Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner's feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you're afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?
One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is "Thou shalt trust thy partner". Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.
If you're feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't believe that we deserve love. That's why we doubt our partner's feelings for us. We think that it's too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicious. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they'll do whatever we want. But that's not love; that's slavery.
Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you're doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.
Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you're good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you're not around.
You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?
Look into their mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you'll ever be, so enjoy it. When you're happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Self Building. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Building. Show all posts
Enhancing Your Effectiveness
"Time is precious."
"Be thankful for each day."
"Make the most of each moment."
Most of us have heard these phrases and philosophies and on some level, we understand what they mean. Yet, many of us still spend our time like drifting nomads, allowing the weather, availability of resources or whatever to dictate where we go instead of planning our destinations and charting our own routes.
This can happen when we get lulled into the humdrum of modern life.
Especially if you're in a job you don't have a passion for. After some time, you become numb, working purely for the pay and everyday seems to drag on without expectation or intention.
How can we find the spark again and enhance our effectiveness and verve?
Well, make it a habit to make everyday as productive as you possibly can. When you are productive, you feel vital and useful and this is a very empowering feeling. Be deliberate about it. If there's nothing of significance on your to-do list, find something. Decide on one main purpose a day. Make that your priority and make sure you do it. This gives you the feeling of always moving ahead.
In life, we will sometimes be called on to perform tasks we wouldn't normally find engaging, but put your heart into them anyway and you will be surprised at how interesting and satisfying they can become. Rather than sighing your way through another routine assignment, try looking out for something different, something hidden in the details. Try doing just a bit more, asking a few more questions, giving a little more value. You'll probably discover a lot of value you never realised was inherent in the task before!
Opportunities are present every day... at every moment, even. You only need to look out for them. Most of us are so used to brushing off opportunities that we're missing out on them on a daily basis without even knowing it. Just try an experiment - for one day, make a note of anything of remote interest, from the media, from your colleagues, from places and so on.
At the end of the day, go through your list and think how each of them can make you more knowledgeable, more valuable or more efficient. Mix them around, combine them, brainstorm some ideas! There's probably a great business or work idea in there somewhere.
Don't allow tedium and routine to take root in your life. Take control of the reins and lead your life with more joy and expectation!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
"Be thankful for each day."
"Make the most of each moment."
Most of us have heard these phrases and philosophies and on some level, we understand what they mean. Yet, many of us still spend our time like drifting nomads, allowing the weather, availability of resources or whatever to dictate where we go instead of planning our destinations and charting our own routes.
This can happen when we get lulled into the humdrum of modern life.
Especially if you're in a job you don't have a passion for. After some time, you become numb, working purely for the pay and everyday seems to drag on without expectation or intention.
How can we find the spark again and enhance our effectiveness and verve?
Well, make it a habit to make everyday as productive as you possibly can. When you are productive, you feel vital and useful and this is a very empowering feeling. Be deliberate about it. If there's nothing of significance on your to-do list, find something. Decide on one main purpose a day. Make that your priority and make sure you do it. This gives you the feeling of always moving ahead.
In life, we will sometimes be called on to perform tasks we wouldn't normally find engaging, but put your heart into them anyway and you will be surprised at how interesting and satisfying they can become. Rather than sighing your way through another routine assignment, try looking out for something different, something hidden in the details. Try doing just a bit more, asking a few more questions, giving a little more value. You'll probably discover a lot of value you never realised was inherent in the task before!
Opportunities are present every day... at every moment, even. You only need to look out for them. Most of us are so used to brushing off opportunities that we're missing out on them on a daily basis without even knowing it. Just try an experiment - for one day, make a note of anything of remote interest, from the media, from your colleagues, from places and so on.
At the end of the day, go through your list and think how each of them can make you more knowledgeable, more valuable or more efficient. Mix them around, combine them, brainstorm some ideas! There's probably a great business or work idea in there somewhere.
Don't allow tedium and routine to take root in your life. Take control of the reins and lead your life with more joy and expectation!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity
When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world today stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustices, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Power of Giving
In such a competitive society, a lot of emphasis is placed on winning and taking as much as we can.
But what do we really gain by taking all the time? And how much of what we take can we really hold on to?
Unlike taking, whatever we give away takes on a life of its own. It spreads and multiplies and finally finds its way back to you. It probably won't come immediately, nor will it come from the source you expected. Most likely you would have forgotten all about your gift when its impact finally comes round to you. But have faith that this law applies unfailingly.
This law also applies to any negative deed or words you send out. Whatever you feel about someone, be it concern, love, respect or be it envy or hate will surely come back to you in some clear or unseen manner.
If you speak well of someone, this positive energy will have a chain reaction, and many more will speak kindly of you. But if it's spiteful words you send out, this negative energy will also be reflected back to you. Kind words encourage and inspire... hateful words only breed resentment and revenge.
Our thoughts and actions are a reflection of our soul. Kind and positive ones come from underlying happiness and contentment and only serve to enrich our souls even more. Unkind thoughs come from petty, unhappy souls and only serve to bring us more pain.
think of giving as a mirror. Whatever we send out, we get back. Smile kindly and you will be greeted with the same. Positivity begets positivity. Kindness begets kindness. A hateful scowl only chases love away.
As you start or end this day, remember that kindness comes to those who first are kind. If it's friendship you want, first be a friend yourself. If it's respect you crave, be respectful towards others. If you want to be accepted, embrace others fully. If you want to be loved, you must first be loving.
Many things in this life are temporal and fleeting. Money, power, position, fame, youth... Attachment to these things ultimately contribute to the emptiness in our hearts.
However, the good things we do for others, and the love and concern we give away are the only things that will remain with us.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But what do we really gain by taking all the time? And how much of what we take can we really hold on to?
Unlike taking, whatever we give away takes on a life of its own. It spreads and multiplies and finally finds its way back to you. It probably won't come immediately, nor will it come from the source you expected. Most likely you would have forgotten all about your gift when its impact finally comes round to you. But have faith that this law applies unfailingly.
This law also applies to any negative deed or words you send out. Whatever you feel about someone, be it concern, love, respect or be it envy or hate will surely come back to you in some clear or unseen manner.
If you speak well of someone, this positive energy will have a chain reaction, and many more will speak kindly of you. But if it's spiteful words you send out, this negative energy will also be reflected back to you. Kind words encourage and inspire... hateful words only breed resentment and revenge.
Our thoughts and actions are a reflection of our soul. Kind and positive ones come from underlying happiness and contentment and only serve to enrich our souls even more. Unkind thoughs come from petty, unhappy souls and only serve to bring us more pain.
think of giving as a mirror. Whatever we send out, we get back. Smile kindly and you will be greeted with the same. Positivity begets positivity. Kindness begets kindness. A hateful scowl only chases love away.
As you start or end this day, remember that kindness comes to those who first are kind. If it's friendship you want, first be a friend yourself. If it's respect you crave, be respectful towards others. If you want to be accepted, embrace others fully. If you want to be loved, you must first be loving.
Many things in this life are temporal and fleeting. Money, power, position, fame, youth... Attachment to these things ultimately contribute to the emptiness in our hearts.
However, the good things we do for others, and the love and concern we give away are the only things that will remain with us.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustice, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Letting Go
One of the most important and difficult skills to learn in life is letting go.
Letting go of things, of people, of environments... accepting that change is inevitable, and that very often, some things have to go to make ways for other things.
We are creatures of habit, and nothing suits us more than staying in our routines and comfort zones. But resisting change is one of the most frustrating and futile things we can do. And a lot of our unhappiness stems from not being able to let go of things that have run their natural course.
Our fascination with prolonging life, for example... as if we're really making the most of this extra time. Or fiercely holding on to archaic beliefs simply because everyone else seems to believe in them. Pining for someone who no longer cares for us. Blindly asserting that we should follow certain rules, knowing full well that these rules are made by Man, and Man is imperfect, which logically follows that rules are imperfect.
I'm not saying that you wilfully break the rules. I'm simply suggesting that we don't allow them to constrict us. Sometimes rules can prevent us from seeing the bigger picture.
The "rule" for example, that it's bad for us to be wrong. This belief causes us to seek to win every time. As a result, we learn to be in attack mode, often unleashing our power on the weak and helpless, pulverising our opponents, raising their bloody scalps as symbols of our superiority. But this kind of victor only alienates us from friends and loved ones, breeds enemies, and fills our life with suspicion and hatred.
To what end, to be right all the time? What does it really mean to win?
We should all accept that we can all be wrong sometimes, and that really isn't such a big deal. Too much time on that high horse is obviously choking some chakras.
We'd all be doing ourselves a huge favour to get over our egos. Our ego resists change, it resists the flow and cycle of life. It keeps us obsessed with judging and correcting others, while remaining blind to our own shortcomings. It keeps us stuck in a reality constructed only by our limited senses. It continues to fool us that the past matters a lot, that it affects our future. When in truth, nothing affects your future except YOU, right now.
If we can let go of our ego... only then can we learn to appreciate life for that it truly is. To appreciate the journey instead of focusing on the destination. To feel the passion instead of fixating on the "purpose". To embrace change, to allow the flow of life to enrich and fill us. To be as sinuous as the river that runs unreservedly, unyielding-ly into the sea.
Letting go of things, of people, of environments... accepting that change is inevitable, and that very often, some things have to go to make ways for other things.
We are creatures of habit, and nothing suits us more than staying in our routines and comfort zones. But resisting change is one of the most frustrating and futile things we can do. And a lot of our unhappiness stems from not being able to let go of things that have run their natural course.
Our fascination with prolonging life, for example... as if we're really making the most of this extra time. Or fiercely holding on to archaic beliefs simply because everyone else seems to believe in them. Pining for someone who no longer cares for us. Blindly asserting that we should follow certain rules, knowing full well that these rules are made by Man, and Man is imperfect, which logically follows that rules are imperfect.
I'm not saying that you wilfully break the rules. I'm simply suggesting that we don't allow them to constrict us. Sometimes rules can prevent us from seeing the bigger picture.
The "rule" for example, that it's bad for us to be wrong. This belief causes us to seek to win every time. As a result, we learn to be in attack mode, often unleashing our power on the weak and helpless, pulverising our opponents, raising their bloody scalps as symbols of our superiority. But this kind of victor only alienates us from friends and loved ones, breeds enemies, and fills our life with suspicion and hatred.
To what end, to be right all the time? What does it really mean to win?
We should all accept that we can all be wrong sometimes, and that really isn't such a big deal. Too much time on that high horse is obviously choking some chakras.
We'd all be doing ourselves a huge favour to get over our egos. Our ego resists change, it resists the flow and cycle of life. It keeps us obsessed with judging and correcting others, while remaining blind to our own shortcomings. It keeps us stuck in a reality constructed only by our limited senses. It continues to fool us that the past matters a lot, that it affects our future. When in truth, nothing affects your future except YOU, right now.
If we can let go of our ego... only then can we learn to appreciate life for that it truly is. To appreciate the journey instead of focusing on the destination. To feel the passion instead of fixating on the "purpose". To embrace change, to allow the flow of life to enrich and fill us. To be as sinuous as the river that runs unreservedly, unyielding-ly into the sea.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being True to Ourselves
No one likes being lied to. The truth is what we respect, indeed what we often demand. Yet, the person we often most lie to is our self.
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Detaching Yourself From Discouragement
If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop Talking Negatively to Yourself
It's a surprising statistic, but studies have shown that on average we make between 300 and 400 self-evaluations per day. And that's not even the most starting part... apparently, out of those 300 to 400 self-assessments, about 80% are negative.
The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in.
Here are some things one typically says to oneself, whether aloud or as a passing thought, when one makes a mistake...
"That was stupid! Why am I always messing things up? That's so embarrassing!"
We may not take these episodes into consideration, but when it happens often enough, it weakens our self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse.
Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had a lot of help!". It may be a cultural thing, Confucian perhaps, that we tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you are always selling yourself short, you are also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
There is virtue in humility, but we must also learn not to allow negative self-talk to ruin our self-esteem and chances of greater success and joy.
The next time you make a mistake, or do something you feel is not proper or right, try thinking about your strategy for the future. Focus on what you can do better, not on the disappointment and frustration of the error. The more you dwell on a mis-step, the more likely you are going to repeat it. But if you pay more attention to improvement, you are much more likely to keep enhancing your performance.
The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in.
Here are some things one typically says to oneself, whether aloud or as a passing thought, when one makes a mistake...
"That was stupid! Why am I always messing things up? That's so embarrassing!"
We may not take these episodes into consideration, but when it happens often enough, it weakens our self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse.
Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had a lot of help!". It may be a cultural thing, Confucian perhaps, that we tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you are always selling yourself short, you are also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
There is virtue in humility, but we must also learn not to allow negative self-talk to ruin our self-esteem and chances of greater success and joy.
The next time you make a mistake, or do something you feel is not proper or right, try thinking about your strategy for the future. Focus on what you can do better, not on the disappointment and frustration of the error. The more you dwell on a mis-step, the more likely you are going to repeat it. But if you pay more attention to improvement, you are much more likely to keep enhancing your performance.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop Being Judgemental
Judgemental people tend to impose their beliefs and their way of life on others. They look down on people who don't live up to their expectations.
Your way feels "right", you say. But it may not be "right" for others. Others should not have to act, be, and make the same choices that you do. As long as we are not out there raping, killing or robbing, we all deserve respect and acceptance.
But many of us inevitably find things we don't like about others.
Say you see someone in line at the post office. He wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. You may be appalled that he could leave home looking like that. You may judge him to be poor and dirty.
But there could be a myriad of reasons why he chooses to present himself that way. Perhaps he's in deep grief from a personal loss and so he does not care about his appearance. It could be any reason. The point is that he is who he is and you are who you are. How one presents themselves in public is none of our business, nor is it up to us to dictate how another person runs his life. Your way is right for you. His way is right for him.
When you stop being judgemental, you release all the bad emotions that come along with that habit. You will have a new habit of going around with compassion in your soul for the people with which we share this world.
It's a wonderful feeling to be unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not only say that others will quite judging you just because you aren't judging of others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a thing as being non-judgemental or of becoming a better person! All you can do is continue on your journey. Remember, your business is with building a better you.
Your way feels "right", you say. But it may not be "right" for others. Others should not have to act, be, and make the same choices that you do. As long as we are not out there raping, killing or robbing, we all deserve respect and acceptance.
But many of us inevitably find things we don't like about others.
Say you see someone in line at the post office. He wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. You may be appalled that he could leave home looking like that. You may judge him to be poor and dirty.
But there could be a myriad of reasons why he chooses to present himself that way. Perhaps he's in deep grief from a personal loss and so he does not care about his appearance. It could be any reason. The point is that he is who he is and you are who you are. How one presents themselves in public is none of our business, nor is it up to us to dictate how another person runs his life. Your way is right for you. His way is right for him.
When you stop being judgemental, you release all the bad emotions that come along with that habit. You will have a new habit of going around with compassion in your soul for the people with which we share this world.
It's a wonderful feeling to be unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not only say that others will quite judging you just because you aren't judging of others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a thing as being non-judgemental or of becoming a better person! All you can do is continue on your journey. Remember, your business is with building a better you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Loving Your True Self
Some people always put others before them, and to them this is a very natural thing; they feel they are being selfless and sympathetic. But in the process, they can forget who they are and lose themselves. They begin to get depressed, lose focus and ambition and wonder what happened to their lives to make them get to this point. The answer is simple - they let their obligations and responsibilities get in the way of fulfilling their life's destiny and, in short, they lost themselves to others.
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Watching What We Say
We all understand keenly the power of information. The battle can be won simply because one side intercepted news of the enemy's intention. A rash email can become a source of deep embarassment, not to mention potential source of blackmail. A person's reputation can be ruined by rumour.
Of cource, most of the time, our talk is a positive attribute. It helps us make friends and helps others feel included in a group. But sometimes, we get so caught up in talking and "doing what comes naturally" that we forget to think before we open our mouths.
There is an adage that goes "The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid."
Here's something to think about the next time we feel the urge to talk about someone, or are in the presence of someone talking about someone else.
Do i know this to be the absolute truth? Am I adding embellishments of my own? How well-informed am I about this person or this situation? Am I qualified to make a judgement? Did I get this news from someone else? How reliable is that person? Is he or she consistently gossiping about others? Am I pointing out the flaws of others in order to distract people from my own? Would I want this news shared about me?
I know it's extremely difficult to hold our tongues - very often we think of it as "Just making conversation". But think about what your words are doing. Are you muddying the person's reputation just for a bit of "conversation"? What are your words doing to you? What are they doing to other people's perception of you?
The next time you're drawn into a conversation, watch what you say. What are you discussing? What impressions are you forming, intentionally or unintentionally? Are you preoccupied with the trivial pursuits, trials and defeats of other people instead of focusing on your own flaws and working on them to improve yourself?
What we say about other people also says volumes about the kind of person we are. As someone once wrote: "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly."
Of cource, most of the time, our talk is a positive attribute. It helps us make friends and helps others feel included in a group. But sometimes, we get so caught up in talking and "doing what comes naturally" that we forget to think before we open our mouths.
There is an adage that goes "The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid."
Here's something to think about the next time we feel the urge to talk about someone, or are in the presence of someone talking about someone else.
Do i know this to be the absolute truth? Am I adding embellishments of my own? How well-informed am I about this person or this situation? Am I qualified to make a judgement? Did I get this news from someone else? How reliable is that person? Is he or she consistently gossiping about others? Am I pointing out the flaws of others in order to distract people from my own? Would I want this news shared about me?
I know it's extremely difficult to hold our tongues - very often we think of it as "Just making conversation". But think about what your words are doing. Are you muddying the person's reputation just for a bit of "conversation"? What are your words doing to you? What are they doing to other people's perception of you?
The next time you're drawn into a conversation, watch what you say. What are you discussing? What impressions are you forming, intentionally or unintentionally? Are you preoccupied with the trivial pursuits, trials and defeats of other people instead of focusing on your own flaws and working on them to improve yourself?
What we say about other people also says volumes about the kind of person we are. As someone once wrote: "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Love
We all want greater happiness. And most of us seek it in things like money, fast love, power, respect, adoration and career success. But we ultimately realise that the joy we get from these things does not last.
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Making Great Impressions
Want to nail that job interview? Want to wow the crowd? Want to make friends easily?
Then you've got to make a great impression!
Making great first impressions is important because with casual encounters, like a job interview or a public presentation, most people use that to assess the rest of their contact with you. Of course, over time, as people get to know you better, the effect of that first impression may become much less crucial, but casual encounters occur much more frequently.
Today, let's talk about the key components of making a great impression.
First of all, you have to look the part. This may sound superficial, but visual cues are all people have to work with when they first meet you, and you can be sure that they're sizing you up even before you part your lips. No matter how talented you really are, if you don't look like a professional or leader or successful person, others may not (rightly or wrongly) see you as one. You can get tips simply by observing people whom you deem successful at a glance. Black and blue are "safe" colours, but make you fade into the crowd. Try bolder shades to stand out.
Next, you have to sound the part. Use short, simple sentences, do not hurry, use a lower pitch, and always speak with confidence and without hesitation. Here, the execution of your words might be more important than the words themselves. Even if they are hackneyed or banal, when spoken the right way - with the right rhythm, volume, pauses and emphases - your words can have a positive impact. They can make you sound like you're in control of a situation.
You've heard how certain people seem to alter the very atmosphere the moment they enter the room. Well, your entrances and even exits do matter! Keep your posture upright, your walk deliberate and steady, smile, nod, look straight into people's eyes, shake hands firmly... all this sets you up for success even before you start your pitch.
And your workspace is just a space for work, right? Not when it comes to making the right impression. Like it or not, people interpret your work area as a reflection of your work ethic, character and personality. While sensible use of personal pictures or inspirational posters can show you to be a family person or motivated character, cute screensavers, cuddly toys and an excess of plants can detract from your professionalism. It's not that you should not express yourself, but in the small area of a work space, each item becomes more noticeable, taking on greater significance as a symbol of who you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Then you've got to make a great impression!
Making great first impressions is important because with casual encounters, like a job interview or a public presentation, most people use that to assess the rest of their contact with you. Of course, over time, as people get to know you better, the effect of that first impression may become much less crucial, but casual encounters occur much more frequently.
Today, let's talk about the key components of making a great impression.
First of all, you have to look the part. This may sound superficial, but visual cues are all people have to work with when they first meet you, and you can be sure that they're sizing you up even before you part your lips. No matter how talented you really are, if you don't look like a professional or leader or successful person, others may not (rightly or wrongly) see you as one. You can get tips simply by observing people whom you deem successful at a glance. Black and blue are "safe" colours, but make you fade into the crowd. Try bolder shades to stand out.
Next, you have to sound the part. Use short, simple sentences, do not hurry, use a lower pitch, and always speak with confidence and without hesitation. Here, the execution of your words might be more important than the words themselves. Even if they are hackneyed or banal, when spoken the right way - with the right rhythm, volume, pauses and emphases - your words can have a positive impact. They can make you sound like you're in control of a situation.
You've heard how certain people seem to alter the very atmosphere the moment they enter the room. Well, your entrances and even exits do matter! Keep your posture upright, your walk deliberate and steady, smile, nod, look straight into people's eyes, shake hands firmly... all this sets you up for success even before you start your pitch.
And your workspace is just a space for work, right? Not when it comes to making the right impression. Like it or not, people interpret your work area as a reflection of your work ethic, character and personality. While sensible use of personal pictures or inspirational posters can show you to be a family person or motivated character, cute screensavers, cuddly toys and an excess of plants can detract from your professionalism. It's not that you should not express yourself, but in the small area of a work space, each item becomes more noticeable, taking on greater significance as a symbol of who you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Coping With Post-Dismissal Blues
Ok, so you've been laid off. It happens. Perhaps more so in this tough economic climate, but certainly it happens all the time.
People get fired every day for every reason imaginable. Companies downsize, streamline, synergise and your company's chief priority is to keep itself commercially viable; keeping you viable is not its responsibility at all despite what some managers may tell you. That is the harsh reality. Whatever the case, remember that you are not alone.
Besides, it may not be about you nor even your competence. Just like a relationship break-up, your dismissal does not mean that you're worthless or that you were deemed not good enough to retain. Often, the real reason could be personal or even arbitrary - if your boss wants you gone, he will make sure it happens. It may have very little to do with your values as an employee. Your boss could have been intimidated by your talent and was concerned that he could lose his job and you could be promoted. It could be a personality conflict. Or maybe company objectives or development paths have changed and your job doesn't match those changes. So stop speculating; that's sure to drive you nuts. And don't be ashamed; your value as a worker hasn't changed.
The important thing here is not to waste time or burden your peace of mind by dwelling on the dismissal, on the why's or how's. You will need a positive frame of mind in order to do your best at job interviews, and preparing yourself for those is probably the most crucial thing now.
But though you should not over-analyse the reasons for your dismissal, you should think about the lessons learnt from your stint at your former company. What mistakes should not be repeated at your next workplace? Could you maybe build more business contacts? Network more with your colleagues? Gossip less and learnt more? Acquire new skills while on the job? Go for part-time classes? Be more open to new responsibilities or courses because you can learn something from every experience?
In order to perform your best at job interviews, you need to feel your best. So instead of clogging up your mind with worry and pessimism, take the timeout as a break for you to spend more quality time with your loved ones, catch up with old friends, take up a new hobby, and so on. Don't be too quick to judge these as frivolous time-wasters; remember that opportunity can knock anywhere and in any form - just keep your eyes and ears open fro them. Be curious, ask, enquire!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
People get fired every day for every reason imaginable. Companies downsize, streamline, synergise and your company's chief priority is to keep itself commercially viable; keeping you viable is not its responsibility at all despite what some managers may tell you. That is the harsh reality. Whatever the case, remember that you are not alone.
Besides, it may not be about you nor even your competence. Just like a relationship break-up, your dismissal does not mean that you're worthless or that you were deemed not good enough to retain. Often, the real reason could be personal or even arbitrary - if your boss wants you gone, he will make sure it happens. It may have very little to do with your values as an employee. Your boss could have been intimidated by your talent and was concerned that he could lose his job and you could be promoted. It could be a personality conflict. Or maybe company objectives or development paths have changed and your job doesn't match those changes. So stop speculating; that's sure to drive you nuts. And don't be ashamed; your value as a worker hasn't changed.
The important thing here is not to waste time or burden your peace of mind by dwelling on the dismissal, on the why's or how's. You will need a positive frame of mind in order to do your best at job interviews, and preparing yourself for those is probably the most crucial thing now.
But though you should not over-analyse the reasons for your dismissal, you should think about the lessons learnt from your stint at your former company. What mistakes should not be repeated at your next workplace? Could you maybe build more business contacts? Network more with your colleagues? Gossip less and learnt more? Acquire new skills while on the job? Go for part-time classes? Be more open to new responsibilities or courses because you can learn something from every experience?
In order to perform your best at job interviews, you need to feel your best. So instead of clogging up your mind with worry and pessimism, take the timeout as a break for you to spend more quality time with your loved ones, catch up with old friends, take up a new hobby, and so on. Don't be too quick to judge these as frivolous time-wasters; remember that opportunity can knock anywhere and in any form - just keep your eyes and ears open fro them. Be curious, ask, enquire!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Deception
Most of us lie to some degree, and even the most truthful among us have occasionally misstated fact as long as they felt they weren't jeopardizing anyone. But none of us are as skillful as lying to others as we are at lying to ourselves.
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Fabricated Life Rules
Life is full of rules. Most of us have been taught since young to follow these rules, often without question. But rules, ironically are not as standard nor rigid as we may believe. Across different cultures and contexts, they vary indefinitely. Rules have always been made by the people in charge. And the people in charge change.
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Adversity
Whenever you're in a uncomfortable or challenging situation, you have only three options:
1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation
Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.
The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? and of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.
Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).
We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.
In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"
By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation
Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.
The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? and of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.
Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).
We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.
In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"
By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Crystallize Your Roadmap for Success
Yes we all want to be successful, and we're all potential winners. So why are successful people still in the minority? That's because most of us don't have a clear roadmap to guide us towards personal success.
You want success, but do you understand why you want it? What does success mean to you? How will success, as you define it, benefit you and those around you? Only when you get into the nitty-gritty will the path towards success become clearer.
Success is the end result, that one big goal, but before we can get there, we need to break that one big goal down into smaller and closer goals and plans that will help us achieve those goals. What are manageable tasks you can do each day that will bring you closer to your success? Come up with a daily list. Checking off your list gives you a sense of achievement and keeps you motivated. And don't be downtrodden if you fail to achieve a goal. As someone once said, "Its not a tragedy not to achieve a goal; it's a tragedy not to have that goal to achieve in the first place."
Before you can achieve your goal, you need to have the belief that you deserve to have what you are going for! Whether it's monetary or otherwise - you deserve it. And understand the reasons for those goals; knowing why your goals exist makes you want them even more, you'll need this desire.
Next you need a plan of action. Detail exactly how your objectives will be met. And reward yourself when you achieve a certain goal. This will motivate you towards your next goal. If star footballers weren't paid obscene amounts of money for the goals they score, they'd find it that much harder to perform in the next match.
Keep re-evaluating your goals. Just because your objective is valid today doesn't mean it will remain relevant tomorrow. Assess your circumstances and tweak accordingly. You may even add new goals. Think of this as planting more seeds for greater chances of success.
And don't make the mistake of thinking that you should achieve success all by yourself. There are many resources you could use to keep yourself on the right track - you can read more self-improvement books, attend seminars, collaborate with a partner, or even get yourself a coach or a mentor. How you go about it is up to you. Remember as long as you keep learning you will keep achieving. And even if your final goal isn't reached, the process of learning and achieving itself is a definition of success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
You want success, but do you understand why you want it? What does success mean to you? How will success, as you define it, benefit you and those around you? Only when you get into the nitty-gritty will the path towards success become clearer.
Success is the end result, that one big goal, but before we can get there, we need to break that one big goal down into smaller and closer goals and plans that will help us achieve those goals. What are manageable tasks you can do each day that will bring you closer to your success? Come up with a daily list. Checking off your list gives you a sense of achievement and keeps you motivated. And don't be downtrodden if you fail to achieve a goal. As someone once said, "Its not a tragedy not to achieve a goal; it's a tragedy not to have that goal to achieve in the first place."
Before you can achieve your goal, you need to have the belief that you deserve to have what you are going for! Whether it's monetary or otherwise - you deserve it. And understand the reasons for those goals; knowing why your goals exist makes you want them even more, you'll need this desire.
Next you need a plan of action. Detail exactly how your objectives will be met. And reward yourself when you achieve a certain goal. This will motivate you towards your next goal. If star footballers weren't paid obscene amounts of money for the goals they score, they'd find it that much harder to perform in the next match.
Keep re-evaluating your goals. Just because your objective is valid today doesn't mean it will remain relevant tomorrow. Assess your circumstances and tweak accordingly. You may even add new goals. Think of this as planting more seeds for greater chances of success.
And don't make the mistake of thinking that you should achieve success all by yourself. There are many resources you could use to keep yourself on the right track - you can read more self-improvement books, attend seminars, collaborate with a partner, or even get yourself a coach or a mentor. How you go about it is up to you. Remember as long as you keep learning you will keep achieving. And even if your final goal isn't reached, the process of learning and achieving itself is a definition of success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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