There are plenty of self-help books and programmes teaching us how to deal with "difficult" people. Most of them explain why these people appear to make things hard for you and suggest ways of making these people more pliable. However, have you ever thought about how these ostensible "saboteurs" could actually benefit you?
Well, most of don't think about how we can appreciate difficult people. By painting them as the enemy, we are wasting time and energy thinking of ways to change them or get rid of them. But if we can adjust our perspective and think about how these people can be good for us, we can work synergistically to produce amazing results.
It's tempting to write off "difficult" people as "jerks" but they can be great teachers and reminders for us. They often teach us important lessons about life and about ourselves. They also remind us to be more patient and accepting, and they force us to live true to the principles many of us say are most important - kindness, love, acceptance, forgiveness, respect, and others.
When we take the time to appreciate the "difficult" people around us, some amazing things happen. First of all, we find that there are actually many things we do appreciate about them. (Remember, we always find what we look for). Second, we allow ourselves to be open to the lessons these people have to teach us. Third, we let go of the unnecessary stress and frustration that comes along with constantly being irritated by another person. When we are willing to look for good stuff, even in these "difficult" people, we tap into the amazing power of appreciation. Appreciation allows us to greatly increase our own personal success and fulfillment, and it dramatically improves the environment around us as well.
Think of the three most "difficult" people in your life. Write their names down on a piece of paper. Next to each name, write at least three things you appreciate about them. For some, it may take a while, for others it will be much easier. You may find that once you start, there are lots of things you appreciate about them.
Next time you think about, talk about and/or interact with these people, see if you can put more of your attention on the things you appreciate about them (what you wrote on your list and more), and less attention on the things that you don't like.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
