Dealing With Adversity

Whenever you're in a uncomfortable or challenging situation, you have only three options:

1. Wait for the situation to change
2. Change the situation
3. Change your response to the situation

Let's look at the first option. Now, is the situation likely to change on its own? If not, then clearly this is not an option for you. Some situations, however, are short-term, and the answer may just be to wait them out. While you're waiting for the situation to change though, you might want to think about whether you can go for the second option - change the situation.

The pitfall with this solution is that even if you leave your current situation and go to another, you still take you with you. Are you perhaps part of the problem? Are you habitually trapping yourself in certain difficult situations? If relationships aren't working out for you, how much responsibility should you bear? and of course, most situations are simply out of our hands; there's just nothing we can do to change it.

Which brings us to the third, and most effective and empowering option - change your response to the situation. Now the beauty of this option is that unlike the first two, this one's always open to you. You are the focus. And oddly enough, when you focus on yourself, you have more influence on things outside you. In other words, when you choose to look at things differently, the things you're looking at change (or at least appear different).

We live in a culture which tends to blame external factors for our woes - it's God, it's government, it's our boss, our lazy co-worker, our parents, our society, even our climate. Anything it seems, except ourselves.

In order to stop blaming and start improving your life, you must change the meaning of the situation. Instead of seeing it as something that was "done to you," you can choose to see it as a neutral event that isn't personal, or even a positive experience that you can learn something from. Change your language to reinforce this change of meaning. Instead of asking, "Why did this have to happen to me?" ask yourself "What lesson can I take away from this?"

By changing the meaning you give the situation and changing the language you use, you'll discover that you have the power to respond in any number of ways, not just the knee-jerk reactions you've made in the past. And you'll be able to choose new responses to old problems, breaking habitual patterns that have been limiting your growth and progress.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd