Detaching Yourself From Discouragement

If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.

This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.

Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.

The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!

True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.

We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.

To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?

Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.

We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.

Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.

And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Achieving More Joy & Success Through Active Focusing

You attract what you focus on.

This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.

Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.

If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.

What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?

You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!

Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!

An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.

If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.

When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.

So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Richest People

It is often been said that one doesn't have to be rich to be happy. But richness doesn't have to be defined in monetary terms.

Some of the richest people in the world don't have much money. But they are wealthy in other ways.

Such "rich" people know the speed limit. Most of us know that gives our lives joy and meaning. But many people race through life so fact that they fail to pay enough attention to them. While driving on the road of Life, they are so focused on the destination that they don't appreciate what's all around them. But the destination is uncertain. Whether we will eventually reach it or not is uncertain. What is certain are the things we pass by on the way. Don't drive too fast to notice them.

Rich people understand that in life, there is bound to be disappointment, loss and failure. They don't live in the illusion that things will always be good and the ones they love will return their love and stay by their sides forever. But they understand that they can deal with life's challenges, learn from mistakes to create future successes.

Rich people place people above things. They know that no object, no matter how valuable or pleasurable can compare to the emotional and spiritual enrichment of a loved one's kind words, caring deeds and loving touch. Having said this, human beings are fallible and imperfect creatures... and they will occasionally leave or fail us. But rich people understand this, and continue to give love and compassion in spite of it.

Rich people know that being rich does not mean having a lot of money. They realise that regardless of how much money one has, one cannot hold on to it for long. But rich people also understand the benefits of having money, and will use it to make their loved ones happy and help others regularly.

Rich people see the value in labour and hardship. They have the ability to remain faithful and content no matter what challenges they face. They realise that whether times are good or bad, they are the only times we have. No one has more or less time, and it's better to make the most of the present than dwell on the past or worry about the future.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

A Deeper Understanding of Love

You know there is definitely something there when you look at your partner, he or she smiles, and you smile too.

And surely there is something there that makes you give up something you like or need so that your partner can benefit from it.

There is probably something at work too when you refrain from doing something because you think it might hurt your partner.

Some people say it's a chemical, a biological process; that it's indistinguishable from the pleasure you get from sinking your teeth into a scoop of moist chocolate lava cake.

Well, chemical process or not, love fro many of us is still mysterious, though centuries of practice have taught us some of the more profound truths of deeply caring of deeply caring for someone or, in some cases, an exceptionally well-made confectionery.

Love is not about needing someone to be there, but to be there for that person.

Love is not about how much time you have spent together, but how well you two seem to "fir".

Love is not about finding the perfect partner. It is about being the best person you can be.

Love is not just about being together. It's also about letting go.

As we learn more and more about love, we realise that it is not just a flutter of emotions, Byronesque sonnets, passionate kisses or warm embraces. In face, there is also much pain, heartache and sacrifice. Just like the line in that Burt Bacharach song that goes "What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia"!

You cannot compel love. You cannot court love and expect it to fly into your arms. Nor can you trap in a jar like a butterfly that will not doubt soon die anyway. You can only be loving, and hope that someone can see that love and appreciate it.

Love is infinite. It does not diminish even when you are giving it away freely. In fact, the more you share, the more you create and receive.

"Love" is not a word you say to someone if it's not love you feel. And if it truly is love, then it need not be spoken at all!

To love someone is to want the best for someone, even if that "best" thing isn't you.

Love can hurt and love can heal. The results are entirely up to you.

So make your relationships richer and more rewarding with this deeper understanding of love. Even if you are alone at the moment, you have always got that chocolate lava cake!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

An Evolving Relationship

Every relationship has the potential to become stagnant. This risk is especially real when the parties involved treat change with apprehension and fear. They think that change is what makes the relationship go sour or dull.

We often hear people say "Oh, she has changed" or "Things are just not the same" delivered in the tone of a Shakespearean tragedy's hero. It's as if change is not natural... as if we expect a relationship to be as vibrant and thrilling ten years down the road as if was in the first ten weeks.

A couple will inevitably go through many changes (or shall we say "evolution") in their years together. And some of the changes may make the relationship seem less exciting or rewarding, but they are really taking the relationship through the various stages of maturity.

If we recognise the power that these changes have to develop our relationship; to turn it from a fresh seeding into a sturdy oak, we will be able work with them to ensure that our relationship remains strong and fulfilling.

Living with expectation is the key. Once you stop having things to look forward to together, the relationship begins to feel stale. Doing things together becomes a chore rather than a delight. So regularly look ahead to and do new and different things together.

Make change exciting for both of you. Change though, doesn't mean trying to change your partner. Many of us make the mistake of trying to "fix" our loved ones. Instead of accepting and loving them for who they are, we think that they would be so much better if they'd only act and do things our way. This kind of expectation poisons a relationship and only leads to disappointment. We drive our loves away with our constant need to enlighten them.

The only person you can change is yourself. And once your partner sees the change and growth in you, he or she will feel more comfortable about making changes to himself or herself.

If your relationship feels lacklustre and cold, think deeply... is it really because you don't love each other anymore? Or is it simply because things have begun to feel routine and without expectation?

Rejuvenate your relationship by harnessing the power of change. Learn together, develop together, grow older together.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Seeing a Beautiful World

Many of us tend to focus on the negative. Turning minor misfortunes into epic tragedies. Thinking about what we don't have, instead of what we do have. Getting jealous of others who seem to have better looks and more money, instead of exploring meaningful experiences that have nothing to do with all these things.

I wonder if primitive civilisations suffered the same problem. I doubt it... they were probably too busy meeting their basic survival needs to spin webs of woe in their minds.

It's ironic that in a society where the average man arguably has "everything" he needs... good health, good healthcare, abundant food, a sturdy roof over his head, and all the material comforts anyone could wish for... that he can be unhappy.

American writer and critic Barbara Johnson wrote about an experience on the way home from work, and how it changed her perspective of life:

The day started out rotten. I overslept and was late for work. Everything that happened at the office contributed to my nervous frenzy. By the time I reached the bus stop for my homeward trip, my stomach was one big knot.

As usual, the bus was late - and jammed. I had to stand in the aisle. As the lurching vehicle pulled me in all directions, my gloom deepened.

Then I heard a deep voice from up front, "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

Because of the crowd, I could not see the man, but I could hear him as he continued to comment on the spring scenery, calling attention to each approaching landmark. This church. That park, That cemetery. That firehouse. Soon, all the passengers were gazing out the windows. This man's enthusiasm was so contagious that I found myself smiling for the first time that day.

We reached my stop. Maneuvering toward the door, I got a look at our "guide" - a plump figure with a black beard, wearing dark glasses, and carrying a thin white cane.

Sometimes, we get so preoccupied with making a living that we forget to live. We forget that the world, with all its problems, is still a really rather wonderful and miraculous place. And that this life, with all its upsets and disappointments, its misery and pain, its sharp points and apparent pointlessness, is still fabulously, wonderfully worth living and enjoying.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Growing Older

If you are a teenager or are in your 20s, I'm pretty sure that you are thoroughly enjoy youth and haven't yet thought about aging. But growing older is something that happens to everyone. In fact, it's happening all the time.

For all its vigour and exuberance, youth can also be a time of folly, of childish whims and facies, of insecurity and self-absorption. Although it cannot be said that wisdom comes only with age, it is true that we all learn from experience. That is why our perspective changes as we grow older.

Have you ever thought about what kind of person you would like to become as you grow older? Do you hope to be more tolerant perhaps? Laugh more, maybe? Care less about what other people say and think? What about focusing more on self-improvement?

One of the gifts I have gained from growing older myself is a fuller and more secure sense of self. Disapproving voices no longer chatter as loudly or as frequently in my head. I am more comfortable with who I am and what I say or do, and are less inclined to be affected by what others think ot say. Instead, I pay more attention to the person I want to be and continue my development in the paths that I choose.

As I grow older, I hope also that I learn to talk less and listen more. Think more deeply before saying or doing something. And to let go of the need to be right all the time. To accept that we all make mistakes, but we can all learn to avoid making the same ones in the future.

What about you? What would you like to grow into as you age? What are the traits in admire in the older people you know? perhaps it's to be more generous? To share more of your wealth, your wisdom, your humour, your time. Maybe it's to treat each new day as a blessing, a bonus and a day not to be wasted on sour moods.

Maybe some of us would like to be less envious of what other people have, and focus more on how we can make the best of what we have. Envy just makes us bitter, whereas with self-improvement comes more empowerment and self-confidence.

What about becoming less obsessed with the details? To take life more lightly, and not make everything an event or disaster? To let go of the need to straighten everything and everybody out and just heave a great big sigh of relief and just enjoy things as they are?

Let age teach us to be more thoughtful, more self-aware, accepting and loving, of ourselves and others.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Your Right to Happiness

You have a right to be happy.

I feel the need the reiterate that because many of us still feel we don't deserve happiness.

Sure, you may be thinking... "Of course I want to be happy.... who doesn't?"

So why aren't you doing all you can to live the life you have always wanted? Why are you allowing other people to hold you back? Why are events and situations affecting your mood? Perhaps it's your own self-limiting beliefs that are impeding your development? Maybe you are thinking "No I couldn't possibly ... " when you should be thinking "Yes I can!"

We cannot be truly happy if we are living a life of doubt and restriction. We cannot be truly happy if we are relying on others to give us joy.

You have a right to be happy. Everyone does. That is why we should also not preoccupy ourselves with cross-examining the behavious of others. They have a right to live their lives according to their own values and yardsticks. Besides, when we are busy judging other people, we neglect our own happiness.

But what if misfortune strikes? What if you lose your job? What if that perfect partner of ten years decides to leave? What if your new boss is a nightmare to work with?

"What if"'s will breed rapidly and populate your entire life if you allow them to. In life, there will always be challenges. There will be many things you have no influence over. People will say what they want to say and do what they want to do. You can only choose what to consider and what to ignore. You can only decide how you want to respond.

If you think you are having a real problem, figure out exactly what it is. Not the end of the world you think it will escalate to. In life, moments of disappointment and pain are unavoidable. The important thing is not to let these moments overshadow the happy and successful ones. Or hinder future moments of joy and contentment.

You can choose to rise each time you fall, or you can choose to crawl on the rest of the way.

You are capable of all the wonderful things in life: love, knowledge, joy and creativity. Have faith that no matter how big your problems may seem, you will find a way to overcome them. Exercise your right to be happy today.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Communication Errors in a Relationships

Sometimes we wish we could read our partner's thoughts. If we could do that, we would be clearer about what they want or need, and we would be in a much better position to provide for them.

In the absence of that ability though, the next best thing would be to enjoy effective communication with our partners.

Many couples though make these key errors in their communication.

Mistake number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, thought temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.

Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and fortnight, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.

Error number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something, either with actions or words, and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.

Harsh words are spoken and promises may be broken, but love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect for each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Love vs Career

Relationships, particularly romantic ones, often end up the casualty of a work-dominated or career-focused lifestyle. These days, with both spouses often having to work, the risk of endangering the relationship is quite high. Failure to properly manage your professional and romantic roles can send cracks through the foundation of your relationship. Many couples call it a day because at the end of the very long and stressful day, they find love just a tad too exhausting to keep alive.

Many working couples boil it down to the lack of time... and though poor time management is one of the culprits, there are several other factors at play.

Many professionals are so involved with their work that it consumes their thoughts and actions. They are usually very passionate about their work and are very successful in their field. They feel respected and empowered at work and when they come home, they expect the relationship to do the same for them. Unfortunately, a happy marriage does not happen by default.

You may be the boss at the office and might not have compromise much in your professional capacity, but the dynamics are radically different when you switch back to being a spouse and a lover. If you are used to getting your way at work, you may find it difficult to negotiate at home.

The key to making a dual career relationship work is mutual respect. Honour the work that your spouse does. Never make light of it or speak poorly of it. Respect your partner's professional aspirations and don't always expect that you come first in every situation.

Coordinate your schedule with your spouse's. At least once a week, plan an activity you can both enjoy - it could be a night out, an afternoon by the beach or even a game of Scrabble. Interaction within a fun and relaxed space is crucial to keeping your relationship loving and rewarding - it reminds both of you that your marriage is more than just household or parental responsibilities.

And never stop communicating with your spouse - and I don't mean yet another reminder about fixing the car or applying for that loan - share your real emotions, dreams and hopes, even something as simple as a compliment.

Keep that special connection open.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Top Marriage Myths

Many of us have grown up with misconceptions about what makes a marriage work. We might have gotten these false ideas from observing our parents, from mainstream movies and music, from romance novels and magazines, or from friends who perpetuate the stereotypes that they themselves have embraced into belief system without deeper evaluation.

These are the top myths responsible for the disintegration of marriages:

First, the myth that your spouse should automatically know what you want and need. Now if this were true, your partner would have to be able to read your mind. So don't tow this tired old line... communicate your needs and wants honestly to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to second guess your desires.

Another marriage myth assumes that your marriage would improve if only your spouse would just change his or her behaviour... you know, the nagging little habits and traits that get under your skin. This myth is damaging because you are playing a passive role... playing the "victim" while waiting for and expecting your spouse to change while not doing anything to improve yourself! To prevent this myth from destroying your marriage, work on improving yourself instead of waiting for your spouse to change. Decide to be happy with your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings.

The next marriage myth expects you to always put your spouse's needs above your own. It demands that you always compromise your own desires and opinions in order to accommodate your spouse's, which of course is not sustainable because it's illogical. How long can you keep sacrificing yourself before you start to feel resentful? How long before your spouse begins to take your consistent submissions for granted? To bust this myth, make sure you respect both your spouse's needs and your own. Work on finding a middle ground where both of you can find some agreement.

And this final marriage myth assumes that your spouse should always, in all areas, contribute to half of the marriage - in terms of income, household work, managing the kids, and so on. Needless to say, this kind of strictly calculated system does not work when it comes to human beings. Of course there has to be space for flexibility.

When it comes to your marriage, don't blindly follow the stereotypes you have absorbed from other sources... Use your heart and your head.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Trusting Your Instinct

Many decisions in life are not clear-cut. Even with adequate information on hand, there may not be an obviously superior option.

During these times, all we can rely on is our instinct. Most of us though, tend to suppress our instinct as we grow older. Life has perhaps discourages spontaneity and risk-taking in favour of caution and pre-meditation. A prudent safety measure I guess, but have we perhaps become too "safe"?

Professional athletes, musicians, actors, dancers and others in non-academic fields often have keenly-honed instincts. They have learnt to trust and depend on their spontaneity to perform at their best. The rest of us though, have very under-developed instincts because we hardly use them.

A finely-tuned instinct though is very important as, very often in Life, things are not cut-and dried. Information, logic and reason can only take us so far, but there comes a point when they can guide us no more. That is when our gut feel comes into play.

You have probably felt the power of your instinct when meeting someone for the first time, or when having to make a last-minute decision.... often situations in which there is no or limited information available to you. You will discover that as you allow your natural instinct back into your consciousness, you will become more effective as a person, a worker, and a leader. You will be less likely to be caught into limbo. You will be seen as more decisive and more sincere.

To develop your instinct, you have to become more self-aware. Stop ignoring and suppressing your feelings. Embrace them instead. Experiment with your instinct in making small, everyday choices. Stop over-thinking your decisions.

Learn to listen to yourself more attentively. Tune your consciousness to more clearly hear your inner voice. IN your daily interactions with the world, ask yourself "What am I feeling now?", "How do I really feel about this?"

Experts and researchers have estimated that 90% of critical decisions are based on your intuition.

Trust and develop your instinct and it will serve you well.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Four Quarters of Effective Time-Management

It seems there's always more and more to do, but we're not getting more time to do it. We each have our own way of managing this limited time, but many of these methods can be very stressful.

The problem is that these tight schedules often advance our corporate of financial goals but starve us of emotional and spiritual nourishment. This model of time-management is not sustainable as it's skewed towards certain needs and not others.

The key then to an effective time-management model is balance. If you divide your life into four quarters, they would roughly fall into these broad categories:

First, your basic needs - this quarter contains all the essential things your physical body needs in order to function efficiently. This includes things like wholesome foods, quality sleep, enough water and exercise and so on.

The next quarter comprises our creative faculties. This mainly includes our store of knowledge, talents and skills, but can consist of anything creative or inspirational like new ideas, empowering attitudes and self-improvement practices. This quarter also includes work and projects that help develop our skills.

The third quarter is concerned primarily with intellectual thought. It is different from the creative quarter because it doesn't include any action. This is pure thinking - things like introspection, evaluation of the people and things around you, planning, problem-solving, analyzing, learning and decision-making. This quarter is also heavily involved with the metaphysical or the philosophical realms of your being - what's our purpose? What gives our lives meaning? This quarter is what gives passion and intent to our activities.

The final quarter involves our relationships - with our partners, our kin, our friends, our colleagues and associates. The activities we engage in that involve or are related to them - the time we spend with them, the love and care we show them, the conversations we have with them, the emotional rewards that we get from quality relationships.

Spread your time equally among these four quarters and you are well on your way to achieving the success and happiness you want.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd