Our minds, if left to their own devices, will cause us to live unhappy, unfulfilling lives. This is because they've been conditioned over the years to accept certain beliefts that limit our spiritual growth - things like "not changing is safe", "don't take risks", and "being sure is better than going into the unknown".
This is probably due to our primal instinct for survival. Certainly for a Neanderthal scampering among prehistoric flesh-eating giants, it's probably smarter not to take a different route back to your cave everyday. But in today's context, where our daily preoccupation is not hunting for food and avoiding being food, we need more intellectual stimulation to keep our minds and spirits in optimum condition. When we "play it safe" or get into comfortable routines, we grow dull and listless.
The mind is life a child. Its intelligence will always include some primal remnants that equate change to death, discomfort to death, and discipline to death. It must be trained and given guidance by a loving but firm spirit in order to fulfill its true purpose.
For our greater good, we have to let the spirit control the mind. every week, try adopting one life-enhancing practice consistently. You will find that when the spirit takes control in these instances that the mind will protest - it will try to persuade you that it's too difficult, that it's better to have things status quo, that you need your fixes to soothe the frustrations of life.
Try out these exercises to train your spirit to control your mind for greater self-enhancement.
1. Take on a small project that requires some level of discipline that you would normally not bring to the table. Complete the project successfully.
2. Eliminate a counter-productive habit that you are addicted to, such as drinking coffee, hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock, not drinking sufficient quantities of water, etc.
3. Read about the true nature of addiction and discover your own and how it ruining your life then decide, fully aware of the consequences, if you will continue done that path and every time you indulge remind yourself of the consequences you are choosing.
4. Observe other people living chaotic, problematic lives and then own up to where you are also doing the same thing.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Relationships and Self Esteem
What attracts a human being to another? And what makes a relationship work?
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Healing Through Acceptance
When misfortune occurs, many people try to deny or resist it. They go through the exhausting and pointless cycle of thoughts that goes something like "No, no, this can't be happening!" or "Why is this happening to me?", usually meaning "Why is this happening to poor ol' harmless me?".
As a result, they go through long periods of emotional suffering that can be damaging to their psychological or physical health. They waste a lot of energy and time rejecting what's happening to them instead of healing themselves by accepting their situation.
Now by accepting the situation, I don't mean going through life thinking everything that happens to you is ok. What I mean is, although it's completely natural to react with disbelief and resistance when something seemingly bad happens, you can only being to mend when you accept your plight and move on.
Some things happen to us that are completely out of our hands. You might call these "acts of God" if you're the religious type, or genuine accidents that you have no control over, like natural disasters or a reckless driver in your lane.
But we have to accept responsibility for most of the things that happen to us in life. Being in a developed country in the 21st century means that most of us have all our basic needs covered - food, shelter, education, healthcare, sanitation and so on. Which leaves us with things like our emotional needs, our value systems, our desires and ambitions, and our behaviour.
These stem from our attitudes towards and perceptions of ourselves, others, our surroundings and the wider world. And we have the power to tweak these attitudes and perceptions to influence our mental well-being and potential for love, joy and success.
So when something seemingly "bad" happens to us, the fastest and most direct route to recovery is acknowledging and accepting it - "Yes, it happened. And yes, I may have had a role to play in creating it. What can I learn from this? How can I improve things? How can I improve myself? How can I move on?"
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
As a result, they go through long periods of emotional suffering that can be damaging to their psychological or physical health. They waste a lot of energy and time rejecting what's happening to them instead of healing themselves by accepting their situation.
Now by accepting the situation, I don't mean going through life thinking everything that happens to you is ok. What I mean is, although it's completely natural to react with disbelief and resistance when something seemingly bad happens, you can only being to mend when you accept your plight and move on.
Some things happen to us that are completely out of our hands. You might call these "acts of God" if you're the religious type, or genuine accidents that you have no control over, like natural disasters or a reckless driver in your lane.
But we have to accept responsibility for most of the things that happen to us in life. Being in a developed country in the 21st century means that most of us have all our basic needs covered - food, shelter, education, healthcare, sanitation and so on. Which leaves us with things like our emotional needs, our value systems, our desires and ambitions, and our behaviour.
These stem from our attitudes towards and perceptions of ourselves, others, our surroundings and the wider world. And we have the power to tweak these attitudes and perceptions to influence our mental well-being and potential for love, joy and success.
So when something seemingly "bad" happens to us, the fastest and most direct route to recovery is acknowledging and accepting it - "Yes, it happened. And yes, I may have had a role to play in creating it. What can I learn from this? How can I improve things? How can I improve myself? How can I move on?"
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
5 Habits of Extraordinary People
Most of us would never choose to be average. But many of us continue to under-perform and remain stagnant because we don't actively think about and do what would elevate us above mediocrity. So the first step really, is to emphatically reject mediocrity and the idea of "just getting by". Commit to developing these habits that extraordinary people share:
#1. Build a vision or focus. Where do you see yourself heading? What do you want to improve? do you want to own a business? Do you want to build a closer bond with your family members? Do you want to have a fitter body? Are you planning a dream retirement? Schedule activities everyday that help you along this path.
#2. Break out of your molds and routines. What do you say when people ask you questions to which you don't know or are unsure of the answers? Do you simply say "I don't know"? Successful people never say "I don't know". Their creative and quick-thinking minds reach into their mental stores to fashion a plausible answer, usually more than one. They may not be right all the time, but this trains their minds to think fast and develop creative, alternative solutions. Successful people like to think that there is always a way and that they will find it. These people disdain tried and tested methods and conforming to society's ideals of what they should be.
#3. Regularly take time to rest, unwind, and enjoy life and the gifts that have been given to them. They know when to take a step back or out of the circle to see the bigger picture. Mediocre people, or the other hand, are always telling you how busy they are, how they have no space to breathe and relax. In reality, these people are afraid to stop and examine where all this frantic comes from. This blur of "busyness" is a cover for a humdrum, run-of-the-mill, ordinary existence.
#4. Welcome and embrace change. Extraordinary people understand that change is necessary for growth and life and they look forward to it, even being part of the force that brings about change. They don't react to the world, the evolve dynamically with it. They love new experiences and thinking about how things could be made better.
#5. Believe that happiness comes from within themselves and not from outside sources. Extraordinary people don't believe that a certain thing or person will bring happiness, and they don't wait to be happy. They don't think "I'll be happy when...". They strive to find joy wherever they are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
#1. Build a vision or focus. Where do you see yourself heading? What do you want to improve? do you want to own a business? Do you want to build a closer bond with your family members? Do you want to have a fitter body? Are you planning a dream retirement? Schedule activities everyday that help you along this path.
#2. Break out of your molds and routines. What do you say when people ask you questions to which you don't know or are unsure of the answers? Do you simply say "I don't know"? Successful people never say "I don't know". Their creative and quick-thinking minds reach into their mental stores to fashion a plausible answer, usually more than one. They may not be right all the time, but this trains their minds to think fast and develop creative, alternative solutions. Successful people like to think that there is always a way and that they will find it. These people disdain tried and tested methods and conforming to society's ideals of what they should be.
#3. Regularly take time to rest, unwind, and enjoy life and the gifts that have been given to them. They know when to take a step back or out of the circle to see the bigger picture. Mediocre people, or the other hand, are always telling you how busy they are, how they have no space to breathe and relax. In reality, these people are afraid to stop and examine where all this frantic comes from. This blur of "busyness" is a cover for a humdrum, run-of-the-mill, ordinary existence.
#4. Welcome and embrace change. Extraordinary people understand that change is necessary for growth and life and they look forward to it, even being part of the force that brings about change. They don't react to the world, the evolve dynamically with it. They love new experiences and thinking about how things could be made better.
#5. Believe that happiness comes from within themselves and not from outside sources. Extraordinary people don't believe that a certain thing or person will bring happiness, and they don't wait to be happy. They don't think "I'll be happy when...". They strive to find joy wherever they are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attracting the Right People
Why do we seem to attract the same type of people or situations over and over again? Why do you meet the people you meet? Why do you consistently get yourself into positions or places where you feel frustrated or powerless?
Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, has thought about these questions.
Well, our relationships are reflections of what we desire in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. When we communicate to the creative centre in our mind that we only deserve this much, that we are not worthy of better people or better things, then that's just what we get. You attract what you think about, what you believe.
All of our relationships with friends, romantic partners, co-workers and even casual acquaintances tell us something about ourselves. When we recognize and play attention to the teachings of the people around us, we have the opportunity to improve our circumstances and ourselves.
So how can you attract more fulfilling, mature and lasting relationships?
Begin writing down what's lacking in your relationships or what's irritating you. By creating this list of what doesn't make you feel good, you can learn to focus on what you actually do want from your connections with other people. It can also help you begin making small changes in the kind of people you see as a potential mate of friend.
Acknowledge you gratitude for having these connections with other people. Rather than focusing on how much you want things to change, begin to focus on your relationships as learning about yourself. Using gratitude to convey that you are on your learning path can help communicate a sense of well being all through yourself that others can perceive as well. By focusing on what the other person is helping you with, you can shift your attention to their positive traits as well, thus allowing yourself to create a different reaction to being in this person's presence and allowing the connection to shift into a better relationship.
By choosing to recognize the learning experiences offered by our connections with other people, we can bring ourselves into better spiritual alignment with ourselves. This can enable us to live happier, healthier and more productive lives as well as create better relationships with other people. as you continue to work with these learning possibilities with others, you can create a different response to life, enabling yourself to feel more balanced and in tune with yourself and everyhing around you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, has thought about these questions.
Well, our relationships are reflections of what we desire in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. When we communicate to the creative centre in our mind that we only deserve this much, that we are not worthy of better people or better things, then that's just what we get. You attract what you think about, what you believe.
All of our relationships with friends, romantic partners, co-workers and even casual acquaintances tell us something about ourselves. When we recognize and play attention to the teachings of the people around us, we have the opportunity to improve our circumstances and ourselves.
So how can you attract more fulfilling, mature and lasting relationships?
Begin writing down what's lacking in your relationships or what's irritating you. By creating this list of what doesn't make you feel good, you can learn to focus on what you actually do want from your connections with other people. It can also help you begin making small changes in the kind of people you see as a potential mate of friend.
Acknowledge you gratitude for having these connections with other people. Rather than focusing on how much you want things to change, begin to focus on your relationships as learning about yourself. Using gratitude to convey that you are on your learning path can help communicate a sense of well being all through yourself that others can perceive as well. By focusing on what the other person is helping you with, you can shift your attention to their positive traits as well, thus allowing yourself to create a different reaction to being in this person's presence and allowing the connection to shift into a better relationship.
By choosing to recognize the learning experiences offered by our connections with other people, we can bring ourselves into better spiritual alignment with ourselves. This can enable us to live happier, healthier and more productive lives as well as create better relationships with other people. as you continue to work with these learning possibilities with others, you can create a different response to life, enabling yourself to feel more balanced and in tune with yourself and everyhing around you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Adversity
Whenever you're in a uncomfortable or challenging situation, you have only three options:
1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation
Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.
The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? and of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.
Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).
We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.
In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"
By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation
Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.
The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? and of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.
Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).
We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.
In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"
By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Crystallize Your Roadmap for Success
Yes we all want to be successful, and we're all potential winners. So why are successful people still in the minority? That's because most of us don't have a clear roadmap to guide us towards personal success.
You want success, but do you understand why you want it? What does success mean to you? How will success, as you define it, benefit you and those around you? Only when you get into the nitty-gritty will the path towards success become clearer.
Success is the end result, that one big goal, but before we can get there, we need to break that one big goal down into smaller and closer goals and plans that will help us achieve those goals. What are manageable tasks you can do each day that will bring you closer to your success? Come up with a daily list. Checking off your list gives you a sense of achievement and keeps you motivated. And don't be downtrodden if you fail to achieve a goal. As someone once said, "Its not a tragedy not to achieve a goal; it's a tragedy not to have that goal to achieve in the first place."
Before you can achieve your goal, you need to have the belief that you deserve to have what you are going for! Whether it's monetary or otherwise - you deserve it. And understand the reasons for those goals; knowing why your goals exist makes you want them even more, you'll need this desire.
Next you need a plan of action. Detail exactly how your objectives will be met. And reward yourself when you achieve a certain goal. This will motivate you towards your next goal. If star footballers weren't paid obscene amounts of money for the goals they score, they'd find it that much harder to perform in the next match.
Keep re-evaluating your goals. Just because your objective is valid today doesn't mean it will remain relevant tomorrow. Assess your circumstances and tweak accordingly. You may even add new goals. Think of this as planting more seeds for greater chances of success.
And don't make the mistake of thinking that you should achieve success all by yourself. There are many resources you could use to keep yourself on the right track - you can read more self-improvement books, attend seminars, collaborate with a partner, or even get yourself a coach or a mentor. How you go about it is up to you. Remember as long as you keep learning you will keep achieving. And even if your final goal isn't reached, the process of learning and achieving itself is a definition of success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
You want success, but do you understand why you want it? What does success mean to you? How will success, as you define it, benefit you and those around you? Only when you get into the nitty-gritty will the path towards success become clearer.
Success is the end result, that one big goal, but before we can get there, we need to break that one big goal down into smaller and closer goals and plans that will help us achieve those goals. What are manageable tasks you can do each day that will bring you closer to your success? Come up with a daily list. Checking off your list gives you a sense of achievement and keeps you motivated. And don't be downtrodden if you fail to achieve a goal. As someone once said, "Its not a tragedy not to achieve a goal; it's a tragedy not to have that goal to achieve in the first place."
Before you can achieve your goal, you need to have the belief that you deserve to have what you are going for! Whether it's monetary or otherwise - you deserve it. And understand the reasons for those goals; knowing why your goals exist makes you want them even more, you'll need this desire.
Next you need a plan of action. Detail exactly how your objectives will be met. And reward yourself when you achieve a certain goal. This will motivate you towards your next goal. If star footballers weren't paid obscene amounts of money for the goals they score, they'd find it that much harder to perform in the next match.
Keep re-evaluating your goals. Just because your objective is valid today doesn't mean it will remain relevant tomorrow. Assess your circumstances and tweak accordingly. You may even add new goals. Think of this as planting more seeds for greater chances of success.
And don't make the mistake of thinking that you should achieve success all by yourself. There are many resources you could use to keep yourself on the right track - you can read more self-improvement books, attend seminars, collaborate with a partner, or even get yourself a coach or a mentor. How you go about it is up to you. Remember as long as you keep learning you will keep achieving. And even if your final goal isn't reached, the process of learning and achieving itself is a definition of success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Giving and Receiving
Today, let’s reflect on giving and receiving. Both are equally important to your emotional health, and if your scales are excessively skewed, it’s time to review some of your habits and beliefs. Just like inhaling and exhaling, giving and receiving both need equal attention, otherwise, the body feels uncomfortable and inefficient. Both are cycles that establish their own equilibrium.
Think about it… When you exhale fully, you make room for new air to come in. You also create a vacuum that pulls oxygen in. In the same way, if you are giving more than you are receiving, at some point you will not have anything left to give. If you are receiving more than you are giving, at some point there will be no "space" for you to receive anything else.
If you're not receiving enough, you need to open yourself up to receive more of what is already being given to you.
For example, when someone compliments you, say "Thank you." Do not deflect what they have said – let it in! Receive this person's appreciation for you.
When someone invites you to something, allow yourself to feel included and wanted. Don't look for explanations or complications. Take it at face value.
When someone asks you what they can do to help you out, don't turn them down. Think of all the ways they might assist you and pick one; then let them help you. Many people refuse help unless they are just about desperate; they fear that if they take help when they don't absolutely need it, when they do need it, it won't be there. But that's not the way the dynamic works. When you consistently refuse help, you stop the flow.
When you come across something that’s beautiful to you, such as a sunset, a rain puddle or a colourful insect, allow its beauty to seep into your soul. If you witness something that touches, moves, or inspires you, open up your heart fully to receive the experience. Don’t dismiss it as weak sentimentality. Feel it. Your heart needs it.
And when you receive a gift, receive the whole gift. And this includes the thought, time and energy that went into getting you the gift. You may be thinking “I don’t need another shirt” or “another bag”, but you do need the gift behind the gift. Let it in.
We tried out a few ways of increasing your receptivity if you’re not receiving enough. But what if you’re not giving enough?
First of all, tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them - the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, and are awed by. How often do you let your friends and family know how much you appreciate them?
Extend this gift of appreciation to colleagues and associates. Even people you had a brief encounter with; if they impressed you or was good to you or did a favour for you, tell them how much it meant. Be generous with your appreciation. It costs you nothing but it makes them feel great, and you’ll feel wonderful too.
When you go to someone else's home, bring them something – some fruit, a drink, a flower, even a note.
Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.
Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that brings people together.
Give away stuff you don't use any more - dusty books clogging up your cupboards and shelves, CDs you never listen to anymore, bags, clothes, even appliances. These things have much more value in them yet in other hands.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Think about it… When you exhale fully, you make room for new air to come in. You also create a vacuum that pulls oxygen in. In the same way, if you are giving more than you are receiving, at some point you will not have anything left to give. If you are receiving more than you are giving, at some point there will be no "space" for you to receive anything else.
If you're not receiving enough, you need to open yourself up to receive more of what is already being given to you.
For example, when someone compliments you, say "Thank you." Do not deflect what they have said – let it in! Receive this person's appreciation for you.
When someone invites you to something, allow yourself to feel included and wanted. Don't look for explanations or complications. Take it at face value.
When someone asks you what they can do to help you out, don't turn them down. Think of all the ways they might assist you and pick one; then let them help you. Many people refuse help unless they are just about desperate; they fear that if they take help when they don't absolutely need it, when they do need it, it won't be there. But that's not the way the dynamic works. When you consistently refuse help, you stop the flow.
When you come across something that’s beautiful to you, such as a sunset, a rain puddle or a colourful insect, allow its beauty to seep into your soul. If you witness something that touches, moves, or inspires you, open up your heart fully to receive the experience. Don’t dismiss it as weak sentimentality. Feel it. Your heart needs it.
And when you receive a gift, receive the whole gift. And this includes the thought, time and energy that went into getting you the gift. You may be thinking “I don’t need another shirt” or “another bag”, but you do need the gift behind the gift. Let it in.
We tried out a few ways of increasing your receptivity if you’re not receiving enough. But what if you’re not giving enough?
First of all, tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them - the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, and are awed by. How often do you let your friends and family know how much you appreciate them?
Extend this gift of appreciation to colleagues and associates. Even people you had a brief encounter with; if they impressed you or was good to you or did a favour for you, tell them how much it meant. Be generous with your appreciation. It costs you nothing but it makes them feel great, and you’ll feel wonderful too.
When you go to someone else's home, bring them something – some fruit, a drink, a flower, even a note.
Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.
Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that brings people together.
Give away stuff you don't use any more - dusty books clogging up your cupboards and shelves, CDs you never listen to anymore, bags, clothes, even appliances. These things have much more value in them yet in other hands.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Master Your Thoughts
We're all built with incredible propensity to imagine the worst. Let's say you notice a strange spot on your chest. You being to think "something is wrong." This quickly becomes "it's a STD" or "it's a cancer". In no time at all, you arrive at the idea that you're going to die from this. Well, that settles it then, time to plan the funeral.
You see how we can catastrophize matters? And it's not just in areas such as our well-being; it's our children, our careers, our finances, our partner, or the superior we thought we offended. If we start catching ourselves imagining disastrous scenarios that are not grounded in facts, we'll realize that our thoughts can go askew very easily. And they affect our emotional and mental well-being. Sometimes, they can make us physically sick!
To reduce unnecessary angst, focus on the situation at hand. Nothing more. A spot is just a spot. Until you see a doctor or get more information, further thought is useless and can be dangerous.
The thing is, a thought is just a thought. Some thoughts may be more useful, but that makes them no more real.
The trouble begins when we buy into the thoughts. When we start believing that they have some inherent truth or reality.
A good way out of this trap is to imagine a continuum, a line between two extremes. At one end is the idea that "A Thought Is Reality". At this extreme, people believe that whatever pops into their head is real. IN other words, "if I think it, it is real." The extreme is what we know as psychosis, that is, no matter what others or bare facts tell me, I simply choose to believe my thoughts.
At the other end of the continuum is the idea that "A Thought Is Just A Thought." If a thought begins to torment a person at this end of the spectrum, he or she is able to take a step back, remember that a thought is just a thought, and let it go. If it warrants some follow-up action, go ahead, but until then, don't let your thoughts slip into the gunk of fear and imagination.
Thoughts really only have as much power as we give them. No more, no less.
Become aware of your thoughts. Master your thoughts and you master your world.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
You see how we can catastrophize matters? And it's not just in areas such as our well-being; it's our children, our careers, our finances, our partner, or the superior we thought we offended. If we start catching ourselves imagining disastrous scenarios that are not grounded in facts, we'll realize that our thoughts can go askew very easily. And they affect our emotional and mental well-being. Sometimes, they can make us physically sick!
To reduce unnecessary angst, focus on the situation at hand. Nothing more. A spot is just a spot. Until you see a doctor or get more information, further thought is useless and can be dangerous.
The thing is, a thought is just a thought. Some thoughts may be more useful, but that makes them no more real.
The trouble begins when we buy into the thoughts. When we start believing that they have some inherent truth or reality.
A good way out of this trap is to imagine a continuum, a line between two extremes. At one end is the idea that "A Thought Is Reality". At this extreme, people believe that whatever pops into their head is real. IN other words, "if I think it, it is real." The extreme is what we know as psychosis, that is, no matter what others or bare facts tell me, I simply choose to believe my thoughts.
At the other end of the continuum is the idea that "A Thought Is Just A Thought." If a thought begins to torment a person at this end of the spectrum, he or she is able to take a step back, remember that a thought is just a thought, and let it go. If it warrants some follow-up action, go ahead, but until then, don't let your thoughts slip into the gunk of fear and imagination.
Thoughts really only have as much power as we give them. No more, no less.
Become aware of your thoughts. Master your thoughts and you master your world.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop the Bickering
Are you always bickering with your partner? Does every little thing seem to become an issue between you two? You know you truly love and care for each other, but somehow the bickering doesn't seem to stop. It's even gotten to the point where the relationship is no longer enjoyable, when it should be between two people who are in love.
So what's wrong here?
Examine the dynamics of your quarrels. Are they often triggered by seemingly trivial complains about time management, child-rearing, money or household chores? Do they turn into back-and-forth arguments where each party would argue, explain and defend? Neither of you seems to be listening to the other. It's like you're both locked in battle positions, unable to move until one party falls. Either that or you both get so exhausted that the argument dies a natural death... not resolved, unfortunately, just beaten into silence.
In this situation, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right, to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as your intensions are to control and not be controlled, you are stuck.
Later, when things quieten and you've both had time to do some soul-searching, you realize that this happens despite the fact that you love each other. But as soon as an issue come up, you stop caring about yourselves and each other. You become so intent on winning or not losing that caring goes out the window.
Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other - it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.
The next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, "Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?" Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a away for both of you to win.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So what's wrong here?
Examine the dynamics of your quarrels. Are they often triggered by seemingly trivial complains about time management, child-rearing, money or household chores? Do they turn into back-and-forth arguments where each party would argue, explain and defend? Neither of you seems to be listening to the other. It's like you're both locked in battle positions, unable to move until one party falls. Either that or you both get so exhausted that the argument dies a natural death... not resolved, unfortunately, just beaten into silence.
In this situation, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right, to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as your intensions are to control and not be controlled, you are stuck.
Later, when things quieten and you've both had time to do some soul-searching, you realize that this happens despite the fact that you love each other. But as soon as an issue come up, you stop caring about yourselves and each other. You become so intent on winning or not losing that caring goes out the window.
Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other - it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.
The next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, "Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?" Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a away for both of you to win.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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