Most of us have had this experience - we go to a restaurant, receive horrible service, but remain silent about it. I mean, we probably will winge about it with our dining mates but mostly no more than that.
This kind of timid, non-assertive behaviour is often attributed to our "Asian reservation", "reservedness", our tendency to be more concerned about group benefit rather than individual satisfaction, and so on. "Let's not make a scene", "Oh it's just one of those days", and so on.
It can seem awfully trivial, especially after our temper has cooled. But our reluctance to assert ourselves has a wider-reaching consequence. When we don't give feedback for bad treatment, we are actually perpetuating bad service.
The lack of good service has long been a malaise of Singapore society. Could this be due to our general reluctance to point out bad service?
I have been guilty of this myself. I get shoddy service and simply brush it off. "Maybe he's having a bad day..." Well, maybe he is. Maybe he isn't What's certain though is that when you remain silent, you're rewarding bad behaviour. The service provider assumes he can get away with it and will be more likely to give sub-standard service in future. This certainly doesn't help his career development either.
And it's not just the service sector that suffers from the lack of feedback. When we remain tight-lipped about bad treatment, we encourage bad behaviour from almost everyone we interact with. Think of family members, your partner, a colleague or neighbour... what kinds of unreasonable treatment are you putting up with? What kinds of stress are you allowing yourself to take on a regular basis without voicing your opposition?
Now it's important to understand that we are not helping the relationship by keeping quiet. When we don't express our dissatisfaction, we are sending a signal that we're OK with being treated like that. The other party then sees nothing wrong with continuing to treat us like that. Over time, our silent rage bubbles and boils, our resentment builds up, we find ways to getting back at the other person, and the unspoken war wages on until finally, the relationship becomes untenable.
So do yourself and the other party a favour. If you feel - reasonably - that you deserve better, do say so.
Of course, this principle of feedback also applies to good service and behaviour. So when you're well-treated, do let the person or whatever place he's working in know. Give a bigger tip. Reward good behaviour and you will get more good behaviour.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Compliments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Compliments. Show all posts
Accepting Compliments
How do you respond when someone says to you - "That's a nice shirt!", "I really liked that presentation you did!", "Your website is so well done!", or "Nice haircut!"?
Do you usually view the compliment with suspicion or disbelief? Are you usually dismissive - "No, this old thing? I only wear it because it's comfy" or "No, I thought I was really nervous!"
Many people are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don't quite know what to do with positive feedback. We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it" being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.
What we should be doing though is learning to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously. By doing this, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to believe them.
Here are some steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing"? Do you challenge it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response until saying it feels natural and sincere. A warm and heartfelt, "thank you" coupled with a smile is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
3. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere. Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
4. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to give more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughs more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Do you usually view the compliment with suspicion or disbelief? Are you usually dismissive - "No, this old thing? I only wear it because it's comfy" or "No, I thought I was really nervous!"
Many people are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don't quite know what to do with positive feedback. We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it" being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.
What we should be doing though is learning to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously. By doing this, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to believe them.
Here are some steps towards accepting compliments graciously.
1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing"? Do you challenge it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?
2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response until saying it feels natural and sincere. A warm and heartfelt, "thank you" coupled with a smile is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.
3. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere. Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.
4. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to give more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughs more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
