We often hear people say "Oh, she has changed" or "Things are just not the same" delivered in the tone of a Shakespearean tragedy's hero. It's as if change is not natural... as if we expect a relationship to be as vibrant and thrilling ten years down the road as if was in the first ten weeks.
A couple will inevitably go through many changes (or shall we say "evolution") in their years together. And some of the changes may make the relationship seem less exciting or rewarding, but they are really taking the relationship through the various stages of maturity.
If we recognise the power that these changes have to develop our relationship; to turn it from a fresh seeding into a sturdy oak, we will be able work with them to ensure that our relationship remains strong and fulfilling.
Living with expectation is the key. Once you stop having things to look forward to together, the relationship begins to feel stale. Doing things together becomes a chore rather than a delight. So regularly look ahead to and do new and different things together.
Make change exciting for both of you. Change though, doesn't mean trying to change your partner. Many of us make the mistake of trying to "fix" our loved ones. Instead of accepting and loving them for who they are, we think that they would be so much better if they'd only act and do things our way. This kind of expectation poisons a relationship and only leads to disappointment. We drive our loves away with our constant need to enlighten them.
The only person you can change is yourself. And once your partner sees the change and growth in you, he or she will feel more comfortable about making changes to himself or herself.
If your relationship feels lacklustre and cold, think deeply... is it really because you don't love each other anymore? Or is it simply because things have begun to feel routine and without expectation?
Rejuvenate your relationship by harnessing the power of change. Learn together, develop together, grow older together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
