Self Deception

Most of us lie to some degree, and even the most truthful among us have occasionally misstated fact as long as they felt they weren't jeopardizing anyone. But none of us are as skillful as lying to others as we are at lying to ourselves.

For most of us, self-deception has become so instinctive that we don't even think of it as lying. Many of us don't even think about it. Period. But self-deception is the most pervasive form of deceit.

Start by thinking about your own weaknesses, your bad habits, the holes in your life - overeating perhaps, smoking, binge drinking, resorting to violence, the tendency to fall in with the "wrong" crowd, arrogance, sexual promiscuity, the propensity to love unresponsive or abusive partners, addiction to material goods, dependence on drugs, feeling distant from your loved ones, spiritual emptiness and so on. Do you give them permission to exist by the daily admission of your helplessness to remove them?

Think about the excuses you make in order to avoid removing these damaging habits - the most common of all is that they're "harmless". What about the excuses that you need them to relieve stress, to get over a heartbreak, to gain acceptance from others, so that others will respect you, because "love hurts", so that you can sleep, because "I can't help it", because "there's nothing else better to do", because "that's just the way life is".

We may not identify ourselves with the miscreants of society like criminals, drug abusers, thieves, murderers and other thugs, but in this respect we are remarkably similar. We all use this kind of self-deception to explain away all our deficiencies, misfortunes, and other anti-social behavior. Just as we justify our indulgences by saying that those are the only ways that allow us to relax or to have a good night's sleep, so does the indignant wife-beater who claims "that's the only way she'll listen".

Awakening to the fact of our self-deception is a pivotal point in anyone's life. It's is first important to recognize that we engage in it. This is usually followed by deeper introspection which typically reveals the myriad ways we use such feeble excuses to justify not changing things. Then comes the powerful realization that it's within your power to deny these excuses. And in seeing the vivid possibility of improvement, you'll find that there are plenty of options open to you, options that are constructive, healthy, and enriching, that would bring more joy and success to your life as well as the lives of your loved ones.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd