Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is more prevalent than some people would believe. In extreme cases, the anxiety is so great that the person simply retreats or crumbles into an uneasy mess.

To these people, the seemingly common and simple task of interacting with a stranger can be nerve-racking. These people are often frustrated because they are capable of success but are defeated by their fear of rejection. They have no problems being great friends with one or two people but are unable to widen their circle because they cannot seem to make new acquaintances comfortably.

So what can you do if you often face this kind of fear?

First of all, imagine the worst case scenario. Run it through in your mind. At this stage, forget about how you're going to handle rejection. Just think about the worst that could realistically happen. Our fears often take on a life of their own. However when you can stop for a moment and plan in advance, whatever does happen is usually not so bad after all.

Next, decide what rejection means. When we react emotionally to rejection we can usually come up with some awful reasons why people reject us, such as -"People disklike me", "I am a failure", "I am not worthy of their approval", "I am not good enough", and so on.

These limiting thoughts are only making things worse for you. And the thing is, only you can choose what rejection means for you. Other people can never make you feel as bad as you yourself can. So, if it's your feelings, your life, your choice, why not choose more empowering meanings? Such as - "The other person is probably feeling down, is insecure about something, or is preoccupied with a problem at the moment", or "I am the only person who's responsible for my own happiness, so I will not allow someone else to take charge". What about "How can I do better next time?" or "At the end of the day, I know that I am loved for who I am, by the people who do matter to me". Who knows, maybe you are the one making the other person nervous. Now wouldn't that be ironic?

Knowing what to say is not just a matter of what words to speak; that is only the tip of the iceberg. Ninety per cent of the solution depends on you taking charge of your emotional and mental states. The more you do this, that is, laugh at rejection in the face and continue to make your life better, the more comfortable you will be around people. Over time, you will find that the barriers to your success and happiness were not so overbearing after all.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Worrying Less

Worry is such a loathsome thing. You know you'd be able to save more time and energy and achieve more without it, but sometimes it simply refuses to leave you alone.

Most of us will probably not be able to eradicate worry from our lives, but here are some ways you can worry less and accomplish more:

Don't think of problems as difficulties. think of them as opportunities for action.

After you've done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go on to the next thing.

Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, sleep. Don't allow yourself time for your mind to wander.

There are things you cannot do anything about, so don't concern yourself with them.

Don't procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now.

Don't pour woes and anxieties onto other people. Sympathy from others is very tempting and does feel good for a while, but eventually, it just makes you feel sorrier for yourself.

Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day's work.

Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry shatters poise and self-confidence, and adds to fear and anxiety.

If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps like rungs on a ladder... one at a time. Don't allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you've executed step number one.

Worry is a very natural and spontaneous instinct, so don't be too hard on yourself if you fin yourself within its grip. Just make sure you take some measures you help you see things in a calmer, clearer and more productive way.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Embracing Challenges

None of us can avoid challenges. It is one of the irrefutable truths that life doesn't stay rosy for long. Even for those of us who are blessed with lengthy periods of undisturbed bliss, there will come a time when summer sun must wane, the leaves will fall, and we must prepare to endure a period of cold and darkness.

Challenges are inevitable. Whenever life presents a challenge, do you ignore it? Or do you embrace it? If it is your practice to consistently ignore the challenges that come your way, you can be sure they will emerge again and again, and in more daunting forms.

Consider a case of financial difficulty, for example, which requires a period of belt-tightening and sacrifice. If you choose to ignore the challenge and continue to live on credit, you can be sure that you financial situation will only get worse. But what if you choose to embrace the challenge instead? Come up with a plan to reduce costs, change your habits and lifestyle, monetize one of your skills. You would not only survive the crisis in a stable financial position, you will probably have even more money than before! And because you have a sound financial security infrastructure in place, the next time a financial challenge comes along, you would be better placed to deal with it. This is growth. This is self-improvement.

What about the other challenges in life?

For example, if you fall sick easily or often feel weak and tired, think about what aspects of your lifestyle may be causing it. Could you get into a fitness routine, wean yourself off addictive substances and try to eat more healthy? The beginning will be tough, but all it takes is action and commitment, and believe me, the new you that will emerge from this will not believe why you didn't start sooner! You may have been convinced that your former life was what you needed, but once you let it go, whole new opportunities will open up for you. Once dull and tasteless things will give you new pleasures. You will feel better, be happier and more efficient.

Think of other aspects of your life you can change for the better. What about your fears? Fear of being alone, fear of letting your parents down, fear of switching careers, fear of failure, fear of expressing yourself, fear of putting yourself out there, fear of being the person you really are? How many times has life thrown challenges at you to help you get rid of those fears and you ignored them? How are those fears keeping you trapped in a place you really don't want to be?

Challenges help you grow. They nudge out your weaknesses and force you to turn them into strengths. When overcome, they give you that priceless sense of achievement and confidence; that increasing sense of self-value that will continue to help you attain more fulfillment and success in life.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Controlling Your Anger

We all feel angry sometimes. For many of us, anger is something we latch on to, simply because it's an instinctive and natural response to threat or danger. It can be constructive if we can control it and harness its energy for something positive. For example, if a tactless criticism makes us angry, that anger can be channeled to fuel our determination to improve ourselves.

Unchecked anger, on the other hand, can harm relationships, block careers and disrupt lives. It can cause others to avoid you, frame you, or even seek revenge.

Here are some ways we can learn to control our anger. We won't be able to eliminate it altogether, but with practice, we can avoid letting it hurt us.

Firstly, find out what triggers anger in you. Obnoxious people? When you don't get the result you want? Losing? Running late for a concert because your partner gave you the wrong directions? Learn to view these situations and occurrences from a detached, third-party position. Understand that you become a slave to these triggers the moment you react negatively to them. What's the worst that can happen if you choose to ignore them? Probably not much, or nothing at all. Think about it - would you rather be a little late for a concert that has no bearing on the quality of your life, or unleash your fury on a loved one over an unintentional oversight?

Create a buffer between your triggers and your response to them. Pause and think about the gravity of the situation. Does it warrant frustration and anger? Will any of it matter in a minute, a day, or a week? Anger is an instantly reactive emotion. It prevents you from thinking rationally and in the long term. So either take a deep breath, count to ten, or excuse yourself politely and just leave. Most of the time, you will find that the person or thing that almost made you lost your cool won't bother you at all after a while.

And realise that a lot of the time, obnoxious people want to make you angry. they just want to provoke an outburst or negative reaction. It makes them feel big and powerful. So what's the best way to get even? Forget! Let them know that they have no power over your mood.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Self Love

We all want greater happiness. And most of us seek it in things like money, fast love, power, respect, adoration and career success. But we ultimately realise that the joy we get from these things does not last.

How then, can we attain lasting happiness? The key is love - both towards yourself and towards others. Eventually, that's all that's going to matter to you.

Many people don't manage to find self-love, and as a natural consequence, genuine love for others. They spend their entire lives searching for happiness in all the wrong things.

Parents play a critical role in helping to instill a healthy sense of self-worth and self-respect in their children. Through the simplest acts of touch, attention to feelings and guidance toward accomplishment, children come to see their own worth reflected in their parents' eyes. They see themselves as worthy of love.

A child who does not receive this kind of love from their parents may grow up to be insecure, dependent and fearful. They might develop a self-loathing attitude - consistently blaming themselves, and feeling that they don't deserve happiness. Or they might embark on an impossible quest for perfection - in themselves and in things like a perfect partner, a perfect job, or a perfect amusement. But the results will always be disappointing. The feeling of disappointment and helplessness may lead to physical or emotional violence or addictions to short-term gratifications like alcohol, drugs and sex.

But a negative relationship with your parents does not mean all is lost. In many ways, your inner voice is like an extra parent. as you grow older, its influence becomes stronger than your parents. What you tell yourself about yourself shapes your life. Happy and successful people talk lovingly and positively to themselves. Nurture your inner voice to speak with love, respect, optimisim and gentleness, and you're on your way to greater happiness.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd