You love your partner very much, and you're pretty sure he or she loves you. So why are you always fighting? Why do both of you always seem to be in different places? Why are you feeling disappointed?
As we progress in our relationships, it becomes clearer and clearer that love is not enough. Love brings two persons together but other factors come into play to keep a union harmonious and mutually rewarding.
The most important of these is a high level of self-esteem in both parties. When either or both partners have low opinions of themselves or some aspects of themselves, they tend to breed insecure feelings, fear and resentment over mostly-imagined injustices. They tend to cage their true feelings, always giving in, putting up with their partner because they feel that this is the best they're ever going to do.
Here's a way to check your sense of self-worth and the true foundation for a successful relationship:
Close your eyes and rate your self-esteem by seeing or sensing a number from one to ten, with ten being high. Now imagine that you are seeing an image of yourself standing in front of you. Tell the image of yourself what he/she needs to do in order to raise his/her self-esteem. Now visualize yourself acting out in the future what you need to do in order to experience more self-love. Ideally you and your partner's score should be eight or higher. If it isn't, follow your plan on how to become more self-assured.
After self-esteem comes effective communication. Many couples resort to fight or flight responses when they get into an ugly area. The deep, inner layers of the problem therefore never get resolved and over time your relationship begins to feel like a minefield; you're both simply looking for areas to avoid and not much else. So make a commitment to yourself to learn better ways to express your thoughts and feelings, and to solve your problems.
Finally, a couple needs to grow together in order to stay together. Watch it when one party focuses on his or her own growth and the other remains stagnant or even regresses. Make sure that you and your partner are always learning together, looking forward to similar objectives and actively working towards them, together. If you can do all this with your partner, then over time you would have built a bond that nothing can break.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
