Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner's feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you're afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?
One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is "Thou shalt trust thy partner". Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.
If you're feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't believe that we deserve love. That's why we doubt our partner's feelings for us. We think that it's too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicious. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they'll do whatever we want. But that's not love; that's slavery.
Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you're doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.
Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you're good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you're not around.
You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?
Look into their mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you'll ever be, so enjoy it. When you're happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Self Esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Esteem. Show all posts
Building Self-Confidence
Very Often, before other people start to have faith in you, you have to have confidence in your own abilities. Self-confidence is a very powerful state of mind that other people quickly notice and easily respect. So how can you develop a high-level of self-confidence?
Consider these steps:
First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past if over; you can only change the future.
If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.
Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.
Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.
Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life: it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you will never experience all that life has to offer.
Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you will find that's it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable.
Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.
Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.
And visualise your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined.
What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?
Who will be with you and where will you be? How will you be feeling?
Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success and supports greater confidence!
Consider these steps:
First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past if over; you can only change the future.
If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.
Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.
Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.
Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life: it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you will never experience all that life has to offer.
Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you will find that's it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable.
Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.
Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.
And visualise your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined.
What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?
Who will be with you and where will you be? How will you be feeling?
Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success and supports greater confidence!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustice, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being True to Ourselves
No one likes being lied to. The truth is what we respect, indeed what we often demand. Yet, the person we often most lie to is our self.
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Criticism
It seems the young people of today hate being criticized. This according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. Apparently, this is due to "an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from being constantly told from birth they are special and as a result now believe it - and will ignore anybody who says other wise."
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Importance of Self-Worth
One of the best things you can do for yourself is love yourself.
A worn-out platitude that can sound tacky, I know, but make no mistake, a healthy sense of self-worth is the most important thing you can possess.
If your self-esteem is low, you are likely to be unhappy with your looks, your physique, your talents and so on. Because of this discontentment with yourself, it's easy to be jealous of others, and in a vicious cycle, this jealousy leads to even more unhappiness.
If you are unsure of yourself, you are also more likely to keep to yourself, avoid people, and be fearful of social interaction. You have very little confidence in your talents and skills. You are unlikely to promote yourself, believing that your present lot is the best that you can do. This impedes growth and success, and the failure to fulfill your dreams and goals leads to regret and more dissatisfaction.
In relationship, a weak sense of self-esteem can make you feel insecure. You are probably constantly worrying about your partner's feelings and motivations. Needless to say, that puts a huge wedge between you and your partner.
So if you are sick of feeling bad about yourself, how can you boost your self-esteem?
One of the easiest and quickest ways is to be extra good to your body. Get into a regular healthy sleep schedule, commit to a fitness routine, and tone up your body. Choose healthy, nourishing foods, find more ways to relax and spend more time with the people you love. You will feel and look better and have more energy to pursue your goals.
Also, stop blaming and judging yourself. Everybody makes mistakes... the difference is that other people learn to pick themselves up quickly and move on, while others stay haunted by them. So forgive yourself for mistakes. Find the lessons and learn from them.
Many of us are held back by our fears. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of unwanted results if we took a risk. But most of these fears are not real. so identify your fears.... what's really behind them? Many of them are likely to be groundless or have no wider impact. Recognise that your fears are due to your lack of belief in yourself than any other real circumstances.
So give yourself the greatest gift of all - a firm and health sense of self-esteem.
A worn-out platitude that can sound tacky, I know, but make no mistake, a healthy sense of self-worth is the most important thing you can possess.
If your self-esteem is low, you are likely to be unhappy with your looks, your physique, your talents and so on. Because of this discontentment with yourself, it's easy to be jealous of others, and in a vicious cycle, this jealousy leads to even more unhappiness.
If you are unsure of yourself, you are also more likely to keep to yourself, avoid people, and be fearful of social interaction. You have very little confidence in your talents and skills. You are unlikely to promote yourself, believing that your present lot is the best that you can do. This impedes growth and success, and the failure to fulfill your dreams and goals leads to regret and more dissatisfaction.
In relationship, a weak sense of self-esteem can make you feel insecure. You are probably constantly worrying about your partner's feelings and motivations. Needless to say, that puts a huge wedge between you and your partner.
So if you are sick of feeling bad about yourself, how can you boost your self-esteem?
One of the easiest and quickest ways is to be extra good to your body. Get into a regular healthy sleep schedule, commit to a fitness routine, and tone up your body. Choose healthy, nourishing foods, find more ways to relax and spend more time with the people you love. You will feel and look better and have more energy to pursue your goals.
Also, stop blaming and judging yourself. Everybody makes mistakes... the difference is that other people learn to pick themselves up quickly and move on, while others stay haunted by them. So forgive yourself for mistakes. Find the lessons and learn from them.
Many of us are held back by our fears. Fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of unwanted results if we took a risk. But most of these fears are not real. so identify your fears.... what's really behind them? Many of them are likely to be groundless or have no wider impact. Recognise that your fears are due to your lack of belief in yourself than any other real circumstances.
So give yourself the greatest gift of all - a firm and health sense of self-esteem.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Detaching Yourself From Discouragement
If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop Talking Negatively to Yourself
It's a surprising statistic, but studies have shown that on average we make between 300 and 400 self-evaluations per day. And that's not even the most starting part... apparently, out of those 300 to 400 self-assessments, about 80% are negative.
The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in.
Here are some things one typically says to oneself, whether aloud or as a passing thought, when one makes a mistake...
"That was stupid! Why am I always messing things up? That's so embarrassing!"
We may not take these episodes into consideration, but when it happens often enough, it weakens our self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse.
Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had a lot of help!". It may be a cultural thing, Confucian perhaps, that we tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you are always selling yourself short, you are also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
There is virtue in humility, but we must also learn not to allow negative self-talk to ruin our self-esteem and chances of greater success and joy.
The next time you make a mistake, or do something you feel is not proper or right, try thinking about your strategy for the future. Focus on what you can do better, not on the disappointment and frustration of the error. The more you dwell on a mis-step, the more likely you are going to repeat it. But if you pay more attention to improvement, you are much more likely to keep enhancing your performance.
The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in.
Here are some things one typically says to oneself, whether aloud or as a passing thought, when one makes a mistake...
"That was stupid! Why am I always messing things up? That's so embarrassing!"
We may not take these episodes into consideration, but when it happens often enough, it weakens our self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse.
Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had a lot of help!". It may be a cultural thing, Confucian perhaps, that we tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you are always selling yourself short, you are also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
There is virtue in humility, but we must also learn not to allow negative self-talk to ruin our self-esteem and chances of greater success and joy.
The next time you make a mistake, or do something you feel is not proper or right, try thinking about your strategy for the future. Focus on what you can do better, not on the disappointment and frustration of the error. The more you dwell on a mis-step, the more likely you are going to repeat it. But if you pay more attention to improvement, you are much more likely to keep enhancing your performance.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Staying Motivated in Uncertain Times
Nothing in life is predictable. You can plan your life as tightly as you possibly can, and still there will be times when it can all come crashing down.
So how do you stay motivated when life is so uncertain? How do you remain creative during times when nothing around you seems to give you inspiration?
First of all, learn to concentrate on the good. Your perception of something determines whether it hammers your spirit or gives it wings. So always focus on the positive - find the lesson, or the beauty. What new wisdom have you gained? Did you find a new friend? Or perhaps a fresh perspective? Everything can bring you closer to your goals. You don't always know it at the time, but if you seek the good in everything, there is no defeat.
Also, when a difficulty arises, focus on the solution. Many people dwell on the problem, seeing it grow more menacing and complicated in their minds, shrinking their hearts. So concentrate on the solution, break it down into manageable steps, then take action. For example, if a lucrative market is suddenly closed off to you, don't keep thinking about the potential profits lost; look elsewhere! The world is too large for you to remain in one place for too long.
Along the road to your goals, there are plenty of motels that offer a seductive rest. These places often have names like "The Past", "Complacency", "Indolence", "Lovely Laurels to Rest On", and the like. We have all checked into these places before. The stay is always pleasant enough of course, but if we linger too long, we find it hard to leave. So by all means, revisit your past, indulge a little in your achievements, but when it all gets too comfortable, move on. Don't sacrifice your future by living in the past.
Successful people know that a positive, forward-looking attitude is indispensable. You too can be as postive as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about and head towards the future. If you think as successful people think, using your mind to exert mental control over the situatino, you will be positive and in good spirits most of the time.
When the unexpected snag occurs, you will find that you are better able to get yourself going again.
So how do you stay motivated when life is so uncertain? How do you remain creative during times when nothing around you seems to give you inspiration?
First of all, learn to concentrate on the good. Your perception of something determines whether it hammers your spirit or gives it wings. So always focus on the positive - find the lesson, or the beauty. What new wisdom have you gained? Did you find a new friend? Or perhaps a fresh perspective? Everything can bring you closer to your goals. You don't always know it at the time, but if you seek the good in everything, there is no defeat.
Also, when a difficulty arises, focus on the solution. Many people dwell on the problem, seeing it grow more menacing and complicated in their minds, shrinking their hearts. So concentrate on the solution, break it down into manageable steps, then take action. For example, if a lucrative market is suddenly closed off to you, don't keep thinking about the potential profits lost; look elsewhere! The world is too large for you to remain in one place for too long.
Along the road to your goals, there are plenty of motels that offer a seductive rest. These places often have names like "The Past", "Complacency", "Indolence", "Lovely Laurels to Rest On", and the like. We have all checked into these places before. The stay is always pleasant enough of course, but if we linger too long, we find it hard to leave. So by all means, revisit your past, indulge a little in your achievements, but when it all gets too comfortable, move on. Don't sacrifice your future by living in the past.
Successful people know that a positive, forward-looking attitude is indispensable. You too can be as postive as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about and head towards the future. If you think as successful people think, using your mind to exert mental control over the situatino, you will be positive and in good spirits most of the time.
When the unexpected snag occurs, you will find that you are better able to get yourself going again.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Loving Your True Self
Some people always put others before them, and to them this is a very natural thing; they feel they are being selfless and sympathetic. But in the process, they can forget who they are and lose themselves. They begin to get depressed, lose focus and ambition and wonder what happened to their lives to make them get to this point. The answer is simple - they let their obligations and responsibilities get in the way of fulfilling their life's destiny and, in short, they lost themselves to others.
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Love
We all want greater happiness. And most of us seek it in things like money, fast love, power, respect, adoration and career success. But we ultimately realise that the joy we get from these things does not last.
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.
Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.
Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.
A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.
But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Getting A Grip On Reality
Our worries and anxieties can sometimes overwhelm us. When this happens, some of us cannot seem to enjoy anything; we're too fearful of what's to come. Some of us cannot seem to relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the worlds is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour temporary thoughts of suicide.
When this happens; it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries and anxieties are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they're not based on anything but our imagination.
So let us try to regain our grip on reality.
When you're starting to feel anxious about something, stop whatever you're doing and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Open the window, take a deep breath, admire the trees. Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity - switch your focus! Refuse to let yourself broad.
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly.
So turn to the facts - how long is this detestable thing expected to last anyway? Is all of it going to be so bad? Might there be some enjoyable aspects you've overlooked? Is it possible this thing could be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's forcing you to do something you've been telling yourself to do but have just been terribly lazy about it?
Do your research, deconstruct the monster, and suddenly it's just made of Lego.
When you are having an anxiety attack, you may encounter a lot of scary thoughts coming to you all at once. Instead of panicking, remember that these thoughts are not rooted in reality. They're fabrications! They in no way dictate what's really going to happen. Let the fear go.
Also, remember that worry ultimately doesn't change anything. It may turn you into a sulking, moaning, heaving wreak, but it doesn't have any other real power. Train yourself to shake its hand, tell it "Thank you very much, but you are of no use to me" and send it on its way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When this happens; it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries and anxieties are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they're not based on anything but our imagination.
So let us try to regain our grip on reality.
When you're starting to feel anxious about something, stop whatever you're doing and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Open the window, take a deep breath, admire the trees. Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity - switch your focus! Refuse to let yourself broad.
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly.
So turn to the facts - how long is this detestable thing expected to last anyway? Is all of it going to be so bad? Might there be some enjoyable aspects you've overlooked? Is it possible this thing could be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's forcing you to do something you've been telling yourself to do but have just been terribly lazy about it?
Do your research, deconstruct the monster, and suddenly it's just made of Lego.
When you are having an anxiety attack, you may encounter a lot of scary thoughts coming to you all at once. Instead of panicking, remember that these thoughts are not rooted in reality. They're fabrications! They in no way dictate what's really going to happen. Let the fear go.
Also, remember that worry ultimately doesn't change anything. It may turn you into a sulking, moaning, heaving wreak, but it doesn't have any other real power. Train yourself to shake its hand, tell it "Thank you very much, but you are of no use to me" and send it on its way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Keeping Pessimism At Bay
For many of us, an attitude of pessimism is a form of self-defense. If we expect the worst, and it doesn't happen, we're spared the worst grief. And if we expect the worst, and it does happen, well at least we were right. The idea is that if we don't get our hopes too high, we won't have a hard fall.
But there is a more sinister, perhaps truer explanation for pessimism. Pessimists are in fact cowards who refuse to accept responsibility for their happiness and instead go through life behaving like victims of external circumstances. Pessimists routinely expect bad things to happen and thus make no effort to make things better. They behave as though the world exerts such a daunting force upon them that resistance is pointless. This kind of belief conveniently absolves them of any duty or responsibility to improve their own lives.
But pessimist is condemned to failure, or at least, mediocrity. Because self-enhancement is neither expected nor believed to be possible by their own means, pessimists are content to accept whatever is given to them.
Human beings are by nature weak and therefore most of us have a propensity towards pessimism - this is a kind of spiritual laziness that believes that since nothing better is possible, no work needs to be done. But if you are determined to keep pessimism at bay, here are few habits you can cultivate.
Firstly, adopt and attitude of gratitude. Pessimists are so blinded by the pains and injustices in life that they cannot see the good. If you are to transcend the pessimistic mindset, you have to first learn to be thankful for everything that comes your way. An absolute attitude of gratitude, that is, seeing the good in everything even when it appears bad, is not easy to develop, but it is by no means impossible. But start with finding at least one thing to be grateful for in every situation.
Next, surround yourself only with optimistic, forward-looking people. You will feed off one another's positive energies.
Next, watch your language. There is no doubt that words influence our consciousness, so consistently strive to use upbeat language, even if it feels strange initially. You'll come to realize that you can very often make yourself feel better just by saying the right words.
And foster a habit of creativity. Make repetition a sin. Try to do things differently. Over-deliver - when asked for one, come up with three. this renews and energises your mind and trains it to be resilient and resourceful.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But there is a more sinister, perhaps truer explanation for pessimism. Pessimists are in fact cowards who refuse to accept responsibility for their happiness and instead go through life behaving like victims of external circumstances. Pessimists routinely expect bad things to happen and thus make no effort to make things better. They behave as though the world exerts such a daunting force upon them that resistance is pointless. This kind of belief conveniently absolves them of any duty or responsibility to improve their own lives.
But pessimist is condemned to failure, or at least, mediocrity. Because self-enhancement is neither expected nor believed to be possible by their own means, pessimists are content to accept whatever is given to them.
Human beings are by nature weak and therefore most of us have a propensity towards pessimism - this is a kind of spiritual laziness that believes that since nothing better is possible, no work needs to be done. But if you are determined to keep pessimism at bay, here are few habits you can cultivate.
Firstly, adopt and attitude of gratitude. Pessimists are so blinded by the pains and injustices in life that they cannot see the good. If you are to transcend the pessimistic mindset, you have to first learn to be thankful for everything that comes your way. An absolute attitude of gratitude, that is, seeing the good in everything even when it appears bad, is not easy to develop, but it is by no means impossible. But start with finding at least one thing to be grateful for in every situation.
Next, surround yourself only with optimistic, forward-looking people. You will feed off one another's positive energies.
Next, watch your language. There is no doubt that words influence our consciousness, so consistently strive to use upbeat language, even if it feels strange initially. You'll come to realize that you can very often make yourself feel better just by saying the right words.
And foster a habit of creativity. Make repetition a sin. Try to do things differently. Over-deliver - when asked for one, come up with three. this renews and energises your mind and trains it to be resilient and resourceful.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Relationships and Self Esteem
What attracts a human being to another? And what makes a relationship work?
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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