they cannot see the good. If you are to transcend the pessimistic mindset, you have to first learn to be thankful for everything that comes your way. An absolute attitude of gratitude, that is, seeing the good in everything even when it appears bad, is not easy to develop, but it is by no means impossible. But start with finding at least one thing to be grateful for in every situation.
Next, surround yourself only with optimistic, forward-looking people. You will feed off one another's positive energies.
Next, watch your language. There is no doubt that words influence our consciousness, so consistently strive to use upbeat language, even if it feels strange initially. You'll come to realize that you can very often make yourself feel better just by saying the right words.
And foster a habit of creativity. Make repetition a sin. Try to do things differently. Over-deliver - when asked for one, come up with three. this renews and energises your mind and trains it to be resilient and resourceful.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Fabricated Life Rules
Life is full of rules. Most of us have been taught since young to follow these rules, often without question. But rules, ironically are not as standard nor rigid as we may believe. Across different cultures and contexts, they vary indefinitely. Rules have always been made by the people in charge. And the people in charge change.
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Hidden Power of Giving
You've probably heard the phrase "It's better to give than to receive". But do you know why? What is the hidden power of giving that makes it so prooundly wonderful?
Think of the last time you gave someone a gift with no expectation of reciprocity. How did it feel? No doubt you felt happy knowing that you've made someone else's day. It's this expression of your power to give joy to anyone at any time.
And I'm not talking exclusively about material gifts; you can always run out of money, but you can give of yourself endlessly - you time, your love, your experience, your shoulder, your ear.
But besides making your spirit swell with good feelings, the act of giving altruistically also sets in motion an invisible ripple of more selfless gifts that will eventually come full circle. Yes, your good deed will boomerang in amazing and sometimes surprising ways.
I'm sure you've heard of, or maybe even experienced personally, a favour done for you by someone whom you'd helped in some way in the past, or even someone who was inspired by your giving ways. And that's just one of the many ways your gift will come back to you.
When you give selflessly, no matter how small the deed or gift, you release good vibrations into the world - feelings of love, respect, gratitude, fellowship. You enlarge your world of people who would lend you a hand whenever the need arises; more importantly, motivated by your attitude, these people are more likely to spread this act and message of selfless giving to others in need.
This doesn't mean that you give only in expectation of this kind of reward - it's simply your contribution to the preservation of good feelings in this world, and that is no small thing. In a world where many lives are lived in poverty, war, hatred, and intolerance everyday, even one small candle can light up the dark.
Also, just imagine what all these good feelings are doing to your heart and your health!
So go forth and give, but bear this in mind, the hidden power of giving is only truly and fully unleashed when you give secretly or in private with no expectation of any reward.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Think of the last time you gave someone a gift with no expectation of reciprocity. How did it feel? No doubt you felt happy knowing that you've made someone else's day. It's this expression of your power to give joy to anyone at any time.
And I'm not talking exclusively about material gifts; you can always run out of money, but you can give of yourself endlessly - you time, your love, your experience, your shoulder, your ear.
But besides making your spirit swell with good feelings, the act of giving altruistically also sets in motion an invisible ripple of more selfless gifts that will eventually come full circle. Yes, your good deed will boomerang in amazing and sometimes surprising ways.
I'm sure you've heard of, or maybe even experienced personally, a favour done for you by someone whom you'd helped in some way in the past, or even someone who was inspired by your giving ways. And that's just one of the many ways your gift will come back to you.
When you give selflessly, no matter how small the deed or gift, you release good vibrations into the world - feelings of love, respect, gratitude, fellowship. You enlarge your world of people who would lend you a hand whenever the need arises; more importantly, motivated by your attitude, these people are more likely to spread this act and message of selfless giving to others in need.
This doesn't mean that you give only in expectation of this kind of reward - it's simply your contribution to the preservation of good feelings in this world, and that is no small thing. In a world where many lives are lived in poverty, war, hatred, and intolerance everyday, even one small candle can light up the dark.
Also, just imagine what all these good feelings are doing to your heart and your health!
So go forth and give, but bear this in mind, the hidden power of giving is only truly and fully unleashed when you give secretly or in private with no expectation of any reward.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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