How easily is your ego bruised? How often do you shy away from social situations? How doubtful are you when it comes to your own opinions and actions? How satisfied are you with who you are and what you have? How harshly do you judge yourself? How often do you look to others for approval! How much love is in your life? How often do you worry?
Sorry if I overwhelmed you with the barrage of questions, but if your lingering sense is that you are generally unsure of yourself and that daily life, social interaction and relationships feel shallow and stressful for you, then perhaps you should try doing something about your self-worthiness.
If you think your self-worthiness is bed-ridden, then stop focusing on anything else. Almost nothing will work out for you if you don't get your self-worthiness up and running again.
You can never be happy by looking to others to validate your existence or value. The essence of self-worthiness is being true to yourself, no matter what you think others might think. No one else on earth is like you and therefore no one else on earth can know or understand you as well as you can. and regardless of what others may tell you about what's behind the door, only you can walk through it and find out for yourself. No one else can be responsible for you. Therefore, the first step to higher self-worthiness is to get to know yourself as well as you can, and to stop depending on the approval of others to fulfill you.
Some people have the misconception that they must suffer in life. They may not put it quite as simply as I have, but the core of the concept is similar. Somehow, they feel that life is suffering, that they must suffer for someone else's happiness, that misery is an essential part of life that must somehow be endured. Again, Again they feel this way because they do not think very highly of themselves; they feel they do not deserve to happy, that self-punishment is the only right thing to do, the only way they feel alive. That's why many people continue to allow themselves to suffer oppression, mistreatment, disdain and abuse.
Even though many people might say they want love and happiness; they might even pray for these things, but they do not take any real towards improving their situation. They continue to lament and wallow in self-doubt and misery, claiming helplessness when in reality, they're fully equipped to make things better anytime.
Let's go through the main clues that hint at a person's high level of self-worthiness. These are characteristics that we would all do well to master.
First, a habit of thinking and acting spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience. This means that you begin every task with a clean slate. Like an actor on stage, your previous scene has already transpired. Whether or not you stumbled on some words or gave it a lack-lustre rendition, it's over. Period. You cannot go back and do the scene again. All you can do is give your next scene your best shot. Thinking about your performance in the last scene only preoccupies your mind with something you can't do a thing about and will likely adversely impact your next scene.
Another characteristic of self-worthiness is the freedom to enjoy each moment, unencumbered by regret or resentment from what's past or fear of what's to come. The past and future are an illusion, as they say. The only "real" moment is Now. If you can't savour the most of it, whatever it is, then you're wasting the moment. And it won't come back. So forget about how you quarrelled with your partner last night, how obnoxious you thought he or she was... today, remember that ultimately, you're in love with each other, you have this beautiful new day to enjoy together, so do it.
A self-worthy person also doesn't judge himself negatively. By "negatively", I mean in a way that is unconstructive and mosochistic - that is, consistently saying to yourself "That was a dumb thing to say!" or "That was a stupid thing to do!", "You're so unattractive!" or "You never do anything right!" - you know, making shallow, sweeping statements about yourself without assessing the situation or making a commitment to do better next time. A self-worthy person knows that frequent self-beration gradually breaks down a healthy ego until the brain starts to believe these crippling remarks. The body soon begins to obey what the brain believes in and subconsciously instructs the body to do.
Some say you can't escape worry; it's a undeniable fact of life. If you think something bad is going to happen, why should you be having a great time?
And to a certain extent I agree... I mean, if you feel the tremors of an earthquake coming on, you really wouldn't want to sit on the porcelain throne with a good look, if you know what I mean. You'd be worried sick, probably even panicking. And this kind of worry might even save your life, because you'd be driven to seek some safety or rescue.
But though worry can be useful in certain contexts, in most day-to-day situations, it's more of a bane than a boon. Just think of the things you usually worry about and you'll realise that for many of them, there's simply nothing you can do. And those things you can realistically do something about, you're so petrified with worry that you can't think of any solution or even have the motivation to do anything about them.
Worry can be a driving force, but for most of us, most of the time, it's simply a handicap. Unless you feel you can realistically do something about something you're worrying about, and will do i, there is simply no sense in worrying. Most of our worries relate to trivial problems anyway, like "will people like me at the party?" or things we can do nothing about, like aging. That's why one of the main habits of self-worthy people is the lack of worrying. "Care-free", not "care-less" is the watch word.
A self-worthy person is also able to appreciate most things around him. He is constantly mindful of the fact of life itself is a wonder; that it's wondrous and worth being thankful for that he can move, can touch, can taste, can laugh, can see clearly with spectacles, lenses or laser treatment, can read a book, kick a ball, dig his toes into the sand, stroke a cat and transport himself around swiftly in metal boxes that create cool, comfortable atmospheres and emit pleasant sounds from their speakers.
And finally, the hallmark of a self-worthy person is his ability to love people and other living things. He is constantly giving and receiving love. Whether it's planning a good time for someone, sharing his favourite food, or daily picking up someone from work, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to make others happy. And he is able to receive the rewards of this with equal enthusiasm; we all know the joy of giving... sometimes, we should also allow others to experience this joy.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
The Power to Walk Away
How do you deal with potentially explosive situations? Where tempers are beginning to flare, tensions are steadily escalating, and sufficient buttons have been pushed?
What happens with many people is that they remain in the situation, either hoping to talk things over calmly or to make their point emphatically clear. But this can only work if the other party is willing to collaborate. But sometimes, the other party can be willfully difficult. They can be persons who get off on pushing your hot buttons.
What happens then? A likely scenario is that like a fish to the bait, you continue to engage in the conversation, the other party continues to gall you, and *snap!*, the last straw breaks your back. At this point, when self-control is lost, you may utter threats, make scathing remarks, or throw potshots that you immediately regret.
In social setting, you may end up looking rash and petty. In a business or corporate setting, you may appear to be antagonistic and hot-tempered. In a personal context, you may end up really hurting a loved one. In the long term, angry outbursts will sour any relationship.
If you find yourself quite unintentionally getting yourself into potentially-explosive situations, how can you avoid actually exploding?
Well, you can walk away.
A seemingly simple thing to do, but something that can be extremely difficult to do in practice, especially when you feel you've been grossly misunderstood. You'd want to stake it out and explain yourself until the other person gets it, right?
That's what keeps you there. That's makes you reiterate your arguments again and again until they begin to sound meaningless. In these instances, you're at the losing end; it's simply more sensible to walk away.
Do you have the power to walk away from potentially-explosive situations? Are you able to postpone defending yourself to another more appropriate time? Can you conserve your cool and avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later?
Because when you care too much about winning in such situations, you lose. You're the one who feels the pressure, you're the one who seems antagonistic and defensive. It will be hard initially, but practice walking away and you'll understand just how powerful it can be in defusing explosive situations and even persuade others to see things your way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
What happens with many people is that they remain in the situation, either hoping to talk things over calmly or to make their point emphatically clear. But this can only work if the other party is willing to collaborate. But sometimes, the other party can be willfully difficult. They can be persons who get off on pushing your hot buttons.
What happens then? A likely scenario is that like a fish to the bait, you continue to engage in the conversation, the other party continues to gall you, and *snap!*, the last straw breaks your back. At this point, when self-control is lost, you may utter threats, make scathing remarks, or throw potshots that you immediately regret.
In social setting, you may end up looking rash and petty. In a business or corporate setting, you may appear to be antagonistic and hot-tempered. In a personal context, you may end up really hurting a loved one. In the long term, angry outbursts will sour any relationship.
If you find yourself quite unintentionally getting yourself into potentially-explosive situations, how can you avoid actually exploding?
Well, you can walk away.
A seemingly simple thing to do, but something that can be extremely difficult to do in practice, especially when you feel you've been grossly misunderstood. You'd want to stake it out and explain yourself until the other person gets it, right?
That's what keeps you there. That's makes you reiterate your arguments again and again until they begin to sound meaningless. In these instances, you're at the losing end; it's simply more sensible to walk away.
Do you have the power to walk away from potentially-explosive situations? Are you able to postpone defending yourself to another more appropriate time? Can you conserve your cool and avoid saying or doing something you'll regret later?
Because when you care too much about winning in such situations, you lose. You're the one who feels the pressure, you're the one who seems antagonistic and defensive. It will be hard initially, but practice walking away and you'll understand just how powerful it can be in defusing explosive situations and even persuade others to see things your way.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Changing Your Perception
Albert Einstein famously remarked "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Einstein was referring to perception and how every often, how well or how badly you feel about something is due entirely to the way you see it. You can instantly change your emotional state by changing the way you perceive the situation.
We live in an age of unprecedented equality - many of us have access to the same opportunities to improve our lives. Yet we find there is a whole spectrum of people stuck between Depressed and Joyful, between Yearning for More and Contented. Two persons can have the same experience and response very differently.
Scientists used to believe that we respond to information flowing into the brain, but we now know, scientifically, that it is actually our interpretation of the information that determines our response. Our past experiences create an expectancy that is primarily based on what we "know" and what we "know" is that which has happened before.
Our belief system is one of the main ways in which our minds make sense of the world. A belief is a sense of certainty about what something means and they're mostly formed and hardened by past experiences. In essence, we make expectations about something based on what's happened before. For example, you might believe that you never get second dates because no one's agreed to it in the past. As a result, you go for that first date with gloomy forecast of what's to come and don't make any effort to encourage a second date. After the date, you don't follow-up or call to arrange another meeting. Needless to say, a second date doesn't happen. You believe it's because you're undesirable, but the real reason is simply that your limiting belief had caused you to sabotage your own chance!
Perception is a way of grasping and making sense of the "realities" around us. Perception links a meaning to what you take in with your senses that allows you to have the experience in your nervous system. Because perception is based on interpretation we can change it.
A change in perception is what turns the half empty glass into a half full glass. Perception explains how two people can have exactly the same experience and one commits suicide while the other becomes an inspiration for generations to come. Whatever you perceive is going to be true for you, regardless of what you see. Change your beliefs, change your perceptions, and you can change your life.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Responding Actively
Each day, we are presented with a myriad of choices as to how we interact with the people and events around us. Some of us choose to actively control our lives. Others simply allow life to happen to them.
When we react passively to external forces, we are surrendering the one thing that truly belongs to all of us - the power to control our own lives. These 'reactors", if you will, are often at the mercy of any given person or situation. Because they only react to what life throws at them, they are often dodging bullets, fire-fighting and treading water desperately just to stay afloat. They do not live their lives with passionate intent. They are merely getting by each day. They do not anticipate outcomes, fail to plan, don't learn from their mistakes, and are so condemned to lead mediocre, often unhappy lives.
A reactionary person typically lives his life with a listless attitude - he has a habit of procrastinating and then scrambling to meet the deadline at the eleventh hour. He puts in minimum effort at work, seeing it as "just a job", doesn't like learning new things, and doesn't care what's happening around the world. He doesn't plan his schedule, forgets important tasks, and is usually sick at the thought of helping others at his own inconvenience. He is haunted by worry, because he feels he has no control over what happens to him. He often finds himself in uncomfortable or compromising situations because he never learns from his mistakes, choosing instead of blame other people or events. His favourite motto is "That's life... these things happen... I can't help it...", and so conveniently absolves himself of any responsibility of improving his life.
However, when we choose to response actively to life, we accept responsibility for what happens to us. We are intensely keen on learning whatever we can, in whatever situation. We analyse circumstances, learn from our mistakes and plan how we can do better next time. We anticipate outcomes and make necessary preparations. We're always on the lookout for ways to improve our lives or lives of our loved ones.
This shift in attitude towards active response empowers us with choice and purpose. Because we take charge of our lives, we know how we can make things better. No time is spent brooding, lamenting and regretting. We can always see a better future on the horizon.
Everyday we are presented with choices - whether we react passively or respond actively determines whether we live lives of great fear and mediocrity or lives of great job and success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
When we react passively to external forces, we are surrendering the one thing that truly belongs to all of us - the power to control our own lives. These 'reactors", if you will, are often at the mercy of any given person or situation. Because they only react to what life throws at them, they are often dodging bullets, fire-fighting and treading water desperately just to stay afloat. They do not live their lives with passionate intent. They are merely getting by each day. They do not anticipate outcomes, fail to plan, don't learn from their mistakes, and are so condemned to lead mediocre, often unhappy lives.
A reactionary person typically lives his life with a listless attitude - he has a habit of procrastinating and then scrambling to meet the deadline at the eleventh hour. He puts in minimum effort at work, seeing it as "just a job", doesn't like learning new things, and doesn't care what's happening around the world. He doesn't plan his schedule, forgets important tasks, and is usually sick at the thought of helping others at his own inconvenience. He is haunted by worry, because he feels he has no control over what happens to him. He often finds himself in uncomfortable or compromising situations because he never learns from his mistakes, choosing instead of blame other people or events. His favourite motto is "That's life... these things happen... I can't help it...", and so conveniently absolves himself of any responsibility of improving his life.
However, when we choose to response actively to life, we accept responsibility for what happens to us. We are intensely keen on learning whatever we can, in whatever situation. We analyse circumstances, learn from our mistakes and plan how we can do better next time. We anticipate outcomes and make necessary preparations. We're always on the lookout for ways to improve our lives or lives of our loved ones.
This shift in attitude towards active response empowers us with choice and purpose. Because we take charge of our lives, we know how we can make things better. No time is spent brooding, lamenting and regretting. We can always see a better future on the horizon.
Everyday we are presented with choices - whether we react passively or respond actively determines whether we live lives of great fear and mediocrity or lives of great job and success.
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Believe in Yourself
Self-help, self-improvement, motivation, life-coaching...
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
There is so much material available these days and so many motivational speakers and coaches and self-styled gurus who claim they can change your life that it's easay to be skeptical about their efficacy.
The truth is, you can read a thousand books, attend a hundred seminars, and hire several life coaches, and it will not make shred of difference. Or you could just happen to pick up one book or even hear one quote, and be well on your way to achieving your most ambitious goals. It's not really how much you're exposed to; more important is what and most crucially, how you response to it. Before any "self-improvement" can start, something must first click within you. Your "self" is the key.
You know how two people can be shown exactly the same thing and each of them sees completely different things? It's the same with self-help materials. Before they can even begin to help you, you have to first believe in yourself. How badly do you want to change? Have you prepared your heart to sustain you through the challenges and barriers that will no doubt be in your way? Are you able to re-affirm your self-worth when others begin to lose their faith in you? Do you know precisely what you're good at and just how valuable you are?
Conviction is everything. Your belief system must be unshakable.
Many people have big dreams but how many of them truly believe they can make them reality? Successful people continue to be in the minority because attrition swiftly eliminates those whose hearts are not really into it. Doubt and fear gnaw at all our hearts, but those who make it know that these things hold no real power if we choose not to give them any power.
Typically, after a motivational programme, people get all excited, but after a time of not seeing the results that they want, they quit. You know, with all the time invested into it, they probably would've been better off not even starting!
These people being with the thought of "well, let's see if this works out..." This is not the kind of thinking that will make you successful. Successful people believe it work out and persevere until it does. Now many people scoff at this and think that the reason successful people have a great attitude is that they are successful. But the opposite is true - successful people are successful because they have a great attitude!
Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
