Blaming Others For Our Unhappiness

Many of us blame other people or external factors for our frustrations or unhappiness. "It's our parents!" is one of the more often-heard chants. "It's the way we were brought up!" naturally follows, and of course, many people can't resist lamenting about their boss, their partner, their co-workers, and so on. Everyone is potentially guilty it seems... everyone except ourselves.

But if other people and external conditions are to blame for our unhappiness, doesn't that also mean that only they have the power to make our situation better? Aren't we giving them too much credit here? This kind of thinking places our happiness in the hands of other people.

We're giving the people we think are hurting us the power to make us feel better. Needless to say, this keeps us stuck in our entanglement.

In truth, no one can make you feel better except yourself. The only way we can get out of our foul moods and stagnant situations is really to take control of them.

We need to realize that ultimately, the power to change our lives rests solely within us.

If you think your boss isn't good for you or your career, you can choose to leave the job. It's your power and your choice. If you think your partner isn't worth investing in, you can choose to leave the relationship. Whatever or whoever you feel is not working in your life, you have the power to remove it or leave. If you are choosing to stay, that's also your choice.

Even when i comes to something apparently unchangeable, like a terminal illness, it's your power to choose how you respond to it. You can see it as an injustice and become embittered by it. Or you can see it as a natural fact of life and choose to spend your remaining time as blissfully as you can.

And whatever you think your parents did, it need not have a hold over you anymore. However you were brought up, you are now an adult fully capable of determining how you are going to live your life. Are you going to stay stuck in a place of resentment? Or are you going to forgive the past, and build a better future for yourself?

Once we stop blaming others for our unhappiness, we can begin to take back control of our moods and our life.

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Eugine Loh, 938Live, MediaCorp Pte Ltd