Happy, confident and carefree people can seem incredibly self-assured, even to the point of being arrogant. They seem comfortable in almost any situation and mistakes and faux pas seem to slide right off them. Obnoxious people apparently have no effect on them and cheerfulness and optimism is like a second nature.
But unknown to many of us, these people are actually remarkably "un-self-centred", for lack of a better word. It is the ostensibly anxious or high-strung self-loathers who are self-centred.
When we are unhappy with the way we look for example, we're focusing on ourselves, how we appear to others, and the judgements we think are being made on us. When we feel self-conscious and nervous in situations that put us in the spotlight, we are again thinking about ourselves. When we make a blunder and are subsequently riddled with regret or embarrassment, we are dwelling on our error and how others may perceive our silliness or incompetence. When someone disparages us or puts us down and we worry about it all day, we are again imagining that these people actually care how we are.
The thing is, people don't care. They don't think about you and they don't bother how you feel. Not on a date, not in a meeting, not in the office, not in bed, not on stage. Most people only really think about themselves most of the time - what they can get out of any situation - their seemingly negative or damaging words or actions stem from their own insecurities, not from your faults.
If something thinks you're not beautiful or foolish, they're not judging you; usually they're trying to make themselves feel better about themselves.
So the next time you are in a situation that usually makes you nervous, remember? it's NOT about you. Take your focus off yourself and place it on the other party or parties involved. Think about how you can help the other person, either by providing useful information, complimenting them or giving good service. You will find that the more you focus on other people, the less conscious you are of yourself, and the better you'll perform.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
