Deep down, you know your relationship is not working. When you're along, you harbour desires of calling it off. Yet, when you're with your partner, you can't seem to say what you want. you know that your partner's behaviour is causing you consistent disappointment and grief but you can't seem to let go and move on.
If this sounds familiar, you could be trapped in a bad relationship.
Some people are just naturally attracted to bad relationship. Others are clinging to false hope. Some are simply in denial; they just cannot believe how "heaven" so to speak has degenerated into such a "hell".
One common fear compelling a person to stay in a bad relationship is the belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could be interested in you or love you. You have grown so attached to your partner that you've forgotten your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and having to take care of yourself.
Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying.
Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behaviour since he or she is supporting you. Having a child together can also cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child's mother or father.
On a deeper level, you could be stuck in a disappointing relationship due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be denied love, concern and understanding.
So how can you get out of this destructive relationship?
First of all, you have to acknowledge that your relationship is a distorted one, one that you would do better to be rid of. Stop holding yourself hostage because you don't have to.
Stop making excuses for your partner's behaviour. simply hoping for him or her to change is pointless. what you can do is confront him or her about the problem and see if the relationship can be save.
If not, then you must muster the courage to end the relationship. The initial stage will be difficult and you can expect to feel some mental and physical discomfort. But that feeling will pass. the new freedom and empowerment you will gain will erase any bad feelings of the past.
Remember, you deserve better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Working and Living Well With People
You meet someone for the first time and strike up a conversation. As the conversation progresses, you find yourself smiling quite a bit and really warming up to this person. After a couple of minutes, you make a subtle mental assessment that you like this person.
Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.
And everyone likes to feel important.
Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.
As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.
And everyone likes to feel important.
Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.
As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Conversation-Starters
We've all been there. You are at a party, or some social event... no one you really know. There are a couple of people you would like to know, but you have no idea how to start a conversation with them.
Or someone comes up to you, says "hello", you say "hi". And then... awkward silence. You are desperately thinking of things to talk about... there are about twenty things running through you head; none of them though actually emerging from your lips.
Though human beings are social creatures, not all of us are naturally sociable. And if you are not the life of the party, that's nothing to be ashamed about. The problem though is that for some of us, the more we falter at social events, the more fearful we can become of them. And this can affect our self-esteem and opportunities for self-development. Not to mention our romantic prospects.
Fortunately though, there is a method to starting and maintaining conversations.
First, let's tackle your state of mind. At a function, you are typically focusing on you, right? How you appear to others, how they are judging you, what you should say or do, and so on. It's no wonder the experience is so nerve-wracking.
Well, take the focus off you and on to other people and your surroundings. Notice what's happening in your environment... take an active interest in what others are doing, saying or wearing, how they are behaving. When your mind is occupied with others, it has no time to worry about you.
Find something common, either between the two of you or something in the surroundings or place and talk about that - how parking was tough, maybe, how good the food looks, which items are must-haves, similar hobbies or work, interest in some ingoing media event perhaps. Remember to who more interest in the other party; ask follow-up questions based on this answers. Everybody loves talking about themselves. So let them carry the conversation.
That's why compliments work well too. It shows that you actually noticed. And it doesn't always have to be something about their appearance or what they are wearing... if you love their enthusiasm or energy, for example, tell them.
Or if you are not in the mood to think about what to say sometimes, make sure you bring along a unique item and display it prominently... that's guaranteed to be a conversation-starter.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Or someone comes up to you, says "hello", you say "hi". And then... awkward silence. You are desperately thinking of things to talk about... there are about twenty things running through you head; none of them though actually emerging from your lips.
Though human beings are social creatures, not all of us are naturally sociable. And if you are not the life of the party, that's nothing to be ashamed about. The problem though is that for some of us, the more we falter at social events, the more fearful we can become of them. And this can affect our self-esteem and opportunities for self-development. Not to mention our romantic prospects.
Fortunately though, there is a method to starting and maintaining conversations.
First, let's tackle your state of mind. At a function, you are typically focusing on you, right? How you appear to others, how they are judging you, what you should say or do, and so on. It's no wonder the experience is so nerve-wracking.
Well, take the focus off you and on to other people and your surroundings. Notice what's happening in your environment... take an active interest in what others are doing, saying or wearing, how they are behaving. When your mind is occupied with others, it has no time to worry about you.
Find something common, either between the two of you or something in the surroundings or place and talk about that - how parking was tough, maybe, how good the food looks, which items are must-haves, similar hobbies or work, interest in some ingoing media event perhaps. Remember to who more interest in the other party; ask follow-up questions based on this answers. Everybody loves talking about themselves. So let them carry the conversation.
That's why compliments work well too. It shows that you actually noticed. And it doesn't always have to be something about their appearance or what they are wearing... if you love their enthusiasm or energy, for example, tell them.
Or if you are not in the mood to think about what to say sometimes, make sure you bring along a unique item and display it prominently... that's guaranteed to be a conversation-starter.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Critically Evaluating Your Role in the Relationship
When it comes to relationships, most of us are pretty hands-off. The prevailing mindset seems to be that relationships should work out all by themselves. In any case, because there is no manual, most of us accept that we will just blunder through them and hope for the best.
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I mean, who do you know actually bothers to analyse their relationship and think critically about what they can do to improve it?
Yet, most relationships suffer precisely because we are apathetic towards them. We assume they are obscure and unknowable and so don't put any effort to understand them or improve them.
For the most part, the approach we have towards our relationships is pretty superficial. We tend to think mostly in terms of what our partner can and should do for us, how much time we spend together instead of the quality of the time, and how much our partner "loves" us without really understand what that "love" means to entails.
Many of us also have a very resigned kind of attitude towards our relationship, believing for example that, "well, it's supposed to feel dull after a while", or "We are not young anymore, we can't do those things again!".
But lie any endeavor, a relationship benefits immensely from critical evaluation - "what are we doing right?", "what are we doing wrong?", "what can we do to make things better?".
After all, we are talking about the person we claim to love, and in some cases, the person we swore to take care of for the rest of our lives. We often forget that, and only think about how our desires can be met. So consider your partner's physical and emotional needs. Do you even know what they are? Are you fulfilling those needs?
Think back to the times when your relationship was at its most fulfilling. What were you doing then that you are no longer doing? We can often get so comfortable in a relationship that we don't feel the need to do anything exciting or surprising anymore. But those little thrills are what keep the fire of romance alive.
And if you were to assess yourself as partner, how would you score? Would you be happy being in a relationship with yourself? What changes you make to become a better partner? We often blame the "natural course" of things or the other person when really we aren't doing much ourselves to make the relationship work better. So take a critical look at your role in the relationship. Isn't there more you can do?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Best Thing To do On A Date
There is a wealth of resources these days for the swinging single who perhaps does not wish to, well, "swing" anymore, and settle down instead.
From dating agencies and gender-specific magazines to websites with special programs that help you narrow down your prospects, there is a glut of information on how to find that perfect mate.
It can all be rather overwhelming... the do's, the don'ts, the proper grooming, what to wear, what wine to order with your main, how to act when this happens, what to say when your date asks you that.
The irony is that all these considerations often end up making you nervous and jittery on the date. And because you are so caught up with delivering a perfect performance, you stop being authentic and natural. And at the end of the day, what we are all looking for is someone who is sincere and real.
So the best thing to do on a date is to be yourself. Keep it simple and real. If it's something that's really not "you", something that you cannot sustain or are really not keen on, don't do it. Keeping up appearances may work initially, but in the long run, you really want someone who appreciates the real you.
Many of us worry about running out of things to say, awkward silences or appearing dumb and so on. Well, stop focusing on what to say and simply keep your mind on your date. Show interest in her. Ask questions to find out more about her. We all like talking about ourselves, so let her talk. She'll love it that you're focusing on her and not yourself.
And keep it light. Imagine it as meal with a friend. There is no need to go into heavy topics... talk about movies, music, hobbies, jobs. Remember, it's just a meal... you're not walking down the aisle with this person. Over-thinking often gets in the way of a good time.
So keep it simple, keep it real, and keep it light.
From dating agencies and gender-specific magazines to websites with special programs that help you narrow down your prospects, there is a glut of information on how to find that perfect mate.
It can all be rather overwhelming... the do's, the don'ts, the proper grooming, what to wear, what wine to order with your main, how to act when this happens, what to say when your date asks you that.
The irony is that all these considerations often end up making you nervous and jittery on the date. And because you are so caught up with delivering a perfect performance, you stop being authentic and natural. And at the end of the day, what we are all looking for is someone who is sincere and real.
So the best thing to do on a date is to be yourself. Keep it simple and real. If it's something that's really not "you", something that you cannot sustain or are really not keen on, don't do it. Keeping up appearances may work initially, but in the long run, you really want someone who appreciates the real you.
Many of us worry about running out of things to say, awkward silences or appearing dumb and so on. Well, stop focusing on what to say and simply keep your mind on your date. Show interest in her. Ask questions to find out more about her. We all like talking about ourselves, so let her talk. She'll love it that you're focusing on her and not yourself.
And keep it light. Imagine it as meal with a friend. There is no need to go into heavy topics... talk about movies, music, hobbies, jobs. Remember, it's just a meal... you're not walking down the aisle with this person. Over-thinking often gets in the way of a good time.
So keep it simple, keep it real, and keep it light.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Relationship Conflict Management
There will be no doubt be times when you don't see eye to eye with your partner. Disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship, so the key to maintaining a healthy relationship is not simply avoiding conflict but how to resolve them effectively.
Our partner is often the closest person to us both emotionally and physically. Because of this intimacy and proximity, we can sometimes get on each other's nerves. Argument is not the problem - it is crucial that we are able to air grievances with our partner - it is reacting in anger or allowing negative emotions to overwhelm the issue that's dangerous.
So don't attack each other personally. Remind yourself that it's the issue that's the problem, not the person. Don't resort to name-calling and don't bring up the past. If you don't feel you cannot control your anger, then let your partner know that you will talk about it at a later time. Don't allow the anger to strike out on your behalf.
When you have the time to quietly explore your feelings, ask yourself why you were so upset. And be honest... Were you over-reacting to something that was really quite inconsequential? Were you lashing out because you were unhappy with yourself, or jealous of others?
We have to be careful that we are not straining the relationship because of something within us that we have yet to resolve. This would be a shame because we will simply carry this internal baggage with us on to the next relationship and will probably be poisoning that one as well.
If you have ever been told a riddle and then denied the answer, you will know how frustrating it is to play a guessing game. And we can sometimes do this to our partner when we don't clearly communicate our needs to them. So have a proper think about it - what do you really want? Are you perhaps confused yourself about what it is you are actually after?
And work towards mutual action and mutual satisfaction. A relationship is a joint effort. If one party ends up being mainly responsible for making the union work, resentment will build up. So work out fair resolutions.
Effective conflict management is often overlooked but it can make or break a relationship. So handle your disagreements with these points in mind and enjoy a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Our partner is often the closest person to us both emotionally and physically. Because of this intimacy and proximity, we can sometimes get on each other's nerves. Argument is not the problem - it is crucial that we are able to air grievances with our partner - it is reacting in anger or allowing negative emotions to overwhelm the issue that's dangerous.
So don't attack each other personally. Remind yourself that it's the issue that's the problem, not the person. Don't resort to name-calling and don't bring up the past. If you don't feel you cannot control your anger, then let your partner know that you will talk about it at a later time. Don't allow the anger to strike out on your behalf.
When you have the time to quietly explore your feelings, ask yourself why you were so upset. And be honest... Were you over-reacting to something that was really quite inconsequential? Were you lashing out because you were unhappy with yourself, or jealous of others?
We have to be careful that we are not straining the relationship because of something within us that we have yet to resolve. This would be a shame because we will simply carry this internal baggage with us on to the next relationship and will probably be poisoning that one as well.
If you have ever been told a riddle and then denied the answer, you will know how frustrating it is to play a guessing game. And we can sometimes do this to our partner when we don't clearly communicate our needs to them. So have a proper think about it - what do you really want? Are you perhaps confused yourself about what it is you are actually after?
And work towards mutual action and mutual satisfaction. A relationship is a joint effort. If one party ends up being mainly responsible for making the union work, resentment will build up. So work out fair resolutions.
Effective conflict management is often overlooked but it can make or break a relationship. So handle your disagreements with these points in mind and enjoy a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
An Evolving Relationship
Every relationship has the potential to become stagnant. This risk is especially real when the parties involved treat change with apprehension and fear. They think that change is what makes the relationship go sour or dull.
We often hear people say "Oh, she has changed" or "Things are just not the same" delivered in the tone of a Shakespearean tragedy's hero. It's as if change is not natural... as if we expect a relationship to be as vibrant and thrilling ten years down the road as if was in the first ten weeks.
A couple will inevitably go through many changes (or shall we say "evolution") in their years together. And some of the changes may make the relationship seem less exciting or rewarding, but they are really taking the relationship through the various stages of maturity.
If we recognise the power that these changes have to develop our relationship; to turn it from a fresh seeding into a sturdy oak, we will be able work with them to ensure that our relationship remains strong and fulfilling.
Living with expectation is the key. Once you stop having things to look forward to together, the relationship begins to feel stale. Doing things together becomes a chore rather than a delight. So regularly look ahead to and do new and different things together.
Make change exciting for both of you. Change though, doesn't mean trying to change your partner. Many of us make the mistake of trying to "fix" our loved ones. Instead of accepting and loving them for who they are, we think that they would be so much better if they'd only act and do things our way. This kind of expectation poisons a relationship and only leads to disappointment. We drive our loves away with our constant need to enlighten them.
The only person you can change is yourself. And once your partner sees the change and growth in you, he or she will feel more comfortable about making changes to himself or herself.
If your relationship feels lacklustre and cold, think deeply... is it really because you don't love each other anymore? Or is it simply because things have begun to feel routine and without expectation?
Rejuvenate your relationship by harnessing the power of change. Learn together, develop together, grow older together.
We often hear people say "Oh, she has changed" or "Things are just not the same" delivered in the tone of a Shakespearean tragedy's hero. It's as if change is not natural... as if we expect a relationship to be as vibrant and thrilling ten years down the road as if was in the first ten weeks.
A couple will inevitably go through many changes (or shall we say "evolution") in their years together. And some of the changes may make the relationship seem less exciting or rewarding, but they are really taking the relationship through the various stages of maturity.
If we recognise the power that these changes have to develop our relationship; to turn it from a fresh seeding into a sturdy oak, we will be able work with them to ensure that our relationship remains strong and fulfilling.
Living with expectation is the key. Once you stop having things to look forward to together, the relationship begins to feel stale. Doing things together becomes a chore rather than a delight. So regularly look ahead to and do new and different things together.
Make change exciting for both of you. Change though, doesn't mean trying to change your partner. Many of us make the mistake of trying to "fix" our loved ones. Instead of accepting and loving them for who they are, we think that they would be so much better if they'd only act and do things our way. This kind of expectation poisons a relationship and only leads to disappointment. We drive our loves away with our constant need to enlighten them.
The only person you can change is yourself. And once your partner sees the change and growth in you, he or she will feel more comfortable about making changes to himself or herself.
If your relationship feels lacklustre and cold, think deeply... is it really because you don't love each other anymore? Or is it simply because things have begun to feel routine and without expectation?
Rejuvenate your relationship by harnessing the power of change. Learn together, develop together, grow older together.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Communication Errors in a Relationships
Sometimes we wish we could read our partner's thoughts. If we could do that, we would be clearer about what they want or need, and we would be in a much better position to provide for them.
In the absence of that ability though, the next best thing would be to enjoy effective communication with our partners.
Many couples though make these key errors in their communication.
Mistake number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, thought temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.
Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and fortnight, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.
Error number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something, either with actions or words, and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.
Harsh words are spoken and promises may be broken, but love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect for each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.
In the absence of that ability though, the next best thing would be to enjoy effective communication with our partners.
Many couples though make these key errors in their communication.
Mistake number one is communicating to manipulate. Sometimes we communicate solely to get what we want, regardless of whether the person can fulfill the request or not. We sulk, cajole, pout and do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, thought temporarily effective, has a terrible effect on the health of the relationship in the long run. Give it up, and respect what the other person has to offer. Try and see whether you can meet your own need.
Pitfall number two is communicating to deceive. Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication as it destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games, and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the foundation of a relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it, for when you are honest and fortnight, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others.
Error number three is communicating with double messages. Saying one thing and doing another is a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something, either with actions or words, and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to person's actions. Actions are always more aligned with the truth than their words. Try and understand people who don't deliver what they promise as they are probably just as confused as you are at their reactions.
Harsh words are spoken and promises may be broken, but love cannot build a strong foundation when it's trying to set up camp in an earthquake zone. Keep the eruptions to the minimum when possible, talk in love, and be truthful and sincere. Then you will see a relationship being built out of mutual respect for each other's flaws and a gracious partnership based on true knowledge of your other half.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Top Marriage Myths
Many of us have grown up with misconceptions about what makes a marriage work. We might have gotten these false ideas from observing our parents, from mainstream movies and music, from romance novels and magazines, or from friends who perpetuate the stereotypes that they themselves have embraced into belief system without deeper evaluation.
These are the top myths responsible for the disintegration of marriages:
First, the myth that your spouse should automatically know what you want and need. Now if this were true, your partner would have to be able to read your mind. So don't tow this tired old line... communicate your needs and wants honestly to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to second guess your desires.
Another marriage myth assumes that your marriage would improve if only your spouse would just change his or her behaviour... you know, the nagging little habits and traits that get under your skin. This myth is damaging because you are playing a passive role... playing the "victim" while waiting for and expecting your spouse to change while not doing anything to improve yourself! To prevent this myth from destroying your marriage, work on improving yourself instead of waiting for your spouse to change. Decide to be happy with your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings.
The next marriage myth expects you to always put your spouse's needs above your own. It demands that you always compromise your own desires and opinions in order to accommodate your spouse's, which of course is not sustainable because it's illogical. How long can you keep sacrificing yourself before you start to feel resentful? How long before your spouse begins to take your consistent submissions for granted? To bust this myth, make sure you respect both your spouse's needs and your own. Work on finding a middle ground where both of you can find some agreement.
And this final marriage myth assumes that your spouse should always, in all areas, contribute to half of the marriage - in terms of income, household work, managing the kids, and so on. Needless to say, this kind of strictly calculated system does not work when it comes to human beings. Of course there has to be space for flexibility.
When it comes to your marriage, don't blindly follow the stereotypes you have absorbed from other sources... Use your heart and your head.
These are the top myths responsible for the disintegration of marriages:
First, the myth that your spouse should automatically know what you want and need. Now if this were true, your partner would have to be able to read your mind. So don't tow this tired old line... communicate your needs and wants honestly to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to second guess your desires.
Another marriage myth assumes that your marriage would improve if only your spouse would just change his or her behaviour... you know, the nagging little habits and traits that get under your skin. This myth is damaging because you are playing a passive role... playing the "victim" while waiting for and expecting your spouse to change while not doing anything to improve yourself! To prevent this myth from destroying your marriage, work on improving yourself instead of waiting for your spouse to change. Decide to be happy with your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings.
The next marriage myth expects you to always put your spouse's needs above your own. It demands that you always compromise your own desires and opinions in order to accommodate your spouse's, which of course is not sustainable because it's illogical. How long can you keep sacrificing yourself before you start to feel resentful? How long before your spouse begins to take your consistent submissions for granted? To bust this myth, make sure you respect both your spouse's needs and your own. Work on finding a middle ground where both of you can find some agreement.
And this final marriage myth assumes that your spouse should always, in all areas, contribute to half of the marriage - in terms of income, household work, managing the kids, and so on. Needless to say, this kind of strictly calculated system does not work when it comes to human beings. Of course there has to be space for flexibility.
When it comes to your marriage, don't blindly follow the stereotypes you have absorbed from other sources... Use your heart and your head.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Healing Long-Term Conflicts
It's been so long, the details of how the dispute happened and why are really quite blurry. But you are still uncomfortable with interacting with this person, and do your best to avoid any social gatherings or venues where you might run into them.
This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.
Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.
When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.
To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.
Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.
You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?
Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.
This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.
Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.
When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.
To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.
Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.
You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?
Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Adjusting Your Attitude
It's all about attitude, isn't it? Change your attitude and you can change your life. Change your attitude and you can change the world. Change your attitude and you can be successful and happy....
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Resolving Relationship Conflicts
What blocks you from resolving conflicts with your partner?
A lasting and rewarding relationship has to be open and honest. And to keep it that way, you have to be able to air grievances with your partner. Burying issues, and avoiding conflict and disagreements, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. You might as well accept the fact that you WILL get on each other's nerves. You will disagree from time to time. Learn how to argue in a constructive manner to resolve the issue at hand and not tear each other apart personally.
Here are some recommended steps for resolving conflict.
First of all, agree to reach a solution. Many of us either choose to attack our partner or run away from the argument, neither of which helps. Always remember that you and your partner are in the same team - both of you want what's best for the relationship. Sometimes, in the heat of argument, we forget that.
Also, explore your feelings. Why are you so upset? Examine your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event. See if this issue is really about you and your partner or you and someone from your past.
Next, identify what you want. Speak up. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Your partner cannot give what you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. Remember, you are in love with each other. You want to feel good, your partner wants to feel good, and you both have the same wish for each other. Keep that in mind as you express your desires.
And choose mutual action. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort. If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up. Work out fair resolutions.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
A lasting and rewarding relationship has to be open and honest. And to keep it that way, you have to be able to air grievances with your partner. Burying issues, and avoiding conflict and disagreements, do not have a place in a healthy relationship. You might as well accept the fact that you WILL get on each other's nerves. You will disagree from time to time. Learn how to argue in a constructive manner to resolve the issue at hand and not tear each other apart personally.
Here are some recommended steps for resolving conflict.
First of all, agree to reach a solution. Many of us either choose to attack our partner or run away from the argument, neither of which helps. Always remember that you and your partner are in the same team - both of you want what's best for the relationship. Sometimes, in the heat of argument, we forget that.
Also, explore your feelings. Why are you so upset? Examine your reaction to the event and see if you are responding to the present situation or reliving a past hurtful event. See if this issue is really about you and your partner or you and someone from your past.
Next, identify what you want. Speak up. See what you and your partner can work out for a mutually satisfying resolution. Your partner cannot give what you want if you don't have the courage to ask for it. Remember, you are in love with each other. You want to feel good, your partner wants to feel good, and you both have the same wish for each other. Keep that in mind as you express your desires.
And choose mutual action. A relationship is a partnership, a joint effort. If one person ends up being responsible for making the union work on every level, resentment will build up. Work out fair resolutions.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Relationships and Self Esteem
What attracts a human being to another? And what makes a relationship work?
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.
If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.
On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.
If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.
We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attracting the Right People
Why do we seem to attract the same type of people or situations over and over again? Why do you meet the people you meet? Why do you consistently get yourself into positions or places where you feel frustrated or powerless?
Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, has thought about these questions.
Well, our relationships are reflections of what we desire in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. When we communicate to the creative centre in our mind that we only deserve this much, that we are not worthy of better people or better things, then that's just what we get. You attract what you think about, what you believe.
All of our relationships with friends, romantic partners, co-workers and even casual acquaintances tell us something about ourselves. When we recognize and play attention to the teachings of the people around us, we have the opportunity to improve our circumstances and ourselves.
So how can you attract more fulfilling, mature and lasting relationships?
Begin writing down what's lacking in your relationships or what's irritating you. By creating this list of what doesn't make you feel good, you can learn to focus on what you actually do want from your connections with other people. It can also help you begin making small changes in the kind of people you see as a potential mate of friend.
Acknowledge you gratitude for having these connections with other people. Rather than focusing on how much you want things to change, begin to focus on your relationships as learning about yourself. Using gratitude to convey that you are on your learning path can help communicate a sense of well being all through yourself that others can perceive as well. By focusing on what the other person is helping you with, you can shift your attention to their positive traits as well, thus allowing yourself to create a different reaction to being in this person's presence and allowing the connection to shift into a better relationship.
By choosing to recognize the learning experiences offered by our connections with other people, we can bring ourselves into better spiritual alignment with ourselves. This can enable us to live happier, healthier and more productive lives as well as create better relationships with other people. as you continue to work with these learning possibilities with others, you can create a different response to life, enabling yourself to feel more balanced and in tune with yourself and everyhing around you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Almost all of us, at some point in our lives, has thought about these questions.
Well, our relationships are reflections of what we desire in our lives, either consciously or unconsciously. When we communicate to the creative centre in our mind that we only deserve this much, that we are not worthy of better people or better things, then that's just what we get. You attract what you think about, what you believe.
All of our relationships with friends, romantic partners, co-workers and even casual acquaintances tell us something about ourselves. When we recognize and play attention to the teachings of the people around us, we have the opportunity to improve our circumstances and ourselves.
So how can you attract more fulfilling, mature and lasting relationships?
Begin writing down what's lacking in your relationships or what's irritating you. By creating this list of what doesn't make you feel good, you can learn to focus on what you actually do want from your connections with other people. It can also help you begin making small changes in the kind of people you see as a potential mate of friend.
Acknowledge you gratitude for having these connections with other people. Rather than focusing on how much you want things to change, begin to focus on your relationships as learning about yourself. Using gratitude to convey that you are on your learning path can help communicate a sense of well being all through yourself that others can perceive as well. By focusing on what the other person is helping you with, you can shift your attention to their positive traits as well, thus allowing yourself to create a different reaction to being in this person's presence and allowing the connection to shift into a better relationship.
By choosing to recognize the learning experiences offered by our connections with other people, we can bring ourselves into better spiritual alignment with ourselves. This can enable us to live happier, healthier and more productive lives as well as create better relationships with other people. as you continue to work with these learning possibilities with others, you can create a different response to life, enabling yourself to feel more balanced and in tune with yourself and everyhing around you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop the Bickering
Are you always bickering with your partner? Does every little thing seem to become an issue between you two? You know you truly love and care for each other, but somehow the bickering doesn't seem to stop. It's even gotten to the point where the relationship is no longer enjoyable, when it should be between two people who are in love.
So what's wrong here?
Examine the dynamics of your quarrels. Are they often triggered by seemingly trivial complains about time management, child-rearing, money or household chores? Do they turn into back-and-forth arguments where each party would argue, explain and defend? Neither of you seems to be listening to the other. It's like you're both locked in battle positions, unable to move until one party falls. Either that or you both get so exhausted that the argument dies a natural death... not resolved, unfortunately, just beaten into silence.
In this situation, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right, to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as your intensions are to control and not be controlled, you are stuck.
Later, when things quieten and you've both had time to do some soul-searching, you realize that this happens despite the fact that you love each other. But as soon as an issue come up, you stop caring about yourselves and each other. You become so intent on winning or not losing that caring goes out the window.
Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other - it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.
The next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, "Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?" Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a away for both of you to win.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So what's wrong here?
Examine the dynamics of your quarrels. Are they often triggered by seemingly trivial complains about time management, child-rearing, money or household chores? Do they turn into back-and-forth arguments where each party would argue, explain and defend? Neither of you seems to be listening to the other. It's like you're both locked in battle positions, unable to move until one party falls. Either that or you both get so exhausted that the argument dies a natural death... not resolved, unfortunately, just beaten into silence.
In this situation, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right, to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as your intensions are to control and not be controlled, you are stuck.
Later, when things quieten and you've both had time to do some soul-searching, you realize that this happens despite the fact that you love each other. But as soon as an issue come up, you stop caring about yourselves and each other. You become so intent on winning or not losing that caring goes out the window.
Often, people are reluctant to listen to each other for fear of losing themselves. They fear that if they listen to the other person, they will appear to be weak and will get taken advantage of. But the intent to learn is not just about listening to the other - it is also about listening to yourself and learning to stand in your own truth without having to impose it on another. If you are caring about both yourself and the other person, then you will not end up losing yourself in the conflict.
The next time you are having a conflict, ask yourself, "Am I trying to control or am I willing to learn?" Even if your partner continues to try to control when you move into compassionate learning, you will discover new inner power, strength and wisdom that is far more satisfying than winning. When caring and compassion are more important than winning and being right, you will find a away for both of you to win.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Go With the Flow
Life is like a raging river. There is constant flow. In fact, agitation and movement are essential for life to endure. Stagnant waters breed disease and decay.
So when life decides to throw a rock at us, like when we lose a job or partner, don't lose heart. Don't negatively judge events or circumstances that initially seem "bad" or "unfortunate". Things don't happen by accident, and mistakes or misfortunes are simply precursors for positive change.
We can't control things like losing a job or losing a partner. Loss is essential for growth and survival. When we experience loss or some other stressful change in our lives, we can give in to negative feelings like anger, disappointment, self-pity, self-loathing, trepidation and fear. We can allow these emotions to strain our mind, effectively crippling its ability to discover viable solutions. We can imagine the worst, and let something that may not come to pass affect our present state of mind.
Or we can go with the flow of change. Some things in our lives have to go in order to make way for better things. The Universe has a way of nudging us along when we get too lazy, complacent or comfortable. Occasionally, it gives us a big shove. The Universe knows when stagnation is making us fat and feeble. It knows when something in our lives has to shift in order for us to continue growing. It then arranges for people and events to push us towards what we were meant to be.
Most people however, choose to resist or ignore the signs. They are so firmly embedded in the riverbed that they refuse to let the currents lift them away. The years go by, and along with them, a flood of lost opportunities? and the stubborn rocks are finally left buried under algae and dirt.
If you've recently lost your job, lost a partner or something you felt was valuable to you, think? Were you really happy with your job?
Did you put your dreams on hold because you were trapped in a wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed routine? Had you stopped growing in that job? Did nothing excite you anymore about your work? What about your ex-partner? Were you really good for each other? Or were you hanging on because you were afraid of being alone?
You didn't have the time nor the nerve to go out and do what you really wanted to do. Well, now you do!
Go with the flow of change!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Respect
At the heart of every successful relationship, whether it's business or personal, lies respect. If you're in a relationship in which you either don't respect the other person or aren't respected by the other person, you'll want to seriously consider leaving it. Because the more you think about it, the more you'll realize that without respect, all those other important ingredients of a good relationship such as love and trust can't flourish at all.
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Our Destiny of Loss
Loss is Man's destiny, since anything we endeavour to love in this world can be taken from us at any moment. And nothing is more painful or crippling than the loss of a loved one.
Whether it's mortal death or the death of passion that severs a human union, the loss of a loved one cannot be prevented by any worldly craft or art.
But although we cannot prolong the time given to us to share with our loved ones, we can choose how we use it. If we can love selflessly and abundantly, the sheer immensity of love shared will far outweigh the tragedy of a shortened bond.
For very often, the greatest tragedy of a loved one's passing is not the loss itself, but the regret of not having shown and given our love more freely before it was too late.
When our partner decides to leave the relationship, or when someone we love does not reciprocate our feelings, the initial agony may seem insufferable. But we need not let the pain engulf us.
The ability to love someone is the greatest gift we possess. It is a store that will never run out, no matter how much of the inventory we choose to give away. This desire to love is a self-rejuvenating mechanism because when love is given away, more love rushes in to fill its place.
On the other hand, the desire for love gorges a heart with delicious lies that say it has the power and the right to make others love it. Over time, the glutted heart eventually collapses under its own weight, a fat and rotten thing.
It is not in our power, nor is it our right to make others love us. No one truly belongs to you. Not your family members, not your partners, and certainly not someone you just started to develop feelings for. A relationship founded on a selfish longing to possess is almost certain to fail.
Love fearlessly and unselfishly, and you need never feel the anguish and regret of loss.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Making a Relationship Work
Philosopher William James once said; "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is all on the things they have in common. Often you feel like you've discovered your very own, and one and only, soul-mate, and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. the euphoria of new love has something to do with this; after all, we can become enraptured in the madness of love, if only for a while. Then nerves can set in, as you start to get serious about each other, and you start to get analytical. And constant analysis can often kill a perfectly good relationship.
It's better to focus on how you're feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in the future, and feed it with memories of past horror stories, you're sacrificing the real for the unreal.
When you think about it, anything could happened in the future, and many things will happen that you couldn't possibly predict. It's likely the things you're imagining (he'll be unfaithful, she'll turn into a nag) will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there's really no use in playing it out too far into the future.
The important things to know about are how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match, and a match of energy-level is nice, but even that can change over time. Whether they are a morning-person or a night-person, whether you share every interest in common, and whether the toilet seat should be left up or down are not important in the long run. Those are things to overlook, and things you will have to overlook if you're going to live with someone else.
Relationship do work, and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things, and being positive and loving; it's not about picking the relationship apart, finding fault, or talking it to death. Live it; don't analyze it.
You can turn something pleasant and fun into work if you want to, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun and love is supposed to feel good! There's so much written these days about relationships, you might even get the impression they're difficult. Give yourself permission to go with a good thing, and give you and your partner credit for basically knowing what to do. You don't need to figure out with your head whether you belong together, in fact your head can get in the way and mess up a good thing. Your heart tells you, if you quiet the analysis, and listen it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Enjoy the Coffee
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Crystal, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite.
He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said.
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So folks, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups made of Porcelain, Plastic, Glass, Crystal, some ordinary looking, some expensive, some exquisite.
He told them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in their hands, the professor said.
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap looking ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and worse, you were eyeing each other's cups.
Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So folks, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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