We can strive to maintain a sunny attitude, but we are all prone to occasional mood swings. Some of us even experience perplexing cases of the blues that seem to come from nowhere.
We are not machines. Even they break down sometimes and can also have baffling causes.
Yes, we all fall into emotional slumps from time to time, and it's definitely normal, but we should not allow those lows to occur to regularly or turn into lingering periods of despair that can lead to depression and other problems.
So, then next time a dark cloud comes over you, here are some ways you can chase it away.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy probably put it across most profoundly and succinctly by staying on its cover... "DON'T PANIC". It's probably not as serious as you think. And even if it is, panicking hardly helps... thinking it through calmly and lucidly is always the best way to go.
Get things into perspective. Don't over-speculate, over-analyse, or imagine disaster scenarios that have no basis in fact. If what's getting you down has you truly worried, then find out more about it. The more you understand something, the less scary it usually gets. There are also many hidden aspects of a situation that only become clear when you actually seek them out.
When you're down in a slump, it also often helps to get out! Literally! Physically change your perspective! Remaining in a familiar environment can remind you of your sadness or frustration, so change your scenery. Sometimes, "out of sight" is truly "out of mind".
However, if getting out of your physical surroundings is not practical, then try changing it. Dreaming up a new concept of your room or office can be rejuvenating experience. Go shopping with a friend and turn your personal space into one that is truly relaxing and inspiring.
And spend more time with positive people, animals or nature. anything that makes you get up, go out and feel good.
Just remember, however horrible you might be feeling at the moment, it will pass. The worst thing you can do when you are feeling low is to indulge that sinking feeling. So do something, take action, and you should be well on your way to feeling much better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attracting Success
Everyone wants success.
Some people spend their every waking moment pursuing it, to the determent of everything else. At the other end of the spectrum are people who feel that success is impossible. They conclude that it is destined only for a select few. And the rest of us in between are content with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow that we are not "fated" or "destined" to achieve it.
However, these assumptions could not be further from the truth. When you strive for success with the wrong assumptions, you will never reach it. It's like trying to reach a destination with the wrong map.
You can't hurry success, catch it, or find it by chance. You cannot inherit it, gate-crash it, or take it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to ear, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren't really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands.
To achieve success, first you must understand that success is a process. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts. Anything else is just a temporary illusion. Success that will remain with you, and bring you joy rather than sorrow, requires a learning process, a time to grow out of old habits and into new ones, a time to learn what works and what doesn't. So don't be in a hurry.
In order to attain success, you will also need to acquired traits and skills that attract it. Define what success means to you. What traits or skills will you need to achieve this goal? Devise plans to acquire the needs traits and skills. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Find two or three people who have what you want. Write down the habits that have made them successful and resolve to copy them.
And once you have made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success, oftentimes alone. Author Les Brown once said that, "At some point in time, the pursuit of your goals becomes secondary and what you have become in the process is what is most important." when infants reach for the toy that their parents have placed some distance away, it's not the toy that's the prize; it's simply motivation for the child to learn something more important, something more lasting, and that is to learn to crawl, and of course, to finally walk and run! It's to strengthen their muscles so they can reach for other goals in life.
Anyone can success, but not everyone will. And success differs for each person. It's your definition, and your decision.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Some people spend their every waking moment pursuing it, to the determent of everything else. At the other end of the spectrum are people who feel that success is impossible. They conclude that it is destined only for a select few. And the rest of us in between are content with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow that we are not "fated" or "destined" to achieve it.
However, these assumptions could not be further from the truth. When you strive for success with the wrong assumptions, you will never reach it. It's like trying to reach a destination with the wrong map.
You can't hurry success, catch it, or find it by chance. You cannot inherit it, gate-crash it, or take it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to ear, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren't really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands.
To achieve success, first you must understand that success is a process. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts. Anything else is just a temporary illusion. Success that will remain with you, and bring you joy rather than sorrow, requires a learning process, a time to grow out of old habits and into new ones, a time to learn what works and what doesn't. So don't be in a hurry.
In order to attain success, you will also need to acquired traits and skills that attract it. Define what success means to you. What traits or skills will you need to achieve this goal? Devise plans to acquire the needs traits and skills. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Find two or three people who have what you want. Write down the habits that have made them successful and resolve to copy them.
And once you have made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success, oftentimes alone. Author Les Brown once said that, "At some point in time, the pursuit of your goals becomes secondary and what you have become in the process is what is most important." when infants reach for the toy that their parents have placed some distance away, it's not the toy that's the prize; it's simply motivation for the child to learn something more important, something more lasting, and that is to learn to crawl, and of course, to finally walk and run! It's to strengthen their muscles so they can reach for other goals in life.
Anyone can success, but not everyone will. And success differs for each person. It's your definition, and your decision.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Smart People Doing Stupid Things
Religious leader jailed for misappropriation of charity funds. Doctor suspended for improperly prescribing sleeping pills. Actor sentenced for molesting colleague. Company directory convicted for tax evasion. Nurse jailed for cheating patient of money. Teacher jailed of murdering ex-lover.
News headlines that beg the question - "why do smart people do stupid things?"
These are arguably intelligent people, most of them having had illustrious careers in their own way, their achievements plain to see, their track records unblemished until the fateful act.
It's easy for us to pass judgment; to proclaim "he deserved it!", "what loose morals he must have!", "as a trusted role model, how could he stoop so low?", and so on.
But what happened to this person could happen to any of us. What makes us think that we have more self-control than these people, many of whom had, before their misdemeanour, achieved more than the average person? What makes us so sure that if we were put through the same paces that we wouldn't do the same thing?
We are all capable of doing the wrong thing. So how can we avoid stumbling hard in a moment of folly?
First, don't react on impulse. We often make foolish decisions because we haven't yet given the matter deeper thought. Like buying a big-ticket item, always give yourself a cooling-off period to reflect on what you are about to do. Don't allow your emotions to overrule logical thinking. If you think something is "wrong", it probably is.
We also often do stupid things to polish our ego. Perhaps we feel we have attained a status that given us the privilege to bend the rules a little. People may also stroke our ego in order to get what they want from us.
When pondering a dubious option, don't take it at face-value. Don't simply trust what others tell you. Find out for yourself. Many people make decisions they regret later because they didn't bother to ascertain their assumptions. "I wasn't aware" though is a defense that doesn't hold water in the eyes of the law.
Many people also routine risk long-term happiness for short-term gratification - kickbacks, sexual favours, or a committing a vengeful act in a moment of anger. Think about it.... is it worth it? Some fast cash or fleeting pleasure for a lifetime of regret?
No doubt we are human after all... and part of being human is the tendency to give in to temptation. I am not saying we can always transcend this weakness, but we ca certainly weigh our sacrifices and gains carefully before acting.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
News headlines that beg the question - "why do smart people do stupid things?"
These are arguably intelligent people, most of them having had illustrious careers in their own way, their achievements plain to see, their track records unblemished until the fateful act.
It's easy for us to pass judgment; to proclaim "he deserved it!", "what loose morals he must have!", "as a trusted role model, how could he stoop so low?", and so on.
But what happened to this person could happen to any of us. What makes us think that we have more self-control than these people, many of whom had, before their misdemeanour, achieved more than the average person? What makes us so sure that if we were put through the same paces that we wouldn't do the same thing?
We are all capable of doing the wrong thing. So how can we avoid stumbling hard in a moment of folly?
First, don't react on impulse. We often make foolish decisions because we haven't yet given the matter deeper thought. Like buying a big-ticket item, always give yourself a cooling-off period to reflect on what you are about to do. Don't allow your emotions to overrule logical thinking. If you think something is "wrong", it probably is.
We also often do stupid things to polish our ego. Perhaps we feel we have attained a status that given us the privilege to bend the rules a little. People may also stroke our ego in order to get what they want from us.
When pondering a dubious option, don't take it at face-value. Don't simply trust what others tell you. Find out for yourself. Many people make decisions they regret later because they didn't bother to ascertain their assumptions. "I wasn't aware" though is a defense that doesn't hold water in the eyes of the law.
Many people also routine risk long-term happiness for short-term gratification - kickbacks, sexual favours, or a committing a vengeful act in a moment of anger. Think about it.... is it worth it? Some fast cash or fleeting pleasure for a lifetime of regret?
No doubt we are human after all... and part of being human is the tendency to give in to temptation. I am not saying we can always transcend this weakness, but we ca certainly weigh our sacrifices and gains carefully before acting.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Conversation-Starters
We've all been there. You are at a party, or some social event... no one you really know. There are a couple of people you would like to know, but you have no idea how to start a conversation with them.
Or someone comes up to you, says "hello", you say "hi". And then... awkward silence. You are desperately thinking of things to talk about... there are about twenty things running through you head; none of them though actually emerging from your lips.
