When things go awry, some of us are inclined to blame other people. When we can't find a job, it's because employers are too choosy or biased. When our child's misdemeanour becomes uncontrollable, it's because our spouse refuses to discipline thim.
Undeniably, there are times when the result is directly caused by someone else but blaming others is very disempowering. When we attribute cause to someone else, we give up our control over situation. Because we take no responsibility, we don't try to make things better, or to learn from the event. And because our role in the matter is conveniently swept under the carpet, we continue to enter into situations that bring us frustration and a sense of helplessness.
However, when you decide to take personal responsibility of your whole life, a remarkable series of reactions takes place.
Acceptance is the first, crucial reason. You accept that where you are right now is all your doing. No longer will you blame anyone else for your current situation or list excuses such as bad luck or lack of opportunity. Blame and excuses are heavy baggage and they do not bring success.
In accepting full responsibility for your current situation, you also accept that where you'll be in a year of five years is also down to you. You chose the paths that led you to where you are right now. Therefore, you can choose better paths to lead you to a greater destination.
Acceptance leads to the realization that you have the power to change your life for the better. You can be in total control of what you allow you mind to be exposed to. If you listen to people who live life craving for security, you will take on their fears. So be responsible for your own education. I once read that if you don't take responsibility for what happens in your life, you're allowing others to decide your life for you. And they may not always have your best interests at hear.
Taking personal responsibility means you give yourself the power to command. Why should anyone else have that authority? It's your life. Resolve everyday that no matter what happens, you will handle it and overcome it. And you will learn from experience and use it all as stepping stones towards your destiny.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Staying Focused On Your Path
So you've decided, it's time to do something about your life - you need to be more disciplined, you need to take care of your health, you want to adopt a more positive attitude, you need to save enough money for retirement, you want to be a better partner, a better son, a better mother. You've had enough of being directionless in life and are looking forward to achieving the goals you've set for yourself.
But wait, what's lurking on the sidelines that can derail you from your path? Those well-meaning friends and relatives who, with all good intention, pass along clutter from their house to yours? - "this would look great on you", or "I can't use this but maybe you can".
What about the people around you who seem to dwell on the negative or tell stories about how unfair life is? Friends who invite you to have "just a bite", "just one more cigarette can't hurt!" or encourage you to stay out "just a little longer"?
What about relatives and friends who shy away from your newfound honesty and assertiveness?
They probably don't mean any harm but they may DO you harm if they steer you away from the goals you've set for yourself. So how do you put yourself first and get selfish, so to speak, when others are tempting you to stray?
First of all, be very clear yourself about the goals you're eyeing. If you're unsteady in your commitment, that will show, and make it all the easier for them to lead you astray.
Demonstrate your dedication by living by example. Don't preach. Just like you weren't ready to take on healthy goals at other times in your life, those you love or care about may not be ready now.
Also, plan ahead. Think of how you will say no, prepare alternatives or plan an "escape route". Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
Be honest. Talk about your goals and what they mean to you. And choose who to spend time with. You may choose to spend less time with someone who has unhealthy habits. And more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, support your efforts, or are themselves models of positivity and self-care. As time goes by and your daily practices become more of a habit, you'll be able to focus on your path towards your goals without even thinking about it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
But wait, what's lurking on the sidelines that can derail you from your path? Those well-meaning friends and relatives who, with all good intention, pass along clutter from their house to yours? - "this would look great on you", or "I can't use this but maybe you can".
What about the people around you who seem to dwell on the negative or tell stories about how unfair life is? Friends who invite you to have "just a bite", "just one more cigarette can't hurt!" or encourage you to stay out "just a little longer"?
What about relatives and friends who shy away from your newfound honesty and assertiveness?
They probably don't mean any harm but they may DO you harm if they steer you away from the goals you've set for yourself. So how do you put yourself first and get selfish, so to speak, when others are tempting you to stray?
First of all, be very clear yourself about the goals you're eyeing. If you're unsteady in your commitment, that will show, and make it all the easier for them to lead you astray.
Demonstrate your dedication by living by example. Don't preach. Just like you weren't ready to take on healthy goals at other times in your life, those you love or care about may not be ready now.
Also, plan ahead. Think of how you will say no, prepare alternatives or plan an "escape route". Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.
Be honest. Talk about your goals and what they mean to you. And choose who to spend time with. You may choose to spend less time with someone who has unhealthy habits. And more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, support your efforts, or are themselves models of positivity and self-care. As time goes by and your daily practices become more of a habit, you'll be able to focus on your path towards your goals without even thinking about it.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Anticipating Success
Are you affected by what happens to you? Or do you affect what happens to you? Which would you prefer?
In The Art of Possibility, authors Rosamund and Benjamin Zander remind us of our tremendous ability to attract what we want in our lives by being purposeful.
After 25 years of teaching, Ben Zander observed that students would be in such a chronic state of anxiety over the measurement of their performance that they would be reluctant to take risks with their playing. announced at the beginning of the semester that each student in the class would be getting an A for the course. However, they were asked to fulfill one requirement to earn this grade. Sometime during the next two weeks, each student was to write him a letter post-dated by a year, which began with the words, "Dear Mr. Zander, I got my A because...". In the letter they were to tell a detailed story of what would have happened to them within a year that was in line with them receiving an A in his class.
In other words, Zander asked the students to place themselves in the future, looking back, and to report on all the insights they acquired and milestones they attained during the school year, as if those accomplishments were already in the past.
Zander tells us that “the A is an invention that creates possibility for both mentor and student, manager and employee, or for any human interaction. The practice of giving an A allows the teacher to line up with her students in their efforts to produce the outcome, rather than lining up with the standards against these students. In this way, the instructor and the student, or the manager and the employee, become a team for accomplishing the extraordinary.
Zander reminds us that “It is dangerous to have our musicians so obsessed with competition because they will find it difficult to take the necessary risks with themselves to be great performers. The art of music, since it can only be conveyed through its interpreters, depends on expressive performance for its lifeblood. Yet it is only when we make mistakes in performance that we can really begin to notice what needs attention.” You don’t have to be a musician to appreciate the value of his wisdom.
So write yourself a letter, dating it a year from now. Project yourself into the future as you write a letter about all the insights you will have acquired and the milestones you will have attained during the year, as if your accomplishments for the next twelve months were already in the past. Chances are you’ll be able to reach your goals more effectively.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Quit Complaining
Life won't go your way all the time. In fact, we're in a constant state of flux between good and, for lack of a better word, "bad" times.
This state of flux is designed to help us grow into the kind of human beings we can be, to help us understand how we fit into the larger scheme of things, and to prevent our minds and bodies from declining in a state of inertia.
Economic cycles for example, with their booms and downturns, are remarkably consistent, even with our ostensible understanding of the financial markets. Recessionary times, like other "bad" times are a fact of life. They can be unpleasant and disappointing, and for many of us these days, utterly crushing, but they are an essential part of life.
Without them, we would become complacent and slothful, success and love wouldn't fill our hearts with as much joy, and there would be no push towards improving ourselves.
However, when circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. And we feel an urge to complain. Some people feel it's a right. The so-called logic is 'If the world is treating me unkindly, why shouldn't I make some noise about it?"
Well, the "noise" may release some tension initially, but complaining doesn't solve anything. besides, it produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right. When complaining becomes a part of you, you're inviting a lot of negative energy into your life.
When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result.
But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion. Quit complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You bring others down by your complaining. And you bring yourself down.
So after venting, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.
So if life is dealing you all the wrong cards at the moment, go ahead and vent, but quite complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things the next time they don't go your way. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
This state of flux is designed to help us grow into the kind of human beings we can be, to help us understand how we fit into the larger scheme of things, and to prevent our minds and bodies from declining in a state of inertia.
Economic cycles for example, with their booms and downturns, are remarkably consistent, even with our ostensible understanding of the financial markets. Recessionary times, like other "bad" times are a fact of life. They can be unpleasant and disappointing, and for many of us these days, utterly crushing, but they are an essential part of life.
Without them, we would become complacent and slothful, success and love wouldn't fill our hearts with as much joy, and there would be no push towards improving ourselves.
However, when circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. And we feel an urge to complain. Some people feel it's a right. The so-called logic is 'If the world is treating me unkindly, why shouldn't I make some noise about it?"
Well, the "noise" may release some tension initially, but complaining doesn't solve anything. besides, it produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right. When complaining becomes a part of you, you're inviting a lot of negative energy into your life.
When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result.
But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion. Quit complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You bring others down by your complaining. And you bring yourself down.
So after venting, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.
So if life is dealing you all the wrong cards at the moment, go ahead and vent, but quite complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things the next time they don't go your way. You'll soon notice how this deepens your appreciation for life and helps to maintain a positive outlook.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Believe in Yourself
To achieve any goal in life, you must first believe that you are going to be successful. This conviction gives you the strength and resilience needed to achieve your objective. It also helps you to actively seek and recognise opportunities and stepping stones.
So how can you develop a powerful sense of self-belief?
Before you begin any endeavour, you should be confident that the end result is possible. Don't focus on whether it's been done before or not. Don't listen to others who might be feeding you with negative thoughts. Be clear in your own mind that the goal can be achieved.
More crucially, believe that the end result is possible by you. We often hold limiting beliefs about our own ability to achieve goals. We may believe the goal is possible, but often don't think it's possible for us to achieve it. So identify those beliefs that are holding you back and take time to address them.
Now that you know you can achieve your objective, how much do you want it? The more we want to achieve a goal, the bigger the hurdles we'll jump over to get there. So choose a goal you really want; take the time to ask yourself why you want it and how badly you want it. What are the values underlying that goal? Is it desire to help people? A yearning to be your own boss? Or is it to do something that allows you to spend more time with your children?
Next you have to believe that you deserve the end result. Hidden under the surface in many people is a belief that they do not deserve to succeed. Because of some deep-rooted experience that caused their self-esteem to decline, these people often choose to remain where they are, or even slide, because they feel that they are not worthy of success and happiness. When they try to take action, this belief restricts them, they lose motivation, and fall. But always emember that if you work consistently toward your goal, you deserve all the success you get.
Also, achieveing your goal should not contradict any other beliefs or values you have. For example, if you believe strongly that rich people are greedy, you'll probably not be motivated enough to build a successful business. Try aligning your goals with your values. An entrepreneur perhaps could work towards making a lot of money so that he can use part of that money to help the needy.
Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is the first step towards building a better future for yourself.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
So how can you develop a powerful sense of self-belief?
Before you begin any endeavour, you should be confident that the end result is possible. Don't focus on whether it's been done before or not. Don't listen to others who might be feeding you with negative thoughts. Be clear in your own mind that the goal can be achieved.
More crucially, believe that the end result is possible by you. We often hold limiting beliefs about our own ability to achieve goals. We may believe the goal is possible, but often don't think it's possible for us to achieve it. So identify those beliefs that are holding you back and take time to address them.
Now that you know you can achieve your objective, how much do you want it? The more we want to achieve a goal, the bigger the hurdles we'll jump over to get there. So choose a goal you really want; take the time to ask yourself why you want it and how badly you want it. What are the values underlying that goal? Is it desire to help people? A yearning to be your own boss? Or is it to do something that allows you to spend more time with your children?
Next you have to believe that you deserve the end result. Hidden under the surface in many people is a belief that they do not deserve to succeed. Because of some deep-rooted experience that caused their self-esteem to decline, these people often choose to remain where they are, or even slide, because they feel that they are not worthy of success and happiness. When they try to take action, this belief restricts them, they lose motivation, and fall. But always emember that if you work consistently toward your goal, you deserve all the success you get.
Also, achieveing your goal should not contradict any other beliefs or values you have. For example, if you believe strongly that rich people are greedy, you'll probably not be motivated enough to build a successful business. Try aligning your goals with your values. An entrepreneur perhaps could work towards making a lot of money so that he can use part of that money to help the needy.
Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is the first step towards building a better future for yourself.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
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