"Time is precious."
"Be thankful for each day."
"Make the most of each moment."
Most of us have heard these phrases and philosophies and on some level, we understand what they mean. Yet, many of us still spend our time like drifting nomads, allowing the weather, availability of resources or whatever to dictate where we go instead of planning our destinations and charting our own routes.
This can happen when we get lulled into the humdrum of modern life.
Especially if you're in a job you don't have a passion for. After some time, you become numb, working purely for the pay and everyday seems to drag on without expectation or intention.
How can we find the spark again and enhance our effectiveness and verve?
Well, make it a habit to make everyday as productive as you possibly can. When you are productive, you feel vital and useful and this is a very empowering feeling. Be deliberate about it. If there's nothing of significance on your to-do list, find something. Decide on one main purpose a day. Make that your priority and make sure you do it. This gives you the feeling of always moving ahead.
In life, we will sometimes be called on to perform tasks we wouldn't normally find engaging, but put your heart into them anyway and you will be surprised at how interesting and satisfying they can become. Rather than sighing your way through another routine assignment, try looking out for something different, something hidden in the details. Try doing just a bit more, asking a few more questions, giving a little more value. You'll probably discover a lot of value you never realised was inherent in the task before!
Opportunities are present every day... at every moment, even. You only need to look out for them. Most of us are so used to brushing off opportunities that we're missing out on them on a daily basis without even knowing it. Just try an experiment - for one day, make a note of anything of remote interest, from the media, from your colleagues, from places and so on.
At the end of the day, go through your list and think how each of them can make you more knowledgeable, more valuable or more efficient. Mix them around, combine them, brainstorm some ideas! There's probably a great business or work idea in there somewhere.
Don't allow tedium and routine to take root in your life. Take control of the reins and lead your life with more joy and expectation!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confidence. Show all posts
The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity
When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Building Self-Confidence
Very Often, before other people start to have faith in you, you have to have confidence in your own abilities. Self-confidence is a very powerful state of mind that other people quickly notice and easily respect. So how can you develop a high-level of self-confidence?
Consider these steps:
First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past if over; you can only change the future.
If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.
Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.
Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.
Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life: it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you will never experience all that life has to offer.
Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you will find that's it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable.
Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.
Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.
And visualise your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined.
What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?
Who will be with you and where will you be? How will you be feeling?
Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success and supports greater confidence!
Consider these steps:
First, choose to concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses. Confidence comes from within. You have to concentrate on the positive things about yourself. Remember the past if over; you can only change the future.
If you have trouble doing this, write down ten positive things about yourself. People often find it very helpful to actually see the words.
Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you should love yourself and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every successful or good thing that you do.
Next, remind yourself of past successes. Confidence builds on past success. The more you do this, the more convinced you'll be that it's possible to succeed again. Most people unfortunately can't help focusing on what they did wrong in the past. This failure to forget and let go damages their self-confidence.
Also, learn to take risks. Risk is a crucial part of life: it is necessary before any great success can be achieved. If you spend your life avoiding risk, you will never experience all that life has to offer.
Cultivate an enthusiasm for trying out new things. Once you get past that initial barrier, you will find that's it's very empowering. Yes, you will fail sometimes but the lessons and experiences are invaluable. As you do and try more, your confidence level increases because you realise that you become more and more knowledgeable.
Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn instead of occasions to win or lose.
Next, use self-talk as an opportunity to contradict destructive beliefs. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, tell yourself that you can't do everything perfectly; that it's only possible to do your best.
And visualise your future success. Our minds cannot distinguish the difference between something real and something vividly imagined.
What will your future look like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?
Who will be with you and where will you be? How will you be feeling?
Placing this much vivid detail into your mind increases the likelihood of success and supports greater confidence!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Asking Questions
You've probably heard the joke about how men can never ask for directions while driving.
You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn".
How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they're lost and consult a passer-by?
Well, I don't know how true this is - but I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes, "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever".
But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
There are times when we find ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations or even in a position where we feel completely overwhelmed.
It can be very easy to say 'what have I done to deserve this?' or 'why does this always happen to me?'
However, these questions are destructive and only serve to prepare us for future disappointments. In fact, they can actually guarantee it! The questions we ask ourselves reflect our state of mind, reinforce our beliefs and have a huge impact on our results.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations.
But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Actually asking the question 'what can I learn from this situation?' is a great starting point, even if you only learn what not to do in the future.
But you can go much further. It has often been said that when one door closes, another opens and that in every setback lies opportunity.
Don't just stare at the closed door - why not try asking yourself what opportunities are now available or what doors have just opened for you?
It will improve your state of mind and may just change your life.
You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn".
How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they're lost and consult a passer-by?
Well, I don't know how true this is - but I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes, "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever".
But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
There are times when we find ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations or even in a position where we feel completely overwhelmed.
It can be very easy to say 'what have I done to deserve this?' or 'why does this always happen to me?'
However, these questions are destructive and only serve to prepare us for future disappointments. In fact, they can actually guarantee it! The questions we ask ourselves reflect our state of mind, reinforce our beliefs and have a huge impact on our results.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations.
But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Actually asking the question 'what can I learn from this situation?' is a great starting point, even if you only learn what not to do in the future.
But you can go much further. It has often been said that when one door closes, another opens and that in every setback lies opportunity.
Don't just stare at the closed door - why not try asking yourself what opportunities are now available or what doors have just opened for you?
It will improve your state of mind and may just change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
We've all, at some point, compared ourselves with others and ended up feeling inferior or discontented. Talk about self-torture!
Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.
Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.
Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Thinking Beyond Current Standards
It's natural to be satisfied with the way things are, especially when things are going well, life is smooth-sailing, there are no viable competitors and there isn't incentive to charge anything.
But Life is about change. It's about constant movement, and if you are not moving forward all the time, you are either stuck, or worse, sliding. Besides, when we settle, we give up the chance to find out how things could be.
One of the most striking examples of how important constant evolution is in the business of electronic gadgets. Who would have thought that smartphones, for instance, would take over the world, almost overnight it seems? And you can be sure that the Jobs' and Gates' of the world are already thinking of the next super communication slash entertainment tool that defies convention and would be unimaginable to most of us today.
That's the essence of success - consistently staying a few steps ahead.
Most people will be happy with current standards. There is certain reverence given to them it seems... We often hears terms like "time-tested", "classic", "tested and proven", "traditional" and so on when it comes to the way things have always been done.
This love for the status quo occurs not just in career or business. People can become attached to the prevailing standard in their personal lives as well - they can become attached to places, to environments, to possessions, to ideas, to other people, to repetitious acts that give them temporary or superficial pleasure.
These people can get sucked into this artificial world - a world where things don't change, where things and people remain where they want them to be, a world where any change is snuffed out forcefully or artificially. While the real world continues to move on, they retreat deeper and deeper into their artificial world until they become obsolete and out of touch within the real world.
The truth is - the world moves on, people move on, fads come and go, technologies emerge and fade, cultures and contexts evolve. Over time, things and people who don't steadily develop themselves will get left behind.
The only way you can remain ahead of the game is to constantly thing beyond the current standards - once things become relatively stable, it's time to think about how they can be done better, how they can be further enhanced.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But Life is about change. It's about constant movement, and if you are not moving forward all the time, you are either stuck, or worse, sliding. Besides, when we settle, we give up the chance to find out how things could be.
One of the most striking examples of how important constant evolution is in the business of electronic gadgets. Who would have thought that smartphones, for instance, would take over the world, almost overnight it seems? And you can be sure that the Jobs' and Gates' of the world are already thinking of the next super communication slash entertainment tool that defies convention and would be unimaginable to most of us today.
That's the essence of success - consistently staying a few steps ahead.
Most people will be happy with current standards. There is certain reverence given to them it seems... We often hears terms like "time-tested", "classic", "tested and proven", "traditional" and so on when it comes to the way things have always been done.
This love for the status quo occurs not just in career or business. People can become attached to the prevailing standard in their personal lives as well - they can become attached to places, to environments, to possessions, to ideas, to other people, to repetitious acts that give them temporary or superficial pleasure.
These people can get sucked into this artificial world - a world where things don't change, where things and people remain where they want them to be, a world where any change is snuffed out forcefully or artificially. While the real world continues to move on, they retreat deeper and deeper into their artificial world until they become obsolete and out of touch within the real world.
The truth is - the world moves on, people move on, fads come and go, technologies emerge and fade, cultures and contexts evolve. Over time, things and people who don't steadily develop themselves will get left behind.
The only way you can remain ahead of the game is to constantly thing beyond the current standards - once things become relatively stable, it's time to think about how they can be done better, how they can be further enhanced.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being in Control of Your Life
Are you in control of your life or do you allow life to happen to you?
Being in control of your life means that you create what you want in life. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and as such, have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If, on the other hand, life is happening to you, then you are probably blaming others or external circumstances for your bad moods, your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless over what happens to you, and depend on others to feel good about yourself. You may thing, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great."
If we are waiting for things to be different or for others to make us happy, we are really a victim of circumstances, a football being kicked around.
Being in control of our lives means that we believe we have choices. It means that we can choose what is best for us.
I hear you asking, "But is it realistic or even possible to always be in control of our lives?"
Well, probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more consequential part of your life. When you do find yourself being "kicked around" as it were, try to understand what it's doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.
Each day brings a new choice - will you meekly submit to life or will you actively seize control?
If you answered positively to the latter, then you have already got the right spirit, because you already understand that the choice is yours and you have consciously made it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Being in control of your life means that you create what you want in life. You believe that you alone are responsible for what happens to you and as such, have the power to make things better. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If, on the other hand, life is happening to you, then you are probably blaming others or external circumstances for your bad moods, your lack of achievements and other problems. You may feel powerless over what happens to you, and depend on others to feel good about yourself. You may thing, "If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great."
If we are waiting for things to be different or for others to make us happy, we are really a victim of circumstances, a football being kicked around.
Being in control of our lives means that we believe we have choices. It means that we can choose what is best for us.
I hear you asking, "But is it realistic or even possible to always be in control of our lives?"
Well, probably not, but you can make it a bigger and more consequential part of your life. When you do find yourself being "kicked around" as it were, try to understand what it's doing to you, and explore ways to overcome it in future.
Each day brings a new choice - will you meekly submit to life or will you actively seize control?
If you answered positively to the latter, then you have already got the right spirit, because you already understand that the choice is yours and you have consciously made it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attitude Towards Adversity
There is much in this world that's not fair or right, at least in our opinion. And if we want to, we can have plenty to complain or be unhappy about. In fact, many of us do make our frustrations known on a regular basis, bleating away to our friends, colleagues, family and whoever's too polite to walk away.
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Importance of Self-Reliance
In our path towards happiness, self-reliance is very importance. We have to believe in ourselves, our right to exist and our claim to love and joy. We have to be able to trust in our ability to deal with adversity. We have to know that we can survive even without the help of others.
Many people give up this right when it comes to their relationships. It's almost as if when it comes to the "us", the "I" has to disappear. But depending too much on your partner or spouse or children for sustenance makes you vulnerable to attacks. Also, if you're relying on someone else for love, money, approval and so on, what happens when that person is no longer around? Or decides to leave? Would you end up helpless and alone?
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence.
The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others. even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.
Develop an invisible, protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself, time for the mood to change from one of anger to resentment to one of peace.
In order to live a happy and emotionally secure life, you have to be true to yourself. You must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you.
By taking that positive step towards finding the self-reliance you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be.
Many people give up this right when it comes to their relationships. It's almost as if when it comes to the "us", the "I" has to disappear. But depending too much on your partner or spouse or children for sustenance makes you vulnerable to attacks. Also, if you're relying on someone else for love, money, approval and so on, what happens when that person is no longer around? Or decides to leave? Would you end up helpless and alone?
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence.
The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or to make your life better puts you at the mercy of others. even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Rewards today may turn into reproach and resentment as the years wear on.
Develop an invisible, protective shield around yourself. This shield allows you to evaluate any stimuli, whether it's a verbal attack or action, from a rational standpoint. It helps you skip the initial stage where most people react personally and emotionally. It creates an automatic "cooling-off" period, time for the attack to bounce off and dissipate, time for you to recharge yourself, time for the mood to change from one of anger to resentment to one of peace.
In order to live a happy and emotionally secure life, you have to be true to yourself. You must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you.
By taking that positive step towards finding the self-reliance you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Criticism
It seems the young people of today hate being criticized. This according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. Apparently, this is due to "an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from being constantly told from birth they are special and as a result now believe it - and will ignore anybody who says other wise."
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Detaching Yourself From Discouragement
If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.
Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.
The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!
True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.
We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.
To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?
Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.
We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.
Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.
And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Achieving More Joy & Success Through Active Focusing
You attract what you focus on.
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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