But our differences can sometimes foment disagreement and conflict. Disparity in opinion, values and beliefs, in particular, can lead to alienation and hostility, even violence.
With casual acquaintances or strangers, it's sometimes best to avoid confrontation altogether. But with people who have closer links to us - our friends, colleagues, family members or important business associates like our clients or investors - our personal spheres overlap and we have too much invested in each other. Running away from the conflict simply makes things worse.
When approaching such conflicts, keeping a cool head is the first and most important strategy. Anger is such a powerful emotion, it can tear through the conflict, obliterating reason, fairness and lucidity in its path. It can lead to a lot of raised voices and blood pressures, but ultimately solves nothing. We can sometimes end up saying or doing something that further strains the relationship.
So don't make the situation worse than it already is. If you feel your temper rising, take a time-out. When you are feeling calmer and better able to discuss things in a lucid and sensible manner, then return to the issue.
In a conflict, many of us also feel the need to blame the other party. But finger-pointing is a weak and childish act, and you are often the one who ends up looking bad. Nobody likes a blamer... so always aim to be the problem-solver.
We often feel we deserve to express our views and long-simmering frustrations, but ignore the fact that the other party deserves it too. One-sided conflicts never work out... even if they seem resolved, it's only because the other person simply pulled out. This often leads to the issue festering quietly until another incident triggers an even more incendiary outburst
So allow the other person to say what he needs to say. Listen carefully and you might be able to understand his position better. Look for common ground and goals and use them to plan a resolution and better working methods for the future.
The other thing about remaining silent and letting other person gush is that he will be forced to listen to what he's saying. He will often stop talking when he realises that he's said something that's not fair or sensible, even detrimental to his position. When he's done, you can then have your say. He will be less likely interrupt since he's already had his turn.
Conflict is inevitable in life... what's essential is how we manage them to minimise damage and work towards a better future.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
