Detaching Yourself From Discouragement

If you observe the behaviour of successful people, you will find that they (in their own flamboyant or quiet way) are steadfastly committed to their vision. They have vividly-formed ideas of what they want and how they are going to get there, and discouragement from other people usually has little or no effect on them.

This ability to detach or distance oneself from external sources of disapproval is crucial for success.

Our plans can often be scuttled by dissenting voices. It's easy to criticise, and unhappy and discontented people often feel the need to project their own negative feelings onto others, just so they don't feel alone.

The ability to ignore these discouraging voices though is not the same as arrogance or being bigoted in one's opinions. We should always ponder constructive criticism, but when it come to the kind of thoughtless, toxic, derision that only seeks to bring us down, let it ricochet off you!

True detachment helps you to slice through the fog and remain focused on your objective. It allows you to think clearly and not waste time and energy on getting frustrated or upset. It gives you the control you will need to to manage the affairs that most need your attention, and to ignore those that don't.

We should not confuse this kind of detachment with nonchalance or a mere lackadaisical attitude towards life. This kind of detachment requires inner strength and the acumen to decide which battles are worth fighting.

To effectively detach yourself from nonconstructive criticism, you have to be more in tune with yourself - pay more attention to your own feelings and thoughts. Are they authentic? Are they truly yours? Or are you merely aligning your vies with widely held opinions? Do you simply buy what you're sold? Or do you consistently seek to find your way, your own solutions?

Paying more attention to your thoughts and feelings also helps to understand yourself better - what are your core needs? What are your strengths? What are the areas that need improvement? A good understanding of yourself is the ballast that keeps you steady and grounded.

We usually make our best decisions when we are calm and level-headed. I'm sure you can recall without effort the times when you reached out of agitation or anger. Not pretty, I'm sure and not something you were proud of. So keep your cool... constantly remind yourself of the consequences of acting out of anger.

Train yourself of pause for a moment, absorb what you need to understand about the situation before saying or doing anything. When in doubt, it's usually best not to say or do anything at all.

And remember... it's not personal. Most of the time, people act out of thoughtlessness, ignorance, anger, insecurity or envy. They are usually more concerned with how others think of them rather than you. So try not to let them get to you.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

Achieving More Joy & Success Through Active Focusing

You attract what you focus on.

This principle works by charting a new direction for your mind. You begin to see improvement, more opportunities, and have more enriching and blissful experiences simply because you choose to look out for them.

Where previously you tended to expect negative things, now you are more confident and optimistic. When you actively focus on good things, your mind propels your entire being to search for them.

If you want more beauty in your life, for instance... you then actively seek out whatever is beautiful to you, focus on it, take it in, and give thanks for it. Notice the next picture you come across, the next person, the next line in a book, how the puddles glisten in the sun after the rain, and bless the beauty it inspires in you.

What about good ideas? Kind acts? Could you choose to focus on the positive qualities in life and bless them as well?

You will find that the more you do this, the more good things will be revealed to you and seem to "magically" come your way. There is no magic here though... you are seeing them more often because you are seeking them out more often. You are choosing to pay attention to the things you used to overlook and ignore. And it's natural also for other people to give you more good things because you seem to appreciate them more!

Unhappy, discontented people typically choose to do the opposite. They think poorly of themselves and do not expect to achieve more success. They anticipate disappointment and failure. It is no surprise that they are consistently disappointed!

An unhappy, unfulfilled person also tends to see a good thing and be envious of it, coveting it, bitter with his inability to own it.

If you choose to actively focus on positive things though, you will see a good thing and celebrate it. You will want to get to know it, understand it, learn from it and see how you can emulate its strengths. You will be nourished by it instead of being threatened by its brilliance.

When choosing to focus actively on the positive though, it's crucial to understand that though it involves a seemingly straight-forward switch in mindset, it's not something that happens overnight, or is turned on like a light. Many people are disappointed that they don't get instant results or are put off by the pomposity of affirmations like "I am confident!", "I am succesful!", "I am beautiful!" and so on.

So go easy with it. Say "I'm getting more confident", "I'm increasing my chances for success", "I'm beginning to see more beauty in me".

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

The Richest People

It is often been said that one doesn't have to be rich to be happy. But richness doesn't have to be defined in monetary terms.

Some of the richest people in the world don't have much money. But they are wealthy in other ways.

Such "rich" people know the speed limit. Most of us know that gives our lives joy and meaning. But many people race through life so fact that they fail to pay enough attention to them. While driving on the road of Life, they are so focused on the destination that they don't appreciate what's all around them. But the destination is uncertain. Whether we will eventually reach it or not is uncertain. What is certain are the things we pass by on the way. Don't drive too fast to notice them.

Rich people understand that in life, there is bound to be disappointment, loss and failure. They don't live in the illusion that things will always be good and the ones they love will return their love and stay by their sides forever. But they understand that they can deal with life's challenges, learn from mistakes to create future successes.

Rich people place people above things. They know that no object, no matter how valuable or pleasurable can compare to the emotional and spiritual enrichment of a loved one's kind words, caring deeds and loving touch. Having said this, human beings are fallible and imperfect creatures... and they will occasionally leave or fail us. But rich people understand this, and continue to give love and compassion in spite of it.

Rich people know that being rich does not mean having a lot of money. They realise that regardless of how much money one has, one cannot hold on to it for long. But rich people also understand the benefits of having money, and will use it to make their loved ones happy and help others regularly.

Rich people see the value in labour and hardship. They have the ability to remain faithful and content no matter what challenges they face. They realise that whether times are good or bad, they are the only times we have. No one has more or less time, and it's better to make the most of the present than dwell on the past or worry about the future.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

A Deeper Understanding of Love

You know there is definitely something there when you look at your partner, he or she smiles, and you smile too.

And surely there is something there that makes you give up something you like or need so that your partner can benefit from it.

There is probably something at work too when you refrain from doing something because you think it might hurt your partner.

Some people say it's a chemical, a biological process; that it's indistinguishable from the pleasure you get from sinking your teeth into a scoop of moist chocolate lava cake.

Well, chemical process or not, love fro many of us is still mysterious, though centuries of practice have taught us some of the more profound truths of deeply caring of deeply caring for someone or, in some cases, an exceptionally well-made confectionery.

Love is not about needing someone to be there, but to be there for that person.

Love is not about how much time you have spent together, but how well you two seem to "fir".

Love is not about finding the perfect partner. It is about being the best person you can be.

Love is not just about being together. It's also about letting go.

As we learn more and more about love, we realise that it is not just a flutter of emotions, Byronesque sonnets, passionate kisses or warm embraces. In face, there is also much pain, heartache and sacrifice. Just like the line in that Burt Bacharach song that goes "What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia"!

You cannot compel love. You cannot court love and expect it to fly into your arms. Nor can you trap in a jar like a butterfly that will not doubt soon die anyway. You can only be loving, and hope that someone can see that love and appreciate it.

Love is infinite. It does not diminish even when you are giving it away freely. In fact, the more you share, the more you create and receive.

"Love" is not a word you say to someone if it's not love you feel. And if it truly is love, then it need not be spoken at all!

To love someone is to want the best for someone, even if that "best" thing isn't you.

Love can hurt and love can heal. The results are entirely up to you.

So make your relationships richer and more rewarding with this deeper understanding of love. Even if you are alone at the moment, you have always got that chocolate lava cake!

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd

An Evolving Relationship

Every relationship has the potential to become stagnant. This risk is especially real when the parties involved treat change with apprehension and fear. They think that change is what makes the relationship go sour or dull.

We often hear people say "Oh, she has changed" or "Things are just not the same" delivered in the tone of a Shakespearean tragedy's hero. It's as if change is not natural... as if we expect a relationship to be as vibrant and thrilling ten years down the road as if was in the first ten weeks.

A couple will inevitably go through many changes (or shall we say "evolution") in their years together. And some of the changes may make the relationship seem less exciting or rewarding, but they are really taking the relationship through the various stages of maturity.

If we recognise the power that these changes have to develop our relationship; to turn it from a fresh seeding into a sturdy oak, we will be able work with them to ensure that our relationship remains strong and fulfilling.

Living with expectation is the key. Once you stop having things to look forward to together, the relationship begins to feel stale. Doing things together becomes a chore rather than a delight. So regularly look ahead to and do new and different things together.

Make change exciting for both of you. Change though, doesn't mean trying to change your partner. Many of us make the mistake of trying to "fix" our loved ones. Instead of accepting and loving them for who they are, we think that they would be so much better if they'd only act and do things our way. This kind of expectation poisons a relationship and only leads to disappointment. We drive our loves away with our constant need to enlighten them.

The only person you can change is yourself. And once your partner sees the change and growth in you, he or she will feel more comfortable about making changes to himself or herself.

If your relationship feels lacklustre and cold, think deeply... is it really because you don't love each other anymore? Or is it simply because things have begun to feel routine and without expectation?

Rejuvenate your relationship by harnessing the power of change. Learn together, develop together, grow older together.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd