We've all, at some point, compared ourselves with others and ended up feeling inferior or discontented. Talk about self-torture!
Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.
Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Boosting & Maintaining Genuine Happiness
We can try to make the most of life; to be as happy as possible in spite of the rainy spells that can come our way. Still sometimes, we can be stumped. During these difficult times, we can stop looking forward to life, our sleep is strained, our work efficiency suffers and our creativity goes down.
What does it really mean to be happy? How can we make joy last? And how do "they" do it? You know, those people who seem to be able to laugh and play and remain effusive and creative in the most stressful of times.
Is there a method to their merriment?
Well, yes. Mysterious and sometimes elusive as it may seem, genuine lasting happiness can be developed.
Accepting and embracing yourself, as usual, is your top strategy. Without the Self, there is nothing. So get over it, if you haven't already. This is the only body and mind you are ever going to get, so you might as well make the most of them. Also, you're not perfect, but you can continually improve yourself. So keep learning, keep absorbing information, and you will feel increasingly in control and empowered.
Practice contentment and you will discover the key to lasting happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that you should accept what's not working in your life, but rather this kind of contentment relates to appreciating what you already have, and not yearning for what you don't. Remember, not wanting it is as good as possessing it.
If the consistently-happy people you know are also sociable and extroverted, it's no coincidence. A recent study found that extroverts have more of the so-called "happiness chemical" dopamine. This chemical also consequently makes these people more creative thinkers. Dopamine occurs naturally in the brain and affects a range of behaviour including mood, sleep, reward, learning and movement.
Researchers also found that "extroverts are likely to be more successful because of higher than average level of the chemical floods the brain at even higher does when a person is in a good mood. The more outgoing a person is, the more active their dopamine system is and a positive mood increases dopamine activity even further in may parts of the brain."
Also, if you closely observe genuinely happy people, they're able to not only laugh at what life throws at them, they're also good at laughing at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're not over-sensitive about how people see them or how others talk about them. They're too busy having fun!
So practice these keys to true joy - love yourself, practice contentment, get out more, and learn to take life and yourself more lightly.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
What does it really mean to be happy? How can we make joy last? And how do "they" do it? You know, those people who seem to be able to laugh and play and remain effusive and creative in the most stressful of times.
Is there a method to their merriment?
Well, yes. Mysterious and sometimes elusive as it may seem, genuine lasting happiness can be developed.
Accepting and embracing yourself, as usual, is your top strategy. Without the Self, there is nothing. So get over it, if you haven't already. This is the only body and mind you are ever going to get, so you might as well make the most of them. Also, you're not perfect, but you can continually improve yourself. So keep learning, keep absorbing information, and you will feel increasingly in control and empowered.
Practice contentment and you will discover the key to lasting happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that you should accept what's not working in your life, but rather this kind of contentment relates to appreciating what you already have, and not yearning for what you don't. Remember, not wanting it is as good as possessing it.
If the consistently-happy people you know are also sociable and extroverted, it's no coincidence. A recent study found that extroverts have more of the so-called "happiness chemical" dopamine. This chemical also consequently makes these people more creative thinkers. Dopamine occurs naturally in the brain and affects a range of behaviour including mood, sleep, reward, learning and movement.
Researchers also found that "extroverts are likely to be more successful because of higher than average level of the chemical floods the brain at even higher does when a person is in a good mood. The more outgoing a person is, the more active their dopamine system is and a positive mood increases dopamine activity even further in may parts of the brain."
Also, if you closely observe genuinely happy people, they're able to not only laugh at what life throws at them, they're also good at laughing at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're not over-sensitive about how people see them or how others talk about them. They're too busy having fun!
So practice these keys to true joy - love yourself, practice contentment, get out more, and learn to take life and yourself more lightly.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Thinking Beyond Current Standards
It's natural to be satisfied with the way things are, especially when things are going well, life is smooth-sailing, there are no viable competitors and there isn't incentive to charge anything.
But Life is about change. It's about constant movement, and if you are not moving forward all the time, you are either stuck, or worse, sliding. Besides, when we settle, we give up the chance to find out how things could be.
One of the most striking examples of how important constant evolution is in the business of electronic gadgets. Who would have thought that smartphones, for instance, would take over the world, almost overnight it seems? And you can be sure that the Jobs' and Gates' of the world are already thinking of the next super communication slash entertainment tool that defies convention and would be unimaginable to most of us today.
That's the essence of success - consistently staying a few steps ahead.
Most people will be happy with current standards. There is certain reverence given to them it seems... We often hears terms like "time-tested", "classic", "tested and proven", "traditional" and so on when it comes to the way things have always been done.
This love for the status quo occurs not just in career or business. People can become attached to the prevailing standard in their personal lives as well - they can become attached to places, to environments, to possessions, to ideas, to other people, to repetitious acts that give them temporary or superficial pleasure.
These people can get sucked into this artificial world - a world where things don't change, where things and people remain where they want them to be, a world where any change is snuffed out forcefully or artificially. While the real world continues to move on, they retreat deeper and deeper into their artificial world until they become obsolete and out of touch within the real world.
The truth is - the world moves on, people move on, fads come and go, technologies emerge and fade, cultures and contexts evolve. Over time, things and people who don't steadily develop themselves will get left behind.
The only way you can remain ahead of the game is to constantly thing beyond the current standards - once things become relatively stable, it's time to think about how they can be done better, how they can be further enhanced.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But Life is about change. It's about constant movement, and if you are not moving forward all the time, you are either stuck, or worse, sliding. Besides, when we settle, we give up the chance to find out how things could be.
One of the most striking examples of how important constant evolution is in the business of electronic gadgets. Who would have thought that smartphones, for instance, would take over the world, almost overnight it seems? And you can be sure that the Jobs' and Gates' of the world are already thinking of the next super communication slash entertainment tool that defies convention and would be unimaginable to most of us today.
That's the essence of success - consistently staying a few steps ahead.
Most people will be happy with current standards. There is certain reverence given to them it seems... We often hears terms like "time-tested", "classic", "tested and proven", "traditional" and so on when it comes to the way things have always been done.
This love for the status quo occurs not just in career or business. People can become attached to the prevailing standard in their personal lives as well - they can become attached to places, to environments, to possessions, to ideas, to other people, to repetitious acts that give them temporary or superficial pleasure.
These people can get sucked into this artificial world - a world where things don't change, where things and people remain where they want them to be, a world where any change is snuffed out forcefully or artificially. While the real world continues to move on, they retreat deeper and deeper into their artificial world until they become obsolete and out of touch within the real world.
The truth is - the world moves on, people move on, fads come and go, technologies emerge and fade, cultures and contexts evolve. Over time, things and people who don't steadily develop themselves will get left behind.
The only way you can remain ahead of the game is to constantly thing beyond the current standards - once things become relatively stable, it's time to think about how they can be done better, how they can be further enhanced.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Importance of Feedback
Most of us have had this experience - we go to a restaurant, receive horrible service, but remain silent about it. I mean, we probably will winge about it with our dining mates but mostly no more than that.
This kind of timid, non-assertive behaviour is often attributed to our "Asian reservation", "reservedness", our tendency to be more concerned about group benefit rather than individual satisfaction, and so on. "Let's not make a scene", "Oh it's just one of those days", and so on.
It can seem awfully trivial, especially after our temper has cooled. But our reluctance to assert ourselves has a wider-reaching consequence. When we don't give feedback for bad treatment, we are actually perpetuating bad service.
The lack of good service has long been a malaise of Singapore society. Could this be due to our general reluctance to point out bad service?
I have been guilty of this myself. I get shoddy service and simply brush it off. "Maybe he's having a bad day..." Well, maybe he is. Maybe he isn't What's certain though is that when you remain silent, you're rewarding bad behaviour. The service provider assumes he can get away with it and will be more likely to give sub-standard service in future. This certainly doesn't help his career development either.
And it's not just the service sector that suffers from the lack of feedback. When we remain tight-lipped about bad treatment, we encourage bad behaviour from almost everyone we interact with. Think of family members, your partner, a colleague or neighbour... what kinds of unreasonable treatment are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis without voicing your opposition?
Now it's important to understand that we are not helping the relationship by keeping quiet. When we don't express our dissatisfaction, we are sending a signal that we're OK with being treated like that. The other party then sees nothing wrong with continuing to treat us like that. Over time, our silent rage bubbles and boils, our resentment builds up, we find ways to getting back at the other person, and the unspoken war wages on until finally, the relationship becomes untenable.
So do yourself and the other party a favour. If you feel - reasonably - that you deserve better, do say so.
Of course, this principle of feedback also applies to good service and behaviour. So when you're well-treated, do let the person or whatever place he's working in know. Give a bigger tip. Reward good behaviour and you will get more good behaviour.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of timid, non-assertive behaviour is often attributed to our "Asian reservation", "reservedness", our tendency to be more concerned about group benefit rather than individual satisfaction, and so on. "Let's not make a scene", "Oh it's just one of those days", and so on.
It can seem awfully trivial, especially after our temper has cooled. But our reluctance to assert ourselves has a wider-reaching consequence. When we don't give feedback for bad treatment, we are actually perpetuating bad service.
The lack of good service has long been a malaise of Singapore society. Could this be due to our general reluctance to point out bad service?
I have been guilty of this myself. I get shoddy service and simply brush it off. "Maybe he's having a bad day..." Well, maybe he is. Maybe he isn't What's certain though is that when you remain silent, you're rewarding bad behaviour. The service provider assumes he can get away with it and will be more likely to give sub-standard service in future. This certainly doesn't help his career development either.
And it's not just the service sector that suffers from the lack of feedback. When we remain tight-lipped about bad treatment, we encourage bad behaviour from almost everyone we interact with. Think of family members, your partner, a colleague or neighbour... what kinds of unreasonable treatment are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis without voicing your opposition?
Now it's important to understand that we are not helping the relationship by keeping quiet. When we don't express our dissatisfaction, we are sending a signal that we're OK with being treated like that. The other party then sees nothing wrong with continuing to treat us like that. Over time, our silent rage bubbles and boils, our resentment builds up, we find ways to getting back at the other person, and the unspoken war wages on until finally, the relationship becomes untenable.
So do yourself and the other party a favour. If you feel - reasonably - that you deserve better, do say so.
Of course, this principle of feedback also applies to good service and behaviour. So when you're well-treated, do let the person or whatever place he's working in know. Give a bigger tip. Reward good behaviour and you will get more good behaviour.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Your Worries Are Not Reality
It's generally ok to worry about certain things we fear will ensue. This can be a useful instinct because it's a warning bell that can motivate us to find solutions or make preparations.
But our anxieties can occasionally overwhelm us. This is when we cannot seem to enjoy anything because we are too afraid of what's to come. Some of us cannot relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the world is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour fleeting thoughts of suicide.
When this happens, it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they are not based on anything but our imagination.
So if you're feeling anxious about something, especially something you realistically cannot do anything about, stop and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Go for a swim or a jog. Talk to someone.
Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity and switch your focus!
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly. We also often read too much into how things look or what people say and assume that it's going to produce a negative result.
But turn to the facts instead. If I needed, find out more. Simply ask. Do your research. There are often many aspects to any occurrence. Is it possible it could actually be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's focusing you to do something you know you should but have just been terribly lazy about or been fearful of it?
When you're having an anxiety attack, remember that your worries are not reality. They're most likely fabrications of an over-active mind! So either let the fear go or let the facts inform your preparatory or remedying action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But our anxieties can occasionally overwhelm us. This is when we cannot seem to enjoy anything because we are too afraid of what's to come. Some of us cannot relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the world is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour fleeting thoughts of suicide.
When this happens, it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they are not based on anything but our imagination.
So if you're feeling anxious about something, especially something you realistically cannot do anything about, stop and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Go for a swim or a jog. Talk to someone.
Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity and switch your focus!
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly. We also often read too much into how things look or what people say and assume that it's going to produce a negative result.
But turn to the facts instead. If I needed, find out more. Simply ask. Do your research. There are often many aspects to any occurrence. Is it possible it could actually be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's focusing you to do something you know you should but have just been terribly lazy about or been fearful of it?
When you're having an anxiety attack, remember that your worries are not reality. They're most likely fabrications of an over-active mind! So either let the fear go or let the facts inform your preparatory or remedying action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing More On Ourselves
Most of the problems in the world stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustice, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.
The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.
If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.
If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?
Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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