Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner's feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you're afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?
One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is "Thou shalt trust thy partner". Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.
If you're feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.
When we don't love ourselves, we don't believe that we deserve love. That's why we doubt our partner's feelings for us. We think that it's too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicious. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they'll do whatever we want. But that's not love; that's slavery.
Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you're doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.
Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you're good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you're not around.
You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?
Look into their mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you'll ever be, so enjoy it. When you're happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Making Good Memories
Nothing in life is constant. Changes occur at every moment.
Things happen to us, wonderful or painful.
People enter and leave our lives - some strangers, some casual acquaintances and a few of them leave indelible impressions on our hearts.
Most of these people we will not be able to hold on to. Memories of them, however, stay with us our entire lives, lying dusty and dear in the attic of our hearts.
Each moment presents an opportunity for us to take a mental and emotional photograph that we can store in our minds and hearts. If we lives our lives consistently taking photographs filled with negative feelings, we'll end up with an album full of unhappy images.
The memories we choose to make today can either summon a swell of regret or s surge of sweet nostalgia tomorrow.
It's therefore crucial to remind ourselves always to make good memories.
Our loved ones are simply on loan to us. They can be taken from us at any time.
Think of the last time you were with a friend or a loved one. Was it memorable?
Do you still remember the little details? Did you make an effort to capture a good memory? Or did some trifle or personal agenda get in the way?
Maybe you were too busy with something else to really listen to them.
Perhaps you were so concerned with getting your own thing done that you slightly resented that they needed your help.
Maybe you thought there would be another chance to show them that you love and care for them. Perhaps you were embarrassed that there were other people around.
Maybe you were too tired to smile, too lazy to say a nice thing or too busy with your work to make the moment special.
Memories are the only things we accumulate and keep throughout our lives.
Isn't it worthwhile to make an effort to consciously make good ones?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Things happen to us, wonderful or painful.
People enter and leave our lives - some strangers, some casual acquaintances and a few of them leave indelible impressions on our hearts.
Most of these people we will not be able to hold on to. Memories of them, however, stay with us our entire lives, lying dusty and dear in the attic of our hearts.
Each moment presents an opportunity for us to take a mental and emotional photograph that we can store in our minds and hearts. If we lives our lives consistently taking photographs filled with negative feelings, we'll end up with an album full of unhappy images.
The memories we choose to make today can either summon a swell of regret or s surge of sweet nostalgia tomorrow.
It's therefore crucial to remind ourselves always to make good memories.
Our loved ones are simply on loan to us. They can be taken from us at any time.
Think of the last time you were with a friend or a loved one. Was it memorable?
Do you still remember the little details? Did you make an effort to capture a good memory? Or did some trifle or personal agenda get in the way?
Maybe you were too busy with something else to really listen to them.
Perhaps you were so concerned with getting your own thing done that you slightly resented that they needed your help.
Maybe you thought there would be another chance to show them that you love and care for them. Perhaps you were embarrassed that there were other people around.
Maybe you were too tired to smile, too lazy to say a nice thing or too busy with your work to make the moment special.
Memories are the only things we accumulate and keep throughout our lives.
Isn't it worthwhile to make an effort to consciously make good ones?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Critically Evaluating Your Role in the Relationship
When it comes to relationships, most of us are pretty hands-off. The prevailing mindset seems to be that relationships should work out all by themselves. In any case, because there is no manual, most of us accept that we will just blunder through them and hope for the best.
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
A Deeper Understanding of Love
You know there is definitely something there when you look at your partner, he or she smiles, and you smile too.
And surely there is something there that makes you give up something you like or need so that your partner can benefit from it.
There is probably something at work too when you refrain from doing something because you think it might hurt your partner.
Some people say it's a chemical, a biological process; that it's indistinguishable from the pleasure you get from sinking your teeth into a scoop of moist chocolate lava cake.
Well, chemical process or not, love fro many of us is still mysterious, though centuries of practice have taught us some of the more profound truths of deeply caring of deeply caring for someone or, in some cases, an exceptionally well-made confectionery.
Love is not about needing someone to be there, but to be there for that person.
Love is not about how much time you have spent together, but how well you two seem to "fir".
Love is not about finding the perfect partner. It is about being the best person you can be.
Love is not just about being together. It's also about letting go.
As we learn more and more about love, we realise that it is not just a flutter of emotions, Byronesque sonnets, passionate kisses or warm embraces. In face, there is also much pain, heartache and sacrifice. Just like the line in that Burt Bacharach song that goes "What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia"!
You cannot compel love. You cannot court love and expect it to fly into your arms. Nor can you trap in a jar like a butterfly that will not doubt soon die anyway. You can only be loving, and hope that someone can see that love and appreciate it.
Love is infinite. It does not diminish even when you are giving it away freely. In fact, the more you share, the more you create and receive.
"Love" is not a word you say to someone if it's not love you feel. And if it truly is love, then it need not be spoken at all!
To love someone is to want the best for someone, even if that "best" thing isn't you.
Love can hurt and love can heal. The results are entirely up to you.
So make your relationships richer and more rewarding with this deeper understanding of love. Even if you are alone at the moment, you have always got that chocolate lava cake!
And surely there is something there that makes you give up something you like or need so that your partner can benefit from it.
There is probably something at work too when you refrain from doing something because you think it might hurt your partner.
Some people say it's a chemical, a biological process; that it's indistinguishable from the pleasure you get from sinking your teeth into a scoop of moist chocolate lava cake.
Well, chemical process or not, love fro many of us is still mysterious, though centuries of practice have taught us some of the more profound truths of deeply caring of deeply caring for someone or, in some cases, an exceptionally well-made confectionery.
Love is not about needing someone to be there, but to be there for that person.
Love is not about how much time you have spent together, but how well you two seem to "fir".
Love is not about finding the perfect partner. It is about being the best person you can be.
Love is not just about being together. It's also about letting go.
As we learn more and more about love, we realise that it is not just a flutter of emotions, Byronesque sonnets, passionate kisses or warm embraces. In face, there is also much pain, heartache and sacrifice. Just like the line in that Burt Bacharach song that goes "What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia"!
You cannot compel love. You cannot court love and expect it to fly into your arms. Nor can you trap in a jar like a butterfly that will not doubt soon die anyway. You can only be loving, and hope that someone can see that love and appreciate it.
Love is infinite. It does not diminish even when you are giving it away freely. In fact, the more you share, the more you create and receive.
"Love" is not a word you say to someone if it's not love you feel. And if it truly is love, then it need not be spoken at all!
To love someone is to want the best for someone, even if that "best" thing isn't you.
Love can hurt and love can heal. The results are entirely up to you.
So make your relationships richer and more rewarding with this deeper understanding of love. Even if you are alone at the moment, you have always got that chocolate lava cake!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Love vs Career
Relationships, particularly romantic ones, often end up the casualty of a work-dominated or career-focused lifestyle. These days, with both spouses often having to work, the risk of endangering the relationship is quite high. Failure to properly manage your professional and romantic roles can send cracks through the foundation of your relationship. Many couples call it a day because at the end of the very long and stressful day, they find love just a tad too exhausting to keep alive.
Many working couples boil it down to the lack of time... and though poor time management is one of the culprits, there are several other factors at play.
Many professionals are so involved with their work that it consumes their thoughts and actions. They are usually very passionate about their work and are very successful in their field. They feel respected and empowered at work and when they come home, they expect the relationship to do the same for them. Unfortunately, a happy marriage does not happen by default.
You may be the boss at the office and might not have compromise much in your professional capacity, but the dynamics are radically different when you switch back to being a spouse and a lover. If you are used to getting your way at work, you may find it difficult to negotiate at home.
The key to making a dual career relationship work is mutual respect. Honour the work that your spouse does. Never make light of it or speak poorly of it. Respect your partner's professional aspirations and don't always expect that you come first in every situation.
Coordinate your schedule with your spouse's. At least once a week, plan an activity you can both enjoy - it could be a night out, an afternoon by the beach or even a game of Scrabble. Interaction within a fun and relaxed space is crucial to keeping your relationship loving and rewarding - it reminds both of you that your marriage is more than just household or parental responsibilities.
And never stop communicating with your spouse - and I don't mean yet another reminder about fixing the car or applying for that loan - share your real emotions, dreams and hopes, even something as simple as a compliment.
Keep that special connection open.
Many working couples boil it down to the lack of time... and though poor time management is one of the culprits, there are several other factors at play.
Many professionals are so involved with their work that it consumes their thoughts and actions. They are usually very passionate about their work and are very successful in their field. They feel respected and empowered at work and when they come home, they expect the relationship to do the same for them. Unfortunately, a happy marriage does not happen by default.
You may be the boss at the office and might not have compromise much in your professional capacity, but the dynamics are radically different when you switch back to being a spouse and a lover. If you are used to getting your way at work, you may find it difficult to negotiate at home.
The key to making a dual career relationship work is mutual respect. Honour the work that your spouse does. Never make light of it or speak poorly of it. Respect your partner's professional aspirations and don't always expect that you come first in every situation.
Coordinate your schedule with your spouse's. At least once a week, plan an activity you can both enjoy - it could be a night out, an afternoon by the beach or even a game of Scrabble. Interaction within a fun and relaxed space is crucial to keeping your relationship loving and rewarding - it reminds both of you that your marriage is more than just household or parental responsibilities.
And never stop communicating with your spouse - and I don't mean yet another reminder about fixing the car or applying for that loan - share your real emotions, dreams and hopes, even something as simple as a compliment.
Keep that special connection open.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Loving Your True Self
Some people always put others before them, and to them this is a very natural thing; they feel they are being selfless and sympathetic. But in the process, they can forget who they are and lose themselves. They begin to get depressed, lose focus and ambition and wonder what happened to their lives to make them get to this point. The answer is simple - they let their obligations and responsibilities get in the way of fulfilling their life's destiny and, in short, they lost themselves to others.
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
You Deserve to Be Loved
Sometimes we develop feelings for someone, but compelling reasons forbid the _expression of love. Or maybe the object of our affections cannot reciprocate our sentiments.
When this happens, it's common to fall into hopeless misery. We might give in to bitterness and wish we had never met the person. Or we might waste the rest of our lives on fruitless yearning. Worse still, we might be driven to accept someone we don't genuinely love in order to fill that void in our hearts.
But love is an emotion. A potent one, yes, but nonetheless an entity which can be dimmed, transformed or transferred if necessary. It certainly serves nothing to grieve over someone you know can never be yours. So sometimes when we know it's impossible, we have no choice but to dull our feelings, lest they plunge us into perilous depths.
Remove yourself from your situation and examine your internal and external circumstances carefully. Do you really love the person, or is your passion fueled by a selfish need? Does the person truly love you and is he or she worth fighting for? Are your tears worth shedding for someone who will cry for someone else?
Very often, we desperately seek one particular person's affections because we feel we don't deserve to be loved. We are held hostage by our perceived deficiencies and past misfortunes and so constantly search for acceptance and love. When we don't find them, we despair. We languish in a palace of ice we build for ourselves, and then demand that someone else come live within its frozen walls with us.
But the world is hardly that miniscule. And the inner world, the realm of our spirit is boundless. When you believe that there is only that one person for you, and seek an impossible reciprocation with all the ruthless will of that conviction, there can only be suffering for you.
You deserve to be with someone who truly loves you. That person exists. But you won't find him or her in your palace of ice.
Step outside. Remember the warm sun and fresh air? Remember how you used to be your own person until you surrendered your happiness to a vain pursuit? Remember all the wonderful things you savoured before you locked yourself up in that dreadful place? Embrace them again.
Do not seek love. For it will come to you if you truly know it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Our Destiny of Loss
Loss is Man's destiny, since anything we endeavour to love in this world can be taken from us at any moment. And nothing is more painful or crippling than the loss of a loved one.
Whether it's mortal death or the death of passion that severs a human union, the loss of a loved one cannot be prevented by any worldly craft or art.
But although we cannot prolong the time given to us to share with our loved ones, we can choose how we use it. If we can love selflessly and abundantly, the sheer immensity of love shared will far outweigh the tragedy of a shortened bond.
For very often, the greatest tragedy of a loved one's passing is not the loss itself, but the regret of not having shown and given our love more freely before it was too late.
When our partner decides to leave the relationship, or when someone we love does not reciprocate our feelings, the initial agony may seem insufferable. But we need not let the pain engulf us.
The ability to love someone is the greatest gift we possess. It is a store that will never run out, no matter how much of the inventory we choose to give away. This desire to love is a self-rejuvenating mechanism because when love is given away, more love rushes in to fill its place.
On the other hand, the desire for love gorges a heart with delicious lies that say it has the power and the right to make others love it. Over time, the glutted heart eventually collapses under its own weight, a fat and rotten thing.
It is not in our power, nor is it our right to make others love us. No one truly belongs to you. Not your family members, not your partners, and certainly not someone you just started to develop feelings for. A relationship founded on a selfish longing to possess is almost certain to fail.
Love fearlessly and unselfishly, and you need never feel the anguish and regret of loss.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Making a Relationship Work
Philosopher William James once said; "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Art of Love
Some people believe that love is a spontaneous emotion that springs forth from each of us to unfaillingly soothe and heal. While love does have that potential, it is a delicate art that requires constant nurturing, understanding and dedication to truly blossom. As jazz singer Michael Franks wrote, "homework never ends (when) learning the art of love".
Many of us think we are in love, when we are really in love with the idea of being in love. We are besotted with the image of ourselves being with someone. As a result, our so-called love is actually self-centered, possessive, fettered and false. This can lead to relationships that satisfy us only superficially, or to a vain search for that "perfect" partner while oblivious to the love that's all around us.
For love is not limited to its romantic sense. Romantic love, especially in the early stages, energises us, makes us generous and forgiving, fills us with hope and makes every moment seem wonderful. But how long does it last? Why aren't we in love all the time?
The art of love, if perfected, enables us to love all of life. Romantic love can only thrive if it's supported by this kind of all-embracing, all-encompassing love. Let me clarify myself here and say that we should not, needless to say, love things like power, adulation, money or violence. What I'm referring to is love and respect for oneself, for example, love for preservation rather destruction and waste, love for nature and creation, love for fellow human beings, and a deeper appreciation of the people who love us.
The art of love is a lifelong endeavour. It's seldom perfected, if at all, but the greater the semblance we achieve, the fuller and richer our lives will be. For it was once said, that "we never ask the meaning of life when we are in love".
Indeed, love, if practised in the way it was meant to be practised, has the power to engender a constant sense of well-being, peace and happiness. It has the ability to create, perserve and heal.
Let's look as some reasons why we sometimes fail to find love, why the euphoria of love is often shortlived, and how we can open up our hearts to find and give love wherever we may be.
Have you heard people saying how they've tried searching for the right person for such a long time when he or she was right there under their noses? Sounds like a cliche? Or a cheap movie script? Well, yes and yes. but it is true that we are often so engrossed in our search for the "perfect" partner that we are oblivious to the people around us who do love us for who we are. Everyone has the potential to love. Most of the time though, we are simply too blinded by our own expectations and ideals that we fail to see the potential for love in them.
I'm not saying you should jump into a relationship with anyone who might express a liking for you. I'm saying do not simply dismiss someone whom you feel is not right for you. Allow time to reveal if love can indeed flourish. Do not make commitments you cannot fulfill. Do not make empty promises. But don't always push people away either. The move we can open up to people, the more we can appreciate what is being offered now.
Most of us feel compelled to play roles - both in relationships and in society. We think that these interpretations of us a re desirable and acceptable, and that the real "us" will not able to attract love.
The opposite is true. Most of the time, we are unable to find love because we're so busy playing oles and games that our partners never get to know who we really are. Notice how you are when you are with someone you have feelings for. Are you comfortable? Are you the real you? Or are you trying to present a version of you that you think is more impressive? People like people who are comfortable with themselves. you are most loveable and beautiful just the way you are. It's the roles that get in the way.
We human beings have the tendency to hold on. We want to hold on to our youth, we want to hold on to our possessions, and we want to hold on to the people we love. But love between two people has a life of its own, a freedom that no one can chain down. We must allow this love to arise and descend freely.
When people come into our lives, we should accept and cherish them while they're with us. When it's time for them to go, let them go. Do not turn the departure into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. The person's leaving has got nothing to do with you. Practise doing this with yourself as well. Do not let your love be unnecessarily shackled. when we allow love to ebb and flow naturally, we love more freely and truly.
Many of us bring a lot of emotional baggage into a relationship. Our own expectations and demands, the fear from past failed relationships, the criteria that we feel a relationship should hae. These are all obstacles to creating a free, fulfilling and loving partnership.
Take a look at what you feel is crucial for a relationship. The expectation of marriage, perhaps. maybe the person has to be intellectually-stimulating, emotionally-sensitive, humourous, caring and charming. The need to have the person available anytime you need support. The approval of your friends. The need for the person to find no one else attractive besides you. The need for the other person to appreciate and share your interests. Are these things keeping people and possiblities away? Are they wearing down your relationship?
Try putting some of this baggage down. You don't have to become selfless, generous, forgiving, emotionally-independent, confident, and understanding in one day. Practise it little by little. You will find that not only did you not need the baggage, it was preventing you from finding real happiness and love. Over time, you will feel lighter, happier, less resentful and more accepting and loving of yourself. What's more, you'll discover new people and opportunities you never noticesd before.
As someone once said, "When there are no unnecessary thoughts in your mind, everyday is a good day."
Many of us think we are in love, when we are really in love with the idea of being in love. We are besotted with the image of ourselves being with someone. As a result, our so-called love is actually self-centered, possessive, fettered and false. This can lead to relationships that satisfy us only superficially, or to a vain search for that "perfect" partner while oblivious to the love that's all around us.
For love is not limited to its romantic sense. Romantic love, especially in the early stages, energises us, makes us generous and forgiving, fills us with hope and makes every moment seem wonderful. But how long does it last? Why aren't we in love all the time?
The art of love, if perfected, enables us to love all of life. Romantic love can only thrive if it's supported by this kind of all-embracing, all-encompassing love. Let me clarify myself here and say that we should not, needless to say, love things like power, adulation, money or violence. What I'm referring to is love and respect for oneself, for example, love for preservation rather destruction and waste, love for nature and creation, love for fellow human beings, and a deeper appreciation of the people who love us.
The art of love is a lifelong endeavour. It's seldom perfected, if at all, but the greater the semblance we achieve, the fuller and richer our lives will be. For it was once said, that "we never ask the meaning of life when we are in love".
Indeed, love, if practised in the way it was meant to be practised, has the power to engender a constant sense of well-being, peace and happiness. It has the ability to create, perserve and heal.
Let's look as some reasons why we sometimes fail to find love, why the euphoria of love is often shortlived, and how we can open up our hearts to find and give love wherever we may be.
Have you heard people saying how they've tried searching for the right person for such a long time when he or she was right there under their noses? Sounds like a cliche? Or a cheap movie script? Well, yes and yes. but it is true that we are often so engrossed in our search for the "perfect" partner that we are oblivious to the people around us who do love us for who we are. Everyone has the potential to love. Most of the time though, we are simply too blinded by our own expectations and ideals that we fail to see the potential for love in them.
I'm not saying you should jump into a relationship with anyone who might express a liking for you. I'm saying do not simply dismiss someone whom you feel is not right for you. Allow time to reveal if love can indeed flourish. Do not make commitments you cannot fulfill. Do not make empty promises. But don't always push people away either. The move we can open up to people, the more we can appreciate what is being offered now.Most of us feel compelled to play roles - both in relationships and in society. We think that these interpretations of us a re desirable and acceptable, and that the real "us" will not able to attract love.
The opposite is true. Most of the time, we are unable to find love because we're so busy playing oles and games that our partners never get to know who we really are. Notice how you are when you are with someone you have feelings for. Are you comfortable? Are you the real you? Or are you trying to present a version of you that you think is more impressive? People like people who are comfortable with themselves. you are most loveable and beautiful just the way you are. It's the roles that get in the way.
We human beings have the tendency to hold on. We want to hold on to our youth, we want to hold on to our possessions, and we want to hold on to the people we love. But love between two people has a life of its own, a freedom that no one can chain down. We must allow this love to arise and descend freely.
When people come into our lives, we should accept and cherish them while they're with us. When it's time for them to go, let them go. Do not turn the departure into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment. The person's leaving has got nothing to do with you. Practise doing this with yourself as well. Do not let your love be unnecessarily shackled. when we allow love to ebb and flow naturally, we love more freely and truly.
Many of us bring a lot of emotional baggage into a relationship. Our own expectations and demands, the fear from past failed relationships, the criteria that we feel a relationship should hae. These are all obstacles to creating a free, fulfilling and loving partnership.
Take a look at what you feel is crucial for a relationship. The expectation of marriage, perhaps. maybe the person has to be intellectually-stimulating, emotionally-sensitive, humourous, caring and charming. The need to have the person available anytime you need support. The approval of your friends. The need for the person to find no one else attractive besides you. The need for the other person to appreciate and share your interests. Are these things keeping people and possiblities away? Are they wearing down your relationship?
Try putting some of this baggage down. You don't have to become selfless, generous, forgiving, emotionally-independent, confident, and understanding in one day. Practise it little by little. You will find that not only did you not need the baggage, it was preventing you from finding real happiness and love. Over time, you will feel lighter, happier, less resentful and more accepting and loving of yourself. What's more, you'll discover new people and opportunities you never noticesd before.
As someone once said, "When there are no unnecessary thoughts in your mind, everyday is a good day."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Love in a Time of Dual Career Families
We live in an age of dual career families - as living standards rise, it's inevitable that more and more couples find it necessary for both parties to bring in the bacon. And as women become more empowered, it's natural that they too would want to earn their keep and develop satisfying careers.
But because each person has to dedicate a huge chunk of their lives to their careers, the risk of endangering the relationship is quite high. Failure to properly manage your professional and romantic roles can send cracks through the foundation of your relationship. Many couples call it a day because at the end of the very long and onerous day, they find love just a tad too exhausting to keep alive.
So if you're both career-oriented people, how can you continue to make the relationship fulfilling?
Too often, working couples boil it down to mere lack of time - "I've no time to be romantic", "I've no time to indulge her", "I've no time to take a vacation". Though poor time management is one of the culprits, there are several other factors at play when a relationship begins to fray.
Many professionals are so involved with their work that it consumes their thoughts and actions. They're usually very passionate about their work and are very successful in their field. They feel respected and empowered at work and when they come home, they expect the relationship to do the same for them. Unfortunately, a happy marriage doesn't happen by default.
You may be the boss at the office and might not have to compromise much in your professional capacity, but the dynamics are radically different when you switch back to being a spouse and a lover. If you're used to getting your way at work, you may find it difficult to negotiate at home.
The key to making a dual career relationship work is mutual respect. Honour the work that your spouse does. He or she probably experiences a lot of stress at the office and the home should be a sanctuary. Respect your partner's professional aspirations and don't always expect you to come first in every situation.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Marriage-Killing Myths
Many couples enter a marriage with critical misconceptions of what it takes to make it work. They go in thinking that love will take care of everything, that just because they're now legally united that both parties are automatically obligated to meet each others' whims and expectations. That your partner will gradually change to suit your ideals, that time and familiarity will smooth over the rough edges and magically transform him or her into the giving, loving, reliable, mature spouse and parent.
These misconceptions are not only inaccurate, they're the main reasons why marriages fail. Today, let's talk about these false beliefs and how they can destroy your marriage.
Many married couples take it for granted that their spouse should automatically know what they need and want. That because they "love" them, that they can somehow read their minds. They often don't express their authentic thoughts and desires, preferring instead to drop hints or pretend to be ok with the way things are. When their needs continue to be unfulfilled over time, the pent-up hurt and disappointment can result in a nasty display. The spouse meanwhile is completely baffled.
To many couples, marriage also appears to be the panacea for any defects in the relationship. Marriage is so often portrayed or spoken of as the ultimate dream, a sacrosanct union, and so on that it has taken on an almost magical sheen. People actually do believe that marriage can and will solve all problems, that once that destination has been reached, that they can heave a sigh of relief and let go. They believe that marriage will change whatever flaws they see in their partner - that she will finally begin to wash and cook and well, turn into a Stepford Wife, that he will stop going out with his beer buddies, that she will want three children, that he will become more mature, stop clowning around and make more money. Again, a complete myth. Marriage is the next step in the journey. It's not a solution, nor a dream, nor a magic spell. Don't marry your partner because you think it will turn him or her into your ideal partner.
It's also commonly believed that you should always put your spouse's needs first. Again, a dangerous conviction. Marriage is not about being an emotional slave. It's not about guilt that you feel if you fail to meet your spouse's expectations. Always putting other people's needs before your own demonstrates a lack of respect and love for yourself, and it won't be long before your own repressed needs begin to sour the relationship.
So check your reasons for marriage. How many of them are really myths?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Loving What We Have
We live in an age of excess and access - excess because we have so much to choose from and access because we have so much freedom to choose. From hi-tech toys to multi-media, high fashion to waterfront homes, chemical distractions to fast lovers, this world offers us an endless array of possibilities. It's all about momentary pleasures, staying in the fast lane, retaining membership in the club of looks and possessions.
The confines of tradition, the prejudice of gender and race, the oppression of politics, the dividing power of distance - all these, though not completely removed, do not bind our feet like they did our forefathers. Today, no one has to feel embarrassed about wanting more, making more money, deserving better, buying more things, having more lovers. Ambition is used as a euphemism for greed. But are we happier than before?
So much of our society is disposable - we see, we want, we use, we throw. More than ever, human beings are buying and using things they don't really need. Our landfills are choking with rubbish, and our debts are ballooning. Yet the buying frenzy doesn't seem to be losing any steam.
Are we getting caught up in the wrong things? Is our focus causing us to ultimately lead empty, meaningless lives? How can we stop the seething, rumbling, fast-exploding machine of industry and greed?
The answer is love - learning to love the things and people we already have. Truly understanding them and appreciating them, discovering aspects of them that eluded us before.
If you love what you have, you don't feel the need for more. If you love what you have, you're not going to throw something out once it gets a little worn. You'll see the deeper beauty that lasts infinitely longer. If you love what you have, you'll be very careful what you buy or who you choose to be with, because it has to be something you can love, not simply a trial or plaything.
Take a closer look at your possessions and relationships - your clothes, your car, your furniture, your gadgets, your partner. What can you learn to love and appreciate more? What can you recycle or maintain? Instead of dreaming about buying something new, think about how you can make the most out of what you already have. Wanting more can never make you happy. The key is loving what you have.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Love and Personal Power
When you're in a romantic relationship, do you give away too much of yourself?
This may seem like a strange question; after all, isn't love supposed to be that way? The giving of oneself to one's partner?
Well, the problem with always placing someone else's needs and ideas above your own is that it's not sustainable.
When you fell in love with your partner, you did so because you found some aspects of him or her attractive. This attractiveness forms the core of your partner's personal power. It is what makes them likeable to others as well. You too have your own personal power. But when we love someone, it's natural for us to want to give him or her some of this power. We might consistently give in, for example, always admit fault in arguments, constantly accommodate their wishes, in turn curtailing our own needs and feelings. The problem begins when you suppress yourself too much and too often in order to inflate your partner. The relationship then becomes lop-sided - your partner begins to rely on your submission, praises and assistance, and you start to think that this is what makes you valuable, what makes you loveable.
But do you notice that the more you give in to someone, the more they tend to take advantage of you? Yes your partner may love you but they're human too and can be "taught" over time to perceive your love as this consistent yielding to their desires. Your partner can begin to believe that he or she is really more important than you - more attractive, more powerful, more well-liked; while you're turning weak, timid, disrespectful of yourself and basking in the rays of their light.
The thing is, your partner is looking for an equal, someone who can play off them, challenge them, learn with them, grow with them; not more admirers for their "fanclub". To build a meaningful relationship, you must have a healthy self-image. If you have a low assessment of yourself, over time your partner can come to have a low opinion of you too.
So remember, a healthy sustainable relationship can only be developed if both parties have a high sense of self-worth and personal powers are maintained at equitable levels. You're partners, and you're not an unworthy creature admiring someone far better than you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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