This person is usually a relative - your sibling, your cousin, your child or your parent - other times a colleague, neighbour, former friend or ex-partner. When you are reminded of them, it is almost as if teh scab of your wound has been peeled open and you are once again shuddering in pain.
Such long-term estrangement is extremely unfortunate because most of the time, the initial sticking point was not so monstrous as to warrant such extended alienation and hostility. A misunderstanding just somehow ballooned into this uneasy, awkward thing that's keeping you apart today. And avoidance does not heal the wounds; they simply fester quietly, eating at your peace of mind and quality of life, poisoning current and future relationships.
When we encounter opposition, many of us choose to take it personally instead of accepting that diversity is a fact of life and that we should respect the choices others make. Because we cannot accept that others are different and can have very different experiences and opinions from us, we can find ourselves in conflicts with them. It can then become a bad vs. good, us vs. them kind of thing. This is evident also in the political arena, where rigid battle lines are drawn between opposing candidates and nations because of disagreement. With relatives, close friends and partners, we can often feel betrayed by them.
To truly find peace with the ones you feel have hurt you in the past, you have to start with your own inner conflicts.
Understand that only you can be responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Learn to look beyond the discord and realize that you are bigger than it; that it's something you can rise above. Besides, a long term dispute can be an opportunity for both parties to put aside their differences and come together to heal and create future benefits. Where there was pain, there can be healing and joy, and where there was hatred, love.
You don't have to pretend nothing happened. A big part of the healing process is acknowledging the underlying bad feelings and hurt. Yes, it happened, but how can we move on, stop blaming, and start healing?
Our conflicts can be our greatest teachers. Our former enemies can also become our most faithful friends. Allow them to show you how to release the pain of old wounds.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
