The numbers might seem incredulous but if we take into account all the sub-conscious and non-verbal messages we send ourselves, we begin to have a good idea of the amount of negative self-talk we engage in.
Here are some things one typically says to oneself, whether aloud or as a passing thought, when one makes a mistake...
"That was stupid! Why am I always messing things up? That's so embarrassing!"
We may not take these episodes into consideration, but when it happens often enough, it weakens our self-confidence.
Self-confidence is an invaluable asset we all need in a competitive, fast-changing world. We need to be able to bounce back from mistakes. It's the only way to learn, the only route to success. Unfortunately, most of us are best at making ourselves feel worse.
Even during those rare moments when we do take credit for good work done, the self-praise doesn't last long. Often we give away our credit, saying things like "Oh I was just lucky!" or "It wasn't just me, I had a lot of help!". It may be a cultural thing, Confucian perhaps, that we tend to discount our successes and play up our incompetence. It almost seems like the polite thing to do.
Well, polite or not, it's not doing any good for you. If you are always selling yourself short, you are also always looking for friends, colleagues, bosses, and partners who will make up for or affirm your lack of self-esteem. It is almost like you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention leaving control over your emotions and self-image in the hands of others.
There is virtue in humility, but we must also learn not to allow negative self-talk to ruin our self-esteem and chances of greater success and joy.
The next time you make a mistake, or do something you feel is not proper or right, try thinking about your strategy for the future. Focus on what you can do better, not on the disappointment and frustration of the error. The more you dwell on a mis-step, the more likely you are going to repeat it. But if you pay more attention to improvement, you are much more likely to keep enhancing your performance.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
