Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is more prevalent than some people would believe. In extreme cases, the anxiety is so great that the person simply retreats or crumbles into an uneasy mess.

To these people, the seemingly common and simple task of interacting with a stranger can be nerve-racking. These people are often frustrated because they are capable of success but are defeated by their fear of rejection. They have no problems being great friends with one or two people but are unable to widen their circle because they cannot seem to make new acquaintances comfortably.

So what can you do if you often face this kind of fear?

First of all, imagine the worst case scenario. Run it through in your mind. At this stage, forget about how you're going to handle rejection. Just think about the worst that could realistically happen. Our fears often take on a life of their own. However when you can stop for a moment and plan in advance, whatever does happen is usually not so bad after all.

Next, decide what rejection means. When we react emotionally to rejection we can usually come up with some awful reasons why people reject us, such as -"People disklike me", "I am a failure", "I am not worthy of their approval", "I am not good enough", and so on.

These limiting thoughts are only making things worse for you. And the thing is, only you can choose what rejection means for you. Other people can never make you feel as bad as you yourself can. So, if it's your feelings, your life, your choice, why not choose more empowering meanings? Such as - "The other person is probably feeling down, is insecure about something, or is preoccupied with a problem at the moment", or "I am the only person who's responsible for my own happiness, so I will not allow someone else to take charge". What about "How can I do better next time?" or "At the end of the day, I know that I am loved for who I am, by the people who do matter to me". Who knows, maybe you are the one making the other person nervous. Now wouldn't that be ironic?

Knowing what to say is not just a matter of what words to speak; that is only the tip of the iceberg. Ninety per cent of the solution depends on you taking charge of your emotional and mental states. The more you do this, that is, laugh at rejection in the face and continue to make your life better, the more comfortable you will be around people. Over time, you will find that the barriers to your success and happiness were not so overbearing after all.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Worrying Less

Worry is such a loathsome thing. You know you'd be able to save more time and energy and achieve more without it, but sometimes it simply refuses to leave you alone.

Most of us will probably not be able to eradicate worry from our lives, but here are some ways you can worry less and accomplish more:

Don't think of problems as difficulties. think of them as opportunities for action.

After you've done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go on to the next thing.

Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, sleep. Don't allow yourself time for your mind to wander.

There are things you cannot do anything about, so don't concern yourself with them.

Don't procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now.

Don't pour woes and anxieties onto other people. Sympathy from others is very tempting and does feel good for a while, but eventually, it just makes you feel sorrier for yourself.

Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day's work.

Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry shatters poise and self-confidence, and adds to fear and anxiety.

If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps like rungs on a ladder... one at a time. Don't allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you've executed step number one.

Worry is a very natural and spontaneous instinct, so don't be too hard on yourself if you fin yourself within its grip. Just make sure you take some measures you help you see things in a calmer, clearer and more productive way.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd