In life, there will be great misfortunes that require immense effort to deal with. And we sometimes suffer grave injuries that take a long time to heal.
For some of us though, the grievances that exhaust our energy, spirit and time are trivial ones - petty hurts that are really any bites on the soul, yet can cause a lot of physical harm and mental anguish.
Perhaps we find a co-worker irritating. We expect something of our partner and he or she does not deliver. Someone we help turns out to be unappreciative, some insult about our appearance or intelligence is passed, or some reward we think we deserve is denied us.
Our mental tranquility is upset, our work gets affected, we lose appetite and sleep, we sulk and become listless. And because these little hurts are common, they quickly accumulate in our minds, and grow huge and irrepressible from constant brooding.
As a result, we lost many precious hours pondering and fretting over things that have no real bearing on the quality of our lives - things, that in a month, a day or even a second, may matter little, if at all.
Besides, if we take the time to contemplate these perceived trespasses, we will come to realise that most of them only happen in our minds.
Think about the last event, situation or person that upset you. How much of that stress was really just taking place inside your head? How much of it was over-embellishment and loss of focus due to hours of excessive analysis?
Instead of indulging a mind on overdrive, force yourself to distil what's truly stressing you and write it down. What is the thing that upsetting you?
Once you have that written down... ask yourself... is it true? For example, if what your partner said this morning made you question his or her love for you, think about it rationally. Is it really true? Do you absolutely know it's true? How did imagining this "truth" make you feel? How would you be feeling if you didn't indulge this negative thought?
Would you be happier, more loving, more forgiving, more capable of appreciating the good?
I wouldn't go to say that all our grievances happen only in our minds. But most of them do. The next time you find yourself getting upset with something or someone, do yourself a favour. See the truth... don't over-think it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Showing posts with label Mind Strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mind Strength. Show all posts
The Bottomless Pit of Self-Pity
When we run into problems or extended problematic periods, it's common for us to feel sorry for ourselves.
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This kind of self-pity can be seductive and addictive because it can reward us psychologically and emotionally.
For instance, we might imagine that our dramatically-expressed misery is a kind of punishment to the one who has hurt us; that we can make him or her feel bad that we are feeling bad.
We also feel that by remaining incapacitated, we're demonstrating just how helpless we are to make things better, therefore justifying even more helpless, self-pitying behaviour. This can quickly become a vicious cycle that keeps feeding itself.
While in the grip of self-pity, we also tend to exaggerate the role of the aggravator and selectively selectively block out our own responsibility to improve our own life.
Chances are there will also be plenty of well-meaning friends and relatives who will come around and cry along with us and nod enthusiastically and supportively when you tell them how terrible you feel, how hurt you are and how hard your life is.
The thing about self-pity is that it makes us believe that we are the victim and so can't help being and feeling abused. It encourages us to remain in a miserable state. It places the blame solely on other people and circumstances so we can sit around and do nothing.
So how can we wrest ourselves from the powerful talons of self-pity?
Well, first, get your friends and relatives to stop feeling sorry for you.
Tell them it's really not helping. Avoid people who, despite this, still feel they should be your brooding buddies.
Then, break your chain of self-pity thoughts by shifting your focus to something else. Immerse yourself in new experiences! Read inspiring literature, look for fresh perspectives.
And resolutely look towards tomorrow. it can be hard to see but there is a better future for you. Yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds endless possibilities.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Asking Questions
You've probably heard the joke about how men can never ask for directions while driving.
You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn".
How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they're lost and consult a passer-by?
Well, I don't know how true this is - but I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes, "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever".
But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
There are times when we find ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations or even in a position where we feel completely overwhelmed.
It can be very easy to say 'what have I done to deserve this?' or 'why does this always happen to me?'
However, these questions are destructive and only serve to prepare us for future disappointments. In fact, they can actually guarantee it! The questions we ask ourselves reflect our state of mind, reinforce our beliefs and have a huge impact on our results.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations.
But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Actually asking the question 'what can I learn from this situation?' is a great starting point, even if you only learn what not to do in the future.
But you can go much further. It has often been said that when one door closes, another opens and that in every setback lies opportunity.
Don't just stare at the closed door - why not try asking yourself what opportunities are now available or what doors have just opened for you?
It will improve your state of mind and may just change your life.
You know, how they will drive round in circles, hopelessly lost, yet are maddeningly confident about where they're going - "Don't worry dear, I know it's just after the next turn".
How they will sooner eat their foot than admit they're lost and consult a passer-by?
Well, I don't know how true this is - but I do know that in being afraid of asking questions, one loses out on the opportunity to learn something, to improve oneself, to make things better.
Asking questions is an essential way we all learn - after all, a Chinese proverb goes, "He who asks is a fool for a minute. He who doesn't ask is a fool forever".
But the power of asking questions goes beyond simply asking other people questions. Asking ourselves the right questions can also have dramatic impact on our self improvement, success and happiness.
There are times when we find ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations or even in a position where we feel completely overwhelmed.
It can be very easy to say 'what have I done to deserve this?' or 'why does this always happen to me?'
However, these questions are destructive and only serve to prepare us for future disappointments. In fact, they can actually guarantee it! The questions we ask ourselves reflect our state of mind, reinforce our beliefs and have a huge impact on our results.
We all experience events that seem too overwhelming to deal with and there is a great deal of valuable information available to help in these situations.
But in almost any situation, no matter how bad it may seem, there is usually something positive that can be found.
Actually asking the question 'what can I learn from this situation?' is a great starting point, even if you only learn what not to do in the future.
But you can go much further. It has often been said that when one door closes, another opens and that in every setback lies opportunity.
Don't just stare at the closed door - why not try asking yourself what opportunities are now available or what doors have just opened for you?
It will improve your state of mind and may just change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Aging
Humankind has always been obsessed with living longer, even forever, with stories of kings commissioning the Elixir of Life, and countless anti-aging treatments, herbal remedies and cures.
And there're medical experts who believe that the causes of aging have cures; they simply haven't been found yet.
Well, who can blame us? Given a choice, we'd all want to stay youthful forever. Impossible... but that's not going to stop us.
The good news is... gerontologists do claim that 70 percent of the aging process is controllable with the right lifestyle choices. The traditional aging process that our society has adopted unnecessarily relegates middle-aged people to early decline.
Aging is inevitable but getting old is strictly an option. You don't have to buy into society's model for how people age. Take charge of your life and refuse to shrink into the typical fossilised old age we've come to accept as normal.
Observe old people. What is it about their "oldness" you would like to avoid? How strong and flexible are you, mentally and physically?
Keep and improve what you can, while you can! You know, youth makes us arrogant.
Everyday we look into the mirror and see a seemingly unchanging image. We like what we see, so we do nothing. By the time we start worrying, it might be too late.
Also, plan your financial future. Health is paramount, but wealth helps a great deal.
And avoid the ultimate social disease. It's called retirement. Once you internalise that you are no longer productive, that you no longer have goals, decline sets in very quickly.
Everything slows - movement, reaction time, thinking, walking, talking.
The mind and body go into a shutdown mode in preparation for the final event - death. So, even if you stop working, continue contributing and being useful. Re-wire your life to embrace new activities and ambitions.
Immortality might still a pipe dream or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it but it's in our best interest to try to stay young and productive for as long as we can.
Reach out and savour the best of life!
And there're medical experts who believe that the causes of aging have cures; they simply haven't been found yet.
Well, who can blame us? Given a choice, we'd all want to stay youthful forever. Impossible... but that's not going to stop us.
The good news is... gerontologists do claim that 70 percent of the aging process is controllable with the right lifestyle choices. The traditional aging process that our society has adopted unnecessarily relegates middle-aged people to early decline.
Aging is inevitable but getting old is strictly an option. You don't have to buy into society's model for how people age. Take charge of your life and refuse to shrink into the typical fossilised old age we've come to accept as normal.
Observe old people. What is it about their "oldness" you would like to avoid? How strong and flexible are you, mentally and physically?
Keep and improve what you can, while you can! You know, youth makes us arrogant.
Everyday we look into the mirror and see a seemingly unchanging image. We like what we see, so we do nothing. By the time we start worrying, it might be too late.
Also, plan your financial future. Health is paramount, but wealth helps a great deal.
And avoid the ultimate social disease. It's called retirement. Once you internalise that you are no longer productive, that you no longer have goals, decline sets in very quickly.
Everything slows - movement, reaction time, thinking, walking, talking.
The mind and body go into a shutdown mode in preparation for the final event - death. So, even if you stop working, continue contributing and being useful. Re-wire your life to embrace new activities and ambitions.
Immortality might still a pipe dream or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it but it's in our best interest to try to stay young and productive for as long as we can.
Reach out and savour the best of life!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Accepting Terms of Life
It's been said that in order to live a peaceful life, one must learn to accept the things one cannot change.
Many of us continue to struggle because we choose to challenge these truths or simply are not aware of them.
One of these immutable terms of Life is that you cannot make everyone life you. People will not accept you for who you are due to whatever reason and there is usually nothing you can do about it.
Often, the reason is unknowable, influence by an endless number of factors and probably doesn't even have anything to do with you per se.
Don't take these people's words or behaviour personally. Just be true to yourself.
Another of Life's truths that we have to understand is how the world is a reflection of us. To actuate any positive change in the world, we must first positively change ourself.
If we consistently bemoan the state of our life and complain about every little thing, our world is likely to seem miserable and pointless.
But if we adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher, we will find the world rich, wondrous and full of new knowledge.
Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility.
Then there is the perennial spectre of suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness, comfort or success you manage to achieve in your life or for your loved one, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods or beaten down by a bad economy.
To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair.
People we love will pass away and misfortune may strike us even if we are the most loving, good and kind people we know.
We can only do what we can and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.
Also inevitable in Life is change.
Many of us prefer our boats not to be rocked, but change need not be bad. It can seem disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change leads to unforeseen benefits. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.
And those are some of Life's terms that we have to accept if we want to maintain peace of mind.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Many of us continue to struggle because we choose to challenge these truths or simply are not aware of them.
One of these immutable terms of Life is that you cannot make everyone life you. People will not accept you for who you are due to whatever reason and there is usually nothing you can do about it.
Often, the reason is unknowable, influence by an endless number of factors and probably doesn't even have anything to do with you per se.
Don't take these people's words or behaviour personally. Just be true to yourself.
Another of Life's truths that we have to understand is how the world is a reflection of us. To actuate any positive change in the world, we must first positively change ourself.
If we consistently bemoan the state of our life and complain about every little thing, our world is likely to seem miserable and pointless.
But if we adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher, we will find the world rich, wondrous and full of new knowledge.
Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility.
Then there is the perennial spectre of suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness, comfort or success you manage to achieve in your life or for your loved one, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods or beaten down by a bad economy.
To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair.
People we love will pass away and misfortune may strike us even if we are the most loving, good and kind people we know.
We can only do what we can and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.
Also inevitable in Life is change.
Many of us prefer our boats not to be rocked, but change need not be bad. It can seem disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change leads to unforeseen benefits. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.
And those are some of Life's terms that we have to accept if we want to maintain peace of mind.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Seeing Failure As Success
We all know that in life, we can't avoid failing.
Yet, there's a way of viewing failure that might actually make it empowering for us.
Author Laura B. Randolph once said that "failure is success if we learn from it".
Following this logic, we can take it that Life's upheavals are not meant to defeat us. they are intended to make us stronger. Every failure presents an opportunity to learn something that would benefit us in future.
With this view, we no longer need to see failure as a setback.
So if you are going through a bad patch, instead of spending your time moping, think critically about what could have led to your situation. What could you have done better? What new knowledge did you fain from the experience? What are your options now that can take you to a better place?
Look forward. No storm lasts forever. And though life's potholes can slow us down, even break us a bit, they can always be breached. And we can heal and improve. Humans are the original upgradeable machines.
In life, there is only one dead end. But the rest of the time, your life is still ahead of you, no matter how bleak present circumstances seem. Even the apparent "dimness" of your present plight is a matter of outlook. Don't allow a setback to limit your view and prevent you from enjoying the rest of what life has to offer.
Too many of us focus on the negative aspects of life. Seldom do we savour and cherish the good parts of life. We simply take them for granted until they are no longer around.
Similarly, we often view failure with derision and disappointment. But it's time to change this mindset.
Make failure a stepping stone and it will nudge you towards your eventual goals.
Let's learn from the words of author Laura b. Randolph... if we learn from Failure, it really is Success with another name.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Yet, there's a way of viewing failure that might actually make it empowering for us.
Author Laura B. Randolph once said that "failure is success if we learn from it".
Following this logic, we can take it that Life's upheavals are not meant to defeat us. they are intended to make us stronger. Every failure presents an opportunity to learn something that would benefit us in future.
With this view, we no longer need to see failure as a setback.
So if you are going through a bad patch, instead of spending your time moping, think critically about what could have led to your situation. What could you have done better? What new knowledge did you fain from the experience? What are your options now that can take you to a better place?
Look forward. No storm lasts forever. And though life's potholes can slow us down, even break us a bit, they can always be breached. And we can heal and improve. Humans are the original upgradeable machines.
In life, there is only one dead end. But the rest of the time, your life is still ahead of you, no matter how bleak present circumstances seem. Even the apparent "dimness" of your present plight is a matter of outlook. Don't allow a setback to limit your view and prevent you from enjoying the rest of what life has to offer.
Too many of us focus on the negative aspects of life. Seldom do we savour and cherish the good parts of life. We simply take them for granted until they are no longer around.
Similarly, we often view failure with derision and disappointment. But it's time to change this mindset.
Make failure a stepping stone and it will nudge you towards your eventual goals.
Let's learn from the words of author Laura b. Randolph... if we learn from Failure, it really is Success with another name.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Handling Bad Days
In our pursuit of daily happiness, we are sometimes faced with one of the most daunting truths of all - that some days will inevitably be bad. Your alarm clock runs out of power during the night, your usb drive crashes, the cat scratches the new couch, you are late for an important sales presentation and of course, you are caught in the most massive traffic jam of your life.
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Yes, bad days do happen, and most times, the day seems to freakishly get worse and worse. That's because these kinks throws us off our stride; when the first salvo strives, we lose our calm and orientation, and because we are so frazzled, we are less likely to see the next pothole. Down we go again...
It's understandably tough to keep our spirits up on days like this, and our sullen disposition can cause us to unintentionally offend key people in our lives. You get the idea... most bad days seem to go on forever because we allow the negative emotions to stay with us. And the more we hold on these feelings, the more trouble they invite.
The problem is that we often allow bad days to narrow our vision. We slide into self-pity and start to believe that things are just about the worst they can get. We forget about how good our lives really are and just how much we really have. We allow a little mess or an insensitive person to make us angry with ourselves and the world.
But you know, in truth, most bad days are really not so tough. What's a lost account, or a spat with a colleague, when there are people out there dealing with cancer, disability, or the recent death of a loved one? Everyday, babies are born into poor or disadvantaged conditions... many of them having to live with disfigurement or disease because of the lack of basic medical care... millions whose lives are a struggle everyday... and here we are, perfectly health and able, living free, modern, comfortable lives and bemoaning the state of our day?
It's only human I guess... When things are good, it's easy to see a petty trouble as an unjust intrusion. But life is too short and too precious to be living in anger or resentment.
So the next time your day seems to take a bad turn, remember... you can choose not to react negatively. You have the power not to respond the same way an angry or resentful person might respond. If it's a rude or ignorant person you are facing, you can choose to ignore him and walk away.
Put the situation in perspective and react in a manner in accordance with its magnitude. How can you best deal with the problem? Is it truly worth considering? What's the next best thing you can do to remedy the situation? Can the lemon indeed be turned into a sponge pudding?
As writer and Holocaust victim Anne Frank once wrote: "Our very lives are fashioned by choice. First we make choices. Then our choices make us."
What choices will you make?
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Maintaining a Positive Attitude
It's widely-accepted that having a positive outlook contributes greatly to a happy life. Endless studies tell us the same thing - that being cheerful and forward-looking makes us perform better at work, more creative, more contented and thus more joyful.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
But how exactly do we maintain a positive attitude? Is it enough simply to always see the good in everything?
Well, let's break it down to a couple of key tasks that keep us optimistic and hopeful.
first of all, you have to believe in yourself. A sturdy sense of self-worth is the foundation upon we can begin to build a happy and successful life. You can have the best education, the talent, the opportunities and so on, but nothing will work if deep down inside, you don't trust in your abilities. If you are not happy with yourself, you will always be haunted by jealousy and envy. If you doubt yourself, fear will always hold you back from achieving your goals.
Treat yourself well. Silence the dissenting voices in your head and start inputting more positive data. Stop putting yourself down or selling yourself short. Instead, encourage yourself more! Promote and support yourself instead of being your own worst critic.
Next, you need to have goals that you can aspire to and work towards. A large part of staying positive is having things you can look forward to, benchmarks or yardsticks you can reach in order to continue building your self-esteem and value. Set goals that are both near and long-term. For example, owning your own condo in five years is a good objective but you also need things like finishing one book a week or running 5 km in under 30 minutes (without strain!) within a month of training. Every little achievement adds up!
Now you have got your goals, but how will you get there? Here's where a good action plan comes in. How much will you need to set aside each month, for instance, if you are going to be able to make your down-payment for that home in 5 years time. What will you have to modify in your lifestyle and habits in order to save that kind of money? Where are your loans going to come from and how will you service them? A good action plan lays out specific tasks that take you closer to your goals.
And don't forget to reward yourself! so many people get so worn out from sticking to their actino plans that they give up halfway. So by all means push yourself, but do remember to give yourself little incentives along the way.
Work your way towards a sunnier attitude that will take you closer to the realization of your dream.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Criticism
It seems the young people of today hate being criticized. This according to a new study by the University of New Hampshire. Apparently, this is due to "an over-inflated sense of entitlement stemming from being constantly told from birth they are special and as a result now believe it - and will ignore anybody who says other wise."
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Well, to be fair, nobody actually enjoys being criticized, but there is value in criticism that youths these days, dubbed Generation Y, are missing. These "unjustified levels of self-esteem" it seems, "masks the ugly reality" and has led to "higher levels of depression and chronic disappointment".
It's not a affliction that's exclusive to generation Y though... many of us in the older age brackets are similarly averse to criticism. But no all criticism is useless or bad for us... in fact, you can often find something valuable in any criticism. even if the critic is purely trying to discourage you, you can learn to pick out the valid points of his remarks and beat him at his game by coming out the eventual winner.
The truth is, people who criticize you simply for the sadistic fun of it are in the minority. Most peopel do so because they genuinely feel that something's not right in their opinion. Sure, you don't have to agree with them, but if you simply ignore the criticism, you are probably missing something that could help you improve yourself or your product or service. It could even be a major flaw or a festering wound that you didn't notice yourself. We really should be grateful for such volunteer troubleshooters!
Of course, the criticism is not always delivered in the most harmonious of tones. And the harsh and blunt manner in which criticism is conveyed is what most people react angrily to. So learn to respond to criticism, not the way it's delivered. Don't kill the messenger, as they say. Instead, consider the useful points that can be extracted from the message.
It also helps greatly not take the criticism personally. Remember, it's the issue the person is talking about, or the aspect of you or your product or service he's unhappy with.
If someone is truly out to bring you down, he probably won't tell you where you went wrong. If he bothers to say something, chances are, there really is something that requires your attention, or that he cares enough about you or your product to help you plug the leak before it sinks the ship.
So don't simply dismiss the criticism that comes your way. Learn how to use it to reach greater heights.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Achieving More Joy & Success Through Active Focusing
You attract what you focus on.
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.
Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.
If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.
What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?
You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!
Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!
An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.
If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.
When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.
So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Trusting Your Instinct
Many decisions in life are not clear-cut. Even with adequate information on hand, there may not be an obviously superior option.
During these times, all we can rely on is our instinct. Most of us though, tend to suppress our instinct as we grow older. Life has perhaps discourages spontaneity and risk-taking in favour of caution and pre-meditation. A prudent safety measure I guess, but have we perhaps become too "safe"?
Professional athletes, musicians, actors, dancers and others in non-academic fields often have keenly-honed instincts. They have learnt to trust and depend on their spontaneity to perform at their best. The rest of us though, have very under-developed instincts because we hardly use them.
A finely-tuned instinct though is very important as, very often in Life, things are not cut-and dried. Information, logic and reason can only take us so far, but there comes a point when they can guide us no more. That is when our gut feel comes into play.
You have probably felt the power of your instinct when meeting someone for the first time, or when having to make a last-minute decision.... often situations in which there is no or limited information available to you. You will discover that as you allow your natural instinct back into your consciousness, you will become more effective as a person, a worker, and a leader. You will be less likely to be caught into limbo. You will be seen as more decisive and more sincere.
