We often create expectations concerning what we will receive from others, life or even from ourselves. And when we don't get them, as sometimes the case, we are disappointed. Occasionally, when what we want is something we deeply desire, we can be mortally upset.
We can also feel that we've been "had", been "used" or cheated.
We feel this way when things do not happen the way we expected, or more often, when others are not who we expected them to be. We develop expectations, and then feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled.
When we succumb to such emotions, we often give up making any further effort, which stunts our growth. Sometimes, these feelings of "injustice" can lead us to destructive thoughts or behaviour.
In order to manage disappointment, we have to first understand that we are all in a process of evolution and that no one is perfect. It is unreasonable to expect or demand perfection from ourselves or others. We would not be here in this... let's call it "work in progress" if we did not have much to improve.
Have faith in the flow of life. There is a greater wisdom that drives this world... in fact, other "world" as well.
We may never fully comprehend how that wisdom works, but there's no doubt it's here. What we know as chemical science today was once deemed magic or witchcraft. Many of our gadgets today would make us appear like gods to ancient societies. And what we sum up to "positive thinking" or new age hocus-pocus today could one day reveal themselves to be the work of actual brain waves or physiological energies that are perfectly grounded in science and fact.
When we are independent, we need less from others and will expect less from them And when we expect less, we appreciate more. And we naturally experience less disappointment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Satisfaction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satisfaction. Show all posts
Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
We've all, at some point, compared ourselves with others and ended up feeling inferior or discontented. Talk about self-torture!
Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.
Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Whether it's someone's looks, social status, talents, popularity, car, fame, or body, most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it, and you will realize just how frequently you are dis-empowering yourself.
Comparing ourselves with others erodes our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.
When we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inadequate, we may feel that we shoudl be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?
Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goals, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.
Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.
Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passion, values, and integrity to gain what you have gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?
When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I will never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.
If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Boosting & Maintaining Genuine Happiness
We can try to make the most of life; to be as happy as possible in spite of the rainy spells that can come our way. Still sometimes, we can be stumped. During these difficult times, we can stop looking forward to life, our sleep is strained, our work efficiency suffers and our creativity goes down.
What does it really mean to be happy? How can we make joy last? And how do "they" do it? You know, those people who seem to be able to laugh and play and remain effusive and creative in the most stressful of times.
Is there a method to their merriment?
Well, yes. Mysterious and sometimes elusive as it may seem, genuine lasting happiness can be developed.
Accepting and embracing yourself, as usual, is your top strategy. Without the Self, there is nothing. So get over it, if you haven't already. This is the only body and mind you are ever going to get, so you might as well make the most of them. Also, you're not perfect, but you can continually improve yourself. So keep learning, keep absorbing information, and you will feel increasingly in control and empowered.
Practice contentment and you will discover the key to lasting happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that you should accept what's not working in your life, but rather this kind of contentment relates to appreciating what you already have, and not yearning for what you don't. Remember, not wanting it is as good as possessing it.
If the consistently-happy people you know are also sociable and extroverted, it's no coincidence. A recent study found that extroverts have more of the so-called "happiness chemical" dopamine. This chemical also consequently makes these people more creative thinkers. Dopamine occurs naturally in the brain and affects a range of behaviour including mood, sleep, reward, learning and movement.
Researchers also found that "extroverts are likely to be more successful because of higher than average level of the chemical floods the brain at even higher does when a person is in a good mood. The more outgoing a person is, the more active their dopamine system is and a positive mood increases dopamine activity even further in may parts of the brain."
Also, if you closely observe genuinely happy people, they're able to not only laugh at what life throws at them, they're also good at laughing at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're not over-sensitive about how people see them or how others talk about them. They're too busy having fun!
So practice these keys to true joy - love yourself, practice contentment, get out more, and learn to take life and yourself more lightly.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
What does it really mean to be happy? How can we make joy last? And how do "they" do it? You know, those people who seem to be able to laugh and play and remain effusive and creative in the most stressful of times.
Is there a method to their merriment?
Well, yes. Mysterious and sometimes elusive as it may seem, genuine lasting happiness can be developed.
