Relationships and Self Esteem

What attracts a human being to another? And what makes a relationship work?

The key is a healthy sense of self worth. Animals are driven by instinct, primal desire and the need for survival. a beast is seldom defeated by how "ugly" it thinks it looks... if at all. It simply accentuates its strengths. But when it comes to humans, it gets trickier. We ignore our strengths and dwell on our weaknesses.

If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that most people are more attractive than you, and that there's nothing you can do to improve your appearance. As a result, you don't bother about grooming, your wardrobe is drab and ten years old, you walk around with a perpetual scowl, and you probably always say negative things about yourself to other people. This has a self-fulfilling effect. You essentially become the unpleasant and unsightly person you perceive yourself to be.

On the other hand, a little attention to your hair, your clothes, your demeanour and how you carry yourself could dramatically lift your self-image and how others perceive you. This may come across as shallow, but we can't deny that we live in a visual world. What we see and what we tell ourselves and others has a very profound impact on our reality. A little vanity never hurt anyone; and who says an appealing physical presence is not healthy? A trim body is also probably a healthy one. Good grooming also means good hygiene. A cheerful manner opens up opportunities for meaningful friendships. And good posture could save you a lot of back problems later in life.

If you think you're unplesant-looking, do something about it! There are perfectly healthy ways to improve your looks. And while enhancing your body, don't forget your mind and soul. Absorb knowledge! Take up a course, pick up a sport, read, travel, cook! Volunteer your services to charity. Meaningful activities also often take place in environments where meaningful relatinoships can blossom.

We sometimes assume that most people are superficial and materialistic - that they tend to value looks, physique, charisma, intelligence, wealth and social status more than love, talent, honesty, sincerity, compassion and simplicity. Because of this, we try to present a version of ourselves that we feel fit into the mould of the perfect partner. In other words, we suppress our true selves in order to impress. The fact is, people are most attracted to people who are comfortable with who they are. So be yourself on dates. You'll be surprised at how many people will be delighted at how refreshingly real and candid you are.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd