Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner's feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you're afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?
One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is "Thou shalt trust thy partner". Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.
If you're feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't believe that we deserve love. That's why we doubt our partner's feelings for us. We think that it's too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicious. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they'll do whatever we want. But that's not love; that's slavery.
Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you're doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.
Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you're good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you're not around.
You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?
Look into their mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you'll ever be, so enjoy it. When you're happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Power of Asking Questions
You've probably heard the joke about how men can never ask for directions while driving. You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn". How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they are lost and consult a passer-by?
Well, I don't know how true this is - only a woman passenger can know. But I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever". But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have a dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
Abha Banerjee (known as the Asian Oprah) was on my talkshow recently and shared the 5 essential questions we all should ask ourselves when trying to work through difficult issues:
1. What is the issue? Is it real or imagined?
2. What action can I take to resolve it?
3. What are the resources I can use (media, internet, people)?
4. What results am I anticipating?
5. Was it so important?
The first and last questions are especially useful because we often make events out of trivial issues. Learn what to deal with and what to forget about and let go.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with, and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations. But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, I don't know how true this is - only a woman passenger can know. But I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever". But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have a dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
Abha Banerjee (known as the Asian Oprah) was on my talkshow recently and shared the 5 essential questions we all should ask ourselves when trying to work through difficult issues:
1. What is the issue? Is it real or imagined?
2. What action can I take to resolve it?
3. What are the resources I can use (media, internet, people)?
4. What results am I anticipating?
5. Was it so important?
The first and last questions are especially useful because we often make events out of trivial issues. Learn what to deal with and what to forget about and let go.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with, and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations. But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Grievances of the Mind
In life, there will be great misfortunes that require immense effort to deal with. And we sometimes suffer grave injuries that take a long time to heal.
For some of us though, the grievances that exhaust our energy, spirit and time are trivial ones - petty hurts that are really any bites on the soul, yet can cause a lot of physical harm and mental anguish.
Perhaps we find a co-worker irritating. We expect something of our partner and he or she does not deliver. Someone we help turns out to be unappreciative, some insult about our appearance or intelligence is passed, or some reward we think we deserve is denied us.
Our mental tranquility is upset, our work gets affected, we lose appetite and sleep, we sulk and become listless. And because these little hurts are common, they quickly accumulate in our minds, and grow huge and irrepressible from constant brooding.
As a result, we lost many precious hours pondering and fretting over things that have no real bearing on the quality of our lives - things, that in a month, a day or even a second, may matter little, if at all.
Besides, if we take the time to contemplate these perceived trespasses, we will come to realise that most of them only happen in our minds.
Think about the last event, situation or person that upset you. How much of that stress was really just taking place inside your head? How much of it was over-embellishment and loss of focus due to hours of excessive analysis?
Instead of indulging a mind on overdrive, force yourself to distil what's truly stressing you and write it down. What is the thing that upsetting you?
Once you have that written down... ask yourself... is it true? For example, if what your partner said this morning made you question his or her love for you, think about it rationally. Is it really true? Do you absolutely know it's true? How did imagining this "truth" make you feel? How would you be feeling if you didn't indulge this negative thought?
Would you be happier, more loving, more forgiving, more capable of appreciating the good?
I wouldn't go to say that all our grievances happen only in our minds. But most of them do. The next time you find yourself getting upset with something or someone, do yourself a favour. See the truth... don't over-think it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
For some of us though, the grievances that exhaust our energy, spirit and time are trivial ones - petty hurts that are really any bites on the soul, yet can cause a lot of physical harm and mental anguish.
Perhaps we find a co-worker irritating. We expect something of our partner and he or she does not deliver. Someone we help turns out to be unappreciative, some insult about our appearance or intelligence is passed, or some reward we think we deserve is denied us.
Our mental tranquility is upset, our work gets affected, we lose appetite and sleep, we sulk and become listless. And because these little hurts are common, they quickly accumulate in our minds, and grow huge and irrepressible from constant brooding.
As a result, we lost many precious hours pondering and fretting over things that have no real bearing on the quality of our lives - things, that in a month, a day or even a second, may matter little, if at all.
Besides, if we take the time to contemplate these perceived trespasses, we will come to realise that most of them only happen in our minds.
Think about the last event, situation or person that upset you. How much of that stress was really just taking place inside your head? How much of it was over-embellishment and loss of focus due to hours of excessive analysis?
Instead of indulging a mind on overdrive, force yourself to distil what's truly stressing you and write it down. What is the thing that upsetting you?
Once you have that written down... ask yourself... is it true? For example, if what your partner said this morning made you question his or her love for you, think about it rationally. Is it really true? Do you absolutely know it's true? How did imagining this "truth" make you feel? How would you be feeling if you didn't indulge this negative thought?
Would you be happier, more loving, more forgiving, more capable of appreciating the good?
I wouldn't go to say that all our grievances happen only in our minds. But most of them do. The next time you find yourself getting upset with something or someone, do yourself a favour. See the truth... don't over-think it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Managing Disappoitnment
We often create expectations concerning what we will receive from others, life or even from ourselves. And when we don't get them, as sometimes the case, we are disappointed. Occasionally, when what we want is something we deeply desire, we can be mortally upset.
We can also feel that we've been "had", been "used" or cheated.
We feel this way when things do not happen the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We develop expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled.
When we succumb to such emotions, we often give up making any further effort, which stunts our growth. Sometimes, these feelings of "injustice" can lead us to destructive thoughts or behaviour.
In order to manage disappointment, we have to first understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is unreasonable to expect or demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this... let's call it "work in progress" if we did not have much to improve.
Have faith in the flow of life. There is a greater wisdom that drives this world... in fact, other "world" as well.
We may never fully comprehend how that wisdom works, but there's no doubt it's here. What we know as chemical science today was once deemed magic or witchcraft. Many of our gadgets today would make us appear like gods to ancient societies. And what we sum up to "positive thinking" or new age hocus-pocus today could one day reveal themselves to be the work of actual brain waves or physiological energies that are perfectly grounded in science and fact.
When we are independent, we need less from others and will expect less from them And when we expect less, we appreciate more. And we naturally experience less disappointment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We can also feel that we've been "had", been "used" or cheated.
We feel this way when things do not happen the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We develop expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled.
When we succumb to such emotions, we often give up making any further effort, which stunts our growth. Sometimes, these feelings of "injustice" can lead us to destructive thoughts or behaviour.
In order to manage disappointment, we have to first understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is unreasonable to expect or demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this... let's call it "work in progress" if we did not have much to improve.
Have faith in the flow of life. There is a greater wisdom that drives this world... in fact, other "world" as well.
We may never fully comprehend how that wisdom works, but there's no doubt it's here. What we know as chemical science today was once deemed magic or witchcraft. Many of our gadgets today would make us appear like gods to ancient societies. And what we sum up to "positive thinking" or new age hocus-pocus today could one day reveal themselves to be the work of actual brain waves or physiological energies that are perfectly grounded in science and fact.
When we are independent, we need less from others and will expect less from them And when we expect less, we appreciate more. And we naturally experience less disappointment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Pitfalls to Communication With Your Partner
It'd be nice if we could read out partners' minds, wouldn't it?
Then we wouldn't have to guess or presume.
Telepathy though doesn't come naturally to most of us, and the inability to see our partner's point often results in many a harmless conversation turning into an unsightly quarrel.
What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need?
Dr Brenda Shoshana give us the top three communication problems that most couples have, and the solutions to them in their article "The Relationship Saver".
Pitfall number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, though temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.
Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and forthright, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.
Pitfall number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something either with actions or words and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to a person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.
Love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect of each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Then we wouldn't have to guess or presume.
Telepathy though doesn't come naturally to most of us, and the inability to see our partner's point often results in many a harmless conversation turning into an unsightly quarrel.
What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need?
Dr Brenda Shoshana give us the top three communication problems that most couples have, and the solutions to them in their article "The Relationship Saver".
Pitfall number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, though temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.
Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and forthright, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.
Pitfall number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something either with actions or words and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to a person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.
Love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect of each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Eliminating Irrational Worry
Worry has a terrible reputation. It's often blamed for disrupting our peace of mind and robbing us of our happiness. But most of the time, worry gets an unfair bum rap.
After all, if worry didn't set off alarm bells every once in a while, we'd be waltzing blindly into dangerous situations.
Worry is an instinctive self-defense mechanism. It exists to help us avoid trouble. Unfortunately, for many of us, we simply allow worry to cripple us. We allow it to grow into an irrational fear without taking positive action. That's when worry becomes harmful - when we allow it to paralyse us; when we do nothing to counter the damaging stress hormones it produces.
The first step towards eliminating irrational worry is simply to do something! Instead of just sitting around fretting, get up and do something about it. You may not be able to solve the problem right away but by doing something, you're forcing your mind to take its focus off the problem and concentrate on something else. Besides giving you some reprieve, this also releases pent-up energy and exposes you to external stimuli that may trigger ideas for a resolution. So hit the gym, spring clean your room, do the laundry, go for a walk, whatever, just do something.
Next, evaluate what's bothering you from a rational, logical standpoint. If this was something to a friend, what would you tell him or her? Write the challenge down and list the possible solutions. There is often plenty you can do to alleviate the problem, even if you can't resolve it immediately.
Very often, doing nothing is what causes the worry to deepen - the wavering between "Yes" and "No". So examine your options and make a decision. Remember, not making a choice is also a choice and often the worst one of all. So make a decision and move on. We all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from our mistake and move on as better people.
Whether it's a person, thing or even that's fuelling your worry, confront it head on. Very often, our worries are just products of our imagination and confronting the challenge in question will make sure the ghosts are exorcised once and for all.
So make that phone call, meet that person, do what you fear now.
When we're stressed, our body produces a destructive hormone called cortisol. If not regularly manages, cortisol can lead to several major illnesses. So if something is bothering you, breath! Take a deep breath and relax. Take a warm shower, mediate, listen to soothing music, go for a slow walk, read a feelgood book.
So the next time worry's got you in spin, don't let it push you around. Take charge and take action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
After all, if worry didn't set off alarm bells every once in a while, we'd be waltzing blindly into dangerous situations.
Worry is an instinctive self-defense mechanism. It exists to help us avoid trouble. Unfortunately, for many of us, we simply allow worry to cripple us. We allow it to grow into an irrational fear without taking positive action. That's when worry becomes harmful - when we allow it to paralyse us; when we do nothing to counter the damaging stress hormones it produces.
The first step towards eliminating irrational worry is simply to do something! Instead of just sitting around fretting, get up and do something about it. You may not be able to solve the problem right away but by doing something, you're forcing your mind to take its focus off the problem and concentrate on something else. Besides giving you some reprieve, this also releases pent-up energy and exposes you to external stimuli that may trigger ideas for a resolution. So hit the gym, spring clean your room, do the laundry, go for a walk, whatever, just do something.
Next, evaluate what's bothering you from a rational, logical standpoint. If this was something to a friend, what would you tell him or her? Write the challenge down and list the possible solutions. There is often plenty you can do to alleviate the problem, even if you can't resolve it immediately.
Very often, doing nothing is what causes the worry to deepen - the wavering between "Yes" and "No". So examine your options and make a decision. Remember, not making a choice is also a choice and often the worst one of all. So make a decision and move on. We all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from our mistake and move on as better people.
Whether it's a person, thing or even that's fuelling your worry, confront it head on. Very often, our worries are just products of our imagination and confronting the challenge in question will make sure the ghosts are exorcised once and for all.
So make that phone call, meet that person, do what you fear now.
When we're stressed, our body produces a destructive hormone called cortisol. If not regularly manages, cortisol can lead to several major illnesses. So if something is bothering you, breath! Take a deep breath and relax. Take a warm shower, mediate, listen to soothing music, go for a slow walk, read a feelgood book.
So the next time worry's got you in spin, don't let it push you around. Take charge and take action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Enhancing Your Effectiveness
"Time is precious."
"Be thankful for each day."
"Make the most of each moment."
Most of us have heard these phrases and philosophies and on some level, we understand what they mean. Yet, many of us still spend our time like drifting nomads, allowing the weather, availability of resources or whatever to dictate where we go instead of planning our destinations and charting our own routes.
This can happen when we get lulled into the humdrum of modern life.
Especially if you're in a job you don't have a passion for. After some time, you become numb, working purely for the pay and everyday seems to drag on without expectation or intention.
How can we find the spark again and enhance our effectiveness and verve?
Well, make it a habit to make everyday as productive as you possibly can. When you are productive, you feel vital and useful and this is a very empowering feeling. Be deliberate about it. If there's nothing of significance on your to-do list, find something. Decide on one main purpose a day. Make that your priority and make sure you do it. This gives you the feeling of always moving ahead.
In life, we will sometimes be called on to perform tasks we wouldn't normally find engaging, but put your heart into them anyway and you will be surprised at how interesting and satisfying they can become. Rather than sighing your way through another routine assignment, try looking out for something different, something hidden in the details. Try doing just a bit more, asking a few more questions, giving a little more value. You'll probably discover a lot of value you never realised was inherent in the task before!
Opportunities are present every day... at every moment, even. You only need to look out for them. Most of us are so used to brushing off opportunities that we're missing out on them on a daily basis without even knowing it. Just try an experiment - for one day, make a note of anything of remote interest, from the media, from your colleagues, from places and so on.
At the end of the day, go through your list and think how each of them can make you more knowledgeable, more valuable or more efficient. Mix them around, combine them, brainstorm some ideas! There's probably a great business or work idea in there somewhere.
Don't allow tedium and routine to take root in your life. Take control of the reins and lead your life with more joy and expectation!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
"Be thankful for each day."
"Make the most of each moment."
Most of us have heard these phrases and philosophies and on some level, we understand what they mean. Yet, many of us still spend our time like drifting nomads, allowing the weather, availability of resources or whatever to dictate where we go instead of planning our destinations and charting our own routes.
This can happen when we get lulled into the humdrum of modern life.
Especially if you're in a job you don't have a passion for. After some time, you become numb, working purely for the pay and everyday seems to drag on without expectation or intention.
How can we find the spark again and enhance our effectiveness and verve?
Well, make it a habit to make everyday as productive as you possibly can. When you are productive, you feel vital and useful and this is a very empowering feeling. Be deliberate about it. If there's nothing of significance on your to-do list, find something. Decide on one main purpose a day. Make that your priority and make sure you do it. This gives you the feeling of always moving ahead.
In life, we will sometimes be called on to perform tasks we wouldn't normally find engaging, but put your heart into them anyway and you will be surprised at how interesting and satisfying they can become. Rather than sighing your way through another routine assignment, try looking out for something different, something hidden in the details. Try doing just a bit more, asking a few more questions, giving a little more value. You'll probably discover a lot of value you never realised was inherent in the task before!
Opportunities are present every day... at every moment, even. You only need to look out for them. Most of us are so used to brushing off opportunities that we're missing out on them on a daily basis without even knowing it. Just try an experiment - for one day, make a note of anything of remote interest, from the media, from your colleagues, from places and so on.
At the end of the day, go through your list and think how each of them can make you more knowledgeable, more valuable or more efficient. Mix them around, combine them, brainstorm some ideas! There's probably a great business or work idea in there somewhere.
Don't allow tedium and routine to take root in your life. Take control of the reins and lead your life with more joy and expectation!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stuck in a Bad Relationship
Deep down, you know your relationship is not working. When you're along, you harbour desires of calling it off. Yet, when you're with your partner, you can't seem to say what you want. you know that your partner's behaviour is causing you consistent disappointment and grief but you can't seem to let go and move on.
If this sounds familiar, you could be trapped in a bad relationship.
Some people are just naturally attracted to bad relationship. Others are clinging to false hope. Some are simply in denial; they just cannot believe how "heaven" so to speak has degenerated into such a "hell".
One common fear compelling a person to stay in a bad relationship is the belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could be interested in you or love you. You have grown so attached to your partner that you've forgotten your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and having to take care of yourself.
Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying.
Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behaviour since he or she is supporting you. Having a child together can also cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child's mother or father.
On a deeper level, you could be stuck in a disappointing relationship due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be denied love, concern and understanding.
So how can you get out of this destructive relationship?
First of all, you have to acknowledge that your relationship is a distorted one, one that you would do better to be rid of. Stop holding yourself hostage because you don't have to.
Stop making excuses for your partner's behaviour. simply hoping for him or her to change is pointless. what you can do is confront him or her about the problem and see if the relationship can be save.
If not, then you must muster the courage to end the relationship. The initial stage will be difficult and you can expect to feel some mental and physical discomfort. But that feeling will pass. the new freedom and empowerment you will gain will erase any bad feelings of the past.
Remember, you deserve better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
If this sounds familiar, you could be trapped in a bad relationship.
Some people are just naturally attracted to bad relationship. Others are clinging to false hope. Some are simply in denial; they just cannot believe how "heaven" so to speak has degenerated into such a "hell".
One common fear compelling a person to stay in a bad relationship is the belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could be interested in you or love you. You have grown so attached to your partner that you've forgotten your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and having to take care of yourself.
Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying.
Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behaviour since he or she is supporting you. Having a child together can also cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child's mother or father.
On a deeper level, you could be stuck in a disappointing relationship due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be denied love, concern and understanding.
So how can you get out of this destructive relationship?
First of all, you have to acknowledge that your relationship is a distorted one, one that you would do better to be rid of. Stop holding yourself hostage because you don't have to.
Stop making excuses for your partner's behaviour. simply hoping for him or her to change is pointless. what you can do is confront him or her about the problem and see if the relationship can be save.
If not, then you must muster the courage to end the relationship. The initial stage will be difficult and you can expect to feel some mental and physical discomfort. But that feeling will pass. the new freedom and empowerment you will gain will erase any bad feelings of the past.
Remember, you deserve better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity
When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world today stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustices, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leader of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no close to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilisations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about the blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we are preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them.
It's weakness of character, because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a personal choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not; you don't need anyone for that. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a better person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
As respected author and speaker Stephen Covey once said, "We immediately become more effective when we decide to change ourselves rather than asking things to change for us."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Don't Let Stress Destroy Your Health
The stress of modern life is something all of us are familiar with.
And we also know very well that stress can adversely affect our health.
High blood pressure, migraines, heart problems, all these and more commonly stem from frustration and anxiety.
Many of us though, still can't seem to relax. It could be upbringing, character, mindset, obligations or simply the routines and habits we've locked ourselves in, these people feel they always have to be in control or they have to be productive all the time or there's always some issue they can't seem to let go of.
These people are at high risk of developing serious health problems.
Are you perhaps also potentially stressing yourself ill?
Well, do you usually feel an urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time? Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency or to your standards?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time?
Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Many people who are in danger of developing stress-related health problems don't even know that they're doing real harm to their health.
There's nothing wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but it's also important to know how to relax. You can achieve so much in your life but if you eventually lose the good health needed to enjoy the fruits of your labour, then it has come to naught.
So stop, take a breath and critically examine the areas of your life you can back on.
Include some relaxation time in your daily schedule.
If you think your loved one is at risk, arrange more opportunities for you and him or her to spend some relaxing times together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
And we also know very well that stress can adversely affect our health.
High blood pressure, migraines, heart problems, all these and more commonly stem from frustration and anxiety.
Many of us though, still can't seem to relax. It could be upbringing, character, mindset, obligations or simply the routines and habits we've locked ourselves in, these people feel they always have to be in control or they have to be productive all the time or there's always some issue they can't seem to let go of.
These people are at high risk of developing serious health problems.
Are you perhaps also potentially stressing yourself ill?
Well, do you usually feel an urgency to accomplish more and more things in less and less time? Are you easily frustrated by people or systems which don't seem to be operating at their maximum efficiency or to your standards?
Do you often bring work home?
Do you feel you have to be in control all the time?
Do you feel you have to be right all the time? Do you always feel the pressure to win?
Many people who are in danger of developing stress-related health problems don't even know that they're doing real harm to their health.
There's nothing wrong with seeking perfection and striving to do your best, but it's also important to know how to relax. You can achieve so much in your life but if you eventually lose the good health needed to enjoy the fruits of your labour, then it has come to naught.
So stop, take a breath and critically examine the areas of your life you can back on.
Include some relaxation time in your daily schedule.
If you think your loved one is at risk, arrange more opportunities for you and him or her to spend some relaxing times together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Restoring the Wonder in Your Life
If life has stopped being wonderful for you, it's because the wonder has gone.
The things that you once considered wonderful, you now take for granted.
In fact, the process of growing from an infant to an old person is the gradual but certain loss of wonder.
Being able to see the wonder in things around us is one of the ways we make our lives more meaningful and enjoyable. Just look at children for a quick lesson on how to be happy. Almost everything fascinates them, triggers ideas, generates excitement.
How can you get that vibrancy back?
While we can all certainly experience wonder in new things - new locations, new experiences, new books, new ideas, you can also re-capture past wonder and find new wonder in the things you do each day.
Think about things that have become habit for you. The next time you do them, do them as if you were a beginner again. Start with your drive or commute to work. Make it an exercise in finding wonder. Look at things with fresh eyes. Be curious. For example, you can breathe in the aroma and savour the taste of your coffee, really get lost in it.
The heat, the bittersweet taste, how it makes you feel. How does it work?
Make a list of things you found wonderful at different stages in your life.
How can you re-experience those things? And make a list of wonders you find each day or week. Start a "wonder" journal!
Plan a mini-vacation or a day trip to someplace wonderful for you.
Or go to an old event, focused on different things.
The next time you go to a movie or a game, focus less on the action and more on the audience, the way the whole thing is setup, the dynamics of the event.
Go shopping for something entirely different than you usually would. You get the idea.
Make life "wonder-full" again!
The things that you once considered wonderful, you now take for granted.
In fact, the process of growing from an infant to an old person is the gradual but certain loss of wonder.
Being able to see the wonder in things around us is one of the ways we make our lives more meaningful and enjoyable. Just look at children for a quick lesson on how to be happy. Almost everything fascinates them, triggers ideas, generates excitement.
How can you get that vibrancy back?
While we can all certainly experience wonder in new things - new locations, new experiences, new books, new ideas, you can also re-capture past wonder and find new wonder in the things you do each day.
Think about things that have become habit for you. The next time you do them, do them as if you were a beginner again. Start with your drive or commute to work. Make it an exercise in finding wonder. Look at things with fresh eyes. Be curious. For example, you can breathe in the aroma and savour the taste of your coffee, really get lost in it.
The heat, the bittersweet taste, how it makes you feel. How does it work?
Make a list of things you found wonderful at different stages in your life.
How can you re-experience those things? And make a list of wonders you find each day or week. Start a "wonder" journal!
Plan a mini-vacation or a day trip to someplace wonderful for you.
Or go to an old event, focused on different things.
The next time you go to a movie or a game, focus less on the action and more on the audience, the way the whole thing is setup, the dynamics of the event.
Go shopping for something entirely different than you usually would. You get the idea.
Make life "wonder-full" again!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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