You meet someone for the first time and strike up a conversation. As the conversation progresses, you find yourself smiling quite a bit and really warming up to this person. After a couple of minutes, you make a subtle mental assessment that you like this person.
Well, if you could rewind the encounter and analyse it, you would probably realise that the main reason why you formed a favourable impression of this person was because he made you feel important. Through his interested facial expression, and enthusiastic questions about you, he made you feel that you were the focus of the conversation.
And everyone likes to feel important.
Therein lies the simple secret to working and living well with people.
Greet everyone you meet with enthusiasm. Have you ever called someone or met them somewhere, and they greeted you with such energy and enthusiasm that you felt they must truly adore you? A greeting of ardent and genuine enthusiasm sets the tone for your entire encounter. It's such a simple skill... the hardest part is remembering to do it... but if you can remember, it will enliven all of your relationships.
Slow down. Take the time in conversation to really listen. While someone is talking, focus on taking in what he or she is saying in words, tone, and body language instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Relax and listen before responding.
As you practice this form of deep listening, work on identifying the other person's needs. Put your own needs aside during the conversation and focus on determining what they need today. Savour the connection you can make with another person, even in a casual conversation.
Work on remembering the details of past conversations and encounters. Ask about the things they confided to you. How did her business presentation go? How is his ailing father? It's often helpful to make little notes to remind you to ask about something or someone the next time you meet. This simple skill shows people that they are important to you.
Appreciate the small things that people do for you and never pass up an opportunity to say thank you. Find simple and small ways to show appreciation and caring to those you love.
When you make the people around you feel important, you create a climate of trust and mutual appreciation, which can change your life in ways large and small. Try it today.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Respect. Show all posts
Top Marriage Myths
Many of us have grown up with misconceptions about what makes a marriage work. We might have gotten these false ideas from observing our parents, from mainstream movies and music, from romance novels and magazines, or from friends who perpetuate the stereotypes that they themselves have embraced into belief system without deeper evaluation.
These are the top myths responsible for the disintegration of marriages:
First, the myth that your spouse should automatically know what you want and need. Now if this were true, your partner would have to be able to read your mind. So don't tow this tired old line... communicate your needs and wants honestly to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to second guess your desires.
Another marriage myth assumes that your marriage would improve if only your spouse would just change his or her behaviour... you know, the nagging little habits and traits that get under your skin. This myth is damaging because you are playing a passive role... playing the "victim" while waiting for and expecting your spouse to change while not doing anything to improve yourself! To prevent this myth from destroying your marriage, work on improving yourself instead of waiting for your spouse to change. Decide to be happy with your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings.
The next marriage myth expects you to always put your spouse's needs above your own. It demands that you always compromise your own desires and opinions in order to accommodate your spouse's, which of course is not sustainable because it's illogical. How long can you keep sacrificing yourself before you start to feel resentful? How long before your spouse begins to take your consistent submissions for granted? To bust this myth, make sure you respect both your spouse's needs and your own. Work on finding a middle ground where both of you can find some agreement.
And this final marriage myth assumes that your spouse should always, in all areas, contribute to half of the marriage - in terms of income, household work, managing the kids, and so on. Needless to say, this kind of strictly calculated system does not work when it comes to human beings. Of course there has to be space for flexibility.
When it comes to your marriage, don't blindly follow the stereotypes you have absorbed from other sources... Use your heart and your head.
These are the top myths responsible for the disintegration of marriages:
First, the myth that your spouse should automatically know what you want and need. Now if this were true, your partner would have to be able to read your mind. So don't tow this tired old line... communicate your needs and wants honestly to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to second guess your desires.
Another marriage myth assumes that your marriage would improve if only your spouse would just change his or her behaviour... you know, the nagging little habits and traits that get under your skin. This myth is damaging because you are playing a passive role... playing the "victim" while waiting for and expecting your spouse to change while not doing anything to improve yourself! To prevent this myth from destroying your marriage, work on improving yourself instead of waiting for your spouse to change. Decide to be happy with your spouse in spite of his or her shortcomings.
The next marriage myth expects you to always put your spouse's needs above your own. It demands that you always compromise your own desires and opinions in order to accommodate your spouse's, which of course is not sustainable because it's illogical. How long can you keep sacrificing yourself before you start to feel resentful? How long before your spouse begins to take your consistent submissions for granted? To bust this myth, make sure you respect both your spouse's needs and your own. Work on finding a middle ground where both of you can find some agreement.
And this final marriage myth assumes that your spouse should always, in all areas, contribute to half of the marriage - in terms of income, household work, managing the kids, and so on. Needless to say, this kind of strictly calculated system does not work when it comes to human beings. Of course there has to be space for flexibility.
When it comes to your marriage, don't blindly follow the stereotypes you have absorbed from other sources... Use your heart and your head.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Remembering Names
We have all faced this problem - you bump into a familiar face, buy try as you might, you simply cannot remember his name. Oh the awkward moment, the blank look in your eyes, the eager smile on the other person's face.
Is this problem keeping you from networking successfully? Some of us admittedly have poorer memory skills for faces and names, but if it happens often enough, surely it's time to see if something can be done.
Now what's the most fundamental rule when it comes to remembering something?
Repetition.
But simply repeating the person's name after you have parted is not quite as effective as repeating it during the encounter. So when you are first introduced to someone, use their names several times when you talk to them. "Hi, Andy, nice to meet you. What do you do for a living, Andy? Do you have any kids, Andy? Andy, it was great to meet you!" Not all at one of course... but over the course of the conversation.
If you don't catch the name when it's originally told to you, don't be afraid to ask for it again. This is entirely acceptable as people understand that names may not get through clearly the first time. If it is a foreign or unfamiliar name, ask the person to spell it for you, just to be doubly sure. And say the name immediately after you have confirmed it.
Also, try linking the name with something that's related to the person - it could the mutual friend who introduced to you, a body feature or personality trait. Do they remind you of something that rhymes with their name? Can you make up a catchphrase or a story that uses the feature and the name? It doesn't matter if it is nonsensical; what is important is the strong association you will remember.
If your acquaintances are the namesakes of famous people, try associating them with those personalities. If you meet an "Andy", for example, you might imagine him with a tennis racquet poised for a strike and remember him as "Andy Murray".
Most of us don't give this much thought, but people instantly warm up and respect people who remember their names. It show you paid attention and goes a long way in successful networking.
Is this problem keeping you from networking successfully? Some of us admittedly have poorer memory skills for faces and names, but if it happens often enough, surely it's time to see if something can be done.
Now what's the most fundamental rule when it comes to remembering something?
Repetition.
But simply repeating the person's name after you have parted is not quite as effective as repeating it during the encounter. So when you are first introduced to someone, use their names several times when you talk to them. "Hi, Andy, nice to meet you. What do you do for a living, Andy? Do you have any kids, Andy? Andy, it was great to meet you!" Not all at one of course... but over the course of the conversation.
If you don't catch the name when it's originally told to you, don't be afraid to ask for it again. This is entirely acceptable as people understand that names may not get through clearly the first time. If it is a foreign or unfamiliar name, ask the person to spell it for you, just to be doubly sure. And say the name immediately after you have confirmed it.
Also, try linking the name with something that's related to the person - it could the mutual friend who introduced to you, a body feature or personality trait. Do they remind you of something that rhymes with their name? Can you make up a catchphrase or a story that uses the feature and the name? It doesn't matter if it is nonsensical; what is important is the strong association you will remember.
If your acquaintances are the namesakes of famous people, try associating them with those personalities. If you meet an "Andy", for example, you might imagine him with a tennis racquet poised for a strike and remember him as "Andy Murray".
Most of us don't give this much thought, but people instantly warm up and respect people who remember their names. It show you paid attention and goes a long way in successful networking.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Stop Being Judgemental
Judgemental people tend to impose their beliefs and their way of life on others. They look down on people who don't live up to their expectations.
Your way feels "right", you say. But it may not be "right" for others. Others should not have to act, be, and make the same choices that you do. As long as we are not out there raping, killing or robbing, we all deserve respect and acceptance.
But many of us inevitably find things we don't like about others.
Say you see someone in line at the post office. He wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. You may be appalled that he could leave home looking like that. You may judge him to be poor and dirty.
But there could be a myriad of reasons why he chooses to present himself that way. Perhaps he's in deep grief from a personal loss and so he does not care about his appearance. It could be any reason. The point is that he is who he is and you are who you are. How one presents themselves in public is none of our business, nor is it up to us to dictate how another person runs his life. Your way is right for you. His way is right for him.
When you stop being judgemental, you release all the bad emotions that come along with that habit. You will have a new habit of going around with compassion in your soul for the people with which we share this world.
It's a wonderful feeling to be unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not only say that others will quite judging you just because you aren't judging of others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a thing as being non-judgemental or of becoming a better person! All you can do is continue on your journey. Remember, your business is with building a better you.
Your way feels "right", you say. But it may not be "right" for others. Others should not have to act, be, and make the same choices that you do. As long as we are not out there raping, killing or robbing, we all deserve respect and acceptance.
But many of us inevitably find things we don't like about others.
Say you see someone in line at the post office. He wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. You may be appalled that he could leave home looking like that. You may judge him to be poor and dirty.
But there could be a myriad of reasons why he chooses to present himself that way. Perhaps he's in deep grief from a personal loss and so he does not care about his appearance. It could be any reason. The point is that he is who he is and you are who you are. How one presents themselves in public is none of our business, nor is it up to us to dictate how another person runs his life. Your way is right for you. His way is right for him.
When you stop being judgemental, you release all the bad emotions that come along with that habit. You will have a new habit of going around with compassion in your soul for the people with which we share this world.
It's a wonderful feeling to be unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not only say that others will quite judging you just because you aren't judging of others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a thing as being non-judgemental or of becoming a better person! All you can do is continue on your journey. Remember, your business is with building a better you.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Respect
At the heart of every successful relationship, whether it's business or personal, lies respect. If you're in a relationship in which you either don't respect the other person or aren't respected by the other person, you'll want to seriously consider leaving it. Because the more you think about it, the more you'll realize that without respect, all those other important ingredients of a good relationship such as love and trust can't flourish at all.
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When you truly respect someone, you don't lie to them, cheat on them, demean them, steal from them, speak badly about them, try to control them, invade their privacy, ignore what's important to them, or want anything less for them than their most glorious dreams.
If you happen to be in an intimate relationship in which you're being chronically disrespected, don't fall in to the trap of believing that if you hang around long enough, putting up with your partner, it will somehow prove to him or her how much you care; and then someday (ah that elusive "someday"), when you partner finally realizes the depth of your love, you'll earn the respect you've been longing for. Sadly, that hardly ever happens, because you can never earn respect by tolerating disrespect.
Other people's ideals, beliefs or ways of living can be different from yours, so just because they didn't live up to your expectations doesn't mean they're disrespectful. Also, people can behave negatively because of their own insecurities, health factors, chemical imbalance, fear, greed, anger and so on.
It's not always about you - so don't take it personally. Nevertheless you still have to decide if that's healthy situation to allow yourself to be a part of. Will "sticking around" serve your better purpose? You are ultimately the decision-maker whether you want to "stick-around" to be either intentionally or unintentionally disrespected. Another person's behavior to disrespect you is truly your own dilemma if you choose to remain and accept.
The fundamental ingredients of respect and trust are the foundation of all successful relationships. Difficult as it is, there's one thing you can do to earn respect from a person who's in the habit of disrespecting you. You have to distance yourself from them, not just emotionally or mentally, but physically. Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it, and when you mean it, do it. If you can't do it for yourself and your precious spirit that deserves respect, do it for the other person, and the lesson they need to learn that for every act of disrespect, there really is a price to pay.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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