When it comes to relationships, are Singaporeans commitment-phobic? Is that why young Singaporeans are getting married later or even avoiding the idea altogether?
Well, it's hard to say, but admittedly some people seem to have a fear of committing themselves to a relationship. As a result, they waft around in a sea of prospective life partners and never take the step towards dropping the anchor.
Don't get me wrong, some people are perfectly comfortable with being perpetual swinging singles; that's fine, but problems arise when the commitment-phobe actually does want to settle down finally, but is clouding his or her vision in the meantime by being fearful of making a promise to one person. This commitment-phobic person is typically worried that his or her present partner may not be "the one", that there is someone better out there. This person usually enters into half-hearted affairs and never truly finds full and fulfilling relationships.
Many people feel that entering into a committed relationship means the loss of their independence. They experience a niggling feeling that they are selling themselves short, giving up the endless number of opportunities (they think) that await them. This is a false fear.
When you focus on what you're losing, you're disregarding what you're gaining. Sure, you may not be able to come and go as you please or leave the dirty dishes in the sink for as long as you wish, but think about what you're getting - trust and intimacy, for instance. And there will always appear to be so-called "better" potential partners, but they only seem more attractive to you because you only know them on a superficial level. Spend more time with them, get to know them better, and the cracks will begin to show.
Many people also unintentionally sabotage a relationship by not pacing its development. They get caught up in the passionate rush and lust of the initial stage, only to find later that their partner is unsuitable for them. Some people are also so afraid of rejection that they close themselves up like a fan. They refuse to share their real feelings and personalities and are miserly with their time and attention.
If you feel you're ready to make a commitment to someone, make sure you both make the decision together. Discuss your life goals and dreams together and reveal your inner selves to each other. This opening up and embracing the whole person is essential to loving one person exclusively and fully.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