Accepting and embracing yourself, as usual, is your top strategy. Without the Self, there is nothing. So get over it, if you haven't already. This is the only body and mind you are ever going to get, so you might as well make the most of them. Also, you're not perfect, but you can continually improve yourself. So keep learning, keep absorbing information, and you will feel increasingly in control and empowered.
Practice contentment and you will discover the key to lasting happiness and peace of mind. This doesn't mean that you should accept what's not working in your life, but rather this kind of contentment relates to appreciating what you already have, and not yearning for what you don't. Remember, not wanting it is as good as possessing it.
If the consistently-happy people you know are also sociable and extroverted, it's no coincidence. A recent study found that extroverts have more of the so-called "happiness chemical" dopamine. This chemical also consequently makes these people more creative thinkers. Dopamine occurs naturally in the brain and affects a range of behaviour including mood, sleep, reward, learning and movement.
Researchers also found that "extroverts are likely to be more successful because of higher than average level of the chemical floods the brain at even higher does when a person is in a good mood. The more outgoing a person is, the more active their dopamine system is and a positive mood increases dopamine activity even further in may parts of the brain."
Also, if you closely observe genuinely happy people, they're able to not only laugh at what life throws at them, they're also good at laughing at themselves. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're not over-sensitive about how people see them or how others talk about them. They're too busy having fun!
So practice these keys to true joy - love yourself, practice contentment, get out more, and learn to take life and yourself more lightly.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Attitude Towards Adversity
There is much in this world that's not fair or right, at least in our opinion. And if we want to, we can have plenty to complain or be unhappy about. In fact, many of us do make our frustrations known on a regular basis, bleating away to our friends, colleagues, family and whoever's too polite to walk away.
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
I try my best to catch myself when I am straying into "whining" territory, but it's tough, isn't it? It can feel really good to let it all out, especially to someone you feel comfortable around.
But believe me, keep up the complaining and even your closest friend will find you insufferable after a while. Yet, driving people away is a pretty minor consequence compared to what a negative attitude towards adversity does to us.
As we've talked about before, there is much in life that can upset us. So if our typical reaction is negative, then we are likely to be miserable quite often.
I am not suggesting that you dismiss or laugh off everything you find abhorrent or unjust. Certainly we should try to improve things but the problem is that many of us simply throw a big fit and do little else. The frustration and complaining then become just a habit that keeps us feeling low and helpless.
The difference is in our focus. Reacting negatively to challenges keeps our mind on failure, misfortune, and injustice. It makes us feel like we are being unfairly untreated when really, everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone experiences failure before tasting success. And we all become excellent only through consistent hard work.
Let's take the example of a salesperson, a profession that arguably encounters the most rejection. After having a couple of doors slammed in his face, he becomes crestfallen, giving in to grunts and sighs, turning to chemicals to jolt his spirits, and resorting to slagging off his clients to justify his stranded sales figures. The more this happens, the less motivated he feels to try harder. His negative attitude towards his problem keeps him in a self-fulfilling cycle of failure.
But what if he doesn't allow the rejection to rattle him? Learn from the experience and do something different the next time? What if keeps up his cheerful disposition and greets the next customer with a bigger smile instead of a scowl?
When you leave an upsetting situation with an unbeaten spirit, you are really taking a big stride towards future success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Finding Your Own Path
A line by songwriter Tim Booth goes "If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor".
Well, in a society where wealth and success is not only evident but relentlessly sold to us every day, it's natural for the average person to question his own lot.
Not that we shouldn't want to achieve more, but the majority of the messages we get these days tend to convince us that to be happy, to be proud of ourselves, to be respected by others, we must attain great wealth or be a frontrunner in some popular field like sport or music.
It's enough to make many of us can feel awfully inadequate. And this tendency to compare ourselves with others can make us forget about what we want, what makes us happy, what our natural passions drive us to do.
Your ex-classmates, former colleagues and friends may have gone on to earn more, get promoted, buy their third car, their second apartment and so on, but life is not a race. Some of us may want to be a full-time parent, for example, a theatre performer, work with children, travel the world, or a foodie blogger.
Sure, we should aim to move forward in life, but gunning for the benchmarks set by others can often prove frustrating. that's because we each have unique talents, values and passions. In order to be happy and successful in our own way, we have to look to ourselves instead of others.
Start with your innate gifts - what do you do well naturally? Are you good in sports, for example? Draw or paint well? Perhaps you are musically-inclined? Write or speak well? Don't dismiss them as common. You would be surprised how far you could go in a job that requires one or a combination of those gifts.
Think of how you could serve the world. What problem could you solve? That's your value right there. Every job is one that solves a certain problem or fulfills a certain need. Think along those lines and your path towards a more satisfying life and career will become clearer.
So by all means admire others for their achievements, but don't let their yardsticks dictate yours. Explore your own path towards self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well, in a society where wealth and success is not only evident but relentlessly sold to us every day, it's natural for the average person to question his own lot.
Not that we shouldn't want to achieve more, but the majority of the messages we get these days tend to convince us that to be happy, to be proud of ourselves, to be respected by others, we must attain great wealth or be a frontrunner in some popular field like sport or music.
It's enough to make many of us can feel awfully inadequate. And this tendency to compare ourselves with others can make us forget about what we want, what makes us happy, what our natural passions drive us to do.
Your ex-classmates, former colleagues and friends may have gone on to earn more, get promoted, buy their third car, their second apartment and so on, but life is not a race. Some of us may want to be a full-time parent, for example, a theatre performer, work with children, travel the world, or a foodie blogger.
Sure, we should aim to move forward in life, but gunning for the benchmarks set by others can often prove frustrating. that's because we each have unique talents, values and passions. In order to be happy and successful in our own way, we have to look to ourselves instead of others.
Start with your innate gifts - what do you do well naturally? Are you good in sports, for example? Draw or paint well? Perhaps you are musically-inclined? Write or speak well? Don't dismiss them as common. You would be surprised how far you could go in a job that requires one or a combination of those gifts.
Think of how you could serve the world. What problem could you solve? That's your value right there. Every job is one that solves a certain problem or fulfills a certain need. Think along those lines and your path towards a more satisfying life and career will become clearer.
So by all means admire others for their achievements, but don't let their yardsticks dictate yours. Explore your own path towards self-discovery and self-fulfillment.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Maintaining a Positive Attitude
It's widely-accepted that having a positive outlook contributes greatly to a happy life. Endless studies tell us the same thing - that being cheerful and forward-looking makes us perform better at work, more creative, more contented and thus more joyful.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Living An Abundant Life
During the Lunar New Year period, abundance is something that is often mentioned. For the Chinese, this usually refers to prosperity or financial wealth, or having that one's heart desires.
Abundance though, may not always be so narrowly defined. If we can understand the broader concept of abundance, and learn to incorporate it into our daily lives, we can all live with greater happiness and empowerment.
Think about the abundance that we all are surrounded by... everyday. Nature is one of life's greatest and most lavish gifts. do we take the time to regularly appreciate its presence? In Nature is all that we need to be healthy and happy... its spirit touches the very core of our bodies and our humanity... such that we find ourselves healed by Nature... if we allow it to. There's something in us that simply cannot be satisfied by all the money and technology in the world. That's the void only Nature can fill, so regularly surround yourself with it, and you will feel its abundance in your life.
In a world informed by consumerism and technology, it's easy to understand why most of us have come to equate abundance with corporate success and position, physical beauty, money and power, and the ability to access an infinite world of information.
When we fail to meet these benchmarks, we feel like social pariahs, deficient in the riches the world has defined for us. This leads to feelings of low self-esteem, fear and doubt, emotional turmoil and fractured relationships. Those of us who manage to achieve those riches often end up realising that they don't fulfill us in the ways we thought they could.
The world has been neatly split for us into the "haves" and the "have-nots". Those of us who have not spend our entire lives struggling to live up to the expectations of what constitutes an abundant life, but end up merely enriching the wallets of those who already do control the world's riches.
I am not saying that chasing a millionaire's dream is futile or that is its not worthy of your attention. Money gives you the power to do many things you otherwise would not be able to. Lifewise, physical beauty, social status and authority are very useful to have. But they are not the only paths towards abundance. In truth, they are distractions on the path to true abundance. They can be fulfilling, but first you must have achieved the foundation required to mitigate their negative effects.
Think about it... If you lost all your wealth tomorrow, would you still be happy? If your youth and beauty faded overnight, could you still love yourself? If you cannot have what you desperately desire, can you still find peace?
Abundance though, may not always be so narrowly defined. If we can understand the broader concept of abundance, and learn to incorporate it into our daily lives, we can all live with greater happiness and empowerment.
Think about the abundance that we all are surrounded by... everyday. Nature is one of life's greatest and most lavish gifts. do we take the time to regularly appreciate its presence? In Nature is all that we need to be healthy and happy... its spirit touches the very core of our bodies and our humanity... such that we find ourselves healed by Nature... if we allow it to. There's something in us that simply cannot be satisfied by all the money and technology in the world. That's the void only Nature can fill, so regularly surround yourself with it, and you will feel its abundance in your life.
In a world informed by consumerism and technology, it's easy to understand why most of us have come to equate abundance with corporate success and position, physical beauty, money and power, and the ability to access an infinite world of information.
When we fail to meet these benchmarks, we feel like social pariahs, deficient in the riches the world has defined for us. This leads to feelings of low self-esteem, fear and doubt, emotional turmoil and fractured relationships. Those of us who manage to achieve those riches often end up realising that they don't fulfill us in the ways we thought they could.
The world has been neatly split for us into the "haves" and the "have-nots". Those of us who have not spend our entire lives struggling to live up to the expectations of what constitutes an abundant life, but end up merely enriching the wallets of those who already do control the world's riches.
I am not saying that chasing a millionaire's dream is futile or that is its not worthy of your attention. Money gives you the power to do many things you otherwise would not be able to. Lifewise, physical beauty, social status and authority are very useful to have. But they are not the only paths towards abundance. In truth, they are distractions on the path to true abundance. They can be fulfilling, but first you must have achieved the foundation required to mitigate their negative effects.
Think about it... If you lost all your wealth tomorrow, would you still be happy? If your youth and beauty faded overnight, could you still love yourself? If you cannot have what you desperately desire, can you still find peace?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
More Choice, More Stress?
Hundreds of TV channels. Millions of YouTube videos. Hundreds of thousands of iPhone apps. Not to mention a giddy range of mobile phones, digicams, and other consumer goods at the ever-increasing number of super duper mega malls.
We live in an era of unprecedented freedom and choice. And most people would say that having more options is a good thing. But is it really? Does it really improve the quality of our lives? Or are our lives becoming increasingly complex because of the overload of choices? What about discontentment? Are we demanding more, appreciating less, and always seeking the best such that we think that our present lot is never good enough?
Freedom of choice can be a good thing, but we are slowly discovering that it has a limit. There is a point at which it becomes a burden. Excessive choice can set you up to have expectations too high for satisfaction. Is this also happening in our relationships? Can no one live up to our expectations because we are looking for the elusive "ideal" mate?
As the number of choices keep growing, there is an increase in stress, decision-making dilemmas, anxiety, fears and disappointments. The more we have, the more we want, the more that's available, the more we crave.
Now this might sound regressive, but what if we consider embracing certain constraints on our freedom of choice instead of rebelling against all of them? Like with making music, having certain structures and rules helps us to create harmony. Maintaining some discipline in our lives, for example, can help us achieve more success and health.
What about appreciating what we already have instead of hankering after what we don't? Human nature is such that we tend to get used to and get bored with what we have, leading us to want more and more and to seek greater and higher thrills. So try embracing and appreciating the finer points of what is already "good enough" in your life.
Many of us are also too preoccupied with what others are doing - what they are buying, who they are dating, how they seem to be happier than us and so on. This only makes us more frustrated with our own lives. So what if we paid less attention to others and started focusing more on our own lives and what we can do to improve them?
So if more choice is bringing you more confusion, try simplifying your life. Take a closer look at what you already have in your life. Aren't there positive aspects of them you have perhaps neglected? How can you love them more?
We live in an era of unprecedented freedom and choice. And most people would say that having more options is a good thing. But is it really? Does it really improve the quality of our lives? Or are our lives becoming increasingly complex because of the overload of choices? What about discontentment? Are we demanding more, appreciating less, and always seeking the best such that we think that our present lot is never good enough?
Freedom of choice can be a good thing, but we are slowly discovering that it has a limit. There is a point at which it becomes a burden. Excessive choice can set you up to have expectations too high for satisfaction. Is this also happening in our relationships? Can no one live up to our expectations because we are looking for the elusive "ideal" mate?
As the number of choices keep growing, there is an increase in stress, decision-making dilemmas, anxiety, fears and disappointments. The more we have, the more we want, the more that's available, the more we crave.
Now this might sound regressive, but what if we consider embracing certain constraints on our freedom of choice instead of rebelling against all of them? Like with making music, having certain structures and rules helps us to create harmony. Maintaining some discipline in our lives, for example, can help us achieve more success and health.
What about appreciating what we already have instead of hankering after what we don't? Human nature is such that we tend to get used to and get bored with what we have, leading us to want more and more and to seek greater and higher thrills. So try embracing and appreciating the finer points of what is already "good enough" in your life.
Many of us are also too preoccupied with what others are doing - what they are buying, who they are dating, how they seem to be happier than us and so on. This only makes us more frustrated with our own lives. So what if we paid less attention to others and started focusing more on our own lives and what we can do to improve them?
So if more choice is bringing you more confusion, try simplifying your life. Take a closer look at what you already have in your life. Aren't there positive aspects of them you have perhaps neglected? How can you love them more?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Loving Your True Self
Some people always put others before them, and to them this is a very natural thing; they feel they are being selfless and sympathetic. But in the process, they can forget who they are and lose themselves. They begin to get depressed, lose focus and ambition and wonder what happened to their lives to make them get to this point. The answer is simple - they let their obligations and responsibilities get in the way of fulfilling their life's destiny and, in short, they lost themselves to others.
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So, how does on who has become lost get found again?
One of the best things you can do for yourself and your loved ones is to practice self-love. Loving and respecting yourself more than anyone else is crucial because if you can't help yourself, you can't help others.
Nobody was born disliking how they looked. But some of us learnt to become insecure about our appearance as we grew up. So, reclaim that birthright. Fall in love with yourself all over again. See what you can do to enhance your appearance. We can all look and feel better by paying more attention to our wardrobe, grooming, fitness and how we carry ourselves.
Now that you have worked on the outside, it is time to work on the inside. what's holding you back? What will set you free?
self-reliance is your key to freedom. Many of us rely on others to give us fulfillment and validation, but depending on others exposes us to attacks. We also risk ending up helpless and alone.
Ask yourself if you are happy depending on others to make you happy. If not, make a list of goals to achieve a sense of self-validation and independence. The first thing on your list should be to accept responsibilities. Living your life always allowing others to make things happen for you or make your life better puts you at the mercy of others later in life. Even within a relationship, try your best to even things out. Nobody likes giving all the time. So do your part.
And focus your life to doing good whenever you can. Doing good empowers us to make us feel more useful and valuable.
In order to be true to yourself, you must find time to reboot your life to become the happy, well-adjusted person lying dormant inside of you. By taking that positive step towards finding the self-love you deserve, you open yourself to happiness and self-fulfillment and become the person you want to be!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Article from Lee Kuan Yew's Daughter
Lets read from Mr. Lee Kuan Yew's daughter, director of the National Neuroscience Institute.......
*My house is shabby, but it is comfortable*
There is no end to wanting - after the Ferrari and the Birkin bag, what next?
By Lee Wei Ling
In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: 'Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always
less painful compared to the private sector.'
Slump time has arrived with a bang.
While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.
Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore , have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.
A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.
A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.
The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.
The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn't that the root cause of the current cri sis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?
I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don't believe in the supernatural and I don't think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: 'Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.'
My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today's standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.
Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.
Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn.
We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.
But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.
No matter how poor you are in Singapore , the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore. Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.
Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one's own labour is one's prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously. But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering.
After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to? Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.
When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our
fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?
We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.
In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.
To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.
*The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute. *
Fabricated Life Rules
Life is full of rules. Most of us have been taught since young to follow these rules, often without question. But rules, ironically are not as standard nor rigid as we may believe. Across different cultures and contexts, they vary indefinitely. Rules have always been made by the people in charge. And the people in charge change.
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Most of us have lived our lives allowing ourselves to be bound by these rules, many of which are obstacles to our emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. Many of us still live as victims to these fabricated life rules. We are victims because although these rules make us unhappy, we accept them as fact or truth and our lives by them without question.
Here are a few examples:
First, the rule that your appearance has to be flawless. Our visual world is filled with images of people with perfect features, unblemished skin, and toned physiques. Not to mention "before and after" pictures that remind us incessantly that average bodies are not acceptable and that we should but this product or enter that slimming programme in order to feel better about ourselves. We feel inferior when we are told that we are not as good-looking as someone else.
But when we choose to defy this rule, we realize that focusing on outer appearance is superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. We realize that our inner characteristics bring us infinitely more rewards and pleasure.
Next is the rule that you ought to be in position, that you have to have a high rank, that you should attain corporate success. As a result, many of us make that goal our all-consuming desire and when we fail to attain position, we feel like failures.
Now, this is not always true. Many people doing so-called menial or low-ranking jobs live very happy lives. Because money and social power don't obscure their view of life, they tend to place more value on things like a simple life, peace of mind, family life, friendship, love and integrity.
We have all been victimized by rules like these at some time in our lives. What are some fabricated life rules you believe in that are wrecking your happiness? Choose to defy them and make your own rules.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Hidden Power of Giving
You've probably heard the phrase "It's better to give than to receive". But do you know why? What is the hidden power of giving that makes it so prooundly wonderful?
Think of the last time you gave someone a gift with no expectation of reciprocity. How did it feel? No doubt you felt happy knowing that you've made someone else's day. It's this expression of your power to give joy to anyone at any time.
And I'm not talking exclusively about material gifts; you can always run out of money, but you can give of yourself endlessly - you time, your love, your experience, your shoulder, your ear.
But besides making your spirit swell with good feelings, the act of giving altruistically also sets in motion an invisible ripple of more selfless gifts that will eventually come full circle. Yes, your good deed will boomerang in amazing and sometimes surprising ways.
I'm sure you've heard of, or maybe even experienced personally, a favour done for you by someone whom you'd helped in some way in the past, or even someone who was inspired by your giving ways. And that's just one of the many ways your gift will come back to you.
When you give selflessly, no matter how small the deed or gift, you release good vibrations into the world - feelings of love, respect, gratitude, fellowship. You enlarge your world of people who would lend you a hand whenever the need arises; more importantly, motivated by your attitude, these people are more likely to spread this act and message of selfless giving to others in need.
This doesn't mean that you give only in expectation of this kind of reward - it's simply your contribution to the preservation of good feelings in this world, and that is no small thing. In a world where many lives are lived in poverty, war, hatred, and intolerance everyday, even one small candle can light up the dark.
Also, just imagine what all these good feelings are doing to your heart and your health!
So go forth and give, but bear this in mind, the hidden power of giving is only truly and fully unleashed when you give secretly or in private with no expectation of any reward.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Think of the last time you gave someone a gift with no expectation of reciprocity. How did it feel? No doubt you felt happy knowing that you've made someone else's day. It's this expression of your power to give joy to anyone at any time.
And I'm not talking exclusively about material gifts; you can always run out of money, but you can give of yourself endlessly - you time, your love, your experience, your shoulder, your ear.
But besides making your spirit swell with good feelings, the act of giving altruistically also sets in motion an invisible ripple of more selfless gifts that will eventually come full circle. Yes, your good deed will boomerang in amazing and sometimes surprising ways.
I'm sure you've heard of, or maybe even experienced personally, a favour done for you by someone whom you'd helped in some way in the past, or even someone who was inspired by your giving ways. And that's just one of the many ways your gift will come back to you.
When you give selflessly, no matter how small the deed or gift, you release good vibrations into the world - feelings of love, respect, gratitude, fellowship. You enlarge your world of people who would lend you a hand whenever the need arises; more importantly, motivated by your attitude, these people are more likely to spread this act and message of selfless giving to others in need.
This doesn't mean that you give only in expectation of this kind of reward - it's simply your contribution to the preservation of good feelings in this world, and that is no small thing. In a world where many lives are lived in poverty, war, hatred, and intolerance everyday, even one small candle can light up the dark.
Also, just imagine what all these good feelings are doing to your heart and your health!
So go forth and give, but bear this in mind, the hidden power of giving is only truly and fully unleashed when you give secretly or in private with no expectation of any reward.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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