Being True to Ourselves

No one likes being lied to. The truth is what we respect, indeed what we often demand. Yet, the person we often most lie to is our self.

We'd love to think that we are perfectly comfortable in our own skin. Yet many of us are not living that life of authenticity and honesty.

Think of your appearance. Or your talents or abilities. Are you happy with them? Are you proud of your success? Or are you constantly envious of other people? What about how others perceive you and the extent to which they are including (or excluding) you in their lives? Do you need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself?

We are often brought up in environments or ways that give us a tunnel-visioned view of ourselves and the world. Parenting, culture, conditions, past experiences, and widely-held beliefs and values teaches us to behave in certain ways. There is a deeply-rotted and subconscious fear that if we deviate from these ways, we won't be accepted or loved, perhaps even be thought of by others as "wrong" or morally-corrupt.

As a result, we learn to stay within these neatly-defined comfort zones. We become afraid of change. Guilt and doubt keep us from being the authentic self we truly wish to be.

Constantly-repeated messages also teach us how we should own a certain product, wear a certain thing, use a certain cream, take a certain pill in order to feel good, fit in, gain more friends and become more successful. As a result, we pour money, time, and effort into these ultimately unfulfilling pursuits, often ending up with much less than we began with.

As we have been conditioned all our lives that our values is directly proportionate to how much other people like or approval of us, we live our lives in perpetual search of external validation. When we don't get it, we feel bad about ourselves. This need to be liked by others also pushes us to contribute to the endless cycle of contrivance until all everyone is doing is congratulating one another. There are also the ones who feed on this need for approval. On a more sombre level, you could be at the mercy of people who may be using you for their own purposes.

Of course, I am not saying that you should live in total disregard for other people's opinions and feelings. Or that we should not compliment or praise others. But we should learn to distinguish between genuine concern and simply attempting to trade artifice for love and acceptance.

As we tune in more and more to our authentic selves, we will make changes that help us live more truthful, more empowered, and happier lives.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd