Soup For Life: 2010

Effective Goal-Setting & Realisation

We often hear people talk about goal-setting and why it's important.

Less commonly-discussed though is how to effectively set your goals and how you can actually achieve them.

Most of us are hindered by the Big P - Procrastination.

Yes we know what we want but we think, "I guess that can wait till tomorrow". Which becomes "next week", "next month", "next year" and eventually... "never".

Many people also find themselves encumbered by fear, self-doubt or plain laziness and so put up all sorts of imaginary barriers like perceived impossibility of the dream becoming reality, lack of time or money, lack of ability, the absence of opportunities.

You know we can be very creative when it comes to finding excuses why we can't.

This is because although we do have goals, we don't have compelling reasons or motivations to make them happen. We're just now that excited about them.

Let's say one of your goals is to double your income or to cultivate a steady side income. Sure, you want more money, but why do you want it? Many people have very general or superficial reasons like "so I can buy more things" or "so I can be financially free".

You see, to make your goals exciting enough for you to actually manifest them, you've got to get down to the nitty-gritty and what's really important to you.

How exactly will the extra money improve your life? Perhaps it's so you can give your loved ones a better life - a nicer home, better insurance cover, treat them to an expensive holiday every year maybe.

Is it to invest in real estate or stocks so you can scale down your workload and still have a healthy income? Or perhaps you envision opening a small business you're passionate about that you can run in your later years?

Once your motivations are solid enough, you'll naturally want to take action to achieve your goals. But does the task seem too daunting? Well, start by finding out how exactly you're going to get to where you want to go. You've got to do the math, the research, get the practical know-how. If you've got an idea for that killer app that everyone will want to buy, then you've got to first learn how to actually create one.

Once you get into it, you'll find that it wasn't as complicated as you thought.

Like completing a marathon, if the length of the race already makes you weak at the knees, then break it down and just focus on the first few kilometers,

Get through them, then aim for the next leg.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Dealing with a Mid Life Crisis

So you've been feeling off-colour lately.

Everyday you wake up to a life that seems increasingly monotone and remote to you. The job that used to give you so much satisfaction now seems like a chore.

You're questioning your value both at work and at home - are you getting better at your job or have you plateaued? are you a good father? are you a good wife?

It's as if you've suddenly lost touch with the world.

You're tired most of the time and you don't seem to be doing anything right.

Is this what they call Mid Life Crisis? Well, it's hard to say, although it's more likely that your soul is telling you to get your life aligned with your values.

In the past, you've pursued the things you believed you needed - things like that car, that club membership, partying every other night, maxing out your credit card on designer labels and having as many romantic trysts as possible. You were young, you weren't worried about health, money or what's going to happen tomorrow; you were just living life!

But now, these things don't seem to give you the gratification they used to. Your relationship with your partner, your family members, your colleagues are all not too good. You feel that you're missing something and that life will continue to feel empty until you find it. So what can you do?

Start by writing a list of 20 items in your life which you are not completely happy with, covering things like relationship, career, family, health, wealth, personal, friends, habits and son. Once the list is completed, rank each item for the level of dissatisfaction this particular item provides.

From the list, choose the 6 items which frustrate you the most. Write a detailed description of why, how and when these issues arise. Describing also how you feel when these issues are active.

Next, review those parts of your life which bring you true happiness. Rank them in order and pick out the 6 items which give you the most satisfaction. Also write why, how and when they arise.

Look at both lists and think critically about how you can lessen the dissatisfaction and increase the joy in your life by doing more of certain things and less of others.

The more detailed and honest you are, the most successful you will be in crystallising a blueprint for your life ahead that will reduce your stress and bring you more happiness and satisfaction.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Building Self-Confidence

Very Often, before other people start to have faith in you, you have to have confidence in your own abilities. Self-confidence is a very powerful state of mind that other people quickly notice and easily respect. So how can you develop a high-level of self-confidence?

Consider these steps:

First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past if over; you can only change the future.

If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.

Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.

Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.

Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life: it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you will never experience all that life has to offer.

Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you will find that's it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable.

Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.

Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.

And visualise your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined.

What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?

Who will be with you and where will you be? How will you be feeling?

Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success and supports greater confidence!

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Effective Time Management

Time is one of our most precious resources.

Each of us is only given a finite amount of it and how we choose to use that time makes all the difference.

Consider these questions:

Do you know where your time is being spent?

Do you know where you are maximising your time and where it is simply being wasted?

are you spending more time on the things that take you closer to your goals?

Do you prioritise your activities in order of importance or impact?

Do you focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to do many things at once?

People who feel like they're stuck are not fully aware of where their time is going or going into. They don't prioritise their activities and tend to spend most of their time on things that don't bring about any positive change.

The passage towards their goals is often derailed by distractions. And they try to cram as many tasks as possible into a period of time, often ending up with mediocre or even below-average results.

The first step towards taking control of your time is understanding what it is exactly you are spending it on. Keep a record of how much of your time each day is spent doing what.

You might be surprised at just how much of your life is being wasted on activities that essentially don't benefit you at all.

Gradually scratch those things off your schedule and replace them with what I call "actuators" - activities that get you ahead in terms of your self-development.

Next, identify the activities that give you the greatest mileage and spend more time on them. For example, would shifting your gym training to before you go to the office make you more alert and efficient?

Would it give you more time later to tackle unforeseen tasks and finish your work properly?

What about focusing on clients who demand better quality work but also pay better, rather than accepting every job that comes along?

Always prioritise your tasks and highlight the top or top two jobs that absolutely must be done by the end of the day. This way, even when contingencies crop up (as they often do), you will be sure that you got the most important things covered.

As much as possible, focus on one task at a time and strive to give it your best. Too much emphasis is put on multi-tasking these days and it's highly over-rated.

If you can do several things at a time but only produce average results, you're simply a robot in a factory line.

It's the ones who can do one thing but excel in it who are most valuable.

And finally, even if the Internet seems like the only thing you will need these days, it can be one of the biggest time-wasters.

Things like email, instant messaging and social networking can easily take up a huge chunk of your day if you don't limit the time you spend on them.

So give yourself a quota. One or tow hours a day and that's it.

There is more to life than Facebook.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Asking Questions

You've probably heard the joke about how men can never ask for directions while driving.

You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn".

How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they're lost and consult a passer-by?

Well, I don't know how true this is - but I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.

Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes, "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever".

But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.

There are times when we find ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations or even in a position where we feel completely overwhelmed.

It can be very easy to say 'what have I done to deserve this?' or 'why does this always happen to me?'

However, these questions are destructive and only serve to prepare us for future disappointments. In fact, they can actually guarantee it! The questions we ask ourselves reflect our state of mind, reinforce our beliefs and have a huge impact on our results.

We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations.

But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.

Actually asking the question 'what can I learn from this situation?' is a great starting point, even if you only learn what not to do in the future.

But you can go much further. It has often been said that when one door closes, another opens and that in every setback lies opportunity.

Don't just stare at the closed door - why not try asking yourself what opportunities are now available or what doors have just opened for you?

It will improve your state of mind and may just change your life.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Active Focusing

You attract what you focus on.

This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind.

You begin to see improvement, more opportunities and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.

Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.

If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in and give thanks for it.

Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain and bless the beauty inspires in you.

What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?

You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There's no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!

Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It's no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!

An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.

If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.

When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight or is turned on like a light.

Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am successful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.

So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Dealing With Aging

Humankind has always been obsessed with living longer, even forever, with stories of kings commissioning the Elixir of Life, and countless anti-aging treatments, herbal remedies and cures.

And there're medical experts who believe that the causes of aging have cures; they simply haven't been found yet.

Well, who can blame us? Given a choice, we'd all want to stay youthful forever. Impossible... but that's not going to stop us.

The good news is... gerontologists do claim that 70 percent of the aging process is controllable with the right lifestyle choices. The traditional aging process that our society has adopted unnecessarily relegates middle-aged people to early decline.

Aging is inevitable but getting old is strictly an option. You don't have to buy into society's model for how people age. Take charge of your life and refuse to shrink into the typical fossilised old age we've come to accept as normal.

Observe old people. What is it about their "oldness" you would like to avoid? How strong and flexible are you, mentally and physically?

Keep and improve what you can, while you can! You know, youth makes us arrogant.

Everyday we look into the mirror and see a seemingly unchanging image. We like what we see, so we do nothing. By the time we start worrying, it might be too late.

Also, plan your financial future. Health is paramount, but wealth helps a great deal.

And avoid the ultimate social disease. It's called retirement. Once you internalise that you are no longer productive, that you no longer have goals, decline sets in very quickly.

Everything slows - movement, reaction time, thinking, walking, talking.

The mind and body go into a shutdown mode in preparation for the final event - death. So, even if you stop working, continue contributing and being useful. Re-wire your life to embrace new activities and ambitions.

Immortality might still a pipe dream or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it but it's in our best interest to try to stay young and productive for as long as we can.

Reach out and savour the best of life!

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Dealing With Criticism At the Workplace

Nobody likes to be told off. Not really. Some people appear to take it very well, but that doesn't meant they enjoy it. No, criticism is tough, especially if it comes from someone you are not close to or necessarily respect.

At the workplace particularly, we can find ourselves in the firing line.

Whether it's our supervisor, a co-worker or a business associate, there will times when someone will disagree with some aspect of you or your work and express that view, sometimes not in the most pleasant of terms.

So what do we do? Do we counter attack? Do we defend ourselves vigorously? Or do we let it slide?

Well, first of all, consider if the disapproval is worth reaching to.

People often say things without thinking, sometimes to distract others from their own shrinking egos.

If you think the remark warrants some self-defense, then do so briefly and calmly. Sometimes, an attack is launched simply to provoke an emotionally charged reaction that may work against you. Generally though, don't take these jibes personally - you are not in a soap opera, you are not in primary school.

Criticism is a fact of life and as mature adults, we should take it sensibly and in our stride.

Next, remove the messenger from the picture and consider the criticism objectively.

Is there a modicum of truth in it? Sometimes, it takes an external party to zero in on that microscopic clot that may one day turn into a stroke. So be thankful that someone has pointed it out. In fact, actually thank the person who made the criticism. This shows that whatever sinister ploy to hurt you has failed and that you are sensible and mature person who can admit his own weaknesses and take steps to improve himself.

And do take the opportunity to improve yourself. Become all the better and stronger for it.

You know, not all criticism is meant to bring you down... sometimes, the aim is genuine problem-resolution. Sometimes, the other person is simply taking an objective stand.

Sometimes, he really has your interests at heart, but just doesn't employ the most tactful delivery. It's really in your benefit to be grateful that someone cared enough to let you know where you are going wrong or what you need to work on.

If you do think the criticism warrants a response though, then do so decisively.

Don't sweep it under the carpet or ignore the big elephant in the room.

Misunderstanding or not, a mature face-to-face talk will clear the air and help diffuse tensions.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Humour for Happiness

What is this thing called humour?

We understand laughter well enough. And we know when we find something funny.

But what makes something amusing? What do we mean when we say someone has a good sense of humour? And how can we use humour during tough times as instant pick-me-ups?

Besides feeling good, humour can be a powerful motivating tool. We may not be able to laugh our way through adversity, but a sense of humour can lessen anxiety, alleviate tensions and help us adapt when stressful changes occur.

Besides, laughter contributes to good health, which you probably know by now.

You could think of humour as a way of existing in, interacting with and perceiving the world. It immediately lightens the mood and gives you a fresh view.

Having a sense of humour is being able to take the Mickey out of Stressful people, demanding situations and the ugly side of life. It is the ability to nimbly sidestep potential flashpoints. It's about disarming, then surprising. It's a weapon of the underdog.

Job stress is something many of us face. Just remember that when it comes to work, you are not your job.

No doubt you should take your work seriously, but your job is what you do. It's not who you are. Never let your job become your life.

A good and simple way to develop a sense of humour is to collect and remember things you find funny. Jokes that comes to you via email, a humourous quote you come across in a magazine, a mis-spelt word on a sign, a comic strip or even a photo that cracks you up.

Look for the ironic and satirical in people and in events. Turn in person who annoys you at work in a comedian. Then it's comic relief each time he or she tries to frustrate you.

I say collect "things", but you know, people can be funny.

Make friends who tend to make you laugh! Try to laugh as much as you can everyday. Make others laugh too. Humour is never having to apologise even you are being corny.

Make your environment filled with fun and laughter.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Accepting Terms of Life

It's been said that in order to live a peaceful life, one must learn to accept the things one cannot change.

Many of us continue to struggle because we choose to challenge these truths or simply are not aware of them.

One of these immutable terms of Life is that you cannot make everyone life you. People will not accept you for who you are due to whatever reason and there is usually nothing you can do about it.

Often, the reason is unknowable, influence by an endless number of factors and probably doesn't even have anything to do with you per se.

Don't take these people's words or behaviour personally. Just be true to yourself.

Another of Life's truths that we have to understand is how the world is a reflection of us. To actuate any positive change in the world, we must first positively change ourself.

If we consistently bemoan the state of our life and complain about every little thing, our world is likely to seem miserable and pointless.

But if we adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher, we will find the world rich, wondrous and full of new knowledge.

Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility.

Then there is the perennial spectre of suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness, comfort or success you manage to achieve in your life or for your loved one, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods or beaten down by a bad economy.

To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair.

People we love will pass away and misfortune may strike us even if we are the most loving, good and kind people we know.

We can only do what we can and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.

Also inevitable in Life is change.

Many of us prefer our boats not to be rocked, but change need not be bad. It can seem disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change leads to unforeseen benefits. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.

And those are some of Life's terms that we have to accept if we want to maintain peace of mind.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Making Good Memories

Nothing in life is constant. Changes occur at every moment.

Things happen to us, wonderful or painful.

People enter and leave our lives - some strangers, some casual acquaintances and a few of them leave indelible impressions on our hearts.

Most of these people we will not be able to hold on to. Memories of them, however, stay with us our entire lives, lying dusty and dear in the attic of our hearts.

Each moment presents an opportunity for us to take a mental and emotional photograph that we can store in our minds and hearts. If we lives our lives consistently taking photographs filled with negative feelings, we'll end up with an album full of unhappy images.

The memories we choose to make today can either summon a swell of regret or s surge of sweet nostalgia tomorrow.

It's therefore crucial to remind ourselves always to make good memories.

Our loved ones are simply on loan to us. They can be taken from us at any time.

Think of the last time you were with a friend or a loved one. Was it memorable?

Do you still remember the little details? Did you make an effort to capture a good memory? Or did some trifle or personal agenda get in the way?

Maybe you were too busy with something else to really listen to them.

Perhaps you were so concerned with getting your own thing done that you slightly resented that they needed your help.

Maybe you thought there would be another chance to show them that you love and care for them. Perhaps you were embarrassed that there were other people around.

Maybe you were too tired to smile, too lazy to say a nice thing or too busy with your work to make the moment special.

Memories are the only things we accumulate and keep throughout our lives.

Isn't it worthwhile to make an effort to consciously make good ones?

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Seeing Failure As Success

We all know that in life, we can't avoid failing.

Yet, there's a way of viewing failure that might actually make it empowering for us.

Author Laura B. Randolph once said that "failure is success if we learn from it".

Following this logic, we can take it that Life's upheavals are not meant to defeat us. they are intended to make us stronger. Every failure presents an opportunity to learn something that would benefit us in future.

With this view, we no longer need to see failure as a setback.

So if you are going through a bad patch, instead of spending your time moping, think critically about what could have led to your situation. What could you have done better? What new knowledge did you fain from the experience? What are your options now that can take you to a better place?

Look forward. No storm lasts forever. And though life's potholes can slow us down, even break us a bit, they can always be breached. And we can heal and improve. Humans are the original upgradeable machines.

In life, there is only one dead end. But the rest of the time, your life is still ahead of you, no matter how bleak present circumstances seem. Even the apparent "dimness" of your present plight is a matter of outlook. Don't allow a setback to limit your view and prevent you from enjoying the rest of what life has to offer.

Too many of us focus on the negative aspects of life. Seldom do we savour and cherish the good parts of life. We simply take them for granted until they are no longer around.

Similarly, we often view failure with derision and disappointment. But it's time to change this mindset.

Make failure a stepping stone and it will nudge you towards your eventual goals.

Let's learn from the words of author Laura b. Randolph... if we learn from Failure, it really is Success with another name.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Power of Giving

In such a competitive society, a lot of emphasis is placed on winning and taking as much as we can.

But what do we really gain by taking all the time? And how much of what we take can we really hold on to?

Unlike taking, whatever we give away takes on a life of its own. It spreads and multiplies and finally finds its way back to you. It probably won't come immediately, nor will it come from the source you expected. Most likely you would have forgotten all about your gift when its impact finally comes round to you. But have faith that this law applies unfailingly.

This law also applies to any negative deed or words you send out. Whatever you feel about someone, be it concern, love, respect or be it envy or hate will surely come back to you in some clear or unseen manner.

If you speak well of someone, this positive energy will have a chain reaction, and many more will speak kindly of you. But if it's spiteful words you send out, this negative energy will also be reflected back to you. Kind words encourage and inspire... hateful words only breed resentment and revenge.

Our thoughts and actions are a reflection of our soul. Kind and positive ones come from underlying happiness and contentment and only serve to enrich our souls even more. Unkind thoughs come from petty, unhappy souls and only serve to bring us more pain.

think of giving as a mirror. Whatever we send out, we get back. Smile kindly and you will be greeted with the same. Positivity begets positivity. Kindness begets kindness. A hateful scowl only chases love away.

As you start or end this day, remember that kindness comes to those who first are kind. If it's friendship you want, first be a friend yourself. If it's respect you crave, be respectful towards others. If you want to be accepted, embrace others fully. If you want to be loved, you must first be loving.

Many things in this life are temporal and fleeting. Money, power, position, fame, youth... Attachment to these things ultimately contribute to the emptiness in our hearts.

However, the good things we do for others, and the love and concern we give away are the only things that will remain with us.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

We've all, at some point, compared ourselves with others and ended up feeling inferior or discontented. Talk about self-torture!

Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.

Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.

When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?

Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.

Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.

Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?

When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.

If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Boosting & Maintaining Genuine Happiness

We can try to make the most of life; to be as happy as possible in spite of the rainy spells that can come our way. Still sometimes, we can be stumped. During these difficult times, we can stop looking forward to life, our sleep is strained, our work efficiency suffers and our creativity goes down.

What does it really mean to be happy? How can we make joy last? And how do "they" do it? You know, those people who seem to be able to laugh and play and remain effusive and creative in the most stressful of times.

Is there a method to their merriment?

Well, yes. Mysterious and sometimes elusive as it may seem, genuine lasting happiness can be developed.

Accepting and embracing yourself, as usual, is your top strategy. Without the Self, there is nothing. So get over it, if you haven't already. This is the only body and mind you are ever going to get, so you might as well make the most of them. Also, you're not perfect, but you can continually improve yourself. So keep learning, keep absorbing information, and you will feel increasingly in control and empowered.

Practice contentment and you will discover the key to lasting happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that you should accept what's not working in your life, but rather this kind of contentment relates to appreciating what you already have, and not yearning for what you don't. Remember, not wanting it is as good as possessing it.

If the consistently-happy people you know are also sociable and extroverted, it's no coincidence. A recent study found that extroverts have more of the so-called "happiness chemical" dopamine. This chemical also consequently makes these people more creative thinkers. Dopamine occurs naturally in the brain and affects a range of behaviour including mood, sleep, reward, learning and movement.

Researchers also found that "extroverts are likely to be more successful because of higher than average level of the chemical floods the brain at even higher does when a person is in a good mood. The more outgoing a person is, the more active their dopamine system is and a positive mood increases dopamine activity even further in may parts of the brain."

Also, if you closely observe genuinely happy people, they're able to not only laugh at what life throws at them, they're also good at laughing at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're not over-sensitive about how people see them or how others talk about them. They're too busy having fun!

So practice these keys to true joy - love yourself, practice contentment, get out more, and learn to take life and yourself more lightly.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Thinking Beyond Current Standards

It's natural to be satisfied with the way things are, especially when things are going well, life is smooth-sailing, there are no viable competitors and there isn't incentive to charge anything.

But Life is about change. It's about constant movement, and if you are not moving forward all the time, you are either stuck, or worse, sliding. Besides, when we settle, we give up the chance to find out how things could be.

One of the most striking examples of how important constant evolution is in the business of electronic gadgets. Who would have thought that smartphones, for instance, would take over the world, almost overnight it seems? And you can be sure that the Jobs' and Gates' of the world are already thinking of the next super communication slash entertainment tool that defies convention and would be unimaginable to most of us today.

That's the essence of success - consistently staying a few steps ahead.

Most people will be happy with current standards. There is certain reverence given to them it seems... We often hears terms like "time-tested", "classic", "tested and proven", "traditional" and so on when it comes to the way things have always been done.

This love for the status quo occurs not just in career or business. People can become attached to the prevailing standard in their personal lives as well - they can become attached to places, to environments, to possessions, to ideas, to other people, to repetitious acts that give them temporary or superficial pleasure.

These people can get sucked into this artificial world - a world where things don't change, where things and people remain where they want them to be, a world where any change is snuffed out forcefully or artificially. While the real world continues to move on, they retreat deeper and deeper into their artificial world until they become obsolete and out of touch within the real world.

The truth is - the world moves on, people move on, fads come and go, technologies emerge and fade, cultures and contexts evolve. Over time, things and people who don't steadily develop themselves will get left behind.

The only way you can remain ahead of the game is to constantly thing beyond the current standards - once things become relatively stable, it's time to think about how they can be done better, how they can be further enhanced.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Importance of Feedback

Most of us have had this experience - we go to a restaurant, receive horrible service, but remain silent about it. I mean, we probably will winge about it with our dining mates but mostly no more than that.

This kind of timid, non-assertive behaviour is often attributed to our "Asian reservation", "reservedness", our tendency to be more concerned about group benefit rather than individual satisfaction, and so on. "Let's not make a scene", "Oh it's just one of those days", and so on.

It can seem awfully trivial, especially after our temper has cooled. But our reluctance to assert ourselves has a wider-reaching consequence. When we don't give feedback for bad treatment, we are actually perpetuating bad service.

The lack of good service has long been a malaise of Singapore society. Could this be due to our general reluctance to point out bad service?

I have been guilty of this myself. I get shoddy service and simply brush it off. "Maybe he's having a bad day..." Well, maybe he is. Maybe he isn't What's certain though is that when you remain silent, you're rewarding bad behaviour. The service provider assumes he can get away with it and will be more likely to give sub-standard service in future. This certainly doesn't help his career development either.

And it's not just the service sector that suffers from the lack of feedback. When we remain tight-lipped about bad treatment, we encourage bad behaviour from almost everyone we interact with. Think of family members, your partner, a colleague or neighbour... what kinds of unreasonable treatment are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis without voicing your opposition?

Now it's important to understand that we are not helping the relationship by keeping quiet. When we don't express our dissatisfaction, we are sending a signal that we're OK with being treated like that. The other party then sees nothing wrong with continuing to treat us like that. Over time, our silent rage bubbles and boils, our resentment builds up, we find ways to getting back at the other person, and the unspoken war wages on until finally, the relationship becomes untenable.

So do yourself and the other party a favour. If you feel - reasonably - that you deserve better, do say so.

Of course, this principle of feedback also applies to good service and behaviour. So when you're well-treated, do let the person or whatever place he's working in know. Give a bigger tip. Reward good behaviour and you will get more good behaviour.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Your Worries Are Not Reality

It's generally ok to worry about certain things we fear will ensue. This can be a useful instinct because it's a warning bell that can motivate us to find solutions or make preparations.

But our anxieties can occasionally overwhelm us. This is when we cannot seem to enjoy anything because we are too afraid of what's to come. Some of us cannot relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the world is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour fleeting thoughts of suicide.

When this happens, it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they are not based on anything but our imagination.

So if you're feeling anxious about something, especially something you realistically cannot do anything about, stop and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Go for a swim or a jog. Talk to someone.

Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity and switch your focus!

Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly. We also often read too much into how things look or what people say and assume that it's going to produce a negative result.

But turn to the facts instead. If I needed, find out more. Simply ask. Do your research. There are often many aspects to any occurrence. Is it possible it could actually be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's focusing you to do something you know you should but have just been terribly lazy about or been fearful of it?

When you're having an anxiety attack, remember that your worries are not reality. They're most likely fabrications of an over-active mind! So either let the fear go or let the facts inform your preparatory or remedying action.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Focusing More On Ourselves

Most of the problems in the world stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustice, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.

Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.

The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.

If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.

If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?

Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Taking Stock of Your Life

The modern person is faced with an unprecedented myriad of influences, expectations, and pressures. We can often feel like we are being pulled in all directions - by our parents, our jobs, our spouse, our boss, our children, our needs vs theirs, my rights vs. yours.

We all feel we have expectations and obligations that we have to fulfill... people we have to satisfy, standards we have to achieve, authority figures we have to impress, toxic people we have to put up with, rules we have to follow, people we have to influence, friends we have to win.

We may not feel as if these pressures are particularly terrorizing, but collectively they can exert a profound hold over us. They can distract us from our own dreams and desires, our own unique path towards fulfillment. That's often the reason why we feel discontented and lost.

Well, it's time to take stock of your life - what's working?, and build on that, what's not working, and get it out of the way, and what else you can do to help you become the optimum person you can be.

First of all, imagine yourself as the premise for all things. Where previously you deferred to others in terms of opinions, standards and decisions, now think critically about how you really feel, about yourself, your needs, where your life is going. Is this the life you really want, or the one you have been conditioned to desire? Listen to yourself and start making your needs your priority.

Begin identifying the toxic and negative people in your life. How are they draining your energy and keeping you from moving on to the next level? Sometimes these people are your family members or friends. It does not matter... if they are holding you back in a negative way, then let them know that you will do what's best for you, that you value them as loved ones, but it's your own life and only you can live it, for better or worse. And if these negative people are simply the people you hang out with for some reason, then stop indulging the reason to be around them.

You know we often act a certain way because it's we think it's "polite", it's "right", or it's "expected", when really all this "politeness", "rightness" or whatever isn't getting us anywhere, and is probably holding us back from other more important things.

So, do something for yourself today - critically take stock of your life and decide on a path that's right for you!

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Controlling Our Anger

For many of us, our temper is one of the hardest things to curb. Patience is a saintly virtue, as they say, and we are often reminded of just how mortal we are when anger takes over and makes us say and do all sorts of umm "un-saintly" things.

Just in the news was a report about a National Serviceman who punched a taxi driver because the cabby had swerved into his lane. For his offence, the NSMan could be jailed up to two years. His anger was understandable... apparently, his pregnant wife was in the car at the time and could have been involved in a nasty accident. But just cause or not, if the NSMan is indeed jailed for the maximum time, he would not be able to take care of his wife and even miss the delivery of his child. Just one example of the consequences that we have to possibly deal with if we react in anger.

Anger is a reactionary impulse and doesn't allow us to think things through. It's appropriate that they describe it as "losing your head" because logic and good sense goes out the window. We've all unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse which we deeply lamented later. Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter probably said it best when he remarked "Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

If we just think ahead, we will realize how reacting angrily only makes the situation worse. It makes us say silly things, sometimes we may even blurt out things we had sought to keep confidential, it often also makes us look like the bad guy, doesn't it? The one who "can't keep his cool". On the extreme end, we can be driven to physical violence.

Besides, as Elizabeth I was once quoted as saying "Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." Anger doesn't inspire us to greater things. It's a product of weak character, of poor judgement and petty fixations. It's a cheap fix that we become dependent on, but then do nothing to improve ourselves or the situation.

The more we practise patience though, the less likely anger will drive us to do or say things of ill advice. As artist, inventor and philosopher Leonardo da Vince put it, "Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patient when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Blaming Others For Our Unhappiness

Many of us blame other people or external factors for our frustrations or unhappiness. "It's our parents!" is one of the more often-heard chants. "It's the way we were brought up!" naturally follows, and of course, many people can't resist lamenting about their boss, their partner, their co-workers, and so on. Everyone is potentially guilty it seems... everyone except ourselves.

But if other people and external conditions are to blame for our unhappiness, doesn't that also mean that only they have the power to make our situation better? Aren't we giving them too much credit here? This kind of thinking places our happiness in the hands of other people.

We're giving the people we think are hurting us the power to make us feel better. Needless to say, this keeps us stuck in our entanglement.

In truth, no one can make you feel better except yourself. The only way we can get out of our foul moods and stagnant situations is really to take control of them.

We need to realize that ultimately, the power to change our lives rests solely within us.

If you think your boss isn't good for you or your career, you can choose to leave the job. It's your power and your choice. If you think your partner isn't worth investing in, you can choose to leave the relationship. Whatever or whoever you feel is not working in your life, you have the power to remove it or leave. If you are choosing to stay, that's also your choice.

Even when i comes to something apparently unchangeable, like a terminal illness, it's your power to choose how you respond to it. You can see it as an injustice and become embittered by it. Or you can see it as a natural fact of life and choose to spend your remaining time as blissfully as you can.

And whatever you think your parents did, it need not have a hold over you anymore. However you were brought up, you are now an adult fully capable of determining how you are going to live your life. Are you going to stay stuck in a place of resentment? Or are you going to forgive the past, and build a better future for yourself?

Once we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, we can begin to take back control of our moods and our life.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Letting Go

One of the most important and difficult skills to learn in life is letting go.

Letting go of things, of people, of environments... accepting that change is inevitable, and that very often, some things have to go to make ways for other things.

We are creatures of habit, and nothing suits us more than staying in our routines and comfort zones. But resisting change is one of the most frustrating and futile things we can do. And a lot of our unhappiness stems from not being able to let go of things that have run their natural course.

Our fascination with prolonging life, for example... as if we're really making the most of this extra time. Or fiercely holding on to archaic beliefs simply because everyone else seems to believe in them. Pining for someone who no longer cares for us. Blindly asserting that we should follow certain rules, knowing full well that these rules are made by Man, and Man is imperfect, which logically follows that rules are imperfect.

I'm not saying that you wilfully break the rules. I'm simply suggesting that we don't allow them to constrict us. Sometimes rules can prevent us from seeing the bigger picture.

The "rule" for example, that it's bad for us to be wrong. This belief causes us to seek to win every time. As a result, we learn to be in attack mode, often unleashing our power on the weak and helpless, pulverising our opponents, raising their bloody scalps as symbols of our superiority. But this kind of victor only alienates us from friends and loved ones, breeds enemies, and fills our life with suspicion and hatred.

To what end, to be right all the time? What does it really mean to win?

We should all accept that we can all be wrong sometimes, and that really isn't such a big deal. Too much time on that high horse is obviously choking some chakras.

We'd all be doing ourselves a huge favour to get over our egos. Our ego resists change, it resists the flow and cycle of life. It keeps us obsessed with judging and correcting others, while remaining blind to our own shortcomings. It keeps us stuck in a reality constructed only by our limited senses. It continues to fool us that the past matters a lot, that it affects our future. When in truth, nothing affects your future except YOU, right now.

If we can let go of our ego... only then can we learn to appreciate life for that it truly is. To appreciate the journey instead of focusing on the destination. To feel the passion instead of fixating on the "purpose". To embrace change, to allow the flow of life to enrich and fill us. To be as sinuous as the river that runs unreservedly, unyielding-ly into the sea.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Being in Control of Your Life

Are you in control of your life or do you allow life to happen to you?

Being in control of your life means that you create what you want in life. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and as such, have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.

If, on the other hand, life is happening to you, then you are probably blaming others or external circumstances for your bad moods, your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless over what happens to you, and depend on others to feel good about yourself. You may thing, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great."

If we are waiting for things to be different or for others to make us happy, we are really a victim of circumstances, a football being kicked around.

Being in control of our lives means that we believe we have choices. It means that we can choose what is best for us.

I hear you asking, "But is it realistic or even possible to always be in control of our lives?"

Well, probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more consequential part of your life. When you do find yourself being "kicked around" as it were, try to understand what it's doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.

Each day brings a new choice - will you meekly submit to life or will you actively seize control?

If you answered positively to the latter, then you have already got the right spirit, because you already understand that the choice is yours and you have consciously made it.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Working and Living Well With People

You meet someone for the first time and strike up a conversation. As the conversation progresses, you find yourself smiling quite a bit and really warming up to this person. After a couple of minutes, you make a subtle mental assessment that you like this person.

Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.

And everyone likes to feel important.

Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.

Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.

Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.

As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.

Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.

Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.

When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

You have probably heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy. a key psychological concept, it's basically a perception or mindset that causes itself to become true due to actions or behaviour motivated by that very perception.

It was sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term in his book Social Theory and Social Structure, Merton gives as an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy - when Roxanna falsely believes that her marriage will fail and fears such failure will occur that it actually causes the marriage to fail.

Similarly, we can affect our reality through the way we perceive it. If you think, I'm going to have lousy day," you are likely to alter your actions so that your prediction is fulfilled by your actions. You might, for instance (in reflection of your ominous mood), dress shabbily, dawdle through breakfast, miss your train as a result, then rush into the office, knocking into your boss and upsetting his coffee. I will leave it to you to storyboard the rest of the day. Probably not pretty, methinks.

How others perceive us is also strongly influenced by how we perceive ourselves. For example, when people congratulate or compliment you, do you respond "Oh it was nothing" or "This old thing?" Whether it's low self-esteem or Confucian humility at work here, you are not doing yourself any favours. Say it often enough and people will start believing that you do "nothing" and wear "old things".

There is no need for verbal fanfare; when people compliment you, just a simple "thank you" will do.

Stop downplaying your skills. Respect and recognize your talents and achievements. If you believe you are worth that amount, then it's likely others will believe it too.

Even if you don't think you are worth it now, you have to believe that you can improve yourself to deserve that price tag in the future.

Positive self-talk is crucial in self-transformation. Replace uncertain terms like "maybe" and "I dont't know" with confident, self-assuring ones like "I can" and "I will".

The words you say to yourself and others, your thoughts and perceptions exert a profound effect on your behaviour and mood, and eventually your reality. Take care that you do not unintentionally fulfill a negative prophecy by thinking it into reality.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Getting Out of Emotional Slumps

We can strive to maintain a sunny attitude, but we are all prone to occasional mood swings. Some of us even experience perplexing cases of the blues that seem to come from nowhere.

We are not machines. Even they break down sometimes and can also have baffling causes.

Yes, we all fall into emotional slumps from time to time, and it's definitely normal, but we should not allow those lows to occur to regularly or turn into lingering periods of despair that can lead to depression and other problems.

So, then next time a dark cloud comes over you, here are some ways you can chase it away.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy probably put it across most profoundly and succinctly by staying on its cover... "DON'T PANIC". It's probably not as serious as you think. And even if it is, panicking hardly helps... thinking it through calmly and lucidly is always the best way to go.

Get things into perspective. Don't over-speculate, over-analyse, or imagine disaster scenarios that have no basis in fact. If what's getting you down has you truly worried, then find out more about it. The more you understand something, the less scary it usually gets. There are also many hidden aspects of a situation that only become clear when you actually seek them out.

When you're down in a slump, it also often helps to get out! Literally! Physically change your perspective! Remaining in a familiar environment can remind you of your sadness or frustration, so change your scenery. Sometimes, "out of sight" is truly "out of mind".

However, if getting out of your physical surroundings is not practical, then try changing it. Dreaming up a new concept of your room or office can be rejuvenating experience. Go shopping with a friend and turn your personal space into one that is truly relaxing and inspiring.

And spend more time with positive people, animals or nature. anything that makes you get up, go out and feel good.

Just remember, however horrible you might be feeling at the moment, it will pass. The worst thing you can do when you are feeling low is to indulge that sinking feeling. So do something, take action, and you should be well on your way to feeling much better.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Attracting Success

Everyone wants success.

Some people spend their every waking moment pursuing it, to the determent of everything else. At the other end of the spectrum are people who feel that success is impossible. They conclude that it is destined only for a select few. And the rest of us in between are content with whatever we have. We may desire greater success, but we believe somehow that we are not "fated" or "destined" to achieve it.

However, these assumptions could not be further from the truth. When you strive for success with the wrong assumptions, you will never reach it. It's like trying to reach a destination with the wrong map.

You can't hurry success, catch it, or find it by chance. You cannot inherit it, gate-crash it, or take it from someone else. Success is something you must work hard and long to ear, for yourself. It has a price, sometimes a very high one. And most people aren't really and truly ready to pay that price, to do what success demands.

To achieve success, first you must understand that success is a process. It requires time and patience. There are no short cuts. Anything else is just a temporary illusion. Success that will remain with you, and bring you joy rather than sorrow, requires a learning process, a time to grow out of old habits and into new ones, a time to learn what works and what doesn't. So don't be in a hurry.

In order to attain success, you will also need to acquired traits and skills that attract it. Define what success means to you. What traits or skills will you need to achieve this goal? Devise plans to acquire the needs traits and skills. Learn to do what you need to do, to get where you want to go. Find two or three people who have what you want. Write down the habits that have made them successful and resolve to copy them.

And once you have made up your mind to achieve success, you must be ready to travel the road to success, oftentimes alone. Author Les Brown once said that, "At some point in time, the pursuit of your goals becomes secondary and what you have become in the process is what is most important." when infants reach for the toy that their parents have placed some distance away, it's not the toy that's the prize; it's simply motivation for the child to learn something more important, something more lasting, and that is to learn to crawl, and of course, to finally walk and run! It's to strengthen their muscles so they can reach for other goals in life.

Anyone can success, but not everyone will. And success differs for each person. It's your definition, and your decision.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Smart People Doing Stupid Things

Religious leader jailed for misappropriation of charity funds. Doctor suspended for improperly prescribing sleeping pills. Actor sentenced for molesting colleague. Company directory convicted for tax evasion. Nurse jailed for cheating patient of money. Teacher jailed of murdering ex-lover.

News headlines that beg the question - "why do smart people do stupid things?"

These are arguably intelligent people, most of them having had illustrious careers in their own way, their achievements plain to see, their track records unblemished until the fateful act.

It's easy for us to pass judgment; to proclaim "he deserved it!", "what loose morals he must have!", "as a trusted role model, how could he stoop so low?", and so on.

But what happened to this person could happen to any of us. What makes us think that we have more self-control than these people, many of whom had, before their misdemeanour, achieved more than the average person? What makes us so sure that if we were put through the same paces that we wouldn't do the same thing?

We are all capable of doing the wrong thing. So how can we avoid stumbling hard in a moment of folly?

First, don't react on impulse. We often make foolish decisions because we haven't yet given the matter deeper thought. Like buying a big-ticket item, always give yourself a cooling-off period to reflect on what you are about to do. Don't allow your emotions to overrule logical thinking. If you think something is "wrong", it probably is.

We also often do stupid things to polish our ego. Perhaps we feel we have attained a status that given us the privilege to bend the rules a little. People may also stroke our ego in order to get what they want from us.

When pondering a dubious option, don't take it at face-value. Don't simply trust what others tell you. Find out for yourself. Many people make decisions they regret later because they didn't bother to ascertain their assumptions. "I wasn't aware" though is a defense that doesn't hold water in the eyes of the law.

Many people also routine risk long-term happiness for short-term gratification - kickbacks, sexual favours, or a committing a vengeful act in a moment of anger. Think about it.... is it worth it? Some fast cash or fleeting pleasure for a lifetime of regret?

No doubt we are human after all... and part of being human is the tendency to give in to temptation. I am not saying we can always transcend this weakness, but we ca certainly weigh our sacrifices and gains carefully before acting.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Conversation-Starters

We've all been there. You are at a party, or some social event... no one you really know. There are a couple of people you would like to know, but you have no idea how to start a conversation with them.

Or someone comes up to you, says "hello", you say "hi". And then... awkward silence. You are desperately thinking of things to talk about... there are about twenty things running through you head; none of them though actually emerging from your lips.

Though human beings are social creatures, not all of us are naturally sociable. And if you are not the life of the party, that's nothing to be ashamed about. The problem though is that for some of us, the more we falter at social events, the more fearful we can become of them. And this can affect our self-esteem and opportunities for self-development. Not to mention our romantic prospects.

Fortunately though, there is a method to starting and maintaining conversations.

First, let's tackle your state of mind. At a function, you are typically focusing on you, right? How you appear to others, how they are judging you, what you should say or do, and so on. It's no wonder the experience is so nerve-wracking.

Well, take the focus off you and on to other people and your surroundings. Notice what's happening in your environment... take an active interest in what others are doing, saying or wearing, how they are behaving. When your mind is occupied with others, it has no time to worry about you.

Find something common, either between the two of you or something in the surroundings or place and talk about that - how parking was tough, maybe, how good the food looks, which items are must-haves, similar hobbies or work, interest in some ingoing media event perhaps. Remember to who more interest in the other party; ask follow-up questions based on this answers. Everybody loves talking about themselves. So let them carry the conversation.

That's why compliments work well too. It shows that you actually noticed. And it doesn't always have to be something about their appearance or what they are wearing... if you love their enthusiasm or energy, for example, tell them.

Or if you are not in the mood to think about what to say sometimes, make sure you bring along a unique item and display it prominently... that's guaranteed to be a conversation-starter.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Attitude Towards Adversity

There is much in this world that's not fair or right, at least in our opinion. And if we want to, we can have plenty to complain or be unhappy about. In fact, many of us do make our frustrations known on a regular basis, bleating away to our friends, colleagues, family and whoever's too polite to walk away.

I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.

But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.

As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.

I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.

The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.

Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.

But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?

When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Critically Evaluating Your Role in the Relationship

When it comes to relationships, most of us are pretty hands-off. The prevailing mindset seems to be that relationships should work out all by themselves. In any case, because there is no manual, most of us accept that we will just blunder through them and hope for the best.

I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?

Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.

For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.

Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".

But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".

After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?

Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.

And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Finding Your Own Path

A line by songwriter Tim Booth goes "If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor".

Well, in a society where wealth and success is not only evident but relentlessly sold to us every day, it's natural for the average person to question his own lot.

Not that we shouldn't want to achieve more, but the majority of the messages we get these days tend to convince us that to be happy, to be proud of ourselves, to be respected by others, we must attain great wealth or be a frontrunner in some popular field like sport or music.

It's enough to make many of us can feel awfully inadequate. And this tendency to compare ourselves with others can make us forget about what we want, what makes us happy, what our natural passions drive us to do.

Your ex-classmates, former colleagues and friends may have gone on to earn more, get promoted, buy their third car, their second apartment and so on, but life is not a race. Some of us may want to be a full-time parent, for example, a theatre performer, work with children, travel the world, or a foodie blogger.

Sure, we should aim to move forward in life, but gunning for the benchmarks set by others can often prove frustrating. that's because we each have unique talents, values and passions. In order to be happy and successful in our own way, we have to look to ourselves instead of others.

Start with your innate gifts - what do you do well naturally? Are you good in sports, for example? Draw or paint well? Perhaps you are musically-inclined? Write or speak well? Don't dismiss them as common. You would be surprised how far you could go in a job that requires one or a combination of those gifts.

Think of how you could serve the world. What problem could you solve? That's your value right there. Every job is one that solves a certain problem or fulfills a certain need. Think along those lines and your path towards a more satisfying life and career will become clearer.

So by all means admire others for their achievements, but don't let their yardsticks dictate yours. Explore your own path towards self-discovery and self-fulfillment.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Being True to Ourselves

No one likes being lied to. The truth is what we respect, indeed what we often demand. Yet, the person we often most lie to is our self.

We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.

Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?

We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.

As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.

Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.

As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.

Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.

As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Bonding With Your Partner

In any given moment in our relationship with our partner, we are in one of two possible intents - the intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, and the intent to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.

Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and voiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviours. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviours have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.

In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.

However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.

In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?

When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Handling Bad Days

In our pursuit of daily happiness, we are sometimes faced with one of the most daunting truths of all - that some days will inevitably be bad. Your alarm clock runs out of power during the night, your usb drive crashes, the cat scratches the new couch, you are late for an important sales presentation and of course, you are caught in the most massive traffic jam of your life.

Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...

It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.

The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.

But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?

It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.

So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.

Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?

As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."

What choices will you make?

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Maintaining a Positive Attitude

It's widely-accepted that having a positive outlook contributes greatly to a happy life. Endless studies tell us the same thing - that being cheerful and forward-looking makes us perform better at work, more creative, more contented and thus more joyful.

But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?

Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.

first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.

Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.

Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!

Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.

And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.

Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

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