Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner's feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you're afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?
One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is "Thou shalt trust thy partner". Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.
If you're feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't believe that we deserve love. That's why we doubt our partner's feelings for us. We think that it's too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicious. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they'll do whatever we want. But that's not love; that's slavery.
Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you're doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.
Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you're good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you're not around.
You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?
Look into their mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you'll ever be, so enjoy it. When you're happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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