Though human beings are social creatures, not all of us are naturally sociable. And if you are not the life of the party, that's nothing to be ashamed about. The problem though is that for some of us, the more we falter at social events, the more fearful we can become of them. And this can affect our self-esteem and opportunities for self-development. Not to mention our romantic prospects.
Fortunately though, there is a method to starting and maintaining conversations.
First, let's tackle your state of mind. At a function, you are typically focusing on you, right? How you appear to others, how they are judging you, what you should say or do, and so on. It's no wonder the experience is so nerve-wracking.
Well, take the focus off you and on to other people and your surroundings. Notice what's happening in your environment... take an active interest in what others are doing, saying or wearing, how they are behaving. When your mind is occupied with others, it has no time to worry about you.
Find something common, either between the two of you or something in the surroundings or place and talk about that - how parking was tough, maybe, how good the food looks, which items are must-haves, similar hobbies or work, interest in some ingoing media event perhaps. Remember to who more interest in the other party; ask follow-up questions based on this answers. Everybody loves talking about themselves. So let them carry the conversation.
That's why compliments work well too. It shows that you actually noticed. And it doesn't always have to be something about their appearance or what they are wearing... if you love their enthusiasm or energy, for example, tell them.
Or if you are not in the mood to think about what to say sometimes, make sure you bring along a unique item and display it prominently... that's guaranteed to be a conversation-starter.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Or someone comes up to you, says "hello", you say "hi". And then... awkward silence. You are desperately thinking of things to talk about... there are about twenty things running through you head; none of them though actually emerging from your lips.
Though human beings are social creatures, not all of us are naturally sociable. And if you are not the life of the party, that's nothing to be ashamed about. The problem though is that for some of us, the more we falter at social events, the more fearful we can become of them. And this can affect our self-esteem and opportunities for self-development. Not to mention our romantic prospects.
Fortunately though, there is a method to starting and maintaining conversations.
First, let's tackle your state of mind. At a function, you are typically focusing on you, right? How you appear to others, how they are judging you, what you should say or do, and so on. It's no wonder the experience is so nerve-wracking.
Well, take the focus off you and on to other people and your surroundings. Notice what's happening in your environment... take an active interest in what others are doing, saying or wearing, how they are behaving. When your mind is occupied with others, it has no time to worry about you.
Find something common, either between the two of you or something in the surroundings or place and talk about that - how parking was tough, maybe, how good the food looks, which items are must-haves, similar hobbies or work, interest in some ingoing media event perhaps. Remember to who more interest in the other party; ask follow-up questions based on this answers. Everybody loves talking about themselves. So let them carry the conversation.
That's why compliments work well too. It shows that you actually noticed. And it doesn't always have to be something about their appearance or what they are wearing... if you love their enthusiasm or energy, for example, tell them.
Or if you are not in the mood to think about what to say sometimes, make sure you bring along a unique item and display it prominently... that's guaranteed to be a conversation-starter.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attitude Towards Adversity
There is much in this world that's not fair or right, at least in our opinion. And if we want to, we can have plenty to complain or be unhappy about. In fact, many of us do make our frustrations known on a regular basis, bleating away to our friends, colleagues, family and whoever's too polite to walk away.
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Critically Evaluating Your Role in the Relationship
When it comes to relationships, most of us are pretty hands-off. The prevailing mindset seems to be that relationships should work out all by themselves. In any case, because there is no manual, most of us accept that we will just blunder through them and hope for the best.
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Finding Your Own Path
A line by songwriter Tim Booth goes "If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor".
Well, in a society where wealth and success is not only evident but relentlessly sold to us every day, it's natural for the average person to question his own lot.
Not that we shouldn't want to achieve more, but the majority of the messages we get these days tend to convince us that to be happy, to be proud of ourselves, to be respected by others, we must attain great wealth or be a frontrunner in some popular field like sport or music.
It's enough to make many of us can feel awfully inadequate. And this tendency to compare ourselves with others can make us forget about what we want, what makes us happy, what our natural passions drive us to do.
Your ex-classmates, former colleagues and friends may have gone on to earn more, get promoted, buy their third car, their second apartment and so on, but life is not a race. Some of us may want to be a full-time parent, for example, a theatre performer, work with children, travel the world, or a foodie blogger.
Sure, we should aim to move forward in life, but gunning for the benchmarks set by others can often prove frustrating. that's because we each have unique talents, values and passions. In order to be happy and successful in our own way, we have to look to ourselves instead of others.
Start with your innate gifts - what do you do well naturally? Are you good in sports, for example? Draw or paint well? Perhaps you are musically-inclined? Write or speak well? Don't dismiss them as common. You would be surprised how far you could go in a job that requires one or a combination of those gifts.
Think of how you could serve the world. What problem could you solve? That's your value right there. Every job is one that solves a certain problem or fulfills a certain need. Think along those lines and your path towards a more satisfying life and career will become clearer.
So by all means admire others for their achievements, but don't let their yardsticks dictate yours. Explore your own path towards self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, in a society where wealth and success is not only evident but relentlessly sold to us every day, it's natural for the average person to question his own lot.
Not that we shouldn't want to achieve more, but the majority of the messages we get these days tend to convince us that to be happy, to be proud of ourselves, to be respected by others, we must attain great wealth or be a frontrunner in some popular field like sport or music.
It's enough to make many of us can feel awfully inadequate. And this tendency to compare ourselves with others can make us forget about what we want, what makes us happy, what our natural passions drive us to do.
Your ex-classmates, former colleagues and friends may have gone on to earn more, get promoted, buy their third car, their second apartment and so on, but life is not a race. Some of us may want to be a full-time parent, for example, a theatre performer, work with children, travel the world, or a foodie blogger.
Sure, we should aim to move forward in life, but gunning for the benchmarks set by others can often prove frustrating. that's because we each have unique talents, values and passions. In order to be happy and successful in our own way, we have to look to ourselves instead of others.
Start with your innate gifts - what do you do well naturally? Are you good in sports, for example? Draw or paint well? Perhaps you are musically-inclined? Write or speak well? Don't dismiss them as common. You would be surprised how far you could go in a job that requires one or a combination of those gifts.
Think of how you could serve the world. What problem could you solve? That's your value right there. Every job is one that solves a certain problem or fulfills a certain need. Think along those lines and your path towards a more satisfying life and career will become clearer.
So by all means admire others for their achievements, but don't let their yardsticks dictate yours. Explore your own path towards self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being True to Ourselves
No one likes being lied to. The truth is what we respect, indeed what we often demand. Yet, the person we often most lie to is our self.
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.
Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?
We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.
As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.
Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.
As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.
Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.
As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Bonding With Your Partner
In any given moment in our relationship with our partner, we are in one of two possible intents - the intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, and the intent to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.
Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and voiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviours. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviours have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.
In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.
However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.
In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?
When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish.
Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and voiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviours. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviours have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.
In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.
However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.
In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?
When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Handling Bad Days
In our pursuit of daily happiness, we are sometimes faced with one of the most daunting truths of all - that some days will inevitably be bad. Your alarm clock runs out of power during the night, your usb drive crashes, the cat scratches the new couch, you are late for an important sales presentation and of course, you are caught in the most massive traffic jam of your life.
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Maintaining a Positive Attitude
It's widely-accepted that having a positive outlook contributes greatly to a happy life. Endless studies tell us the same thing - that being cheerful and forward-looking makes us perform better at work, more creative, more contented and thus more joyful.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Importance of Self-Reliance
In our path towards happiness, self-reliance is very importance. We have to believe in ourselves, our right to exist and our claim to love and joy. We have to be able to trust in our ability to deal with adversity. We have to know that we can survive even without the help of others.
Many people give up this right when it comes to their relationships. It's almost as if when it comes to the "us", the "I" has to disappear. But depending too much on your partner or spouse or children for sustenance makes you vulnerable to attacks. Also, if you're relying on someone else for love, money, approval and so on, what happens when that person is no longer around? Or decides to leave? Would you end up helpless and alone?
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence.
The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others. even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.
Develop an invisible, protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself, time for the mood to change from one of anger to resentment to one of peace.
In order to live a happy and emotionally secure life, you have to be true to yourself. You must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you.
By taking that positive step towards finding the self-reliance you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be.
Many people give up this right when it comes to their relationships. It's almost as if when it comes to the "us", the "I" has to disappear. But depending too much on your partner or spouse or children for sustenance makes you vulnerable to attacks. Also, if you're relying on someone else for love, money, approval and so on, what happens when that person is no longer around? Or decides to leave? Would you end up helpless and alone?
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence.
The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others. even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.
Develop an invisible, protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself, time for the mood to change from one of anger to resentment to one of peace.
In order to live a happy and emotionally secure life, you have to be true to yourself. You must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you.
By taking that positive step towards finding the self-reliance you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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