Controlling Your Anger

We all feel angry sometimes. For many of us, anger is something we latch on to, simply because it's an instinctive and natural response to threat or danger. It can be constructive if we can control it and harness its energy for something positive. For example, if a tactless criticism makes us angry, that anger can be channeled to fuel our determination to improve ourselves.

Unchecked anger, on the other hand, can harm relationships, block careers and disrupt lives. It can cause others to avoid you, frame you, or even seek revenge.

Here are some ways we can learn to control our anger. We won't be able to eliminate it altogether, but with practice, we can avoid letting it hurt us.

Firstly, find out what triggers anger in you. Obnoxious people? When you don't get the result you want? Losing? Running late for a concert because your partner gave you the wrong directions? Learn to view these situations and occurrences from a detached, third-party position. Understand that you become a slave to these triggers the moment you react negatively to them. What's the worst that can happen if you choose to ignore them? Probably not much, or nothing at all. Think about it - would you rather be a little late for a concert that has no bearing on the quality of your life, or unleash your fury on a loved one over an unintentional oversight?

Create a buffer between your triggers and your response to them. Pause and think about the gravity of the situation. Does it warrant frustration and anger? Will any of it matter in a minute, a day, or a week? Anger is an instantly reactive emotion. It prevents you from thinking rationally and in the long term. So either take a deep breath, count to ten, or excuse yourself politely and just leave. Most of the time, you will find that the person or thing that almost made you lost your cool won't bother you at all after a while.

And realise that a lot of the time, obnoxious people want to make you angry. they just want to provoke an outburst or negative reaction. It makes them feel big and powerful. So what's the best way to get even? Forget! Let them know that they have no power over your mood.

---

Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd