The modern person is faced with an unprecedented myriad of influences, expectations, and pressures. We can often feel like we are being pulled in all directions - by our parents, our jobs, our spouse, our boss, our children, our needs vs theirs, my rights vs. yours.
We all feel we have expectations and obligations that we have to fulfill... people we have to satisfy, standards we have to achieve, authority figures we have to impress, toxic people we have to put up with, rules we have to follow, people we have to influence, friends we have to win.
We may not feel as if these pressures are particularly terrorizing, but collectively they can exert a profound hold over us. They can distract us from our own dreams and desires, our own unique path towards fulfillment. That's often the reason why we feel discontented and lost.
Well, it's time to take stock of your life - what's working?, and build on that, what's not working, and get it out of the way, and what else you can do to help you become the optimum person you can be.
First of all, imagine yourself as the premise for all things. Where previously you deferred to others in terms of opinions, standards and decisions, now think critically about how you really feel, about yourself, your needs, where your life is going. Is this the life you really want, or the one you have been conditioned to desire? Listen to yourself and start making your needs your priority.
Begin identifying the toxic and negative people in your life. How are they draining your energy and keeping you from moving on to the next level? Sometimes these people are your family members or friends. It does not matter... if they are holding you back in a negative way, then let them know that you will do what's best for you, that you value them as loved ones, but it's your own life and only you can live it, for better or worse. And if these negative people are simply the people you hang out with for some reason, then stop indulging the reason to be around them.
You know we often act a certain way because it's we think it's "polite", it's "right", or it's "expected", when really all this "politeness", "rightness" or whatever isn't getting us anywhere, and is probably holding us back from other more important things.
So, do something for yourself today - critically take stock of your life and decide on a path that's right for you!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Controlling Our Anger
For many of us, our temper is one of the hardest things to curb. Patience is a saintly virtue, as they say, and we are often reminded of just how mortal we are when anger takes over and makes us say and do all sorts of umm "un-saintly" things.
Just in the news was a report about a National Serviceman who punched a taxi driver because the cabby had swerved into his lane. For his offence, the NSMan could be jailed up to two years. His anger was understandable... apparently, his pregnant wife was in the car at the time and could have been involved in a nasty accident. But just cause or not, if the NSMan is indeed jailed for the maximum time, he would not be able to take care of his wife and even miss the delivery of his child. Just one example of the consequences that we have to possibly deal with if we react in anger.
Anger is a reactionary impulse and doesn't allow us to think things through. It's appropriate that they describe it as "losing your head" because logic and good sense goes out the window. We've all unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse which we deeply lamented later. Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter probably said it best when he remarked "Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
If we just think ahead, we will realize how reacting angrily only makes the situation worse. It makes us say silly things, sometimes we may even blurt out things we had sought to keep confidential, it often also makes us look like the bad guy, doesn't it? The one who "can't keep his cool". On the extreme end, we can be driven to physical violence.
Besides, as Elizabeth I was once quoted as saying "Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." Anger doesn't inspire us to greater things. It's a product of weak character, of poor judgement and petty fixations. It's a cheap fix that we become dependent on, but then do nothing to improve ourselves or the situation.
The more we practise patience though, the less likely anger will drive us to do or say things of ill advice. As artist, inventor and philosopher Leonardo da Vince put it, "Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patient when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Just in the news was a report about a National Serviceman who punched a taxi driver because the cabby had swerved into his lane. For his offence, the NSMan could be jailed up to two years. His anger was understandable... apparently, his pregnant wife was in the car at the time and could have been involved in a nasty accident. But just cause or not, if the NSMan is indeed jailed for the maximum time, he would not be able to take care of his wife and even miss the delivery of his child. Just one example of the consequences that we have to possibly deal with if we react in anger.
Anger is a reactionary impulse and doesn't allow us to think things through. It's appropriate that they describe it as "losing your head" because logic and good sense goes out the window. We've all unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse which we deeply lamented later. Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter probably said it best when he remarked "Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
If we just think ahead, we will realize how reacting angrily only makes the situation worse. It makes us say silly things, sometimes we may even blurt out things we had sought to keep confidential, it often also makes us look like the bad guy, doesn't it? The one who "can't keep his cool". On the extreme end, we can be driven to physical violence.
Besides, as Elizabeth I was once quoted as saying "Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." Anger doesn't inspire us to greater things. It's a product of weak character, of poor judgement and petty fixations. It's a cheap fix that we become dependent on, but then do nothing to improve ourselves or the situation.
The more we practise patience though, the less likely anger will drive us to do or say things of ill advice. As artist, inventor and philosopher Leonardo da Vince put it, "Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patient when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Blaming Others For Our Unhappiness
Many of us blame other people or external factors for our frustrations or unhappiness. "It's our parents!" is one of the more often-heard chants. "It's the way we were brought up!" naturally follows, and of course, many people can't resist lamenting about their boss, their partner, their co-workers, and so on. Everyone is potentially guilty it seems... everyone except ourselves.
But if other people and external conditions are to blame for our unhappiness, doesn't that also mean that only they have the power to make our situation better? Aren't we giving them too much credit here? This kind of thinking places our happiness in the hands of other people.
We're giving the people we think are hurting us the power to make us feel better. Needless to say, this keeps us stuck in our entanglement.
In truth, no one can make you feel better except yourself. The only way we can get out of our foul moods and stagnant situations is really to take control of them.
We need to realize that ultimately, the power to change our lives rests solely within us.
If you think your boss isn't good for you or your career, you can choose to leave the job. It's your power and your choice. If you think your partner isn't worth investing in, you can choose to leave the relationship. Whatever or whoever you feel is not working in your life, you have the power to remove it or leave. If you are choosing to stay, that's also your choice.
Even when i comes to something apparently unchangeable, like a terminal illness, it's your power to choose how you respond to it. You can see it as an injustice and become embittered by it. Or you can see it as a natural fact of life and choose to spend your remaining time as blissfully as you can.
And whatever you think your parents did, it need not have a hold over you anymore. However you were brought up, you are now an adult fully capable of determining how you are going to live your life. Are you going to stay stuck in a place of resentment? Or are you going to forgive the past, and build a better future for yourself?
Once we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, we can begin to take back control of our moods and our life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But if other people and external conditions are to blame for our unhappiness, doesn't that also mean that only they have the power to make our situation better? Aren't we giving them too much credit here? This kind of thinking places our happiness in the hands of other people.
We're giving the people we think are hurting us the power to make us feel better. Needless to say, this keeps us stuck in our entanglement.
In truth, no one can make you feel better except yourself. The only way we can get out of our foul moods and stagnant situations is really to take control of them.
We need to realize that ultimately, the power to change our lives rests solely within us.
If you think your boss isn't good for you or your career, you can choose to leave the job. It's your power and your choice. If you think your partner isn't worth investing in, you can choose to leave the relationship. Whatever or whoever you feel is not working in your life, you have the power to remove it or leave. If you are choosing to stay, that's also your choice.
Even when i comes to something apparently unchangeable, like a terminal illness, it's your power to choose how you respond to it. You can see it as an injustice and become embittered by it. Or you can see it as a natural fact of life and choose to spend your remaining time as blissfully as you can.
And whatever you think your parents did, it need not have a hold over you anymore. However you were brought up, you are now an adult fully capable of determining how you are going to live your life. Are you going to stay stuck in a place of resentment? Or are you going to forgive the past, and build a better future for yourself?
Once we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, we can begin to take back control of our moods and our life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Letting Go
One of the most important and difficult skills to learn in life is letting go.
Letting go of things, of people, of environments... accepting that change is inevitable, and that very often, some things have to go to make ways for other things.
We are creatures of habit, and nothing suits us more than staying in our routines and comfort zones. But resisting change is one of the most frustrating and futile things we can do. And a lot of our unhappiness stems from not being able to let go of things that have run their natural course.
Our fascination with prolonging life, for example... as if we're really making the most of this extra time. Or fiercely holding on to archaic beliefs simply because everyone else seems to believe in them. Pining for someone who no longer cares for us. Blindly asserting that we should follow certain rules, knowing full well that these rules are made by Man, and Man is imperfect, which logically follows that rules are imperfect.
I'm not saying that you wilfully break the rules. I'm simply suggesting that we don't allow them to constrict us. Sometimes rules can prevent us from seeing the bigger picture.
The "rule" for example, that it's bad for us to be wrong. This belief causes us to seek to win every time. As a result, we learn to be in attack mode, often unleashing our power on the weak and helpless, pulverising our opponents, raising their bloody scalps as symbols of our superiority. But this kind of victor only alienates us from friends and loved ones, breeds enemies, and fills our life with suspicion and hatred.
To what end, to be right all the time? What does it really mean to win?
We should all accept that we can all be wrong sometimes, and that really isn't such a big deal. Too much time on that high horse is obviously choking some chakras.
We'd all be doing ourselves a huge favour to get over our egos. Our ego resists change, it resists the flow and cycle of life. It keeps us obsessed with judging and correcting others, while remaining blind to our own shortcomings. It keeps us stuck in a reality constructed only by our limited senses. It continues to fool us that the past matters a lot, that it affects our future. When in truth, nothing affects your future except YOU, right now.
If we can let go of our ego... only then can we learn to appreciate life for that it truly is. To appreciate the journey instead of focusing on the destination. To feel the passion instead of fixating on the "purpose". To embrace change, to allow the flow of life to enrich and fill us. To be as sinuous as the river that runs unreservedly, unyielding-ly into the sea.
Letting go of things, of people, of environments... accepting that change is inevitable, and that very often, some things have to go to make ways for other things.
We are creatures of habit, and nothing suits us more than staying in our routines and comfort zones. But resisting change is one of the most frustrating and futile things we can do. And a lot of our unhappiness stems from not being able to let go of things that have run their natural course.
Our fascination with prolonging life, for example... as if we're really making the most of this extra time. Or fiercely holding on to archaic beliefs simply because everyone else seems to believe in them. Pining for someone who no longer cares for us. Blindly asserting that we should follow certain rules, knowing full well that these rules are made by Man, and Man is imperfect, which logically follows that rules are imperfect.
I'm not saying that you wilfully break the rules. I'm simply suggesting that we don't allow them to constrict us. Sometimes rules can prevent us from seeing the bigger picture.
The "rule" for example, that it's bad for us to be wrong. This belief causes us to seek to win every time. As a result, we learn to be in attack mode, often unleashing our power on the weak and helpless, pulverising our opponents, raising their bloody scalps as symbols of our superiority. But this kind of victor only alienates us from friends and loved ones, breeds enemies, and fills our life with suspicion and hatred.
To what end, to be right all the time? What does it really mean to win?
We should all accept that we can all be wrong sometimes, and that really isn't such a big deal. Too much time on that high horse is obviously choking some chakras.
We'd all be doing ourselves a huge favour to get over our egos. Our ego resists change, it resists the flow and cycle of life. It keeps us obsessed with judging and correcting others, while remaining blind to our own shortcomings. It keeps us stuck in a reality constructed only by our limited senses. It continues to fool us that the past matters a lot, that it affects our future. When in truth, nothing affects your future except YOU, right now.
If we can let go of our ego... only then can we learn to appreciate life for that it truly is. To appreciate the journey instead of focusing on the destination. To feel the passion instead of fixating on the "purpose". To embrace change, to allow the flow of life to enrich and fill us. To be as sinuous as the river that runs unreservedly, unyielding-ly into the sea.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being in Control of Your Life
Are you in control of your life or do you allow life to happen to you?
Being in control of your life means that you create what you want in life. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and as such, have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If, on the other hand, life is happening to you, then you are probably blaming others or external circumstances for your bad moods, your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless over what happens to you, and depend on others to feel good about yourself. You may thing, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great."
If we are waiting for things to be different or for others to make us happy, we are really a victim of circumstances, a football being kicked around.
Being in control of our lives means that we believe we have choices. It means that we can choose what is best for us.
I hear you asking, "But is it realistic or even possible to always be in control of our lives?"
Well, probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more consequential part of your life. When you do find yourself being "kicked around" as it were, try to understand what it's doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.
Each day brings a new choice - will you meekly submit to life or will you actively seize control?
If you answered positively to the latter, then you have already got the right spirit, because you already understand that the choice is yours and you have consciously made it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being in control of your life means that you create what you want in life. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and as such, have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If, on the other hand, life is happening to you, then you are probably blaming others or external circumstances for your bad moods, your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless over what happens to you, and depend on others to feel good about yourself. You may thing, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great."
If we are waiting for things to be different or for others to make us happy, we are really a victim of circumstances, a football being kicked around.
Being in control of our lives means that we believe we have choices. It means that we can choose what is best for us.
I hear you asking, "But is it realistic or even possible to always be in control of our lives?"
Well, probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more consequential part of your life. When you do find yourself being "kicked around" as it were, try to understand what it's doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.
Each day brings a new choice - will you meekly submit to life or will you actively seize control?
If you answered positively to the latter, then you have already got the right spirit, because you already understand that the choice is yours and you have consciously made it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Working and Living Well With People
You meet someone for the first time and strike up a conversation. As the conversation progresses, you find yourself smiling quite a bit and really warming up to this person. After a couple of minutes, you make a subtle mental assessment that you like this person.
Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.
And everyone likes to feel important.
Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.
As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.
And everyone likes to feel important.
Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.
As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
You have probably heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy. a key psychological concept, it's basically a perception or mindset that causes itself to become true due to actions or behaviour motivated by that very perception.
It was sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term in his book Social Theory and Social Structure, Merton gives as an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy - when Roxanna falsely believes that her marriage will fail and fears such failure will occur that it actually causes the marriage to fail.
Similarly, we can affect our reality through the way we perceive it. If you think, I'm going to have lousy day," you are likely to alter your actions so that your prediction is fulfilled by your actions. You might, for instance (in reflection of your ominous mood), dress shabbily, dawdle through breakfast, miss your train as a result, then rush into the office, knocking into your boss and upsetting his coffee. I will leave it to you to storyboard the rest of the day. Probably not pretty, methinks.
How others perceive us is also strongly influenced by how we perceive ourselves. For example, when people congratulate or compliment you, do you respond "Oh it was nothing" or "This old thing?" Whether it's low self-esteem or Confucian humility at work here, you are not doing yourself any favours. Say it often enough and people will start believing that you do "nothing" and wear "old things".
There is no need for verbal fanfare; when people compliment you, just a simple "thank you" will do.
Stop downplaying your skills. Respect and recognize your talents and achievements. If you believe you are worth that amount, then it's likely others will believe it too.
Even if you don't think you are worth it now, you have to believe that you can improve yourself to deserve that price tag in the future.
Positive self-talk is crucial in self-transformation. Replace uncertain terms like "maybe" and "I dont't know" with confident, self-assuring ones like "I can" and "I will".
The words you say to yourself and others, your thoughts and perceptions exert a profound effect on your behaviour and mood, and eventually your reality. Take care that you do not unintentionally fulfill a negative prophecy by thinking it into reality.
It was sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term in his book Social Theory and Social Structure, Merton gives as an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy - when Roxanna falsely believes that her marriage will fail and fears such failure will occur that it actually causes the marriage to fail.
Similarly, we can affect our reality through the way we perceive it. If you think, I'm going to have lousy day," you are likely to alter your actions so that your prediction is fulfilled by your actions. You might, for instance (in reflection of your ominous mood), dress shabbily, dawdle through breakfast, miss your train as a result, then rush into the office, knocking into your boss and upsetting his coffee. I will leave it to you to storyboard the rest of the day. Probably not pretty, methinks.
How others perceive us is also strongly influenced by how we perceive ourselves. For example, when people congratulate or compliment you, do you respond "Oh it was nothing" or "This old thing?" Whether it's low self-esteem or Confucian humility at work here, you are not doing yourself any favours. Say it often enough and people will start believing that you do "nothing" and wear "old things".
There is no need for verbal fanfare; when people compliment you, just a simple "thank you" will do.
Stop downplaying your skills. Respect and recognize your talents and achievements. If you believe you are worth that amount, then it's likely others will believe it too.
Even if you don't think you are worth it now, you have to believe that you can improve yourself to deserve that price tag in the future.
Positive self-talk is crucial in self-transformation. Replace uncertain terms like "maybe" and "I dont't know" with confident, self-assuring ones like "I can" and "I will".
The words you say to yourself and others, your thoughts and perceptions exert a profound effect on your behaviour and mood, and eventually your reality. Take care that you do not unintentionally fulfill a negative prophecy by thinking it into reality.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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