To develop your instinct, you have to become more self-aware. Stop ignoring and suppressing your feelings. Embrace them instead. Experiment with your instinct in making small, everyday choices. Stop over-thinking your decisions.
Learn to listen to yourself more attentively. Tune your consciousness to more clearly hear your inner voice. IN your daily interactions with the world, ask yourself "What am I feeling now?", "How do I really feel about this?"
Experts and researchers have estimated that 90% of critical decisions are based on your intuition.
Trust and develop your instinct and it will serve you well.
During these times, all we can rely on is our instinct. Most of us though, tend to suppress our instinct as we grow older. Life has perhaps discourages spontaneity and risk-taking in favour of caution and pre-meditation. A prudent safety measure I guess, but have we perhaps become too "safe"?
Professional athletes, musicians, actors, dancers and others in non-academic fields often have keenly-honed instincts. They have learnt to trust and depend on their spontaneity to perform at their best. The rest of us though, have very under-developed instincts because we hardly use them.
A finely-tuned instinct though is very important as, very often in Life, things are not cut-and dried. Information, logic and reason can only take us so far, but there comes a point when they can guide us no more. That is when our gut feel comes into play.
You have probably felt the power of your instinct when meeting someone for the first time, or when having to make a last-minute decision.... often situations in which there is no or limited information available to you. You will discover that as you allow your natural instinct back into your consciousness, you will become more effective as a person, a worker, and a leader. You will be less likely to be caught into limbo. You will be seen as more decisive and more sincere.
To develop your instinct, you have to become more self-aware. Stop ignoring and suppressing your feelings. Embrace them instead. Experiment with your instinct in making small, everyday choices. Stop over-thinking your decisions.
Learn to listen to yourself more attentively. Tune your consciousness to more clearly hear your inner voice. IN your daily interactions with the world, ask yourself "What am I feeling now?", "How do I really feel about this?"
Experts and researchers have estimated that 90% of critical decisions are based on your intuition.
Trust and develop your instinct and it will serve you well.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Good Thing About Problems
It's easy to think of adversity in life as something bad and unnecessary; something that's in conflict with an otherwise wonderful world. But the problems we face and the stress they usually cause are responsible for our personal growth. It's adversity that carves us into the best human beings we can be. It's adversity that teaches us invaluable lessons, and which makes us appreciate the good things in life more keenly.
Challenges and the way we overcome them are the building blocks of a person's mental and physical strength, his store of knowledge, his emotional maturity and depth of feeling. In the same way that we cannot hope to build muscle from inactivity, we cannot raise a strong and responsible adult by shielding him from pain and hard work.
Problems also exist to humble us before the great scheme of Nature and the Universe. Man is inherently self-indulgent as it is; imagine how arrogant and complacent we would become if things went our way all the time? We would lose all respect for life and for the world. We would stop deriving pleasure and joy from previously pleasurable and joyful things. Life would lose its meaning.
a person's personal strength can be assessed by the way he handles problems or challenges. Is he inspired by what he can learn from them and how he can solve them? Or is he intimidated by them?
How can one be "inspired" by problems, you may ask. Well, it's a matter of perspective - start feeling "problems" as "opportunities". If you take problems as challenges that make you stronger each time you surmount one, then the more problem you experience, the stronger you become. Thus problems are really opportunities to make you a stronger, better person. With each triumph comes increased resilience, which makes future problems less and less stressful. So really you are building your capacity for greater peace of mind.
Problems also force us to use our minds in different ways; they stimulate creative thinking, and widen our field of knowledge. In order to solve problems, we learn to draw quickly from our mental resources. So problems make our mind sharp and nimble. Adversity is really a teacher, but only if you allow yourself to learn from it.
Now when we think about problems this way, they cease to be so frightening. Problems help us gain new wisdom, keep our mental faculties fit, and prepare us to more easily tackle other problems in the future. Problems are thus really opportunities to improve ourselves and our lives; in other words, problems encourage our personal growth.
And one of the best things about problems is that the more of them you encounter, the more adept you become at solving them. You can then live your life confidently and fearlessly, knowing that the next time a similar "problem" comes around, you can very quickly and easily solve it without getting stressed out about it.
Challenges and the way we overcome them are the building blocks of a person's mental and physical strength, his store of knowledge, his emotional maturity and depth of feeling. In the same way that we cannot hope to build muscle from inactivity, we cannot raise a strong and responsible adult by shielding him from pain and hard work.
Problems also exist to humble us before the great scheme of Nature and the Universe. Man is inherently self-indulgent as it is; imagine how arrogant and complacent we would become if things went our way all the time? We would lose all respect for life and for the world. We would stop deriving pleasure and joy from previously pleasurable and joyful things. Life would lose its meaning.
a person's personal strength can be assessed by the way he handles problems or challenges. Is he inspired by what he can learn from them and how he can solve them? Or is he intimidated by them?
How can one be "inspired" by problems, you may ask. Well, it's a matter of perspective - start feeling "problems" as "opportunities". If you take problems as challenges that make you stronger each time you surmount one, then the more problem you experience, the stronger you become. Thus problems are really opportunities to make you a stronger, better person. With each triumph comes increased resilience, which makes future problems less and less stressful. So really you are building your capacity for greater peace of mind.
Problems also force us to use our minds in different ways; they stimulate creative thinking, and widen our field of knowledge. In order to solve problems, we learn to draw quickly from our mental resources. So problems make our mind sharp and nimble. Adversity is really a teacher, but only if you allow yourself to learn from it.
Now when we think about problems this way, they cease to be so frightening. Problems help us gain new wisdom, keep our mental faculties fit, and prepare us to more easily tackle other problems in the future. Problems are thus really opportunities to improve ourselves and our lives; in other words, problems encourage our personal growth.
And one of the best things about problems is that the more of them you encounter, the more adept you become at solving them. You can then live your life confidently and fearlessly, knowing that the next time a similar "problem" comes around, you can very quickly and easily solve it without getting stressed out about it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Staying Motivated in Uncertain Times
Nothing in life is predictable. You can plan your life as tightly as you possibly can, and still there will be times when it can all come crashing down.
So how do you stay motivated when life is so uncertain? How do you remain creative during times when nothing around you seems to give you inspiration?
First of all, learn to concentrate on the good. Your perception of something determines whether it hammers your spirit or gives it wings. So always focus on the positive - find the lesson, or the beauty. What new wisdom have you gained? Did you find a new friend? Or perhaps a fresh perspective? Everything can bring you closer to your goals. You don't always know it at the time, but if you seek the good in everything, there is no defeat.
Also, when a difficulty arises, focus on the solution. Many people dwell on the problem, seeing it grow more menacing and complicated in their minds, shrinking their hearts. So concentrate on the solution, break it down into manageable steps, then take action. For example, if a lucrative market is suddenly closed off to you, don't keep thinking about the potential profits lost; look elsewhere! The world is too large for you to remain in one place for too long.
Along the road to your goals, there are plenty of motels that offer a seductive rest. These places often have names like "The Past", "Complacency", "Indolence", "Lovely Laurels to Rest On", and the like. We have all checked into these places before. The stay is always pleasant enough of course, but if we linger too long, we find it hard to leave. So by all means, revisit your past, indulge a little in your achievements, but when it all gets too comfortable, move on. Don't sacrifice your future by living in the past.
Successful people know that a positive, forward-looking attitude is indispensable. You too can be as postive as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about and head towards the future. If you think as successful people think, using your mind to exert mental control over the situatino, you will be positive and in good spirits most of the time.
When the unexpected snag occurs, you will find that you are better able to get yourself going again.
So how do you stay motivated when life is so uncertain? How do you remain creative during times when nothing around you seems to give you inspiration?
First of all, learn to concentrate on the good. Your perception of something determines whether it hammers your spirit or gives it wings. So always focus on the positive - find the lesson, or the beauty. What new wisdom have you gained? Did you find a new friend? Or perhaps a fresh perspective? Everything can bring you closer to your goals. You don't always know it at the time, but if you seek the good in everything, there is no defeat.
Also, when a difficulty arises, focus on the solution. Many people dwell on the problem, seeing it grow more menacing and complicated in their minds, shrinking their hearts. So concentrate on the solution, break it down into manageable steps, then take action. For example, if a lucrative market is suddenly closed off to you, don't keep thinking about the potential profits lost; look elsewhere! The world is too large for you to remain in one place for too long.
Along the road to your goals, there are plenty of motels that offer a seductive rest. These places often have names like "The Past", "Complacency", "Indolence", "Lovely Laurels to Rest On", and the like. We have all checked into these places before. The stay is always pleasant enough of course, but if we linger too long, we find it hard to leave. So by all means, revisit your past, indulge a little in your achievements, but when it all gets too comfortable, move on. Don't sacrifice your future by living in the past.
Successful people know that a positive, forward-looking attitude is indispensable. You too can be as postive as you want to be if you will concentrate on the good, seek out the valuable lesson, focus on the solution and think about and head towards the future. If you think as successful people think, using your mind to exert mental control over the situatino, you will be positive and in good spirits most of the time.
When the unexpected snag occurs, you will find that you are better able to get yourself going again.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Getting A Grip On Reality
Our worries and anxieties can sometimes overwhelm us. When this happens, some of us cannot seem to enjoy anything; we're too fearful of what's to come. Some of us cannot seem to relax or sleep. Some of us even suffer panic attacks, where we feel we cannot breathe, that the worlds is collapsing around us, or in extreme cases, even harbour temporary thoughts of suicide.
When this happens; it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries and anxieties are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they're not based on anything but our imagination.
So let us try to regain our grip on reality.
When you're starting to feel anxious about something, stop whatever you're doing and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Open the window, take a deep breath, admire the trees. Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity - switch your focus! Refuse to let yourself broad.
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly.
So turn to the facts - how long is this detestable thing expected to last anyway? Is all of it going to be so bad? Might there be some enjoyable aspects you've overlooked? Is it possible this thing could be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's forcing you to do something you've been telling yourself to do but have just been terribly lazy about it?
Do your research, deconstruct the monster, and suddenly it's just made of Lego.
When you are having an anxiety attack, you may encounter a lot of scary thoughts coming to you all at once. Instead of panicking, remember that these thoughts are not rooted in reality. They're fabrications! They in no way dictate what's really going to happen. Let the fear go.
Also, remember that worry ultimately doesn't change anything. It may turn you into a sulking, moaning, heaving wreak, but it doesn't have any other real power. Train yourself to shake its hand, tell it "Thank you very much, but you are of no use to me" and send it on its way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When this happens; it's important for us to remind ourselves that our worries and anxieties are not reality. They are a distortion of reality, an illusion of exaggeration that we give wings in our mind. We imagine all the worst things that could happen, but these scenarios are not based on fact; they're not based on anything but our imagination.
So let us try to regain our grip on reality.
When you're starting to feel anxious about something, stop whatever you're doing and turn your attention to something else, preferably something soothing. Open the window, take a deep breath, admire the trees. Worries grow bigger by repetition and concentration; they like building upon themselves. So deny your worries that opportunity - switch your focus! Refuse to let yourself broad.
Another good way to alleviate your worries is to challenge them with rational thought. As I said before, worries are fancy concoctions of the mind, and when countered with objectivity and common sense, they often look rather silly.
So turn to the facts - how long is this detestable thing expected to last anyway? Is all of it going to be so bad? Might there be some enjoyable aspects you've overlooked? Is it possible this thing could be good for you in some way? Perhaps it's forcing you to do something you've been telling yourself to do but have just been terribly lazy about it?
Do your research, deconstruct the monster, and suddenly it's just made of Lego.
When you are having an anxiety attack, you may encounter a lot of scary thoughts coming to you all at once. Instead of panicking, remember that these thoughts are not rooted in reality. They're fabrications! They in no way dictate what's really going to happen. Let the fear go.
Also, remember that worry ultimately doesn't change anything. It may turn you into a sulking, moaning, heaving wreak, but it doesn't have any other real power. Train yourself to shake its hand, tell it "Thank you very much, but you are of no use to me" and send it on its way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Changing Your Perception
Albert Einstein famously remarked "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Believe in Yourself
Self-help, self-improvement, motivation, life-coaching...
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Choosing to Be Positive
How has your day been? How is it going to be? If we had the choice, we'd no doubt want each day to be phenomenal - exciting, enriching, meaningful, joyful and pleasurable. But are you exercising that choice? Do you intentionally and consciously choose your attitude each day?
Most of us tend to allow external circumstances or other people to choose your attitude for us. As in, whether our day is a good one or not is dictated by whether we get up on time, whether the kids give us any trouble, whether the traffic is agreeable, whether the boss is in a good mood, whether another big, thankless task is dumped on us, whether our spouse or partner greets us with a smile.
When you choose to live this way, you are allowing external circumstances to control your mood and disposition. This is fine as long as everything runs smoothly in your lfe. But that doesn't happen often, does it? Life is hardly predictable - accidents happen, machines break down, kids have their tantrums, workloads become seemingly unmanageable. And when you finally get home in anticipation of a tender hug and a sympathetic ear, you find instead another frustrated and angry person who can't wait to dump all the day's tribulations onto your already tired soul.
What happens then? What happens when you have a lousy day?
You see, the problem with not choosing a positive attitude everyday is that we run the risk of getting a negative one imposed on us at the whim of other people and situation. Our mood is then at the mercy of the volatile. But although we can't dictate the weather, we certainly can choose how we react to it.
So what if we claim our right to consciously choose our attitude?
Well, we'd invite more joy into our lives. We often overestimate the influence the outside world has on our mood - like if we encounter a surly cashier at the cafe, we feel offended and ourselves become sullen and rude, as if to pay forward this unbearable debt of bad manners. When really the moment's tention can be neutralised instantly if we choose not to be affected by someone else's thoughtlessness.
By choosing a positive attitude each day, we attract more positive experiences into our lives. The quality of each experience often determines the quality of the next experience - I'm sure you've been in situations where your plans get thrown off completely because something went wrong. But when things go awry, you can also choose to move on without a scratch, thus effecting a better outcome or future experience.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Most of us tend to allow external circumstances or other people to choose your attitude for us. As in, whether our day is a good one or not is dictated by whether we get up on time, whether the kids give us any trouble, whether the traffic is agreeable, whether the boss is in a good mood, whether another big, thankless task is dumped on us, whether our spouse or partner greets us with a smile.
When you choose to live this way, you are allowing external circumstances to control your mood and disposition. This is fine as long as everything runs smoothly in your lfe. But that doesn't happen often, does it? Life is hardly predictable - accidents happen, machines break down, kids have their tantrums, workloads become seemingly unmanageable. And when you finally get home in anticipation of a tender hug and a sympathetic ear, you find instead another frustrated and angry person who can't wait to dump all the day's tribulations onto your already tired soul.
What happens then? What happens when you have a lousy day?
You see, the problem with not choosing a positive attitude everyday is that we run the risk of getting a negative one imposed on us at the whim of other people and situation. Our mood is then at the mercy of the volatile. But although we can't dictate the weather, we certainly can choose how we react to it.
So what if we claim our right to consciously choose our attitude?
Well, we'd invite more joy into our lives. We often overestimate the influence the outside world has on our mood - like if we encounter a surly cashier at the cafe, we feel offended and ourselves become sullen and rude, as if to pay forward this unbearable debt of bad manners. When really the moment's tention can be neutralised instantly if we choose not to be affected by someone else's thoughtlessness.
By choosing a positive attitude each day, we attract more positive experiences into our lives. The quality of each experience often determines the quality of the next experience - I'm sure you've been in situations where your plans get thrown off completely because something went wrong. But when things go awry, you can also choose to move on without a scratch, thus effecting a better outcome or future experience.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Dealing With Negative People
You may not conscious of it, but many of the people you interact with every day have a less than rosy outlook on life and can often behave negatively as a result. All their negative small talk, sighs, and groans may not seem like much, but over time, they can have an impact on your own disposition. So if you've decided resolutely to be positive in your attitude from now on, how do you keep these naysayers from getting you down?
Now it's not unlikely that some of the negative people I mentioned earlier are your close friends and even family. When it comes to these people, it can be quite impossible for you to simply avoid them. Besides, they're probably genuinely concerned about you, but don't mistake concern for knowing. Just because they care about you doesn't mean that whatever they say has value. In fact, some of the things they say may even be quite detrimental to your well-being.
So don't believe everything you hear, even if it's from close friends and family. Their lack of understanding about your position maybe what causing them to be negative about your plans and opinions. It may also simply be their fear for your safety and welfare. But you should be clearest about where you're headed. Be firm and make up your own mind.
You may also be making yourself vulnerable to the negative sways of others because you feel you need their approval. You may be feeling insufficient in some way and have come to rely on the acceptance of others to feel validated. But if you depend on the approval of others to feel good or right about yourself and what you're doing, you're at the mercy of their restricting and probably questionable beliefs.
If you are to ever be at peace with who you are, you have to let go of the need for approval.
And finally, guess who's the most dangerous negative person you could ever have the misfortune of meeting?
It's You.
Your own negative and limiting thoughts and self talk have the most devastating effect on you simply because you're constantly in communication with yourself. You can shape your mind by shaping your thoughts. What's more, most people around you are simply reflecting back the negative view you have of yourself. So make sure that you maintain a positive frame of mind by adopting the right attitude and exposing yourself to the appropriate kinds of literature and media.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Now it's not unlikely that some of the negative people I mentioned earlier are your close friends and even family. When it comes to these people, it can be quite impossible for you to simply avoid them. Besides, they're probably genuinely concerned about you, but don't mistake concern for knowing. Just because they care about you doesn't mean that whatever they say has value. In fact, some of the things they say may even be quite detrimental to your well-being.
So don't believe everything you hear, even if it's from close friends and family. Their lack of understanding about your position maybe what causing them to be negative about your plans and opinions. It may also simply be their fear for your safety and welfare. But you should be clearest about where you're headed. Be firm and make up your own mind.
You may also be making yourself vulnerable to the negative sways of others because you feel you need their approval. You may be feeling insufficient in some way and have come to rely on the acceptance of others to feel validated. But if you depend on the approval of others to feel good or right about yourself and what you're doing, you're at the mercy of their restricting and probably questionable beliefs.
If you are to ever be at peace with who you are, you have to let go of the need for approval.
And finally, guess who's the most dangerous negative person you could ever have the misfortune of meeting?
It's You.
Your own negative and limiting thoughts and self talk have the most devastating effect on you simply because you're constantly in communication with yourself. You can shape your mind by shaping your thoughts. What's more, most people around you are simply reflecting back the negative view you have of yourself. So make sure that you maintain a positive frame of mind by adopting the right attitude and exposing yourself to the appropriate kinds of literature and media.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Adjusting Your Attitude
It's all about attitude, isn't it? Change your attitude and you can change your life. Change your attitude and you can change the world. Change your attitude and you can be successful and happy....
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Well.... yes! But attitude can be everything and nothing. Some people think that having a positive attitude means the inability to accept just how miserable this world is. Some people think it's all about laughing everything off. Some even think it's juvenile.
Well, attitude is much more than simply seeing things in a positive light. That's how people typically begin to migrate from pessimism to optimism, but that's just the start. A positive attitude is not something you get from simply putting on a new pair of glasses. It requires constant attention, diligence and discipline.
Do you think that the motivational gurus and venerated religious leaders of this world never falter? Like us, they are human after all, and like us, they are touched by moments of doubt, sadness and envy. Considerably less, of course, but that's because they've learnt how to consistently adjust their attitude towards their faith. And they can often do it so quickly, that to us, they appear positive and motivated all the time.
Here are some ways you can learn to hone the speed at which you adjust your attitude towards the positive.
Firstly, learn to let go of negative thoughts and emotions as quickly as you can. Remember that emotions like anger and envy destroy only yourself and the people you care about. They only need to get a hold of you for a short while for you to wreck an entire life. So learn to catch these emotions and release them.
Maintain relationships with people who share a similar attitude towards positivity. This sounds easier in theory actually. Some negative people can be really enjoyable to be around. Pessimistic people are not necessarily pallid hypochondriacs who keep to themselves. They can be disarmingly friendly and sociable. But take a deeper look at the themes they usually like to bring up during conversations and you'll realise that they are usually idle gossip, griping sessions coloured with plenty of humour, or irresponsible desires that lead to pointless ventures.
And input positive material. Certainly the occasional Korean romantic tragedy or slasher flick is harmless, but the balance should be tilted towards information that broadens your mind, enhances your knowledge, and lifts your spirits. You can get this from an endless array of books, movies, music, magazines, newspaper, and so on. This type of data increases your feeling of self-worth and has many more practical and beneficial applications.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Self Deception
Most of us lie to some degree, and even the most truthful among us have occasionally misstated fact as long as they felt they weren't jeopardizing anyone. But none of us are as skillful as lying to others as we are at lying to ourselves.
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.
Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?
Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".
We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".
Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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