Joy is one of the ultimate aims of life. Most of the things we do, including the unpleasant ones, we do in order to achieve happiness in some form or measure in some point in time.
But some of us misunderstand the pursuit of happiness. We think it can be found in objects. We think it can be found in the favour, envy or respect of others. We think it can be found in stability and predictability.
When these things eventually disappoint us, we become lost. We get the chilling sense that everything we worked for, everything we believed in, was flawed. True joy cannot be found in the external realm. Possessions, fame, money, success, chemicals - these things satisfy our lust for happiness for a while - but once they are removed, we become unhappy and empty again. We become puppets that dance to their wily rhythms.
We also cannot achieve lasting happiness by attempting to remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. The truth is, we cannot remove every unhappy thing that occurs in our lives. Even if we could, if we cannot find happiness within us, we would still feel hollow. Happiness doesn't come about as a result of the absence of unhappiness.
To achieve any measure of lasting happiness, we must first come to terms with Life's terms. Against Life, we cannot win. There are certain fundamentals that we will just have to learn to accept.
First, you can't make everyone like you. Not everyone will see your point of view. Some people may dislike you, or even despise you. There are many motivations for this, and a countless number of influencing factors like history, moral and cultural filters, conditioning, personal experience, values and so on. Various people will not accept you for what you are due to various reasons and there is usually nothing you can do about it. In some circumstances where positive change can occur, take the opportunity. What I'm talking about are the petty trespasses. Don't take them personally. Just be true to yourself and listen to your heart.
One of these is the fact that you cannot make everyone like or accept you. You can only accept and love yourself for what you are, and follow your heart.
Another of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with is how the world is a reflection of you. To actuate any positive change in the world, you must first change yourself. If you consistently bemoan the state of your life and complain about every little thing, your world is likely to seem miserable and pointless. But if you adopt a positive attitude and see every experience as a teacher of Life, your world is likely to be wondrous, rich, and colourful.
Similarly, if you are friendly and helpful towards others, they are more likely to respond to you in a similar way. Reacting towards violence with violence will only escalate the hostility. We only have to look at history and indeed many of the ongoing conflicts today to know that reacting with harshness solves nothing.
Another of Life's terms is the fact that there will always be suffering, misfortune and calamity. No matter how much happiness you manage to achieve in your life, you will always hear about people dying in wars, perishing in earthquakes and floods, or dying of famine or disease. To our eyes, Life will always appear unjust and unfair. People we love will pass away, and misfortune may strike us even if we are most loving and kind. We can only do what we can, and trust that there is a higher consciousness that moves this world the way it does.
Change is also inevitable in life. Trying to stop change is like sailing against a tidal wave. If you typically spend your life resisting change, you're likely to be fairly miserable most of the time. Change need not be bad. It can be disorienting, frustrating, even painful. But change almost always leads to unforeseen benefits. The universe knows when you're stagnating and it's time for things to shift in your life. Trust in change and go with the flow. Learn what you can from the experience and make the most of what results from the change.
And those are some of Life's terms that we have to come to terms with if we want to achieve peace of mind and happiness.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
