In life, there will be great misfortunes that require immense effort to deal with. And we sometimes suffer grave injuries that take a long time to heal.
For some of us though, the grievances that exhaust our energy, spirit and time are trivial ones - petty hurts that are really any bites on the soul, yet can cause a lot of physical harm and mental anguish.
Perhaps we find a co-worker irritating. We expect something of our partner and he or she does not deliver. Someone we help turns out to be unappreciative, some insult about our appearance or intelligence is passed, or some reward we think we deserve is denied us.
Our mental tranquility is upset, our work gets affected, we lose appetite and sleep, we sulk and become listless. And because these little hurts are common, they quickly accumulate in our minds, and grow huge and irrepressible from constant brooding.
As a result, we lost many precious hours pondering and fretting over things that have no real bearing on the quality of our lives - things, that in a month, a day or even a second, may matter little, if at all.
Besides, if we take the time to contemplate these perceived trespasses, we will come to realise that most of them only happen in our minds.
Think about the last event, situation or person that upset you. How much of that stress was really just taking place inside your head? How much of it was over-embellishment and loss of focus due to hours of excessive analysis?
Instead of indulging a mind on overdrive, force yourself to distil what's truly stressing you and write it down. What is the thing that upsetting you?
Once you have that written down... ask yourself... is it true? For example, if what your partner said this morning made you question his or her love for you, think about it rationally. Is it really true? Do you absolutely know it's true? How did imagining this "truth" make you feel? How would you be feeling if you didn't indulge this negative thought?
Would you be happier, more loving, more forgiving, more capable of appreciating the good?
I wouldn't go to say that all our grievances happen only in our minds. But most of them do. The next time you find yourself getting upset with something or someone, do yourself a favour. See the truth... don't over-think it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Emotion Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotion Management. Show all posts
Eliminating Irrational Worry
Worry has a terrible reputation. It's often blamed for disrupting our peace of mind and robbing us of our happiness. But most of the time, worry gets an unfair bum rap.
After all, if worry didn't set off alarm bells every once in a while, we'd be waltzing blindly into dangerous situations.
Worry is an instinctive self-defense mechanism. It exists to help us avoid trouble. Unfortunately, for many of us, we simply allow worry to cripple us. We allow it to grow into an irrational fear without taking positive action. That's when worry becomes harmful - when we allow it to paralyse us; when we do nothing to counter the damaging stress hormones it produces.
The first step towards eliminating irrational worry is simply to do something! Instead of just sitting around fretting, get up and do something about it. You may not be able to solve the problem right away but by doing something, you're forcing your mind to take its focus off the problem and concentrate on something else. Besides giving you some reprieve, this also releases pent-up energy and exposes you to external stimuli that may trigger ideas for a resolution. So hit the gym, spring clean your room, do the laundry, go for a walk, whatever, just do something.
Next, evaluate what's bothering you from a rational, logical standpoint. If this was something to a friend, what would you tell him or her? Write the challenge down and list the possible solutions. There is often plenty you can do to alleviate the problem, even if you can't resolve it immediately.
Very often, doing nothing is what causes the worry to deepen - the wavering between "Yes" and "No". So examine your options and make a decision. Remember, not making a choice is also a choice and often the worst one of all. So make a decision and move on. We all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from our mistake and move on as better people.
Whether it's a person, thing or even that's fuelling your worry, confront it head on. Very often, our worries are just products of our imagination and confronting the challenge in question will make sure the ghosts are exorcised once and for all.
So make that phone call, meet that person, do what you fear now.
When we're stressed, our body produces a destructive hormone called cortisol. If not regularly manages, cortisol can lead to several major illnesses. So if something is bothering you, breath! Take a deep breath and relax. Take a warm shower, mediate, listen to soothing music, go for a slow walk, read a feelgood book.
So the next time worry's got you in spin, don't let it push you around. Take charge and take action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
After all, if worry didn't set off alarm bells every once in a while, we'd be waltzing blindly into dangerous situations.
Worry is an instinctive self-defense mechanism. It exists to help us avoid trouble. Unfortunately, for many of us, we simply allow worry to cripple us. We allow it to grow into an irrational fear without taking positive action. That's when worry becomes harmful - when we allow it to paralyse us; when we do nothing to counter the damaging stress hormones it produces.
The first step towards eliminating irrational worry is simply to do something! Instead of just sitting around fretting, get up and do something about it. You may not be able to solve the problem right away but by doing something, you're forcing your mind to take its focus off the problem and concentrate on something else. Besides giving you some reprieve, this also releases pent-up energy and exposes you to external stimuli that may trigger ideas for a resolution. So hit the gym, spring clean your room, do the laundry, go for a walk, whatever, just do something.
Next, evaluate what's bothering you from a rational, logical standpoint. If this was something to a friend, what would you tell him or her? Write the challenge down and list the possible solutions. There is often plenty you can do to alleviate the problem, even if you can't resolve it immediately.
Very often, doing nothing is what causes the worry to deepen - the wavering between "Yes" and "No". So examine your options and make a decision. Remember, not making a choice is also a choice and often the worst one of all. So make a decision and move on. We all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from our mistake and move on as better people.
Whether it's a person, thing or even that's fuelling your worry, confront it head on. Very often, our worries are just products of our imagination and confronting the challenge in question will make sure the ghosts are exorcised once and for all.
So make that phone call, meet that person, do what you fear now.
When we're stressed, our body produces a destructive hormone called cortisol. If not regularly manages, cortisol can lead to several major illnesses. So if something is bothering you, breath! Take a deep breath and relax. Take a warm shower, mediate, listen to soothing music, go for a slow walk, read a feelgood book.
So the next time worry's got you in spin, don't let it push you around. Take charge and take action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Criticism At the Workplace
Nobody likes to be told off. Not really. Some people appear to take it very well, but that doesn't meant they enjoy it. No, criticism is tough, especially if it comes from someone you are not close to or necessarily respect.
At the workplace particularly, we can find ourselves in the firing line.
Whether it's our supervisor, a co-worker or a business associate, there will times when someone will disagree with some aspect of you or your work and express that view, sometimes not in the most pleasant of terms.
So what do we do? Do we counter attack? Do we defend ourselves vigorously? Or do we let it slide?
Well, first of all, consider if the disapproval is worth reaching to.
People often say things without thinking, sometimes to distract others from their own shrinking egos.
If you think the remark warrants some self-defense, then do so briefly and calmly. Sometimes, an attack is launched simply to provoke an emotionally charged reaction that may work against you. Generally though, don't take these jibes personally - you are not in a soap opera, you are not in primary school.
Criticism is a fact of life and as mature adults, we should take it sensibly and in our stride.
Next, remove the messenger from the picture and consider the criticism objectively.
Is there a modicum of truth in it? Sometimes, it takes an external party to zero in on that microscopic clot that may one day turn into a stroke. So be thankful that someone has pointed it out. In fact, actually thank the person who made the criticism. This shows that whatever sinister ploy to hurt you has failed and that you are sensible and mature person who can admit his own weaknesses and take steps to improve himself.
And do take the opportunity to improve yourself. Become all the better and stronger for it.
You know, not all criticism is meant to bring you down... sometimes, the aim is genuine problem-resolution. Sometimes, the other person is simply taking an objective stand.
Sometimes, he really has your interests at heart, but just doesn't employ the most tactful delivery. It's really in your benefit to be grateful that someone cared enough to let you know where you are going wrong or what you need to work on.
If you do think the criticism warrants a response though, then do so decisively.
Don't sweep it under the carpet or ignore the big elephant in the room.
Misunderstanding or not, a mature face-to-face talk will clear the air and help diffuse tensions.
At the workplace particularly, we can find ourselves in the firing line.
Whether it's our supervisor, a co-worker or a business associate, there will times when someone will disagree with some aspect of you or your work and express that view, sometimes not in the most pleasant of terms.
So what do we do? Do we counter attack? Do we defend ourselves vigorously? Or do we let it slide?
Well, first of all, consider if the disapproval is worth reaching to.
People often say things without thinking, sometimes to distract others from their own shrinking egos.
If you think the remark warrants some self-defense, then do so briefly and calmly. Sometimes, an attack is launched simply to provoke an emotionally charged reaction that may work against you. Generally though, don't take these jibes personally - you are not in a soap opera, you are not in primary school.
Criticism is a fact of life and as mature adults, we should take it sensibly and in our stride.
Next, remove the messenger from the picture and consider the criticism objectively.
Is there a modicum of truth in it? Sometimes, it takes an external party to zero in on that microscopic clot that may one day turn into a stroke. So be thankful that someone has pointed it out. In fact, actually thank the person who made the criticism. This shows that whatever sinister ploy to hurt you has failed and that you are sensible and mature person who can admit his own weaknesses and take steps to improve himself.
And do take the opportunity to improve yourself. Become all the better and stronger for it.
You know, not all criticism is meant to bring you down... sometimes, the aim is genuine problem-resolution. Sometimes, the other person is simply taking an objective stand.
Sometimes, he really has your interests at heart, but just doesn't employ the most tactful delivery. It's really in your benefit to be grateful that someone cared enough to let you know where you are going wrong or what you need to work on.
If you do think the criticism warrants a response though, then do so decisively.
Don't sweep it under the carpet or ignore the big elephant in the room.
Misunderstanding or not, a mature face-to-face talk will clear the air and help diffuse tensions.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Humour for Happiness
What is this thing called humour?
We understand laughter well enough. And we know when we find something funny.
But what makes something amusing? What do we mean when we say someone has a good sense of humour? And how can we use humour during tough times as instant pick-me-ups?
Besides feeling good, humour can be a powerful motivating tool. We may not be able to laugh our way through adversity, but a sense of humour can lessen anxiety, alleviate tensions and help us adapt when stressful changes occur.
Besides, laughter contributes to good health, which you probably know by now.
You could think of humour as a way of existing in, interacting with and perceiving the world. It immediately lightens the mood and gives you a fresh view.
Having a sense of humour is being able to take the Mickey out of Stressful people, demanding situations and the ugly side of life. It is the ability to nimbly sidestep potential flashpoints. It's about disarming, then surprising. It's a weapon of the underdog.
Job stress is something many of us face. Just remember that when it comes to work, you are not your job.
No doubt you should take your work seriously, but your job is what you do. It's not who you are. Never let your job become your life.
A good and simple way to develop a sense of humour is to collect and remember things you find funny. Jokes that comes to you via email, a humourous quote you come across in a magazine, a mis-spelt word on a sign, a comic strip or even a photo that cracks you up.
Look for the ironic and satirical in people and in events. Turn in person who annoys you at work in a comedian. Then it's comic relief each time he or she tries to frustrate you.
I say collect "things", but you know, people can be funny.
Make friends who tend to make you laugh! Try to laugh as much as you can everyday. Make others laugh too. Humour is never having to apologise even you are being corny.
Make your environment filled with fun and laughter.
We understand laughter well enough. And we know when we find something funny.
But what makes something amusing? What do we mean when we say someone has a good sense of humour? And how can we use humour during tough times as instant pick-me-ups?
Besides feeling good, humour can be a powerful motivating tool. We may not be able to laugh our way through adversity, but a sense of humour can lessen anxiety, alleviate tensions and help us adapt when stressful changes occur.
Besides, laughter contributes to good health, which you probably know by now.
You could think of humour as a way of existing in, interacting with and perceiving the world. It immediately lightens the mood and gives you a fresh view.
Having a sense of humour is being able to take the Mickey out of Stressful people, demanding situations and the ugly side of life. It is the ability to nimbly sidestep potential flashpoints. It's about disarming, then surprising. It's a weapon of the underdog.
Job stress is something many of us face. Just remember that when it comes to work, you are not your job.
No doubt you should take your work seriously, but your job is what you do. It's not who you are. Never let your job become your life.
A good and simple way to develop a sense of humour is to collect and remember things you find funny. Jokes that comes to you via email, a humourous quote you come across in a magazine, a mis-spelt word on a sign, a comic strip or even a photo that cracks you up.
Look for the ironic and satirical in people and in events. Turn in person who annoys you at work in a comedian. Then it's comic relief each time he or she tries to frustrate you.
I say collect "things", but you know, people can be funny.
Make friends who tend to make you laugh! Try to laugh as much as you can everyday. Make others laugh too. Humour is never having to apologise even you are being corny.
Make your environment filled with fun and laughter.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Your Worries Are Not Reality
It's generally ok to worry about certain things we fear will ensue. This can be a useful instinct because it's a warning bell that can motivate us to find solutions or make preparations.
But our anxieties can occasionally overwhelm us. This is when we cannot seem to enjoy anything because we are too afraid of what's to come. Some of us cannot relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the world is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour fleeting thoughts of suicide.
When this happens, it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they are not based on anything but our imagination.
So if you're feeling anxious about something, especially something you realistically cannot do anything about, stop and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Go for a swim or a jog. Talk to someone.
Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity and switch your focus!
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly. We also often read too much into how things look or what people say and assume that it's going to produce a negative result.
But turn to the facts instead. If I needed, find out more. Simply ask. Do your research. There are often many aspects to any occurrence. Is it possible it could actually be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's focusing you to do something you know you should but have just been terribly lazy about or been fearful of it?
When you're having an anxiety attack, remember that your worries are not reality. They're most likely fabrications of an over-active mind! So either let the fear go or let the facts inform your preparatory or remedying action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But our anxieties can occasionally overwhelm us. This is when we cannot seem to enjoy anything because we are too afraid of what's to come. Some of us cannot relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the world is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour fleeting thoughts of suicide.
When this happens, it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they are not based on anything but our imagination.
So if you're feeling anxious about something, especially something you realistically cannot do anything about, stop and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Go for a swim or a jog. Talk to someone.
Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity and switch your focus!
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly. We also often read too much into how things look or what people say and assume that it's going to produce a negative result.
But turn to the facts instead. If I needed, find out more. Simply ask. Do your research. There are often many aspects to any occurrence. Is it possible it could actually be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's focusing you to do something you know you should but have just been terribly lazy about or been fearful of it?
When you're having an anxiety attack, remember that your worries are not reality. They're most likely fabrications of an over-active mind! So either let the fear go or let the facts inform your preparatory or remedying action.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Controlling Our Anger
For many of us, our temper is one of the hardest things to curb. Patience is a saintly virtue, as they say, and we are often reminded of just how mortal we are when anger takes over and makes us say and do all sorts of umm "un-saintly" things.
Just in the news was a report about a National Serviceman who punched a taxi driver because the cabby had swerved into his lane. For his offence, the NSMan could be jailed up to two years. His anger was understandable... apparently, his pregnant wife was in the car at the time and could have been involved in a nasty accident. But just cause or not, if the NSMan is indeed jailed for the maximum time, he would not be able to take care of his wife and even miss the delivery of his child. Just one example of the consequences that we have to possibly deal with if we react in anger.
Anger is a reactionary impulse and doesn't allow us to think things through. It's appropriate that they describe it as "losing your head" because logic and good sense goes out the window. We've all unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse which we deeply lamented later. Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter probably said it best when he remarked "Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
If we just think ahead, we will realize how reacting angrily only makes the situation worse. It makes us say silly things, sometimes we may even blurt out things we had sought to keep confidential, it often also makes us look like the bad guy, doesn't it? The one who "can't keep his cool". On the extreme end, we can be driven to physical violence.
Besides, as Elizabeth I was once quoted as saying "Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." Anger doesn't inspire us to greater things. It's a product of weak character, of poor judgement and petty fixations. It's a cheap fix that we become dependent on, but then do nothing to improve ourselves or the situation.
The more we practise patience though, the less likely anger will drive us to do or say things of ill advice. As artist, inventor and philosopher Leonardo da Vince put it, "Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patient when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Just in the news was a report about a National Serviceman who punched a taxi driver because the cabby had swerved into his lane. For his offence, the NSMan could be jailed up to two years. His anger was understandable... apparently, his pregnant wife was in the car at the time and could have been involved in a nasty accident. But just cause or not, if the NSMan is indeed jailed for the maximum time, he would not be able to take care of his wife and even miss the delivery of his child. Just one example of the consequences that we have to possibly deal with if we react in anger.
Anger is a reactionary impulse and doesn't allow us to think things through. It's appropriate that they describe it as "losing your head" because logic and good sense goes out the window. We've all unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse which we deeply lamented later. Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter probably said it best when he remarked "Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
If we just think ahead, we will realize how reacting angrily only makes the situation worse. It makes us say silly things, sometimes we may even blurt out things we had sought to keep confidential, it often also makes us look like the bad guy, doesn't it? The one who "can't keep his cool". On the extreme end, we can be driven to physical violence.
Besides, as Elizabeth I was once quoted as saying "Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." Anger doesn't inspire us to greater things. It's a product of weak character, of poor judgement and petty fixations. It's a cheap fix that we become dependent on, but then do nothing to improve ourselves or the situation.
The more we practise patience though, the less likely anger will drive us to do or say things of ill advice. As artist, inventor and philosopher Leonardo da Vince put it, "Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patient when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
You have probably heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy. a key psychological concept, it's basically a perception or mindset that causes itself to become true due to actions or behaviour motivated by that very perception.
It was sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term in his book Social Theory and Social Structure, Merton gives as an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy - when Roxanna falsely believes that her marriage will fail and fears such failure will occur that it actually causes the marriage to fail.
Similarly, we can affect our reality through the way we perceive it. If you think, I'm going to have lousy day," you are likely to alter your actions so that your prediction is fulfilled by your actions. You might, for instance (in reflection of your ominous mood), dress shabbily, dawdle through breakfast, miss your train as a result, then rush into the office, knocking into your boss and upsetting his coffee. I will leave it to you to storyboard the rest of the day. Probably not pretty, methinks.
How others perceive us is also strongly influenced by how we perceive ourselves. For example, when people congratulate or compliment you, do you respond "Oh it was nothing" or "This old thing?" Whether it's low self-esteem or Confucian humility at work here, you are not doing yourself any favours. Say it often enough and people will start believing that you do "nothing" and wear "old things".
There is no need for verbal fanfare; when people compliment you, just a simple "thank you" will do.
Stop downplaying your skills. Respect and recognize your talents and achievements. If you believe you are worth that amount, then it's likely others will believe it too.
Even if you don't think you are worth it now, you have to believe that you can improve yourself to deserve that price tag in the future.
Positive self-talk is crucial in self-transformation. Replace uncertain terms like "maybe" and "I dont't know" with confident, self-assuring ones like "I can" and "I will".
The words you say to yourself and others, your thoughts and perceptions exert a profound effect on your behaviour and mood, and eventually your reality. Take care that you do not unintentionally fulfill a negative prophecy by thinking it into reality.
It was sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term in his book Social Theory and Social Structure, Merton gives as an example of the self-fulfilling prophecy - when Roxanna falsely believes that her marriage will fail and fears such failure will occur that it actually causes the marriage to fail.
Similarly, we can affect our reality through the way we perceive it. If you think, I'm going to have lousy day," you are likely to alter your actions so that your prediction is fulfilled by your actions. You might, for instance (in reflection of your ominous mood), dress shabbily, dawdle through breakfast, miss your train as a result, then rush into the office, knocking into your boss and upsetting his coffee. I will leave it to you to storyboard the rest of the day. Probably not pretty, methinks.
How others perceive us is also strongly influenced by how we perceive ourselves. For example, when people congratulate or compliment you, do you respond "Oh it was nothing" or "This old thing?" Whether it's low self-esteem or Confucian humility at work here, you are not doing yourself any favours. Say it often enough and people will start believing that you do "nothing" and wear "old things".
There is no need for verbal fanfare; when people compliment you, just a simple "thank you" will do.
Stop downplaying your skills. Respect and recognize your talents and achievements. If you believe you are worth that amount, then it's likely others will believe it too.
Even if you don't think you are worth it now, you have to believe that you can improve yourself to deserve that price tag in the future.
Positive self-talk is crucial in self-transformation. Replace uncertain terms like "maybe" and "I dont't know" with confident, self-assuring ones like "I can" and "I will".
The words you say to yourself and others, your thoughts and perceptions exert a profound effect on your behaviour and mood, and eventually your reality. Take care that you do not unintentionally fulfill a negative prophecy by thinking it into reality.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Getting Out of Emotional Slumps
We can strive to maintain a sunny attitude, but we are all prone to occasional mood swings. Some of us even experience perplexing cases of the blues that seem to come from nowhere.
We are not machines. Even they break down sometimes and can also have baffling causes.
Yes, we all fall into emotional slumps from time to time, and it's definitely normal, but we should not allow those lows to occur to regularly or turn into lingering periods of despair that can lead to depression and other problems.
So, then next time a dark cloud comes over you, here are some ways you can chase it away.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy probably put it across most profoundly and succinctly by staying on its cover... "DON'T PANIC". It's probably not as serious as you think. And even if it is, panicking hardly helps... thinking it through calmly and lucidly is always the best way to go.
Get things into perspective. Don't over-speculate, over-analyse, or imagine disaster scenarios that have no basis in fact. If what's getting you down has you truly worried, then find out more about it. The more you understand something, the less scary it usually gets. There are also many hidden aspects of a situation that only become clear when you actually seek them out.
When you're down in a slump, it also often helps to get out! Literally! Physically change your perspective! Remaining in a familiar environment can remind you of your sadness or frustration, so change your scenery. Sometimes, "out of sight" is truly "out of mind".
However, if getting out of your physical surroundings is not practical, then try changing it. Dreaming up a new concept of your room or office can be rejuvenating experience. Go shopping with a friend and turn your personal space into one that is truly relaxing and inspiring.
And spend more time with positive people, animals or nature. anything that makes you get up, go out and feel good.
Just remember, however horrible you might be feeling at the moment, it will pass. The worst thing you can do when you are feeling low is to indulge that sinking feeling. So do something, take action, and you should be well on your way to feeling much better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
We are not machines. Even they break down sometimes and can also have baffling causes.
Yes, we all fall into emotional slumps from time to time, and it's definitely normal, but we should not allow those lows to occur to regularly or turn into lingering periods of despair that can lead to depression and other problems.
So, then next time a dark cloud comes over you, here are some ways you can chase it away.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy probably put it across most profoundly and succinctly by staying on its cover... "DON'T PANIC". It's probably not as serious as you think. And even if it is, panicking hardly helps... thinking it through calmly and lucidly is always the best way to go.
Get things into perspective. Don't over-speculate, over-analyse, or imagine disaster scenarios that have no basis in fact. If what's getting you down has you truly worried, then find out more about it. The more you understand something, the less scary it usually gets. There are also many hidden aspects of a situation that only become clear when you actually seek them out.
When you're down in a slump, it also often helps to get out! Literally! Physically change your perspective! Remaining in a familiar environment can remind you of your sadness or frustration, so change your scenery. Sometimes, "out of sight" is truly "out of mind".
However, if getting out of your physical surroundings is not practical, then try changing it. Dreaming up a new concept of your room or office can be rejuvenating experience. Go shopping with a friend and turn your personal space into one that is truly relaxing and inspiring.
And spend more time with positive people, animals or nature. anything that makes you get up, go out and feel good.
Just remember, however horrible you might be feeling at the moment, it will pass. The worst thing you can do when you are feeling low is to indulge that sinking feeling. So do something, take action, and you should be well on your way to feeling much better.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Smart People Doing Stupid Things
Religious leader jailed for misappropriation of charity funds. Doctor suspended for improperly prescribing sleeping pills. Actor sentenced for molesting colleague. Company directory convicted for tax evasion. Nurse jailed for cheating patient of money. Teacher jailed of murdering ex-lover.
News headlines that beg the question - "why do smart people do stupid things?"
These are arguably intelligent people, most of them having had illustrious careers in their own way, their achievements plain to see, their track records unblemished until the fateful act.
It's easy for us to pass judgment; to proclaim "he deserved it!", "what loose morals he must have!", "as a trusted role model, how could he stoop so low?", and so on.
But what happened to this person could happen to any of us. What makes us think that we have more self-control than these people, many of whom had, before their misdemeanour, achieved more than the average person? What makes us so sure that if we were put through the same paces that we wouldn't do the same thing?
We are all capable of doing the wrong thing. So how can we avoid stumbling hard in a moment of folly?
First, don't react on impulse. We often make foolish decisions because we haven't yet given the matter deeper thought. Like buying a big-ticket item, always give yourself a cooling-off period to reflect on what you are about to do. Don't allow your emotions to overrule logical thinking. If you think something is "wrong", it probably is.
We also often do stupid things to polish our ego. Perhaps we feel we have attained a status that given us the privilege to bend the rules a little. People may also stroke our ego in order to get what they want from us.
When pondering a dubious option, don't take it at face-value. Don't simply trust what others tell you. Find out for yourself. Many people make decisions they regret later because they didn't bother to ascertain their assumptions. "I wasn't aware" though is a defense that doesn't hold water in the eyes of the law.
Many people also routine risk long-term happiness for short-term gratification - kickbacks, sexual favours, or a committing a vengeful act in a moment of anger. Think about it.... is it worth it? Some fast cash or fleeting pleasure for a lifetime of regret?
No doubt we are human after all... and part of being human is the tendency to give in to temptation. I am not saying we can always transcend this weakness, but we ca certainly weigh our sacrifices and gains carefully before acting.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
News headlines that beg the question - "why do smart people do stupid things?"
These are arguably intelligent people, most of them having had illustrious careers in their own way, their achievements plain to see, their track records unblemished until the fateful act.
It's easy for us to pass judgment; to proclaim "he deserved it!", "what loose morals he must have!", "as a trusted role model, how could he stoop so low?", and so on.
But what happened to this person could happen to any of us. What makes us think that we have more self-control than these people, many of whom had, before their misdemeanour, achieved more than the average person? What makes us so sure that if we were put through the same paces that we wouldn't do the same thing?
We are all capable of doing the wrong thing. So how can we avoid stumbling hard in a moment of folly?
First, don't react on impulse. We often make foolish decisions because we haven't yet given the matter deeper thought. Like buying a big-ticket item, always give yourself a cooling-off period to reflect on what you are about to do. Don't allow your emotions to overrule logical thinking. If you think something is "wrong", it probably is.
We also often do stupid things to polish our ego. Perhaps we feel we have attained a status that given us the privilege to bend the rules a little. People may also stroke our ego in order to get what they want from us.
When pondering a dubious option, don't take it at face-value. Don't simply trust what others tell you. Find out for yourself. Many people make decisions they regret later because they didn't bother to ascertain their assumptions. "I wasn't aware" though is a defense that doesn't hold water in the eyes of the law.
Many people also routine risk long-term happiness for short-term gratification - kickbacks, sexual favours, or a committing a vengeful act in a moment of anger. Think about it.... is it worth it? Some fast cash or fleeting pleasure for a lifetime of regret?
No doubt we are human after all... and part of being human is the tendency to give in to temptation. I am not saying we can always transcend this weakness, but we ca certainly weigh our sacrifices and gains carefully before acting.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Bonding With Your Partner
In any given moment in our relationship with our partner, we are in one of two possible intents - the intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, and the intent to learn about being loving to ourselves and to others.
Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and voiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviours. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviours have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.
In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.
However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.
In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?
When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish.
Virtually all of us have learned many ways of trying to have control over getting love and voiding pain. We learned these defensive behaviours when we were children, and as adults we unconsciously continue these learned controlling behaviours. For example, we may use anger, criticism, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. For most people, these protective, controlling behaviours have become automatic and habitual. As soon as any fear triggered, we automatically protect against the fear by arguing, blaming, attacking, judging, shutting down, resisting, or giving in.
In a relationship, if one or both partners are closed, protected, or controlling, then they cannot emotionally connect with each other. No matter how much time they spend together with the typical romantic trappings, like candles, wine or expensive lingerie, the connection will not be there. Ironically, when the intent is to get love or avoid pain, what we create is a lack of love and much pain.
However, if both partners are open to learning, they will be emotionally available to each other, and can bond with a touch, a smile, or a kind word. The big challenge in relationships is to stay open to learning about loving. Because we automatically and unconsciously revert to our protective, controlling behaviour in the face of fear, being open to learning needs to be a conscious choice. Developing the ability to make a conscious choice regarding your intent is a learning process. The hallmark of higher consciousness is being able to choose your intent each and every moment, even in the face of fear.
In your interactions with your partner, do you always seek to be right? do you strive to protect your own feelings rather than risk opening your heart? Do you have the courage to swallow your pride in order to avoid an argument? Do you listen and seek to understand instead of talking all the time?
When relationship partners are both able to reliably choose to be open to learning about loving themselves and each other, they create a sweet and safe environment for their love to flourish.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Handling Bad Days
In our pursuit of daily happiness, we are sometimes faced with one of the most daunting truths of all - that some days will inevitably be bad. Your alarm clock runs out of power during the night, your usb drive crashes, the cat scratches the new couch, you are late for an important sales presentation and of course, you are caught in the most massive traffic jam of your life.
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Criticism
It seems the young people of today hate being criticized. This according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. Apparently, this is due to "an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from being constantly told from birth they are special and as a result now believe it - and will ignore anybody who says other wise."
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Relationship Conflict Management
There will be no doubt be times when you don't see eye to eye with your partner. Disagreement is unavoidable in any relationship, so the key to maintaining a healthy relationship is not simply avoiding conflict but how to resolve them effectively.
Our partner is often the closest person to us both emotionally and physically. Because of this intimacy and proximity, we can sometimes get on each other's nerves. Argument is not the problem - it is crucial that we are able to air grievances with our partner - it is reacting in anger or allowing negative emotions to overwhelm the issue that's dangerous.
So don't attack each other personally. Remind yourself that it's the issue that's the problem, not the person. Don't resort to name-calling and don't bring up the past. If you don't feel you cannot control your anger, then let your partner know that you will talk about it at a later time. Don't allow the anger to strike out on your behalf.
When you have the time to quietly explore your feelings, ask yourself why you were so upset. And be honest... Were you over-reacting to something that was really quite inconsequential? Were you lashing out because you were unhappy with yourself, or jealous of others?
We have to be careful that we are not straining the relationship because of something within us that we have yet to resolve. This would be a shame because we will simply carry this internal baggage with us on to the next relationship and will probably be poisoning that one as well.
If you have ever been told a riddle and then denied the answer, you will know how frustrating it is to play a guessing game. And we can sometimes do this to our partner when we don't clearly communicate our needs to them. So have a proper think about it - what do you really want? Are you perhaps confused yourself about what it is you are actually after?
And work towards mutual action and mutual satisfaction. A relationship is a joint effort. If one party ends up being mainly responsible for making the union work, resentment will build up. So work out fair resolutions.
Effective conflict management is often overlooked but it can make or break a relationship. So handle your disagreements with these points in mind and enjoy a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Our partner is often the closest person to us both emotionally and physically. Because of this intimacy and proximity, we can sometimes get on each other's nerves. Argument is not the problem - it is crucial that we are able to air grievances with our partner - it is reacting in anger or allowing negative emotions to overwhelm the issue that's dangerous.
So don't attack each other personally. Remind yourself that it's the issue that's the problem, not the person. Don't resort to name-calling and don't bring up the past. If you don't feel you cannot control your anger, then let your partner know that you will talk about it at a later time. Don't allow the anger to strike out on your behalf.
When you have the time to quietly explore your feelings, ask yourself why you were so upset. And be honest... Were you over-reacting to something that was really quite inconsequential? Were you lashing out because you were unhappy with yourself, or jealous of others?
We have to be careful that we are not straining the relationship because of something within us that we have yet to resolve. This would be a shame because we will simply carry this internal baggage with us on to the next relationship and will probably be poisoning that one as well.
If you have ever been told a riddle and then denied the answer, you will know how frustrating it is to play a guessing game. And we can sometimes do this to our partner when we don't clearly communicate our needs to them. So have a proper think about it - what do you really want? Are you perhaps confused yourself about what it is you are actually after?
And work towards mutual action and mutual satisfaction. A relationship is a joint effort. If one party ends up being mainly responsible for making the union work, resentment will build up. So work out fair resolutions.
Effective conflict management is often overlooked but it can make or break a relationship. So handle your disagreements with these points in mind and enjoy a more fulfilling and enduring relationship.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Moving On From a Painful Past
Pain, like death and taxes (as they say), is one of those things we cannot avoid in life. Some of us had a tough time growing up, were abused perhaps, or did not fully receive parental love. Others had their feelings taken advantage of, or had their mental tranquility of self-esteem damaged in some way. And there are those among us who have been consistently bullied or repressed.
It is not so easy to just "let go of the past and move on", is it?
Well, the past happened for a reason. Moving forward does not mean simply forgetting about or ignoring the past. Everything that happens to us, especially the harder times, can make us stronger and better. Or make us doubtful and afraid. We all have that choice. The person you are today is the result of your past experiences, and in those experiences, no matter how horrible, lies the key to you becoming a better person.
Probably the difficult thing to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. I have known people who had abusive parents, been sexually molested as teenagers, been seduced into crime and prison, or have had their hearts broken several times. And these are all relatively mild compared to people whose loved ones were murdered, or who were physically disabled because of a drink driver.
How do they forgive? Truthfully, most of them don't. Most of them carry the hurt with them throughout their lives. And it eats into their peace of mind, poisons them against other people, and ultimately clouds their future with doubt and fear, dark feelings and thoughts.
If you cannot forgive your aggressor, you are always going to feel as if your life has been irreparably damaged because of him. Forgiving someone is as much about accepting their human frailty as it is stating your freedom from their tyranny. You are saying that you will not let what they have done dictate how you're going to live your life.
So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with your painful past. Seek out the gifts in your pain. That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have to be angry with anyone, not even yourself. Whatever you did, whatever they did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.
Remember, the past does not define us. Each new day, each new moment even, you have the power to re-invent yourself.
It is not so easy to just "let go of the past and move on", is it?
Well, the past happened for a reason. Moving forward does not mean simply forgetting about or ignoring the past. Everything that happens to us, especially the harder times, can make us stronger and better. Or make us doubtful and afraid. We all have that choice. The person you are today is the result of your past experiences, and in those experiences, no matter how horrible, lies the key to you becoming a better person.
Probably the difficult thing to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. I have known people who had abusive parents, been sexually molested as teenagers, been seduced into crime and prison, or have had their hearts broken several times. And these are all relatively mild compared to people whose loved ones were murdered, or who were physically disabled because of a drink driver.
How do they forgive? Truthfully, most of them don't. Most of them carry the hurt with them throughout their lives. And it eats into their peace of mind, poisons them against other people, and ultimately clouds their future with doubt and fear, dark feelings and thoughts.
If you cannot forgive your aggressor, you are always going to feel as if your life has been irreparably damaged because of him. Forgiving someone is as much about accepting their human frailty as it is stating your freedom from their tyranny. You are saying that you will not let what they have done dictate how you're going to live your life.
So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with your painful past. Seek out the gifts in your pain. That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have to be angry with anyone, not even yourself. Whatever you did, whatever they did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.
Remember, the past does not define us. Each new day, each new moment even, you have the power to re-invent yourself.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Detaching Yourself From Discouragement
If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Achieving More Joy & Success Through Active Focusing
You attract what you focus on.
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Your Right to Happiness
You have a right to be happy.
I feel the need the reiterate that because many of us still feel we don't deserve happiness.
Sure, you may be thinking... "Of course I want to be happy.... who doesn't?"
So why aren't you doing all you can to live the life you have always wanted? Why are you allowing other people to hold you back? Why are events and situations affecting your mood? Perhaps it's your own self-limiting beliefs that are impeding your development? Maybe you are thinking "No I couldn't possibly ... " when you should be thinking "Yes I can!"
We cannot be truly happy if we are living a life of doubt and restriction. We cannot be truly happy if we are relying on others to give us joy.
You have a right to be happy. Everyone does. That is why we should also not preoccupy ourselves with cross-examining the behavious of others. They have a right to live their lives according to their own values and yardsticks. Besides, when we are busy judging other people, we neglect our own happiness.
But what if misfortune strikes? What if you lose your job? What if that perfect partner of ten years decides to leave? What if your new boss is a nightmare to work with?
"What if"'s will breed rapidly and populate your entire life if you allow them to. In life, there will always be challenges. There will be many things you have no influence over. People will say what they want to say and do what they want to do. You can only choose what to consider and what to ignore. You can only decide how you want to respond.
If you think you are having a real problem, figure out exactly what it is. Not the end of the world you think it will escalate to. In life, moments of disappointment and pain are unavoidable. The important thing is not to let these moments overshadow the happy and successful ones. Or hinder future moments of joy and contentment.
You can choose to rise each time you fall, or you can choose to crawl on the rest of the way.
You are capable of all the wonderful things in life: love, knowledge, joy and creativity. Have faith that no matter how big your problems may seem, you will find a way to overcome them. Exercise your right to be happy today.
I feel the need the reiterate that because many of us still feel we don't deserve happiness.
Sure, you may be thinking... "Of course I want to be happy.... who doesn't?"
So why aren't you doing all you can to live the life you have always wanted? Why are you allowing other people to hold you back? Why are events and situations affecting your mood? Perhaps it's your own self-limiting beliefs that are impeding your development? Maybe you are thinking "No I couldn't possibly ... " when you should be thinking "Yes I can!"
We cannot be truly happy if we are living a life of doubt and restriction. We cannot be truly happy if we are relying on others to give us joy.
You have a right to be happy. Everyone does. That is why we should also not preoccupy ourselves with cross-examining the behavious of others. They have a right to live their lives according to their own values and yardsticks. Besides, when we are busy judging other people, we neglect our own happiness.
But what if misfortune strikes? What if you lose your job? What if that perfect partner of ten years decides to leave? What if your new boss is a nightmare to work with?
"What if"'s will breed rapidly and populate your entire life if you allow them to. In life, there will always be challenges. There will be many things you have no influence over. People will say what they want to say and do what they want to do. You can only choose what to consider and what to ignore. You can only decide how you want to respond.
If you think you are having a real problem, figure out exactly what it is. Not the end of the world you think it will escalate to. In life, moments of disappointment and pain are unavoidable. The important thing is not to let these moments overshadow the happy and successful ones. Or hinder future moments of joy and contentment.
You can choose to rise each time you fall, or you can choose to crawl on the rest of the way.
You are capable of all the wonderful things in life: love, knowledge, joy and creativity. Have faith that no matter how big your problems may seem, you will find a way to overcome them. Exercise your right to be happy today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Focusing on the Lesson
Problems and challenges exist to make us better people.
Unfortunately, many of us don't understand this principle and so choose to treat problems as something that's at odds with us.
But every crisis or dilemma that comes our way holds a lesson to be learnt. If we could see stop seeing a crisis as a joy-dampening experience; and instead take it as if Life is trying to show us something, we would be much happier.
When misfortune strikes, we sometimes cannot help but give in to our emotions... and by all means, do grieve all you need, but when that is done, try to focus on the lesson. Ask yourself what you are being shown here. It is teaching you something, helping you grow mentally or spiritually, leading you to new emotions, ideas and experiences.
The same philosophy applies to the people you encounter in Life. Everyone has something to teach you. Yes, the least educated, nastiest, most unpleasant and heartless person you know knows things you don't Sometimes, it could be that you could learn something from the experience of knowing that person. Perhaps you could do with more humility and patience. Or maybe look at life and love in a different way.
Once you understand this, you will benefit more from your encounters with people. You won't be held hostage anymore by your emotions. You will understand that there are more people in this world who will make you smile than those who will make you cry.
People behave in certain ways because of various reasons. You can be concerned about it, but it never allow yourself to be influenced by their negative energies. Don't let bitter, resentful individuals cause you to hate the world too.
It is an imperfect world, but there is much promise and goodness to be found in it as well.
So the next time you encounter a problem, or a problematic person, instead of dwelling on the disaster or the bad emotions, focus on the lesson.
Unfortunately, many of us don't understand this principle and so choose to treat problems as something that's at odds with us.
But every crisis or dilemma that comes our way holds a lesson to be learnt. If we could see stop seeing a crisis as a joy-dampening experience; and instead take it as if Life is trying to show us something, we would be much happier.
When misfortune strikes, we sometimes cannot help but give in to our emotions... and by all means, do grieve all you need, but when that is done, try to focus on the lesson. Ask yourself what you are being shown here. It is teaching you something, helping you grow mentally or spiritually, leading you to new emotions, ideas and experiences.
The same philosophy applies to the people you encounter in Life. Everyone has something to teach you. Yes, the least educated, nastiest, most unpleasant and heartless person you know knows things you don't Sometimes, it could be that you could learn something from the experience of knowing that person. Perhaps you could do with more humility and patience. Or maybe look at life and love in a different way.
Once you understand this, you will benefit more from your encounters with people. You won't be held hostage anymore by your emotions. You will understand that there are more people in this world who will make you smile than those who will make you cry.
People behave in certain ways because of various reasons. You can be concerned about it, but it never allow yourself to be influenced by their negative energies. Don't let bitter, resentful individuals cause you to hate the world too.
It is an imperfect world, but there is much promise and goodness to be found in it as well.
So the next time you encounter a problem, or a problematic person, instead of dwelling on the disaster or the bad emotions, focus on the lesson.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Effective Conflict Resolution
This world thrives on diversity - our differences allow us to play our own unique roles that sustain the greater scheme of things. Variety also makes life more colourful and vibrant, and inspires limitless possibilities.
But our differences can sometimes foment disagreement and conflict. Disparity in opinion, values and beliefs, in particular, can lead to alienation and hostility, even violence.
With casual acquaintances or strangers, it's sometimes best to avoid confrontation altogether. But with people who have closer links to us - our friends, colleagues, family members or important business associates like our clients or investors - our personal spheres overlap and we have too much invested in each other. Running away from the conflict simply makes things worse.
When approaching such conflicts, keeping a cool head is the first and most important strategy. Anger is such a powerful emotion, it can tear through the conflict, obliterating reason, fairness and lucidity in its path. It can lead to a lot of raised voices and blood pressures, but ultimately solves nothing. We can sometimes end up saying or doing something that further strains the relationship.
So don't make the situation worse than it already is. If you feel your temper rising, take a time-out. When you are feeling calmer and better able to discuss things in a lucid and sensible manner, then return to the issue.
In a conflict, many of us also feel the need to blame the other party. But finger-pointing is a weak and childish act, and you are often the one who ends up looking bad. Nobody likes a blamer... so always aim to be the problem-solver.
We often feel we deserve to express our views and long-simmering frustrations, but ignore the fact that the other party deserves it too. One-sided conflicts never work out... even if they seem resolved, it's only because the other person simply pulled out. This often leads to the issue festering quietly until another incident triggers an even more incendiary outburst
So allow the other person to say what he needs to say. Listen carefully and you might be able to understand his position better. Look for common ground and goals and use them to plan a resolution and better working methods for the future.
The other thing about remaining silent and letting other person gush is that he will be forced to listen to what he's saying. He will often stop talking when he realises that he's said something that's not fair or sensible, even detrimental to his position. When he's done, you can then have your say. He will be less likely interrupt since he's already had his turn.
Conflict is inevitable in life... what's essential is how we manage them to minimise damage and work towards a better future.
But our differences can sometimes foment disagreement and conflict. Disparity in opinion, values and beliefs, in particular, can lead to alienation and hostility, even violence.
With casual acquaintances or strangers, it's sometimes best to avoid confrontation altogether. But with people who have closer links to us - our friends, colleagues, family members or important business associates like our clients or investors - our personal spheres overlap and we have too much invested in each other. Running away from the conflict simply makes things worse.
When approaching such conflicts, keeping a cool head is the first and most important strategy. Anger is such a powerful emotion, it can tear through the conflict, obliterating reason, fairness and lucidity in its path. It can lead to a lot of raised voices and blood pressures, but ultimately solves nothing. We can sometimes end up saying or doing something that further strains the relationship.
So don't make the situation worse than it already is. If you feel your temper rising, take a time-out. When you are feeling calmer and better able to discuss things in a lucid and sensible manner, then return to the issue.
In a conflict, many of us also feel the need to blame the other party. But finger-pointing is a weak and childish act, and you are often the one who ends up looking bad. Nobody likes a blamer... so always aim to be the problem-solver.
We often feel we deserve to express our views and long-simmering frustrations, but ignore the fact that the other party deserves it too. One-sided conflicts never work out... even if they seem resolved, it's only because the other person simply pulled out. This often leads to the issue festering quietly until another incident triggers an even more incendiary outburst
So allow the other person to say what he needs to say. Listen carefully and you might be able to understand his position better. Look for common ground and goals and use them to plan a resolution and better working methods for the future.
The other thing about remaining silent and letting other person gush is that he will be forced to listen to what he's saying. He will often stop talking when he realises that he's said something that's not fair or sensible, even detrimental to his position. When he's done, you can then have your say. He will be less likely interrupt since he's already had his turn.
Conflict is inevitable in life... what's essential is how we manage them to minimise damage and work towards a better future.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Healing Long-Term Conflicts
It's been so long, the details of how the dispute happened and why are really quite blurry. But you are still uncomfortable with interacting with this person, and do your best to avoid any social gatherings or venues where you might run into them.
This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.
Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.
When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.
To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.
Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.
You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?
Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.
This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.
Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.
When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.
To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.
Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.
You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?
Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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