Focusing More On Ourselves

Most of the problems in the world stem from a fundamental malaise of Mankind that the centuries have not been able to cure. Our tendency to be overly-concerned about other people - their flaws, their injustice, their immorality - and not caring enough about our own weakness and what we can do about them.

Murder, racial and religious intolerance, revenge attacks, bomb blasts... these all have roots in our refusal to critically examine ourselves first before judging others. Leaders of the world continue to condemn these acts and the perpetrators continue to justify their behaviour, but we are no closer to resolving age-old conflicts.

The truth is, the world has always been torn by strife and clashes, civilizations rise and fall, good intentions get corrupted by self-righteousness, greed and power, and revenge continues to breed more and more revenge. In fact, the history of Man has been a history of repetition. We come, we conquer, we plunder, we use up, then go find some other place to feed our cravings or someone else to blame.

If we could all stop thinking about and blaming others for our problems and begin to focus more on ourselves and our self-development, I'm sure the world would be a much better place. The problem with focusing on others is that it's a convenient distraction from our own flaws. While we're preoccupied with others, we don't have time to think about our own shortcomings and therefore don't have to do anything about them. It's weakness of character because it takes courage to look within, discover our own flaws and work towards improving ourselves.

If we want others to change, we must first change ourselves. We can only lead by example. This is as true of parent and child relationships as it is with politician and citizen, boss and subordinate, believer and non-believer. Nothing will make others see our point of view unless we can prove just how clearly we see it ourselves. Whether you believe in God or not is a person choice - only you can see it, only you can feel it or not, you don't need anyone for chat. And why should it matter to you how others think as long as it doesn't affect the way you think?

Starting now, try to shift your focus from other people onto yourself. Think about how you can be a getter person. How you can reach for that deeper humanity in you.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Blaming Others For Our Unhappiness

Many of us blame other people or external factors for our frustrations or unhappiness. "It's our parents!" is one of the more often-heard chants. "It's the way we were brought up!" naturally follows, and of course, many people can't resist lamenting about their boss, their partner, their co-workers, and so on. Everyone is potentially guilty it seems... everyone except ourselves.

But if other people and external conditions are to blame for our unhappiness, doesn't that also mean that only they have the power to make our situation better? Aren't we giving them too much credit here? This kind of thinking places our happiness in the hands of other people.

We're giving the people we think are hurting us the power to make us feel better. Needless to say, this keeps us stuck in our entanglement.

In truth, no one can make you feel better except yourself. The only way we can get out of our foul moods and stagnant situations is really to take control of them.

We need to realize that ultimately, the power to change our lives rests solely within us.

If you think your boss isn't good for you or your career, you can choose to leave the job. It's your power and your choice. If you think your partner isn't worth investing in, you can choose to leave the relationship. Whatever or whoever you feel is not working in your life, you have the power to remove it or leave. If you are choosing to stay, that's also your choice.

Even when i comes to something apparently unchangeable, like a terminal illness, it's your power to choose how you respond to it. You can see it as an injustice and become embittered by it. Or you can see it as a natural fact of life and choose to spend your remaining time as blissfully as you can.

And whatever you think your parents did, it need not have a hold over you anymore. However you were brought up, you are now an adult fully capable of determining how you are going to live your life. Are you going to stay stuck in a place of resentment? Or are you going to forgive the past, and build a better future for yourself?

Once we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, we can begin to take back control of our moods and our life.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Moving On From a Painful Past

Pain, like death and taxes (as they say), is one of those things we cannot avoid in life. Some of us had a tough time growing up, were abused perhaps, or did not fully receive parental love. Others had their feelings taken advantage of, or had their mental tranquility of self-esteem damaged in some way. And there are those among us who have been consistently bullied or repressed.

It is not so easy to just "let go of the past and move on", is it?

Well, the past happened for a reason. Moving forward does not mean simply forgetting about or ignoring the past. Everything that happens to us, especially the harder times, can make us stronger and better. Or make us doubtful and afraid. We all have that choice. The person you are today is the result of your past experiences, and in those experiences, no matter how horrible, lies the key to you becoming a better person.

Probably the difficult thing to do after being hurt or disappointed is to forgive. I have known people who had abusive parents, been sexually molested as teenagers, been seduced into crime and prison, or have had their hearts broken several times. And these are all relatively mild compared to people whose loved ones were murdered, or who were physically disabled because of a drink driver.

How do they forgive? Truthfully, most of them don't. Most of them carry the hurt with them throughout their lives. And it eats into their peace of mind, poisons them against other people, and ultimately clouds their future with doubt and fear, dark feelings and thoughts.

If you cannot forgive your aggressor, you are always going to feel as if your life has been irreparably damaged because of him. Forgiving someone is as much about accepting their human frailty as it is stating your freedom from their tyranny. You are saying that you will not let what they have done dictate how you're going to live your life.

So, forgive everyone you feel had anything to do with your painful past. Seek out the gifts in your pain. That's the key. Once you learn to identify the gifts that have made you a better person, you will no longer have to be angry with anyone, not even yourself. Whatever you did, whatever they did, all presented you with the gifts you possess today.

Remember, the past does not define us. Each new day, each new moment even, you have the power to re-invent yourself.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Seeing a Beautiful World

Many of us tend to focus on the negative. Turning minor misfortunes into epic tragedies. Thinking about what we don't have, instead of what we do have. Getting jealous of others who seem to have better looks and more money, instead of exploring meaningful experiences that have nothing to do with all these things.

I wonder if primitive civilisations suffered the same problem. I doubt it... they were probably too busy meeting their basic survival needs to spin webs of woe in their minds.

It's ironic that in a society where the average man arguably has "everything" he needs... good health, good healthcare, abundant food, a sturdy roof over his head, and all the material comforts anyone could wish for... that he can be unhappy.

American writer and critic Barbara Johnson wrote about an experience on the way home from work, and how it changed her perspective of life:

The day started out rotten. I overslept and was late for work. Everything that happened at the office contributed to my nervous frenzy. By the time I reached the bus stop for my homeward trip, my stomach was one big knot.

As usual, the bus was late - and jammed. I had to stand in the aisle. As the lurching vehicle pulled me in all directions, my gloom deepened.

Then I heard a deep voice from up front, "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

Because of the crowd, I could not see the man, but I could hear him as he continued to comment on the spring scenery, calling attention to each approaching landmark. This church. That park, That cemetery. That firehouse. Soon, all the passengers were gazing out the windows. This man's enthusiasm was so contagious that I found myself smiling for the first time that day.

We reached my stop. Maneuvering toward the door, I got a look at our "guide" - a plump figure with a black beard, wearing dark glasses, and carrying a thin white cane.

Sometimes, we get so preoccupied with making a living that we forget to live. We forget that the world, with all its problems, is still a really rather wonderful and miraculous place. And that this life, with all its upsets and disappointments, its misery and pain, its sharp points and apparent pointlessness, is still fabulously, wonderfully worth living and enjoying.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Benefits of Walking

What's one of the simplest and quickest ways to improve your overall wellness?

Walking!

Primitive tribes people went on regular walkabouts, when individuals headed off alone into the bush as a rite of passage. In the wilderness, their minds, bodies and spirits were tested and cleansed. Some even met their spiritual guides, or so the legends say.

These day though, walking has been reduced to an inconvenience. It's considered a milestone for toddlers, something that all infants naturally progress to, but grown-ups generally wish to do as little of it as possible. We'd much rather get around in cards, taxis, buses and bikes.

But walking is immensely beneficial for our physical and mental well-being. For years, this single act has been linked to improving cardiovascular health. The reason is because, generally, walking is a safe movement that isn't likely to cause injury. New studies have shown that walking is also a terrific way to improve your mood. The next time you are feeling a little blue, you could just walk it off - literally.

A recent study paired individuals into groups, one of which spent 30 minutes on a treadmill and the other that participated in 30 minutes of rest. Each group's progress was monitored throughout the treatment with a conclusion that both groups reported having less negative feelings at the end of the study, along with less stress and tension. The difference, however, was found when the group that spent 30 minutes walking also noted an overall improvement in well-being.

While the study further proves the theory that walking is good for mental health, as well as physical, it also lends credence to the theory that people who walk feel better overall. It also proves that an individual does not have to be outside in order to enjoy the benefits of walking. This simple exercise can be achieved with a treadmill or by simply walking in place while listening to music or watching TV.

Taking long walks also allows your mind to relax; the body goes into a spontaneous, comfortable rhythm, giving your thoughts a relaxed and unhurried climate in which to organise themselves. I've often come up with solutions and ideas while on a leisurely stroll.

So work a walking routine into your schedule. You will start feeling the benefits in no time!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Getting Rid of Envy

Are you feeling jealous of the success, beauty, or intelligence of a friend? Do you find yourself wishing you were as lucky as him or her? Is it possible that subconsciously you may wish them wrong, look for faults in the person in order to feel better about yourself?

Envy happens to us all. When we perceive qualities we deem to be superior to our own in others, it's normal to feel dissatisfied. But what do we do about this discontentment? Do we allow it to fester and reveal itself in hateful forms?

While we are busy being bitter what the other person is doing, they are busy pursuing their own lives. They are chasing their own dreams, improving their minds and bodies and so on. So while they get the results they want in life, we remain stagnant... paralysed by our frustrations.

So if the green eyed monster is frequently taking bites out of you, here are some ways you can get rid of it.

Take time to get to know yourself better. Instead of squandering your precious time on other people, identify your own talents and strengths. How can you develop them? The more you understand your true emotions and desires, the less you would want anyone else's life or success.

Work continuously to improve yourself. People are not born perfect or superior to others. But successful individuals have the ability to stay open-minded and acquire or enhance their skills.

Understand that everyone is different. There are attributes in others you could not possibly possess no matter what you do, but in the same way, you have wonderful qualities nobody else has. Remember, always focus on your advantages.

Measure success in your own terms. A CEO may earn tons more than you but do you really want his life? His workload, his responsibilities, his duties? You can be successful in your own way.

The reality of life is that no matter how powerful, rich or successful you may become there is always going to be someone on top of you. But, do not forget, this rule can also be applied the other way too. There is always someone less fortunate than you. So appreciate what you have.

And go relentlessly after your dreams. Once you achieve some of your goals, your self-esteem will receive a boost and the less space you will have in your life for the green-eyed monster.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Living An Abundant Life

During the Lunar New Year period, abundance is something that is often mentioned. For the Chinese, this usually refers to prosperity or financial wealth, or having that one's heart desires.

Abundance though, may not always be so narrowly defined. If we can understand the broader concept of abundance, and learn to incorporate it into our daily lives, we can all live with greater happiness and empowerment.

Think about the abundance that we all are surrounded by... everyday. Nature is one of life's greatest and most lavish gifts. do we take the time to regularly appreciate its presence? In Nature is all that we need to be healthy and happy... its spirit touches the very core of our bodies and our humanity... such that we find ourselves healed by Nature... if we allow it to. There's something in us that simply cannot be satisfied by all the money and technology in the world. That's the void only Nature can fill, so regularly surround yourself with it, and you will feel its abundance in your life.

In a world informed by consumerism and technology, it's easy to understand why most of us have come to equate abundance with corporate success and position, physical beauty, money and power, and the ability to access an infinite world of information.

When we fail to meet these benchmarks, we feel like social pariahs, deficient in the riches the world has defined for us. This leads to feelings of low self-esteem, fear and doubt, emotional turmoil and fractured relationships. Those of us who manage to achieve those riches often end up realising that they don't fulfill us in the ways we thought they could.

The world has been neatly split for us into the "haves" and the "have-nots". Those of us who have not spend our entire lives struggling to live up to the expectations of what constitutes an abundant life, but end up merely enriching the wallets of those who already do control the world's riches.

I am not saying that chasing a millionaire's dream is futile or that is its not worthy of your attention. Money gives you the power to do many things you otherwise would not be able to. Lifewise, physical beauty, social status and authority are very useful to have. But they are not the only paths towards abundance. In truth, they are distractions on the path to true abundance. They can be fulfilling, but first you must have achieved the foundation required to mitigate their negative effects.

Think about it... If you lost all your wealth tomorrow, would you still be happy? If your youth and beauty faded overnight, could you still love yourself? If you cannot have what you desperately desire, can you still find peace?

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Healing Long-Term Conflicts

It's been so long, the details of how the dispute happened and why are really quite blurry. But you are still uncomfortable with interacting with this person, and do your best to avoid any social gatherings or venues where you might run into them.

This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.

Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.

When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.

To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.

Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.

You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?

Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Changing Your Perception

Albert Einstein famously remarked "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."

Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.

We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.

Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.

Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!

Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.

A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Why Are You Not Thriving?

When entrepreneurs start a business, they do so with the aim of building a vast and thriving empire. Why not, right? Yet, when we think about building lives, how many of us do so with the same goal in mind?

Are you thriving? Are you channeling your resources into building a rich, joyful and vibrant life? Why?

Well, here are the top reasons why many of us are not thriving.

First of all, you're holding on to old emotional baggage. Most of the emotion you feel in a day is not even about the day itself. You are just recycling old emotional baggage that has never been cleared. It's so familiar, it's become a part of you, yet it causes you discomfort because it's not meant to be part of your true identity.

It could be an especially hard break-up, and you've never really gotten over that person. It could be the feeling that you let a loved one down. Or guilt over something you feel was the result of you mistake. There's nothing you can do about the past; what counts is what you do from now on. So search your soul, find whatever it is that's bugging you, and release it. This is the most important first step to building a thriving life.

Another reason why you're not living a full life is because you keep focusing on what you don't want. Your mind is in the habit of "figuring out" what you need to change to make your life better. Your thinking mind is convinced that that's how the problem will be solved; yet, that is what keeps the problem constant and present in your life.

But whatever you focus on, you create more of. So stop thinking about what you don't want, what you don't have, what you fear, what you loathe. Welcome new vibrant energy to attract to you insights, answers, and resources to your problem.

Another reason why you're not thriving is because you've bought into the collective belief that you can barely survive and are just getting by.

The world offers us one reality to believe in. That's the one most people believe in because it's what they see and hear, it's easy, that's the way the world is, "C'est la vie" and so on. Everyday, we're told and shown how "times are heard", "Nowhere is safe anymore", "the economy is bad", "love hurts", "old age is scary", "there's nothing after death" and so on.

But even though the world is choosing this reality, you don't have to. We are only bound by belief. Choose beliefs that help you create a thriving reality. Such as "times are good for you and your family", "you are happy, healthy and loving". You can choose to live in the moment and focus on how wonderful life is. Change your beliefs and change your life.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Be A Great Oak Tree

We live in an age of great haste and agitation. People today feel compelled to achieve as many goals as possible in the shortest possible time. Gradual cultivation has given way to rapid absorption; we cram our minds and bodies with things to do, things to learn, things to buy, things to help us reach our full potential.

Children today are made to attain often ludicrous standards. Understandably, parents want their kids to achieve the very best in life, but are they meant to develop with such speed? Might not something crucial be lost in the hurry? Are we erecting a lofty tower on shaky foundations?

J. R. R. Tolkien's epic work "The Lord of the Rings" literally took a lifetime to bring to fruition, but it probably stands as the greatest fantasy work of all time. Its accomplishment is not in its length or plot, but in its ability to make a make-believe world feel authentic because of its elaborate history and meticulously wrought web of intricate themes.

Clearly, an entity of enduring power and quality requires time to fashion. Human beings are the same. A colleague recently shared the following with me.

Be a great oak tree. Dig your roots deep into the ground, instead of sending your trunk and branches ever towards the clouds. Then, nothing can topple you.

Know who you are, what you want. And not what others want or want to see. These words echo in me. Words from a friend I sought refuge in when my soul was battered from the storm. Those were the days when I worked to own - yearning for recognition.

But despite having been successful in all I have aimed to attain, a void still remained. One day, my little cousin came up to me and asked, "Who are you?"

I mentioned my name.

"No," he said. "Who are you?"

I repeated myself. But again I got a dissatisfied look.

"I am happy," he said. "Who are you?"

It then dawned upon me that he wanted an adjective. I paused and pondered. I have. But I am? What I own can be lost.

WRITTEN BY MELISSA TAN

What is Your Life Purpose?

We're going to take it on faith that the deepest part of you DOES know exactly what you are meant to be and do, and has been trying to tell you all along. Today, we're going to see if we can sidestep whatever is blocking that deep sense of knowing and coax a little of it into the light.

Now you can try this now, or at a more convenient time; the questions are important but the phrasing is not crucial, just remember the essence.

After taking a few deep breaths, and quieting your spirit, write whatever comes to you in response to these questions... Remember, it should be spontaneous... no room for wavering or self-judgement. Just let it flow.

First question: if you DID know your life purpose, what would it be?

Second: If you were assured of having all the money you would ever need, but in order to have it, you would be required to volunteer in some capacity, what would you do? What causes matter to you? Who would you want to help? What would be the most fun way to help them?

Third: What do people count on you for? What are your talents? What comes easily to you? Effortlessly? We all have been taught to focus on our weaknesses, in order to improve them, but the real treasure is built by developing what is already a strength!

Next, if you could make three permanent changes in the world, what would they be?

Now take a few minutes to let the dust settle, and see if anything else comes to you. After a few moments of quiet, look back over what you have written. If any ideas jump out at you, write them down without judging.

Look through your writings. Are there any elements that could be connected? Strengthened through collaboration? You know, very often, we think that nothing will come of these pursuits. Not true. We're not thinking of material pursuits here. We're talking self-actualisation. YOU making MEANING and the world being MEANINGFUL to YOU.

Writing down your thoughts and examining them can do much for the road you pave for yourself in this life. You can uncover your life purpose. Try it today.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Dealing With Negativity.

Our lives can be filled with negativity - everyday, we discover news of food scandals, financial upheavals, political instability, terrorism, and natural disasters. The messages we receive on a regular basis mostly aim (whether intentionally or not) to induce a feeling of dissatisfaction, envy or fear.

How we deal with this information is up to us. We can either passively absorb it all and allow it to negatively dominate our thoughts and emotions, or we can view these events as an unfortunate but unavoidable part of our existence and concentrate on those things we can do something about - such as our own personal lives and how we can positively influence ourselves and those around us.

The more we focus on the "bad" or negative things around us, the more our thoughts and behaviour work towards an undesirable outcome. But if we change our focus to the good things of life - the positives - these is an above average chance that things will get much better. Negatives fill our emotional bucket quickly and before we know it, they are spilling all over ourselves and those around us. Isn't it far more logical to fill our bucket with positives? The people around us are sure to be much more receptive to any spillage the might occur.

Be selective about what you read, watch on TV, hear on the radio and music you listen to. Think about the information your mind is absorbing and determine whether it's really good for you. Be selective with your friends and pay attention to the conversations you are having. Is the relationship - or the conversation - based on negative words and feelings? Would you be better off changing the subject - or finding someone different to spend your time with?

And watch your "self talk". This is the imaginary conversations we have with ourselves and others, especially when there are potential conflicts on the horizon. Stop "badmouthing" the people in your life and stop "badmouthing" yourself! every time we do that, we are reinforcing to ourselves just how miserable the world is and how unfortunate we are.

If your optimism is taking a beating, try saving some time for yourself and writing down the good things in your life - the things you enjoy and appreciate. Start with the fact that you even woke up this morning, then go from there. No matter how bad your situation is, if you try just a little you'll have plenty of items on our list. Keep the list handy and also add to it as you think of other things. There will always be days when your list will come in handy to give oyu a pick-me-up.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Who's To Blame for Our Unhappiness?

Most people look outside of themselves for the source of their unhappiness. When something goes wrong, they always look for someone or something to blame - "it's my hectic work schedule, it's my boss, it's the government, it's my parents, it's the kids, it's my spouse. If only she'd do things my way! I know this is best for her? why won't she just change?

We'd be so much happier if she'd just change!" It's precisely this kind of thinking that is making us unhappy. We are, in effect, the cause of own misery!

Now it's very easy to trace our unhappiness to important people in our lives not cooperating with us. I mean, if your son insists on doing something you feel is foolhardy or dangerous, it certainly seems that he's to blame for your sleepless nights. Or if your husband never seems to want to spend romantic times with you anymore. Can he really blame you then for being cold and surly? What if your co-worker is fond of disparaging your work? Surely he's the one to blame for your frustration at the office! Or that Pyongyang refuses to dismantle its nuclear arms programme. Oh, the woe of America and indeed the world!

Yes it seems perfectly logical that we're unhappy because of all these wilful people. But we have a much bigger part to play in our frustrations than we'd care to believe. Nobody likes to be told what to do. When you're trying to get others to do or see things your way, the behaviours you display are probably not very good-natured. You could be using any of these methods - punishing, guilting, nagging, threatening, bribing, criticizing, "the silent treatment" or "cold war", etc. You probably come off as a bigot, always thinking that your way is the right way or best way. Your intentions may be perfectly good of course (don't we all think that?), but your methods may be turning people off. This in turn could be encouraging them to be even more obstinate. That's also how, ironically, you may be causing your own unhappiness.

Too many political stalemates are the result of refusal to understand and accept the other party's situation or differences. What about threats, sabre-rattling or reprisal attacks? Don't they always make matters worse?

Realistically, the only person you can change is yourself. Look within yourself for your shortcomings and work to fix them. If you're hoping that others might also change for the better, you can only lead by example or open the channels of communication and genuinely seek to understand. reasons.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Cheering Yourself Up (Part 2)

We continue to explore how can you cheer yourself up when you're feeling down.

Force yourself to smile and laugh. Smiling tricks your mind into thinking you're happy. Probable result? A more light-hearted you. And laughing instantly makes you feel a whole lot better because you take in lots of oxygen and that revitalises your blood cells. so share a funny anecdote with a family member, friend or colleague. Laugh heartily!

Make something. The process of creation takes your mind off your worries, and you get a sense of satisfaction when the product finally emerges. Write a poem, paint a picture, make a mural in your bedroom, or plant a garden.

Keep a list of things you can appreciate; things that you normally take for granted. A loving family, good health, the sight of verdant trees in the park, friendly colleagues, peace, or a satisfying meal. If you try to identify the blessings in your life, you'll find the list endless.

Start a project. Redecorate your room, learn a language, polish your car, take music lessons, go for a film appreciation course, anything! But it's crucial that you stick with your project till the end. People don't fail. They give up. So follow it through and your self-esteem will receive a much-needed boost.

Go through your address book and meet up with your old friends. It's so easy to get caught up with work and family and neglect the people with whom you have an intellectual or emotional connection. Connect with them again. Go for a movie together and analyse its many layers. Invite your friend over, ask him to bring his favorite CDs for the moment, listen to music and talk. share a pizza and catch up.

And, finally, perhaps the most scientifically-proven method for lifting your spirits... physical exercise! Go for a run! Sweat out all your worries! Forget about your problems for a while, and you'll be amazed at how much clearer things will be when you finish your run.

At the end of it all... choose to be happy. There are plenty of things to be sad or sorry about in life, but you know, there are many things to rejoice about as well. Perhaps a shift in focus is all you need.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Cheering Yourself Up

When you're feeling down, it's great to have a partner or a friend who will try almost anything to make you smile. But most of the time, the only person we can count on is ourselves. So here are some ways you can cheer yourself up!

One of the simplest ways to pick yourself up when you're down is to dance! Make a compilation of mood-elevating songs that you can put on whenever you feel blue. Gives the term "elevator music" a whole new meaning, don't you think?

Or, spend time with children. When the world becomes too complicated to handle, kids so effortlessly help us to make things seem so much simpler. I remember visiting a friend recently. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and was actually quite grouchy when I arrived. But after a few minutes of trying to converse with my friend's two-year-old son. I was right as rain. Words didn't matter. He giggled, I babbled like a complete idiot, he jumped up and down, and I made silly faces. It was a blast.

Another great way to take your mind off your troubles is to indulge yourself. Forget about cost or responsibility for a while, and just do what you love. Buy the special edition DVD of one of your favourite films and watch it plus all the bonus features at one sitting. Go for a massage. Have a dark and rich chocolate cake. Buy your own cue and go shoot some pool.

I don't know about you, but clearing clutter alleviates stress for me. I know some people actually find comfort in disorder but if you're not like that, take a day off to go through your stuff and get rid of what you don't need. Emphasise space and delete waste. Physical baggage can be just as frustrating as emotional baggage.

Identify the things you've been procrastinating about and take action. Few things are more liberating than checking off your "To Do" list. Just ask the Bride in the movie "Kill Bill". Just kidding.

And speaking about kidding, have more fun! At work, at home, anywhere! Lighten up! Don't care what others think of you. Be corny, flippant, and outrageous. Get out of your shell and have a party!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Getting Rid of False Ideas

Is low self-esteem ruining your life?

How we regard ourselves is crucial to our happiness and success. If you have a poor self-image, and regularly say negative things to yourself, your sub-conscious mind will start to believe in them. This can lead to a distorted view of reality, and very often, you can invite problems simply by believing in them.

Have you heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? When we form negative perceptions of ourselves (or others, for that matter), we communicate these perceptions to ourselves through various cues or signals. These can be words, or actions, like sighing, walking with a hunch, or a weak handshake. You will sub-consciously respond to these cues by adjusting your behaviour to match them and the result is that the original perception translates into reality. Other people will also adjust their behaviour or attitude towards you according to the cues you send them. For example, if you're always sighing, you may convey the impression that you're pessimistic, passive, and that you have many problems. Consequently, people may avoid you or you may be passed over for a promotion because you appear incompetent.

Check your talk! Do you often say things like "I can't", "I'm not that good", "I'm scared", and so on? Do you frequently put yourself down in front of others? If you have a low opinion of yourself, you'll attract friends and lovers who echo your ideas, take advantage of you, belittle you and hurt you.

Remember, the subconscious mind will act on an inaccurate concept as if it were true. If you've accepted an idea that you can't lose weight, stop smoking, make money, succeed, can't paint or anything else, then your subconscious will make sure that the belief gets justified. It'll attract situations that will verify your beliefs.

The good news is that these false concepts can be changed. It takes persistence and consistency, but by using affirmations, you can change the incorrect facts. The first step is to recognize what erroneous ideas you're acting on in the present. Where are they holding you back? Without identifying the problem, you can't move to the solution.

Examine the thoughts that come into your mind when you're about to succeed at whatever goal you have. If they're negative thoughts about you or your goal, those are the incorrect assumptions you've been acting on. Then create a positive statement that counters the negative one. This is your affirmation that you use whenever you think of your goal.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Loving What We Have

We live in an age of excess and access - excess because we have so much to choose from and access because we have so much freedom to choose. From hi-tech toys to multi-media, high fashion to waterfront homes, chemical distractions to fast lovers, this world offers us an endless array of possibilities. It's all about momentary pleasures, staying in the fast lane, retaining membership in the club of looks and possessions.

The confines of tradition, the prejudice of gender and race, the oppression of politics, the dividing power of distance - all these, though not completely removed, do not bind our feet like they did our forefathers. Today, no one has to feel embarrassed about wanting more, making more money, deserving better, buying more things, having more lovers. Ambition is used as a euphemism for greed. But are we happier than before?

So much of our society is disposable - we see, we want, we use, we throw. More than ever, human beings are buying and using things they don't really need. Our landfills are choking with rubbish, and our debts are ballooning. Yet the buying frenzy doesn't seem to be losing any steam.

Are we getting caught up in the wrong things? Is our focus causing us to ultimately lead empty, meaningless lives? How can we stop the seething, rumbling, fast-exploding machine of industry and greed?

The answer is love - learning to love the things and people we already have. Truly understanding them and appreciating them, discovering aspects of them that eluded us before.

If you love what you have, you don't feel the need for more. If you love what you have, you're not going to throw something out once it gets a little worn. You'll see the deeper beauty that lasts infinitely longer. If you love what you have, you'll be very careful what you buy or who you choose to be with, because it has to be something you can love, not simply a trial or plaything.

Take a closer look at your possessions and relationships - your clothes, your car, your furniture, your gadgets, your partner. What can you learn to love and appreciate more? What can you recycle or maintain? Instead of dreaming about buying something new, think about how you can make the most out of what you already have. Wanting more can never make you happy. The key is loving what you have.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Needle

You know the feeling - you've achieved something great after a period of hard work - you've made a great speech, you've wrapped up a big meeting, you've finished writing a book, you've completed an exhilarating game, you've put together a wonderful event, the final notes of your piano recital have met rapturous applause. You're on cloud nine and it seems that at this beautiful moment, nothing can touch you.

Then, someone says, "You're so full of yourself. That was nothing special. I've seen better. You were terrible! You sucked." It seems as if a needle has punctured your rubber soul. There is an earth-shattering pop and the once proud balloon of your ego is now a wrinkled, sniveling wreck.

What happened? It was going so well for you! You were having a great time! And now you're in a daze, wondering what hit you. The words dig into you and you start asking yourself "What did I do wrong? Was I really that bad? That mistake marred my whole performance! I just wasn't good enough!"

The hours and days pass and the feeling of disappointment hasn't abated. You start reviewing your past failures and wrong turns. You wonder if you should continue doing this at all. Maybe you should quit.

Many people actually do. They get so unnerved by the negative feedback that they're thrown off-track. They make even more mistakes because they're so hung up about being perfect.

Now there will always be people who will not like you or find your work helpful or like the pattern of your tie. For whatever reason. These people may not even be making a genuine assessment. It's more likely that they're simply making reckless comments. Otherwise you'd get more analysis than just "you were terrible" ("you sucked")!

It's important not to dwell on this minority of people. If you let them get to you, you'll constantly be distracted. And just think how ridiculous it is for you to be held back by a few careless words. It's just a needle. You don't have to be a balloon that's easily punctured by a prick.

What others think or say about you is their reality. What you think of yourself is your reality. Don't let anyone make you lose direction or abandon your dream. Most of the time, people just want to provoke a reaction. Don't believe a word.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Empower Yourself

Everyone goes through murky patches of their lives when they start feeling, for apparently no good reason at all, empty and directionless. This can happen when we're living on auto-pilot, getting lost in the rhythm of the ever turning wheels, and having no clear idea what we want or what we're doing. This lack of vision and control can be very disempowering.

So here are some ways you can reclaim control of your life and empower yourself to move into the future with confidence.

First, ask yourself "What do I want?" It's a simple question but the answer can be unexpectedly complex. Most of us don't even think about this question. But it's the most important thing you need to establish. Do you want more money? Give more love? Spend more time with your children? More health? Really meditate on this and listen to what comes back.

Next, ask yourself "What is stopping me from getting what I want?" Is it doubt? As in "I don't think I can go without a regular income." Or is it limiting beliefs? Such as "I'm too old for that." What about attachment? The unwillingness to let go of certain things in order for other things to come into your life. Upon close examination, you'll find that these things really can't hold you back. It's just fear.

Then look at where you are today. Are you getting from it all that you want? Or are you unhappy with the way things are? Even if you think you're miserable, you're getting something from it, otherwise you would have tried to get out of the situation. Many of us languish in self-pity because we're feeding our insecurities. Somewhere deep inside, we actually do like where we are because it means we don't have to take any action towards change. Change frightens us and so we make up the excuse that we're in a hopeless situation and continue doing nothing.

But the human spirit grows thin when it remains in an unchallenging place for too long. The emptiness you feel is precisely because you've not allowed for change to transform your life. You're doing the same thing which gives you no satisfaction day in day out and your heart is crying out for help. So the key really is to decide what you have to do to start changing your life in positive ways. And really take action.

Even small actions, like walking up the steps at the office instead of taking the lift gives you an empowering feeling of moving forward all the time.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd