Self-Worthiness

How easily is your ego bruised? How often do you shy away from social situations? How doubtful are you when it comes to your own opinions and actions? How satisfied are you with who you are and what you have? How harshly do you judge yourself? How often do you look to others for approval! How much love is in your life? How often do you worry?

Sorry if I overwhelmed you with the barrage of questions, but if your lingering sense is that you are generally unsure of yourself and that daily life, social interaction and relationships feel shallow and stressful for you, then perhaps you should try doing something about your self-worthiness.

If you think your self-worthiness is bed-ridden, then stop focusing on anything else. Almost nothing will work out for you if you don't get your self-worthiness up and running again.

You can never be happy by looking to others to validate your existence or value. The essence of self-worthiness is being true to yourself, no matter what you think others might think. No one else on earth is like you and therefore no one else on earth can know or understand you as well as you can. and regardless of what others may tell you about what's behind the door, only you can walk through it and find out for yourself. No one else can be responsible for you. Therefore, the first step to higher self-worthiness is to get to know yourself as well as you can, and to stop depending on the approval of others to fulfill you.

Some people have the misconception that they must suffer in life. They may not put it quite as simply as I have, but the core of the concept is similar. Somehow, they feel that life is suffering, that they must suffer for someone else's happiness, that misery is an essential part of life that must somehow be endured. Again, Again they feel this way because they do not think very highly of themselves; they feel they do not deserve to happy, that self-punishment is the only right thing to do, the only way they feel alive. That's why many people continue to allow themselves to suffer oppression, mistreatment, disdain and abuse.

Even though many people might say they want love and happiness; they might even pray for these things, but they do not take any real towards improving their situation. They continue to lament and wallow in self-doubt and misery, claiming helplessness when in reality, they're fully equipped to make things better anytime.

Let's go through the main clues that hint at a person's high level of self-worthiness. These are characteristics that we would all do well to master.

First, a habit of thinking and acting spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience. This means that you begin every task with a clean slate. Like an actor on stage, your previous scene has already transpired. Whether or not you stumbled on some words or gave it a lack-lustre rendition, it's over. Period. You cannot go back and do the scene again. All you can do is give your next scene your best shot. Thinking about your performance in the last scene only preoccupies your mind with something you can't do a thing about and will likely adversely impact your next scene.

Another characteristic of self-worthiness is the freedom to enjoy each moment, unencumbered by regret or resentment from what's past or fear of what's to come. The past and future are an illusion, as they say. The only "real" moment is Now. If you can't savour the most of it, whatever it is, then you're wasting the moment. And it won't come back. So forget about how you quarrelled with your partner last night, how obnoxious you thought he or she was... today, remember that ultimately, you're in love with each other, you have this beautiful new day to enjoy together, so do it.

A self-worthy person also doesn't judge himself negatively. By "negatively", I mean in a way that is unconstructive and mosochistic - that is, consistently saying to yourself "That was a dumb thing to say!" or "That was a stupid thing to do!", "You're so unattractive!" or "You never do anything right!" - you know, making shallow, sweeping statements about yourself without assessing the situation or making a commitment to do better next time. A self-worthy person knows that frequent self-beration gradually breaks down a healthy ego until the brain starts to believe these crippling remarks. The body soon begins to obey what the brain believes in and subconsciously instructs the body to do.

Some say you can't escape worry; it's a undeniable fact of life. If you think something bad is going to happen, why should you be having a great time?

And to a certain extent I agree... I mean, if you feel the tremors of an earthquake coming on, you really wouldn't want to sit on the porcelain throne with a good look, if you know what I mean. You'd be worried sick, probably even panicking. And this kind of worry might even save your life, because you'd be driven to seek some safety or rescue.

But though worry can be useful in certain contexts, in most day-to-day situations, it's more of a bane than a boon. Just think of the things you usually worry about and you'll realise that for many of them, there's simply nothing you can do. And those things you can realistically do something about, you're so petrified with worry that you can't think of any solution or even have the motivation to do anything about them.

Worry can be a driving force, but for most of us, most of the time, it's simply a handicap. Unless you feel you can realistically do something about something you're worrying about, and will do i, there is simply no sense in worrying. Most of our worries relate to trivial problems anyway, like "will people like me at the party?" or things we can do nothing about, like aging. That's why one of the main habits of self-worthy people is the lack of worrying. "Care-free", not "care-less" is the watch word.

A self-worthy person is also able to appreciate most things around him. He is constantly mindful of the fact of life itself is a wonder; that it's wondrous and worth being thankful for that he can move, can touch, can taste, can laugh, can see clearly with spectacles, lenses or laser treatment, can read a book, kick a ball, dig his toes into the sand, stroke a cat and transport himself around swiftly in metal boxes that create cool, comfortable atmospheres and emit pleasant sounds from their speakers.

And finally, the hallmark of a self-worthy person is his ability to love people and other living things. He is constantly giving and receiving love. Whether it's planning a good time for someone, sharing his favourite food, or daily picking up someone from work, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to make others happy. And he is able to receive the rewards of this with equal enthusiasm; we all know the joy of giving... sometimes, we should also allow others to experience this joy.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd