Many of us are not living with as much joy as we should because of disappointment. And there is no end to the number of things which can cause us disappointment. So how can we reduce disappointment and increase the happiness in our lives?
When reality falls short of our expectations, we experience disappointment. The two crucial factors in the equation here are "reality" and "expectations". Reality cannot be manipulated. One can try his darndest, but no one can predict the outcomes.
However, one can always adjust his expectations. I'm not saying that you should feebly accept your fortunes in life instead of striving for the best, but we must understand that our expectations may not be met. We must accept this fact in order to achieve the mental tranquility needed to transcend our failures.
We can also reduce disappointment by not having unrealistic expectations - like expecting appreciation, expecting others to make us happy, or expecting not to be let down.
No matter how capable, thoughtful, loving, considerate, and generous you are, there will be people who will not appreciate you or respond in the same manner. Appreciation from others is a gift! So be grateful when it does occur, even if it's a simple "thank you".
No one owes you your happiness. Don't assume that just because you've found a friend or a partner, he or she is always going to be around to fulfill your needs. A relationship works when two parties want it to, not when one party needs it to.
Similarly, you're not obliged to make others happy. When you do, be sure it's because you want to, with no thought of reward or reciprocation.
Don't expect others to always be there for you. Not even your partners. No matter how much he or she may love you, there will be times when your demands cannot be met. Besides, feelings are alive. They change for any number of reasons. It is not your right to disregard them all. Banking your happiness on eternal love is frivolous and dangerous.
When someone lets you down, don't assume that it's a calculated move to hurt you. Forgive them and move on. There is an energy in forgiveness which reinvigorates you, whereas resentment and hatred only wear you down.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
