Accepting Compliments

How do you respond when someone says to you - "That's a nice shirt!", "I really liked that presentation you did!", "Your website is so well done!", or "Nice haircut!"?

Do you usually view the compliment with suspicion or disbelief? Are you usually dismissive - "No, this old thing? I only wear it because it's comfy" or "No, I thought I was really nervous!"

Many people are uncomfortable with praise and compliments. We can be so busy judging ourselves harshly that we don't quite know what to do with positive feedback. We almost wish people would just "come out and say it," "it" being the negative thing that they're REALLY thinking, just to prove our negative self-perception.

What we should be doing though is learning to embrace positive feedback and accept compliments graciously. By doing this, we open up the door for more positive thoughts and interactions, and we actually start to believe them.

Here are some steps towards accepting compliments graciously.

1. Notice. Begin by noticing what you tend to say when someone gives you a compliment. Do you minimize it by saying, "Oh, it was nothing"? Do you challenge it by saying, "No, I don't look good, I look awful!" or do you find yourself so uncomfortable that you're at a complete loss for words?

2. Practice. You can learn to accept compliments more graciously. After noticing what you tend to do now, decide how you'd like to respond the next time you receive a compliment. Then, practice saying your new response until saying it feels natural and sincere. A warm and heartfelt, "thank you" coupled with a smile is always appropriate and is usually enough. Be cautious of feeling the need to explain, justify, or return a compliment automatically.

3. Focus on the person who's giving you the compliment. Expect the best and act on the assumption that the person is sincere. Focus on being kind and courteous to that person. If you make them feel good by accepting their compliment with genuine appreciation, they'll remember that and speak up the next time they have something positive to share with you.

4. Try it from the other side. Another way to get better at accepting compliments is to give more compliments. Notice how other people receive them. This can improve your relationships greatly, because now you'll be focused more on the other person. As you're looking for positive things to compliment them on, you'll also be keeping your thoughs more positive overall, and you'll have less time for worrying and negative thinking.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd