Looking at the people around you, you probably think that you're the only one who gets timid and unsure of yourself. But any time you feel your confidence shrivelling, you're not alone. Everyone feels fear and self-doubt, probably more often than you know but because you're not them, you don't feel or see it. You only feel your own fear so keenly because you're the one experiencing it.
In a world where so little is certain, one of the few things you can have an unshakeable faith in is yourself. It's the one thing you can count on in unfamiliar social situations, when going for an interview, meeting a date, asserting your rights, recovering after a setback, or simply for peace of mind. That's why a healthy sense of self-esteem is so important.
Now the first step to reducing our self-doubt and increasing our self-confidence is to realise that most of our fears are irrational. Many of us still go around behaving as though we were frightened little kids on the first day of school, having to dodge the bully and comform to strict rules or risk being punished.
Perhaps it's remnants of an oppressed childhood still haunting you, but understand that those days are gone. You're your own person now, capable of deciding what you want to do and how you want to feel. You don't have to try to "fit in" anymore, and you don't need anyone's approval. You are you, and no one should be able to tell you that that's wrong or abnormal or not up to the standard.
In order to overcome your fears, identify just what they are, how logical they are, and how you can get rid of them. For example, before an intimidating event or situation, write down exactly what you're uncomfortable about. Is it a reasonable fear? What consequences are likely to result from it? What's the worst that can happen? How can you conquer this fear?
You'll find that as you go along, most of these fears are inconsequential, or at least will not have any devastating, long-term effects. Even something like flunking a job interview doesn't mean you won't succeed at others. Most of the time, just being yourself is the way to go. Not having to pretend takes a lot of the pressure off and makes you more relaxed and natural. Just remember, you may think that being yourself is not good enough, but the truth is, people value honesty and sincerity above most other things. Very simply, people will appreciate you just for being you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Go With the Flow
Life is like a raging river. There is constant flow. In fact, agitation and movement are essential for life to endure. Stagnant waters breed disease and decay.
So when life decides to throw a rock at us, like when we lose a job or partner, don't lose heart. Don't negatively judge events or circumstances that initially seem "bad" or "unfortunate". Things don't happen by accident, and mistakes or misfortunes are simply precursors for positive change.
We can't control things like losing a job or losing a partner. Loss is essential for growth and survival. When we experience loss or some other stressful change in our lives, we can give in to negative feelings like anger, disappointment, self-pity, self-loathing, trepidation and fear. We can allow these emotions to strain our mind, effectively crippling its ability to discover viable solutions. We can imagine the worst, and let something that may not come to pass affect our present state of mind.
Or we can go with the flow of change. Some things in our lives have to go in order to make way for better things. The Universe has a way of nudging us along when we get too lazy, complacent or comfortable. Occasionally, it gives us a big shove. The Universe knows when stagnation is making us fat and feeble. It knows when something in our lives has to shift in order for us to continue growing. It then arranges for people and events to push us towards what we were meant to be.
Most people however, choose to resist or ignore the signs. They are so firmly embedded in the riverbed that they refuse to let the currents lift them away. The years go by, and along with them, a flood of lost opportunities? and the stubborn rocks are finally left buried under algae and dirt.
If you've recently lost your job, lost a partner or something you felt was valuable to you, think? Were you really happy with your job?
Did you put your dreams on hold because you were trapped in a wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed routine? Had you stopped growing in that job? Did nothing excite you anymore about your work? What about your ex-partner? Were you really good for each other? Or were you hanging on because you were afraid of being alone?
You didn't have the time nor the nerve to go out and do what you really wanted to do. Well, now you do!
Go with the flow of change!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
STORIES - The Triple Filter Test
In ancient Greece, scholar and philosopher Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about one of your friends?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?" asked the man.
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and wanted to tell it to you." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary, it is bad."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really," replied the man, now more than a little embarrassed.
"Well," concluded Socrates, if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, and nor even useful to me, why tell it to me at all?"
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Add Value in the Workplace
We all want to be promoted, get higher salaries, and become more valued at the workplace. But what steps are you taking towards attracting a promotion? Do you have a plan? What are you currently doing that makes you believe that you are deserving of one?
The most miserable people in the world today are those who know what they need to do to create the life they desire, but they refuse to take the actions to do so. So what can you do?
In today's business culture, productivity is the key to promotion. Every employer by reason of economics is forced to look at the bottom line. So here are three steps to increase your productivity, and thus add value in the workplace.
First, assess the desired result.
The clearer the desired outcome, the quicker you can take action. Always be certain you are on the same page as your employer regarding the desired outcome of a task. Don't assume the outcome you desire is the outcome your boss does.
Next, assess what actions must be taken immediately.
You may have ten, fifteen, or even fifty things to do on your plate right now, but do you know what to do next? Identifying the next action takes a matter of minutes, but is often a highly neglected practice. Look over your list of projects and ask yourself, what must I do next? Write it down. After you go through your projects and write out each action step, then determine the highest priority and get to work. You cannot do everything right now. All that matters is what you do right now and what you do next. A great question to ask is, "what action if done will be of the most benefit to you and the company?" or, "what action if not done will be most detrimental to your career success? "
And third, concentrate entirely on the most important task until it is complete.
Quickly solve every problem that comes your way and soon your stock will rise in the eyes of those who are looking for someone to promote. Allow time and your track record to speak on your behalf. Don't force the issue. Your ability to act quickly and get more done than anyone else will cause you to stand out. If you can create a memory in your supervisor's mind that you are person who can get the job done quickly and in excellence, more responsibility and opportunity will be given to you. Getting the job done quickly may mean the difference between you or someone else getting a promotion.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Journaling
The fountain of personal wisdom may be closer than you think. As close as your nearest pen actually. That's because the single most essential instrument for nurturing your spirit is a personal journal.
Journaling is a remarkable tool to help you discover the wisdom you already possess. Sometimes, this wisdom will surprise you. Other times, it will challenge you. Always, it will come directly from you, empowering you to trust yourself and to take action by giving you the deep-seated knowledge that you know more than you think you do.
This feeling of power and self-trust will translate into a more confident you. You will already know where to turn when faced with difficult decisions. You will have found the answers within yourself, and you will return there for further instruction.
Now, there a few rules to the game of journaling. You should write quickly, allowing the words to freefall form your subconcious. Keep writing, no matter wat. Don't edit, erase or cross-out any words. If you're heading in a direction you would rather avoid, start a new paragraph. Date each entry in your journal. Note that time, place, and any details regarding your mood and emotions that will be necessary for context when you read back on your work.
After you have finished a journal entry, take a walk or get up for a glass of water before you reread your entry, and remember to reread this entry with compassion. Then, write an insight Line - a sentence or two about what you think the piece is trying to tell you.
Get creative with the techniques you use. We all have a subconscious mind that communicates to us in a different way. If you are stuck and have nothing to write, try recoding snippets of conversations, facts, feelings, fantasies, descriptions, impressions, quotes, images, and ideas. Draw pictures. Make a collage from a magazine. Use the technique that best suits the way in which you express yourself.
One method that works well is called clustering. Put the central idea in the centre of the page and circle it. Then, without any pause, make associations, placing them in new bubbles and tying them to the main idea. The result is a complex matrix of ideas, many of which you didn't even know you had.
Whether you set a time for writing each day or you do it on the fly, make sure the time you spent writing in your journal is time solely devoted to you and your task. Your journal is designed to nurture you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Journaling is a remarkable tool to help you discover the wisdom you already possess. Sometimes, this wisdom will surprise you. Other times, it will challenge you. Always, it will come directly from you, empowering you to trust yourself and to take action by giving you the deep-seated knowledge that you know more than you think you do.
This feeling of power and self-trust will translate into a more confident you. You will already know where to turn when faced with difficult decisions. You will have found the answers within yourself, and you will return there for further instruction.
Now, there a few rules to the game of journaling. You should write quickly, allowing the words to freefall form your subconcious. Keep writing, no matter wat. Don't edit, erase or cross-out any words. If you're heading in a direction you would rather avoid, start a new paragraph. Date each entry in your journal. Note that time, place, and any details regarding your mood and emotions that will be necessary for context when you read back on your work.
After you have finished a journal entry, take a walk or get up for a glass of water before you reread your entry, and remember to reread this entry with compassion. Then, write an insight Line - a sentence or two about what you think the piece is trying to tell you.
Get creative with the techniques you use. We all have a subconscious mind that communicates to us in a different way. If you are stuck and have nothing to write, try recoding snippets of conversations, facts, feelings, fantasies, descriptions, impressions, quotes, images, and ideas. Draw pictures. Make a collage from a magazine. Use the technique that best suits the way in which you express yourself.
One method that works well is called clustering. Put the central idea in the centre of the page and circle it. Then, without any pause, make associations, placing them in new bubbles and tying them to the main idea. The result is a complex matrix of ideas, many of which you didn't even know you had.
Whether you set a time for writing each day or you do it on the fly, make sure the time you spent writing in your journal is time solely devoted to you and your task. Your journal is designed to nurture you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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